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Has anyone had their theme change and they no longer cared about their previous theme? I used to have harm, and now that I have POCD I don’t care about my harm theme. I’m not triggered by it really at all.

I’ve struggled with HOCD for 4 years now and it’s awful. It started with a dream, and now it’s all I think about. Whenever my brain tries to tell me I’m in denial, I tell myself that the volume and severity of the thoughts I’m having aren’t normal which makes me feel a little better. I’m a woman who has always liked men, I’ve had INTENSE crushes on guys in the past. Even with HOCD I still have crushes. But lately it feels like I’m not even attracted to guys anymore - any time I see a pretty girl I check and see if there’s any sort of physical sensation accompanying it and sometimes there is. I don’t get turned on during sex anymore and I constantly attribute that to being possibly gay. It’s terrifying and I worry that my fears will come true if I don’t fight the thoughts, but they keep coming. I have no aversion to the LGBTQ+ community at all, I completely support them, but if I was lesbian it would erase all of what I’ve ever known about myself and that is what scares me. I used to hate being so boy crazy but now I want that back just so I don’t have to deal with these thoughts anymore. I go to therapy and take medication but don’t really talk about the thoughts out of the fear that acknowledging them out loud makes them true. I know I’m not alone, so if you’re also struggling with HOCD I hear you. <3

I just want to know my chances of recovery. When I saw I can barely remember my life before my ocd I mean it, I can't remember how I felt why I lived my life like that, what I saw in it, etc. I have had false memories kind of sense the beginning and they really get to me the most, bc it's really what makes my past seem unreal to me. This is not reassurance, this is honest to god curiosity at this point. Do I still have a chance of recovery when I've been going through this for 5 months, have a ton of false memories, little to no feelings for my values and it feels 100% real? Do I even have a chance at living this area of my life the way I used to?

Well, ERP is not working out for me. In fact it has only served to make me more depressed because the idea of accepting I might be a "bad person" or pervert (or whatever) just makes me feel, well, bad! I'm not sure how this could help anyone honestly. Has anyone else experienced this and had luck with other treatments?

As a person with OCD, how do I stop obsessing about insomnia? Someone in this group gave me great advice a few months ago. She suggested YouTube videos by Daniel Erichsen. I’m more of a reader so I consulted his book Set it and Forget It. I thought I had it all figured out because I learned you can’t control sleep. However, I just had a sleepless night and I’m obsessing about why. What should I do? I’m worried about how tired I’ll be all day.

Has anyone else with an eating disorder wondered if it’s really just a manifestation of magical thinking? As in “my life will be better if I’m skinnier”, and other moral attachments to weight and appearance? I think this is difficult to determine since society does place moral judgments on weight… but it’s something I’ve been wondering about recently.

Yesterday I posted on here that I got extremely anxious and scared because I read someone on here say they purposely thought about the intrusive thoughts and actually enjoyed them. I started panicking a ton. But soon later my post was flagged because it sounded like I was asking for reassurance. That kinda upset me. Because I know reassurance is bad but I was really spiraling. And all I really needed was for someone to say like hey it’s okay to panic but you can’t allow it to control you. I was doing a bit better until reading that. So for anyone who has become convinced they’re a bad person, how do you not lose you hope and get out of that mindset. Because as soon as I become convinced I then lose my hope and feel like my only option is suicide. I’m not asking for reassurance. Just some advice and to know if anyone can relate.

Anyone else with suicidal OCD super triggered by the recent news? Just know that I am sending love and light to all of you!❤️❤️

