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the NOCD Community

I know everyone is different, but I want to hear about your recovery journey. How long were you in ERP before you started to see results? I’m three weeks in and struggling!

I can’t stop thinking about the guy who I loved who broke my heart. Don’t know if it’s a heart break or if it’s my OCD that’s making me obsess over every little thing. Or if it’s both? Either way this is torture! I would much rather be suffering from my other themes because I am constantly thinking about him and it’s so so so distracting. I can’t do anything.

Hi everyone, I’m struggle with what I thought is ocd for couple of years. I was treated by two different psychologists who determined it (which of course I didn't believe them)…. In the last few weeks I was very sick so i had less ocd thought, and one day I just saw some video on YouTube about ocd, and that person said something that I know and is that ocd must be included compulsions…… I suffer from compulsion for so many years, but when I heard what he said my thought was like- hahah you don’t have any compulsions so you dont have ocd. the problem is that since than - my thought are about that i dont have any compulsions about my themes, so i dont have ocd. now, i barely have compulsions about my themes, and that makes me feel like all what i have been througe my last years was nothing. that i dont have ocd. Suddenly everything is fine… even my anxious feelings that i suffered from are barely exist. what is this??? Someone experienced it?

Hello everyone! I have been through a whirlwind of mental health struggles but OCD feels like it might be “running the show” and I didn’t know if anyone else could relate The first time I got told I was struggling with ocd was by a therapist only a few months ago who said I “fall under the cloud of harm ocd” This lead me to a downward spiral because I had never had a mental health diagnosis before and I was so scared right away that nobody would believe me or help me. I feel like my life has been so out of control over the last few months. I’m dealing with some other things such as big life changes and identity crisis (fresh out of college, no longer a student athlete, came out to my family). I had to leave my first job as an icu nurse for the immense distress it caused me as i was working day/night rotating shifts and being triggered unknowingly to some trauma that I didn’t even know I was holding onto. I now experience heavy mood swings and dissociation at times related to ptsd and I feel like life just isn’t the same. I’m in such a tough spot because I seem to have a fear of being misdiagnosed/improperly treated, a fear of taking meds, a fear of unintentionally harming myself, and my needs for safety reassurance are so strong that I’m back home with my parents and scared to do anything. I’m a nurse as well so I know way too much about the meds and side effects. At the end of the day, the logical part of my brain wants meds to help me , but the fear or starting meds, the side effects, and the trial and error of them not knowing what will work leaves me stuck and feeling hopeless. I always end up thinking that I could just feel better if I jumped back into my normal busy life, but when I do so and get triggered (ocd or ptsd) I am left hopeless and begging my parents to get me on meds. Each appointment though leads to significant anxiety and like I have to say every single detail , which ends in me getting frustrated and confused not wanting to take meds after all because i don’t think they have the full picture. I had a bad experience with Zoloft bringing out manic symptoms when I first started it. It was terrifying. I’ve been switching provider to provider trying to find someone I trust, but in the mean time my anxiety is worsening and I feel more confused of what my symptoms really are in the first place. I have Xanax that I can take 3x daily but I don’t like feeling like I’m going to get addicted to it if I keep taking it and avoid getting on long term meds. I don’t trust any doctors and I feel the need to tell them every single little detail which I feel like leads to further frustration and maybe even impaired treatment plans. I’m sorry if this is a lot but I’m really struggling and needing some support and guidance 😭

So yesterday we had this man come and put a bottom in for our gas, so if we had a gas leek I could turn it off. He was trying to explain it to me and I did get the jist but because of his broken English I was a little confused at what he had to come back and do. today we had another man come in to do the doors and he told us that the gas man was coming back and did he explain it to us. I said yeah he tried to explain it to me but I got a bit confused, and he said all judgemental “what could you not understand him” I said “oh no no, it’s just I didn’t understand what it all was”, now I feel horrible! Do I look racist? It wasn’t that I couldn’t understand him bless, he was trying so hard I just didn’t get what I wasn’t meant to be doing. And now I’m scared it looks racist or something he was really judgemental of me. Is it? Did I say something wrong?

