Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Battling some thoughts today and wondering if anyone wants to connect.

Some advice would be amazing, been stressing for days! I have a male friend who has just been accused of sexual harassment, kicked out of uni for it yet he denies it ever happening. He’s explained the story to me several times, and even though he could be lying so could she. I’d hope nobody would ever lie about such a thing, but I also hope he’d never do such a thing. He’s having to take legal action due to the fact he’s been kicked out of his uni because of it. The story he tells me is that they all went on a night out, she started throwing herself on him which he was confused about and by the sounds of things went with because he found her attractive thought why not, on a night iht you kiss strangers if consent is given and by the sounds of things she kissed him, but she didn’t want anything sexual which he was like yeah that’s fine. She was the one making the advances to which he allowed. She wanted to stay in his bed he said sure, she showed up wearing basically nothing (which isn’t consent I’m not saying anything like that, it is it’s just a part of the story, she came into his room wearing nothing underneath a shirt. He made no advances, it’s just how the night goes in his story), due to the small uni beds they both cuddled each other to go to sleep, she held him and stuff like that. He says that they fell asleep his arm was over her front holding her waist and now she’s accusing him of groping her in her sleep. I feel fucking terrible for both parties, I don’t know who’s telling the truth, I don’t know what actually happened I wasn’t there. I don’t just want to say he did it just because she’s a female, I also don’t want to say he didn’t do it. There isn’t any evidence, but there are eye witnesses to the events before the overall event in his room. Them kissing and touching and stuff, both going for it. So I replied with this “Fucjing hell this entire situation is insane, legal action is a safe way to go. It’s hard to prove either of your statements, so going down this road for your future is a good option. I’m so sorry it’s happening. It’s a really serious situation no matter what’s happening on both ends, the fact it’s now having legal action, shows it. So you’ve been kicked out of uni all together? Not just your accom but uni? What was the investigation process like for them to kick you out?” I wanted to say something without actually saying anything, I don’t want to side with anyone. As a female I know how this feels if he did do it, I’ve had it happen only slightly many times, but am I a horrible person for saying that I’m not going to believe any side of this? Either one could lie right? It’s not just the man. Equality is a justice for both men and women, if he didn’t do it why should we believe him any less? I just can’t help but hear people in my head telling me I’m being sexist because she’s accused him of a pretty disgusting thing, that’s he’s adamant he didn’t do and I’m like idk what I’m meant to think! It’s like I have other peoples voices in my head screaming at me that I have to side with the one who made the allegation. But then I think about celebrities and the most recent Johnny Depp case, we all agreed then that he was being falsely accused, was it because he was famous that it was okay to side with the man? I’m not siding with anyone in this case, I’m letting him rant and get everything out but I’m not sitting there giving him validation. I’m apologising, saying it’s a shit situation and that’s it. Idk what’s right or wrong I’m really stressed out