I find myself constantly slipping into thoughts throughout the day involving stressful events that make me look bad - often surrounding family conflict (i.e. I go into the kitchen and a scenario regarding a family member criticizing me for leaving dishes on the counter when I had only momentarily left the room with the intention of putting them away on my return) or out in the world (I’m an ambulatory wheelchair user & I imagine someone sees me running to help someone then publicly decries me for faking a disability which then spreads on social media). Another common one is being put on trial. These “daydreams” are involuntary - they’re *may* be an initial “what if” intrusive thought but it’s not until the daydream reaches a boiling point of distress/humiliation (I’m defending my dish-loading habits, or penning my public statement about ambulatory wheelchair users which now some arrogant talking head is disputing on live tv) that I even REALIZE I’m doing it. Then, I tic. Tics are physical, verbal or both. I found Dr Michael Greenberg’s illuminating distinction that rumination is a compulsion validating for my more classic pure ocd (ie, what if I’m gay, then instead of willfully, analytically engaging with that thought I don’t engage and just do nothing) but when it comes to these “daydreams” I’m left feeling even more confused. The daydream could be considered a ”live-action, long-form intrusive thought”. (I coined that term, haha). In which case the cure is doing nothing. That hasn’t helped. The daydream could be considered a “mindless, subconscious analytical rumination” in which case the cure is to stop. How can you stop something you’re not even aware you’re doing? And when I’m aware, I do stop. That hasn’t helped. A therapist from years ago would make me play these “daydreams” out from start to finish; I’m guessing this is similar to habituation. Behavior-focused therapies like ERP have worked wonders for all my other OCD subtypes from contamination to checking - but I have not cracked the code on these. I can have these daydreams several times a minute and tic a few dozen times an hour. I can become consciously aware of them, stop, then unconsciously slip back in in a matter of moments. Note: I’m not hearing voices or hallucinating. My current therapist and I agree I’ve internalized the judgmental family dynamic from past to present along with the perfect storm of being housebound with them with an invisible illness. In other words: fear of judgment is driving my OCD and my current situation is fanning the flames. Has anyone experienced a similar phenomenon, or has had success with behavior-focused interventions or perhaps gone deeper psychologically? Also - I realize everyone slips away into daydreams from time to time. This is not that, I promise. It’s chronic. Please be kind and non-judgmental :) This is a super triggering subject for me. Thanks!

I have horrible checking intrusive thoughts where if I don’t check something before leaving the room/apartment/building, I’m convinced the worst will happen. I believe the .1% is more likely than the 99.9%. I’m worried if I don’t check the stove there will be a gas leak or fire, if I don’t check the outlets there will be an electrical fire, if I don’t check the faucets there will be flooding. It’s like my brain doesn’t believe me. I check hundreds of times before leaving and still I don’t feel secure in everything being good and end up rechecking. I take pictures and it’s like I don’t believe the pictures. I’ll go to my girlfriends but have to Uber back just to check something that is most likely okay and it’s Eating up my life. It is ruining my life and I have no idea how I can be an adult or hold down a job with this. I’m terrified of causing some horrible thing cause I didn’t check. I feel hopeless

Have financial problems? On both sides!? One side your partner doesn’t make enough and the other you put yourself in debt? The relationship’s biggest issues are our mental states and financial issues… That’s why I believe I want to break up with my partner…. 😢💔 I don’t wanna break up I just wish our situation was better…. My partner wants a better job but is stuck trying to find one… I am so depressed and anxious I buy things to give me happiness but see my credit card and stress out… 😞 Please has anyone been able to fix theses issues!? 😢

How real and convincing ROCD can be? Yesterday I was so anxious and couldn’t stop thinking my bf was making me anxious, today as soon as I wake up, the same thoughts again day by day. Convinced we have to break up already because of how i feel sad and anxious all the time. My ocd attacks me even more because i live with my grandma but she’s not home rn she went to her country for a bit so im alone and start crying as soon as i get home. He doesn’t deserve this

is this still ocd? Hi all. Last week my ocd has been ramping up. Started with some horror theme and moved to a sensational theme. But now it latched onto something ive never had before. It has not latched onto any theme actually the only thing right now happening is that there is this thought or feeling, not sure how to describe it, but whenever this feeling or thought arises it nullifies all my confidence, motivation, progression, it just takes out all the energy and positivity and replaces it with this feeling of endless sadness, despair, depression, nothingness, this happens within a split Second whenever i think for example; no matter what ill keep trying! And then boom that feeling or thought takes over and its all gone. It's almost as if it's something that will always he there, a 'thing' inside nullifiying anything positive, helpfull, but even emotions of love. I have to emphasize that wahat comes out with this feeling everytime again is the thought; no one in the worldnhas ever hwd thisbweird experience before, its just me. Yes I know other people have ocd, but my mind tells me no one has ever had this 'inner' part which cannot be described because it roes not feel like a thought, an emotion or whatever, just a 'thing' that is there and always will be there. I mean ive had many ocd themes but this would bot categorize under any of those themes, so how can i know this really is ocd?;ive searched the web and forums trough many...many Posts and none of them revolve around this undescribable thing, or whatever it is? Whenever I try and label this thing for myself just as I'm trying in this post, it steps up its game and gives this feeling of nullifying my effort describing it, it basically does the same it does with other things it gives out this feeling of sadness, desperation, depression etc whenever i try to describe it wo i can ask others to help me. Up until now while writing this it feels like this thing keeps going deeper and deeper just to make sure it cant be identified. Am i making any sense? or am i losing my mind?