Hello, I’m wondering how it is best to deal with a passive-aggressive individual. Let me give some context: It was a month ago when I had a nasty argument with my brother. I had an OCD meltdown the day before in his car, which I must admit was unexpected. He was trying to ask me questions about my plans and actually telling me to go for more exposures, which is a good thing. But it was I think a bit too much, as he was advising I just walk into a bar and start hitting on girls, which is something I’m still very insecure about. I told him just that, and that I just didn’t feel ready. That I needed to be fit, confident, have $$$$, and an “alpha-male” personality. He was disappointed and started telling me that I needed to “man up” and just go for it. I also need to mention that the conversation happened inside the car while driving, so it was a shock to him and he did almost lose control while driving. Now forward on to the next day… We were planning on going to our grandparents’ house to spend New Year’s, and before leaving, he asked me “are you sure you want to go given the incident last night?”. At first, I was confused so I asked “what do you mean?”. He lets me know that he was referring to my meltdown and that he had concerns with me going over there. Which I took it personally and I replied with an anger outburst, since I felt downplayed and invalidated. As if he didn’t trust me anymore and that all the work and struggle I’ve done to get better from OCD didn’t matter. I was pissed off, because I thought we had an agreement in the car to leave it be. But things quickly escalated… Since then, I’ve gotten the silent treatment from him and displays of anger, like breaking my stuff, throwing away gifts I gave him, and constant door slamming whenever I come out of my room or talk to my parents. It’s clear he’s making a statement to “fuck off” and “I want you out of this house!”. I apologized to him twice already, but to no avail. We’re still bitter at each other, and what’s more, I feel a fist fight coming. How to then deal with a passive-aggressive individual? I have no problem ignoring him, but the constant door slamming I find very disrespectful, especially when I’m not even talking to him. It’s driving my OCD nuts!!!

I’m looking for others out there that might be similar to me. I was 25(m), infatuated with a new gf. I had a performance issue. Next morning I woke up with the FEELING that “you don’t feel anything for this girl”. And the anxiety that came with it. I felt sick to my core. Enter 3-6 months of obsessively figuring out why. It made no sense. I was infatuated with this girl, I was so happy, so confident, I could see such an awesome future with her. But once the feeling of “you feel nothing for her” stuck, I felt I had to break up. But why? During this 3-6 months it felt like I lost all positive feelings, like I could no longer be attracted to women (or anything). Nothing mattered except figuring out why I had lost feeling? I remember thinking it wasn’t fair that I’d been robbed of my ability to be happy and to love. Googling everything, asking friends etc. it consumed my every waking hour. During my obsessing, I had this random question - “are you actually gay?” Enter obsessively figuring out wether I was actually gay. I was 26. I had never even considered I was gay. I think I had crushes on girls, I certainly fantasised about them and was much more shy around them than guys. Put simply - I had never thought of a guy as anything other than a mate. This obsession changed to kind of “I FEEL gay”. It was/is like deep down I believe I am gay, despite never seemingly being attracted to guys before. I’m now 35 and this same obsession has been with me on and off. I’m now seeking treatment. Question - most of the online resources call out that ‘deep down’ you know you’re not gay. What if deep down there is a FEELING like you are? Can an obsession be a feeling? Can HOCD convince you that you ARE gay rather than just question? I’d love to hear anyone similar.

Hi guys. So idk who all has read about the Lindsay Clancy case, but ever since it’s been brought out, my harm ocd has sky rocketed. With thoughts towards my fiancé and even my dog 😞 I don’t have any kids, but the idea of losing control one day and acting on these thoughts is really getting to me. My biggest theme for years was harm, then went to suicidal for 2 years, and now I’m right back to harm and it’s freaking me out 😞

This is probably the worst theme I’ve had yet I don’t know how to shake it. It’s every moment of every day I’m so exhausted. It feels like erp just doesn’t work with this theme.

so, it all started 31st december 2022. that day, i have gained terrifying unwanted thoughts along with images and they continued for like 4-5 days. i was struggling with them all day long, i truly didnt have a break from them. on the 6th day, an image popped up in my brain which has really stressed me out because of the fact it contained the exact theme i had unwanted thoughts and images about and it seemed like a true memory. after like 3 days later, i downloaded this app and i found out about false memories. when i found out what they are, i thought to myself that there is a possibility that terrible "memory" is just a false memory because i realized that i had so many reasons as to why would i not be capable of doing something like that and why could it only just be a false memory. i spent way too much having arguments with my brain about whether it is a false memory or not, this fighting with my brain went on for like 2 weeks. unwanted thoughts and images started to pop up way too much because of how i was always panicking. to sum it up, i think that when i first got the unwanted image or lets say false memory, i believed it because of how much stress i was in (it was basically the start of everything so that is why i got very scared), then i found out way more about intrusive thoughts and images because i started doing alot of research as to why is this happening to me, i found out about false memories and the more i thought about that "memory", it started to seem like a false one because of how many reasons i had for it. for now, i just accepted the uncertainty. i dont know whats real and whats false anymore, so i have learned to do erp by myself. if u read this all the way through, then thank u, i appreciate it.

Hi all! I'm new here and have my 1st appt soon. I have always been "diagnosed" with generalized anxiety, but I recently learned more about OCD. I realized my thought processes are the problem that lead to my anxiety and even panic feelings. They are all over the place, from watching a movie and relating to the characters too deeply to feeling overly empathetic for anyone or anything. It can feel very isolating and like you're crazy. It seems to be rarely discussed, as people think OCD is strictly related to physical acts of some sort. SSRI's aren't helping much anymore, OR they make me completely numb. I am tired of "talking myself off the ledge" and need help redirecting my thoughts. I hope this treatment helps. Does anyone else deal with being overly empathetic which leads to anxious thoughts?