So the past few days have been bad, I woke up this morning haven’t had much sleep, and I straight away had an intrusive thought about my cat, I don’t even know if I can call it intrusive because I probably brought it on myself, but it was about smothering and it felt like when I had that thought that I liked the feeling of imagining doing that. So then I tried imagining it a few more times and it still felt the same but at the same time felt like I wouldn’t want to do that but these days even when I get anxiety or ‘disgust’ towards the thoughts I feel as though I’m not being genuine or faking it. I’ve had this problem for a year now, at the start I was a nervous wreak and new I hated the thoughts but now I don’t even know anymore. It feels like when I have the thoughts now it’s no longer about the ‘actual thought’ for a long time now I’ve been focusing on ‘how it feels’ because before it felt like I ‘liked the feeling of doing that when imagining it’ I no longer have the thoughts and feel ‘why did I have that thought’ or ‘disgust/shame’ all I’m doing is trying to analyse ‘how I feel’ when imagining doing that horrible thing. I have no problem bringing on the thoughts for months now I have deliberately brought them on and I’m trying to work out why it feels like ‘I like the feeling of doing that’ when I have the thought. Sometimes I get an electric shock kind of feeling and twitch my head like ‘ew I don’t want that’ but now I’m thinking maybe I’m faking it, I don’t even know when I’m anxious anymore, it’s possible that I’m highly stressed and anxious over the thoughts but I don’t even know it. I’m so confused. I definitely get some sort of feelings when having the thoughts but because I’ve been thinking that it feels like ‘I like the feeling of doing that when having the thought’ I feel like it’s distorted my perception of everything. All I know is it feels like an intense feeling but I don’t know ‘of what’ I’m just confused and I was explaining this to someone and they started asking me ‘are you excited, do the thoughts make you excited’ and when someone asks me something like that I feel like it just makes things worse and I start spiralling in my mind. But it’s like I can’t even answer that question, I don’t feel particularly ‘happy’ when having the thoughts but I just don’t know what I’m feeling when having the thoughts and this feeling of ‘it feels like I like the feeling’ is really messing me up, I don’t know how it can feel like I like the feeling of doing something I don’t want to do but at the same time sometimes feel like I don’t like the feeling of doing that. Now I don’t know if that feeling is a genuine desire and I’ve come to like some sick feeling now, I don’t want that to be the case. I’ve been suffering a lot with this problem the amount of times I’ve cried and The way I have reacted to this problem is like never before, I have never felt this bad in my life. I don’t know if I’ve confused it feeling like an ‘urge’ to me ‘liking the feeling’ maybe I’m constantly putting my body in ‘fight or flight’ and I don’t even know. Maybe what I’m getting is constant ‘urges’ because I’m deliberately having the thoughts to test myself and when it feels like an urge I’m confusing it with ‘liking the feeling’ but with other intrusive thoughts I’ve had I 100% new I hated them. Like last night before sleeping I kept having these horrible gory images coming to my head and I hated them and knew I didn’t want them, but with this why is it different? Is it possible that I’m more scared of thoughts that involve sharp objects but because these thoughts are about smothering, I’ve been experimenting with the thoughts since they don’t involve sharp objects and aren’t ‘so alarming’ but are still horrible but because if you have a thought about a sharp object it would be ‘one horrible action’ you imagine but with this smothering thing it’s like your imagining ‘one action but it carries on’ (sorry this is tmi but I’m trying to understand why it feels like that) all I know is if there was a way to get rid of this instantly i would do it but in the mean time I don’t know why it feels like I like the feeling of doing that horrible act, maybe my fight or flight is making my mind think that I want to do that or it feels like an ‘urge’ but I don’t feel ‘happy’ but I just don’t get it I don’t know what to do I really want help, this has literally forced me to book a therapist because I’m so lost and confused and worried. But I’m worried because wits not like they can take this feeling away, this feeling of ‘liking the feeling’ feels extremely real, what if I’m getting some sort of sick satisfaction out of imagining doing that that’s why it feels like I ‘like the feeling m’ I’m worried and don’t know what to do I feel like I’m lying about everything as well please help

My ldr Partner and i have Ended things three days ago, I removed him from ig but we’re still Connected on Twitter and Snapchat. Although I don’t use Twitter as much as I used to anymore, including Snapchat. Our saved pics/ vids and conversations are all deleted so it’d be easier to move on and so I wouldn’t keep rereading as well. I didn’t want to un-add him, but I removed his name from the chat feed. So far, I’ve been doing fine with moving on but I still think about him. I let myself feel all the sadness and hurt, just to let it all out. Somehow, I keep having this nagging Talk at the back of my mind. Saying I’m not moving on if we’re still friends on snap and Twitter, that I’m not making any progress. That I should remove him completely. I still don’t want to, I haven’t been having any urges to Text hin as well, at least not for now. Is this nagging feeling still rocd?