I keep drinking alcohol to cope with my ocd yesterday I was so drunk at the park my friend found me an took care of me. I’m going through a lot but drinking has been helping the thoughts finally to leave after over 5 years I’m happy I kinda don’t want to let this go. I’m able to go to work after a drink a little in the morning. I’m really at a lost for words I don’t know what’s the right thing anymore.

I don’t feel anything for guys anymore. I used To. Although that feels like a lie. I feel nothing. I just feel numb then I get anxiety. I don’t know if it’s because of hocd, being on my meds for a week now. But I hate it. I feel nothing. At all. And it makes it seem even more real. It’s upsetting me.

I had a terrible evening and I know it’s my fault because I could not stop from talking to my parents and arguing with them and I feel like that is apart of my OCD. I just don’t feel like going on anymore and I know no hotline can help me with this set of problems. You see my parents and I get in an argument about the same things over and over again. First I feel like a failure because I started doing college in 2012 and I haven’t done school since I think 2019. I want to finish school, but I still don’t know what to do with my life because I am such an introvert and I feel like I am doomed to have a bleak future and I don’t know how I could face going to the school I started at in 2012 because I made a fool of myself by first telling a teacher I didn’t know well, but thought I could trust about my OCD. I talked to her Tuesday on the phone and she basically hung up in my face after she said she doesn’t help students with mental health problems which I don’t believe because I can’t be the first student to have issues with mental health in school and not confide anybody. I know I went about this in a way that would scare people away, but I didn’t want it to go that way. She said in the beginning that she was in my corner and she would cheer me on with my future plans with school as I was planning on going back to school at a certain time. She said she would call my about every two weeks and I talked to her maybe twice before Tuesday I think and it just didn’t go well. I think maybe I emailed her too much and that came across as too much. I told her I was telling her about my OCD like I would a friend and she didn’t even want that. So I feel like giving up even though I know it was my fault. You see before this happened I was obsessing over whether or not I should tell her about my OCD and my mom told me not to and I still did it. What’s worse is that I have had treatment for years and I am still in the beginning stages of treatment and I feel like it is all my fault. I just don’t know how to go on tomorrow.

I’m still on the fence if I should take it or not also my psychiatrist appointment was so short and I feel like he prescribed it to me without really getting into wat I’ve been dealing with lol

Hey everyone! I'm new to this community, but I thought I'd share some thoughts about acceptance and ownership when it comes to physical compulsions. I'd love to hear your thoughts, so feel free to reply. Also, this is not mental health advice and is not the right perspective for everyone – I found it helpful in my journey, but it goes without saying that this approach is by no means the correct or best one, and different things will work for different people :) Finally, this perspective is focused on physical compulsions and won't make sense for mental ones. I used to say things like "OCD made me check it," or "OCD is being loud," or "my OCD is really bad today." These are totally understandable phrases and there's nothing wrong with them, and it often feels like OCD is controlling our behaviour. This is one of the hardest parts of the disorder. But I realised that speaking about OCD in this way makes it sound like an illness or ailment that you possess – something that is external to yourself that is influencing or controlling your behaviour. I found that the more I blamed OCD for my behaviour, however, the more I started to give up. "OCD made me do that," I would say, feeling sorry for myself. I would pass the responsibility onto the disorder, not accepting it for myself. Whilst it's true that neural pathways and chemical imbalances are to blame for much of our OCD suffering, it is *also* very, very importantly true, that *you are still in control.* Even when it feels like you aren't, you can still make the choice to walk away, stop, or do whatever it is that you want to do. (Critically, this is not the case for mental compulsions, rituals, rumination, and the like. This only really applies to checking and other physical compulsions. If you suffer from mental compulsions, it is absolutely true that you can't control your thoughts, so don't blame yourself for what pops into your head - it doesn't represent you! It's just noisy brain activity in a brain evolved to protect us from any possible threat, so it can go into overdrive sometimes and start throwing things at us that don't really make sense). When I blamed my OCD for my behaviour, I gave it control. I said, "OCD made me do it," and I became blameless. Blamelessness is nice, but it also equals powerlessness. If I wanted to change my behaviour, I would have to own it - I needed to recognise that, in truth, OCD didn't make me do it. I did. The only way to change my behaviour was to accept responsibility for it and acknowledge that I made the choice to do it. And the flip side to this somewhat dismaying revelation is that, if I made the choice to do it, I could also have made the choice *not* to do it. So next time you feel like blaming your OCD for your suffering or for a physical compulsion, you might want to gently remind yourself of two things: Firstly, that you *are* choosing to do this. BUT. Because you are choosing to do this, you also have the power to choose *not* to do this. OCD is not controlling you. If you can take responsibility for your compulsions, you might find that you have power over them, instead of the other way around! :) Have a lovely day!