I am not diagnosed with OCD, but I have a strong belief that I have it. Just recently, I came to the realization that maybe my anxiety wasn’t just anxiety, but OCD (I’ve had suspicions over time, beginning in elementary) I’ve been looking into OCD as of late. I relate a ton. But I’m afraid that I’m seeing these symptoms and falsely believing that I relate. Like I’m making myself have these symptoms because I think I should. I’ve not been able to think clearly at all recently. I can’t stop thinking about me having OCD, what that means for me, what I should do, and if I even have it and am faking everything. I’ve always had struggles with invalidating my mental illnesses because it could be worse or I’m faking it or whatever.

lately I can’t stop ruminating about my relationship. I know it’s just one day at a time and we’re both aware of the issues and working toward solutions and I’m excited for Valentine’s Day but I’ll get a “what if” or a “why” in my head and it ruins my whole day. I don’t know if I can afford therapy on here, I’m only 18. And the exposure therapy exercise on here seems too much for me to handle on my own. Sometimes I question whether it’s even ocd since I have never been diagnosed. I feel so discouraged and I feel bad about ranting on here all the time. I wish my mind would let me be for a second. I want to enjoy things and relax but I let myself ruin it by questioning everything.

Honestly, I don't think there is anything more helpful on this journey than having the support of other OCD warriors like yourself! I want to take the time to thank each of you who have shared your story and continue to do so here! We are in this together and we need each other. Today, I would love it if we took the time to support one another! If you can, attend a ROCD support group or comment on this post or someone else's in the community. Let others know that they are not in this alone. We are a community and we are here for each other!

What is a fear or intrusive thought you've had in the past that you can now laugh at? When me and my best friend started becoming close, my OCD started sending intrusive thoughts my way around our friendship (things like it wasn't real, I wasn't really important to her, etc.) I knew it was my OCD so immediately started tackling it with ERP. Now our friendship is stronger than ever, and we are able to laugh at the thoughts together! It's a great reminder for us all that OCD doesn't have to win, and we are capable of taking its power away!

Has anyone here ever had obsessive thoughts about ghosts? Like what if there’s a ghost in the house? What if it’s a demon? And I get so scared. That stuff freaks me out so much. I had a nightmare last night about a Demon/ghost and it scared me so much. I usually have intrusive thoughts about harm and they center my daughter. And I woke up looked at my daughter and what if she’s a demon popped into my head. I get a sinking feeling in my stomach even typing it. I know she’s not but now I’m like am I going crazy? Like am Turning psychotic? I’ve never heard of anyone obsessing over this but me. And it’s taking a lot to post this cause I have a fear I’m the only one and I am going crazy but I know at the same time OCD can latch onto anything. I was doing so good with the harm intrusive thought. I can totally ignore them now. And I’m confident I’d never hurt my baby. So now I’m like is my OCD jumping to something else? But why this? It sounds so crazy!

I’m Farley new to being diagnosed wirh Ocd my entire life I was called a hypochondriac because I was always obsessing thinking I had all these things wrong w me , eventually after I had my daughter turned into obsessing of her health when I finally knew something was wrong was when I became obsessed with “kill your daughter “ sentence in my head over and over again crying scared , eventually got help been on meds for a year low dosage recently it just came back because I’ve been stressed out and got triggered my doctor increased my medication did anyone else notice more anxiety when increasing your ssri for the first couple weeks? 😭

Does anyone else’s anxiety ocd show more first few hours you are up.

Everyday, every minute, I keep thinking about my sexuality. I don’t know if it’s OCD or I’m I really bi I keep thinking about my past keep wondering is this real or not because some times I feel horny for my thoughts but I keeps me down I don’t know why I keep thinking of this why can’t I stop this thought, why can’t I stop checking, why can’t I stop wondering, I keep checking my past to see if I have any past memories of liking a guy but I don’t. But sometimes I get weird feelings and memories that I haven’t had before and this keeps me wondering, I don’t watch tv anymore because I might see a guy topless and it might make me feel like something is growing down there. 😔😔 I don’t know why this is happening to me. My life wasn’t like this I just had one bad dream now the dream got me questioning myself for the past 8 months now. I’m afraid because I don’t know if this will make me act on the thoughts I get or make me turn bi and I don’t want too

I haven’t been able to sleep properly for 2 weeks bc of intrusive thoughts they always seem to get worse as soon as I’m getting ready for bed. Any tips on how to manage this? I drink a lot of caffeine but that’s never influenced getting to sleep before