So. In my talking stage with my current girlfriend of 12 months. I think that in the start of my talking stage with her, that I was also talking to other people. I’m talking stage ( I wasn’t dating anyone) but I think I was talking with people aswell. And eventually I cut every girl off apart from my current girlfriend. And then a week or so later we started dating. Anyway. A week before we started dating a girl I used to talk to teacher out to my friend and was like “hey are you a friend of *my name*” and he sent screenshots. And I just told him to block her, because I didn’t want to talk anyone or anything. And he blocked her. But im worried one day if me and him get intro an argument he will try to ruin my current relationship with that. Even though those screenshots were from before me and my gf were dating. But we were talking at that time Do I need to tell my girlfriend this? Does this matter? Because I don’t know if I was “loyal” in the talking stage, and I don’t know if I’m overthinking because we weren’t even dating. But at the start of the talking stage I was talking to other people I think. Do I need to tell her this? Does this mean im unloyal? Im currently freaking out. I really need your opinions, do I let this go or do I do something about it

i just got a fortune from a fortune cookie that read: “we are what arises in our thoughts” are you serious?? 😭 why did i have to get that fortune!! it’s stressing me out i just wanted to throw that thing away!

i have friends, i have a amazing gf and mom, a good family, my gf and mom know about my ocd, mainly my gf, she knows about my problem and also dont give me reassurance at all (which is the right thing to do) still, i never felt that hopeless like im feeling rn, i never felt so wrong like im feeling rn, im feeling alone, like my case is special and im some kind of upcoming killer, i dont know who i am neither remenber my values, i cant afford a therapist rn... i swear im trying my best but ocd is not giving me a single moment of peace.. it has come to a point where all i think trough my day is about the harm thoughts and if i want them or not, i cant enjoy playing during midnight (which i loved tho) because i hate being alone with someone vulnerable while they are sleeping and im awake in the house, i hate living like this, i haye feeling like this, i want my life back, i want myself back

After a year I’m finally trying to find a therapist but I’m worrying. It feels like I’m a criminal about to turn myself in or I keep having images of me talking to the therapist a laughing while I’m talking about it and then they think I’m evil. Or the other thing is the intrusive thought that bothers me the most is about smothering and for some reason it feels like when I imagine that thought, that I like the feeling of doing that action when I imagine it and I don’t know if it’s because I’m confusing an urge and the vividness of the thought with ‘I like the feeling’ but it’s horrible, for it to feel like I like squashing someone with a pillow and stopping them from breathing, I don’t understand it and I feel like if I tell the therapist there going to think there’s definitely something wrong with me. Say if it’s true? Why does it feel like I like the feeling of doing that when I imagine it? None of my other intrusive thoughts feel like that and it’s worrying. Sometimes I have those thoughts and ‘flinch’ or get like an electric shock feeling or anxiety but most times it feels like I like the feeling of doing that action when I imagine it, I can’t explain it which makes it worse. All I know is if there was a button to take all this away I would press it instantly. But I feel like I’m beyond help and that Maybe I’m enjoying some sick feeling now, maybe I was normal before but now I’ve discovered I like the feeling of doing that horrible thing, I’m worried. These past few days have been awful I don’t know what to do, my head keeps wanting to test out the thought by deliberately imagining them to see if it’s true and if it does feel like that I have to keep imagining it until I get anxious or something. 😞 I really want help but I have a lot of doubts I feel like They won’t be able to help me because now maybe I like that sick feeling. I wish I could go back in time and not watch that stupid documentary my life has been ruined..also I’m worried about getting the wrong therapist and they will think there’s something wrong with me or not be able to help or I don’t know I just don’t see how they can help me, they can’t take this feeling of ‘liking the feeling of doing that’ away from me but I hope that feeling maybe is just a mistaken feeling and that maybe I’m just confused

ROCD thoughts are always on my mind. I’m much better than i was when they first started out but now i’m just struggling. my brain is a constant flood of thoughts about my partner. Today I was wondering if it’s all because i have a small crush on my coworker, or is it because in the back of my mind, i always knew i’d be the one to break her heart. I don’t want to leave her and i don’t want to break up but it’s really hard to tell if i’m faking everything. She’s constantly on my mind, questioning if i have feelings for her, if i’m excited to see her, what if i don’t love her. The frustrating thing is, before my obsession with wondering if i love her, we were good. I would race home to be with her, we were shopping for our future apartment and i was so excited. now my brain can’t even picture the same future i was picturing before. I tell myself it’s okay to have uncertainty and not know what the future will be like but it’s hard to be okay with it when i could imagine it so perfectly. I know my partner is perfect for me, i know in our time together before these thoughts, i was so happily in love and smitten by her. Now i get irritated easily with her and my brain villainizes her. I may not be able to imagine our future together but i can’t imagine being with anyone but her. this is my third post on here about this, i’m not sure if it’s a compulsion to write on here and share my thoughts or if reading other peoples stories is one too but i just need to share my head. I miss how we were before, i can’t even look back at memories where i knew i was happy because my brain will get anxious and tell me it’s all fake