I’m not sure how many people will read this but I feel like I need to get it off my chest as I have kept a lot of this to myself for 10 years and feel that sharing it will help. I started off having intrusive thoughts when I was 13, one night I had a nightmare that someone in my family that I am extremely close to had done something sexual towards me (I won’t go into more detail), at the time I didn’t know what it was and thought I was going crazy and this sexual image that I had in my nightmare just went round in my head for about two years, I kept thinking what if this actually happened and I don’t remember or what if this is true? when I knew it wasn’t because I have such a loving relationship with the person in the images. I didn’t tell anyone apart from one friend, and unfortunately he took advantage of how low I was feeling and asked me for sexual photos saying that it would make me feel better sending them and that it would solve my problems. Following having confided in him, I have not spoken to anyone else about my OCD as I am scared about what they will do and that they won’t understand the thoughts I have and think I am crazy. I luckily managed to get over the phase of those first intrusive thoughts when I was about 16, but since then I have gone through several other themes which have made me doubt everything about myself. I unfortunately went through an emotionally abusive relationship with my first boyfriend, when I was 17, and during that relationship I had ROCD, doubting everything about whether I loved my boyfriend and whether I was attracted to him, however he also asked me to prove that I did love him and was very controlling which I think exacerbated everything. During this time, I also had existential OCD thoughts and realised perfectionism was also a part of this (I would tear out a whole page of notes because I got one word wrong or if my notes didn’t look right - something I didn’t realise was part of OCD). Since then I have intense intrusive thoughts about my sexual orientation (I am straight but I have doubted whether I could be bisexual or lesbian), then I most recently had transgender OCD doubting whether I am even a woman (even though I love being a woman), which even went to the extent of non-binary OCD and this led to derealisation, where I sat for weeks with that feeling. Now I am doubting whether I feel sexual attraction to anyone and whether I want to have sex or not, I’m not sure what you would call this theme? But it feels like it is endless and that there is no way out of this now and that it will just be ongoing. I feel like I don’t even know who I am as a person anymore and I find it so hard to go through this on my own. Because I have lived with intrusive thoughts for so long and for several years where I didn’t even know what they were I am wondering if things will ever get better. I would like to speak to a therapist but I am scared about those concerns that I have previously mentioned (mainly trust). I have tried ERP on my own and to try and detach thoughts from myself but I find it really hard and think I need help to really start improving! I don’t know what I aimed to do writing this, but it has helped me get this off my shoulders. I am nearly 23 now so still young but I want to having a fulfilling life 🙏🏼

Sometimes it can be a good reflection moment to take time to notice patterns in your life. What have been some of your patterns? How did you cope throughout those periods? What is different now than back then? For me, I totally have had ROCD periods. Compulsions included checking, ruminating, and asking for reassurance. Sometimes it's hard not to believe it all. The distress can get so high. If I had worked on on my values and the things I cared about sooner, I would have worked through my ROCD so much sooner. What works for you? What do you value? Doing this work and focusing on my family helps!