Do you if u have Rocd? Even think tjat talking to every guy is flirting? I am accusing myself all the time! Even worse when drinking. When I am out without my bf, I am like I am with him... talking with many people no matter male or female, thats just the open person I am. But when I am put alone, I always feel like a cheater when talking to someone else and when I think back to that situarion... it seems like I didnt care.. this makes me so feaeful..And I rarely think about my bf when out :( I am not sure if I really rarely think of him or if I tell myself. I feel flattered when a guy comes up to me but I reject everyone when I see any intention that is going further than talking. I feel like shit. Also had episodes of the worst cheating OCD. I cant cut talking to people.. thats me :( its a real conflict.

Im thinking about it (the obsession) 24/7. If my mind wanders off for like 4 seconds, it goes right back to the thought and Id be like: yes, at least I didnt think about it for 4 seconds, 4 seconds release. Im constantly checking if I still think about it (even though I try not to it goes automatically) and that there is the thought/obsession again, I think about it. Its there 24/7, during everything I do, during every conversation, etc. I cannot live on autopilot, wander off or think about something else for more than 5 seconds. This goes on for months. Its driving me totally crazy! Is this normal for OCD? Does everyone with OCD have this. Is thinking and checking if still thinking about it 24/7 common in OCD?

Feel like I just float through life. Just existing. Anxiety following.

I have a few questions/thoughts I want to know if anyone else is experiencing them. 1. Does anyone else’s head create scenarios of them being evil and in the scenario it seems like your actually bad and it even scares you by making it seem like ‘you enjoy’ doing that in the scenario? Like I saw this video of this dog and I had an intrusive thought about smothering and it felt like when I had that thought that I ‘liked the feeling of doing that action when I imagined it’ and I got worried by that and then my head proceeds to imagine a scenario where I’m alone with the dog and I ‘choose’ to be evil and I’m pulling a creepy smile and I’m actually evil and do that evil thing. But then that makes me worried that I’m actually evil and that in the future I will choose to act on the thoughts/urges because in that fact scenario I was evil, but I think my Brian made that up to scare me idk 🤷🏻‍♀️😞 2. Even when I cry and I’m sad or telling someone how stressed out a I am and feeling miserable, I keep feeling like maybe I’m faking being sad and I’m actually evil, or maybe I’m not actually sad and I don’t know if that’s because these evil people in these films/documentaries always pretend that their innocent or haven’t done it but they have, so now I’m suspicious of myself constantly thinking I’m faking my emotions or maybe I’m not actually sad. 3.being alone is a big issue for me, like being alone with a cat, or a person or anyone who is vulnerable is like alarm bells ringing. It feels like ‘evil mode activated’ i don’t know how to explain it but it feels like I’m in a horror movie or it just feels like foreboding or like there’s this evil vibe or I feel like I’m evil and it’s horrible and i usually get that feeling if someone mentions ‘you could go and stay with so and so/you could stay home alone’ or something like that, but it’s like when I’m alone it just feels terrible, like I’m evil can’t be trusted. 3. This is one of the scary ones for me but feeling like ‘I don’t even know why I’m not acting on the thoughts’ I’ve gotten use to having the thoughts so much and sometimes I have intrusive thoughts and they feel so incredibly real and like that condos ctually happen or feels like an urge and In that moment because I’m not getting anxiety I don’t even know WHY I’m not acting because still not sure whether I’m evil or not or I’m believing that I’m bad. 4. Whenever someone talks about the future or ‘my future’ I get anxiety or if I talk about the future or if I talk about something that makes me happy or when I’m being affectionate to my cat and calling him cute I suddenly stop in my tracks and start feeling like I don’t know maybe a sinking feeling or feeling down that I’m evil or something 5. I don’t even believe myself anymore. It spoke sometimes I will have an intrusive thought and I will flinch my head like ‘Urgh what is that’ or scrunch my nose (those are my reactions to not liking the thought’ but I don’t even believe those reactions anymore. Just not when writing this I had an intrusive thought about my cat and I shook my head as if to say ‘what the hell was that’ and then I didn’t believe that I was disgusted by the thought so then my head wants to have the thought again to check and then I end up reimagining the thought multiple times in a desperate effort to know that I don’t like it. I just don’t believe myself anymore but I have no energy to cry and be upset because I’ve been crying most of last night and the previous night

I’ve got the worst period cramps I have ever had. I can’t move. I feel dizzy and nauseous and I really don’t know what to do I’m screaming in pain.

i’m trying so very hard to overcome ocd and try to live my live above it but i can’t seem to get through a single day without that annoying little voice in my head saying “you’re crazy”, “youre a bad person”, or “you’ll become a bad person”. which is probably the most terrifying thing to hear it’s like i’ve become afraid of myself a fear of becoming crazy which is making me crazy🤦🏼‍♀️ i’m not looking for reassurance, but any advice😭 i’m really struggling.

Is anybody scared of being depressed or becoming depressed… and think about scenarios that will make you depressed?

Anyone currently rocking with a raging obsession around psychosis/ schizophrenia? It’s been ridiculous. I’m constantly checking to make sure what I’m sensing is real. It’s gotten out of hand. Just curious if anyone can relate!

(I’m sorry this is so long, bare with me) So I (30 years old) have dealt with constant infections and OCD, anxiety, and tic coughs/ gagging for as long as I can remember (preschool). More recently, I have had Covid twice.. Once in may of 2022, and in October of 2022. Since my 2nd time having it, I have been in an absolute spiral of infection (sinus, chest, and kidney), and worsening OCD, even though I am doing some constant heavy duty therapy, that has historically worked for me.. before getting Covid the first time I was making more progress than ever before and was finally starting to feel in control, after the first time it came to a halt, then after the second time, I began spiraling, where my ocd feels uncontrollable. It feels like I’m playing wack a mole. I conquer one thing and ten other pop up. I’m incredibly frustrated and feel as though I’m losing myself, my personality, my intelligence… I feel like sometimes I struggle with finding words, and my balance. I get dizzy and sometimes feel numb and am constantly trembling. I feel like I am deteriorating, even though I’m trying to do everything I can. It is sometimes insufferable and I am afraid. My therapist has recently suggested I see a neurologist/ specialist for a PANS/PANDAS evaluation. When I looked up the symptoms I cried tears of joy and fear. Almost all of my symptoms align with PANS/PANDAS, and would make soo much sense of my childhood illnesses, however reading things about “cognitive damage” are scaring me. I was wondering if anyone on here has similar experiences with COVID or PANS/ PANDAS, and if so, what has helped and what hasn’t? Has anyone who has had or heard of any experience like mine? Have you regained your control after this? I’m sorry if this is so nonsensical, like I said, multiple infections, and on some wicked antibiotics at the moment.

i have thoughts about incest, specifically from trauma, and i love my boyfriend and we are intimate. 99 percent of the time when i have intrusive thoughts during sex im able to move past them, but yesterday, my mother ended up texting me during it (TMI i know lol), which stressed me out, which caused more intrusive thoughts PLUS groinal responses, then she decided to go into the kitchen that’s RIGHT outside my room, causing more thoughts and feelings, while this was happening me and my bf were intimate in the moment and it felt as if the thoughts and feelings helped me finish, i was trying so hard NOT to think about them that i sortve thought about them on purpose???? it’s weird to explain… i told my bf about it since he knows about my ocd and he suggested we could take a break if it ever got that bad again, but it’s making me question myself and my morals i guess like now i feel like i really enjoy those thoughts and im just making excuses for myself. i feel so horrible and this is so haunting to me my ocd therapist doesn’t even know how to do erp for this according to her and i just feel so stuck

hi all i have been prescribed fluvoxamine for the past 3 months now with no significant relief if intrusive thoughts. my psychiatrist wants to put me on lamictal (lamotrigine) because she thinks i could have BPD presenting as OCD. the lindsay clancy case has been freaking me out and she was on that medication so now i'm scared to start it what do i do i'm so conflicted :(((