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the NOCD Community

Hello all. Is it really worth it seeing a therapist here? I have struggled a lot with health anxiety and OCD and I feel like there is nothing will stop this and I will live all my life this way.

I start to believe that God words cant help on mental illness, we cant even hear about that in the bible. Or if you read about that its "demons" and the devil who went to your body and if i would take it like that then i would be on the hospital now... Only people who truly heals from mental illnesses are spiritual people but after they "awaken" they doesnt believe in God, cause they see that they are the center of life and the "universe", which if you take it as a religious person, its a sin cause you put yourself in Gods place. And they give up all their beliefs cause they see that thats your ego not your true self, "youre the awarness"(i dont understand how can you live without having beleifs or values) But the harsh truth is that these people heal from anxiety and depression and they leave God, they doesnt need them and those who still have God they suffer... just like me... i desperately tried to find something on the bible about this but nothing... and those basic religious lines will not help on mental illnesses... I feel like i have to try the spiritual method but that means i will leave God...

Does anyone feel like their brain just doesn’t function normally and it never will for the rest of their life 😂

I’m staying at someone’s house alone right now. I’ve barely slept in a week because I’m so anxious. Every sound I jump because I think someone is breaking in. One of the doors doesn’t lock so I’m extra anxious. I know it’s pretty unlikely but I’m freaked out and sleep deprived To top it off there are animals in the walls that make noises and it’s scary and wakes me up. Earlier someone knocked on the door really really hard for like 2 minutes straight and rang the doorbell. When I checked it looked like he left cards on the car saying he wants to buy it and call him. I know it probably was genuinely just that bc they get offers on that car all the time, but I keep feeling like he was testing to plan a robbery I just want to feel safe and have a good sleep :(

Does anyone else feel like ocd has changed them as a Person, I genuinely feel traumatised this is the worst thing I have ever experienced and I don’t wish it upon my own enemy, I just don’t get how one day I could think of a scary scenario and think damn that’s scary and go on with my day but now I think of that scenario and I freak out and my day is ruined and I think that’s me. I don’t get it I wish I knew what caused it and how to fix it. I am dealing with dissociation with reality and myself and that might be what’s causing this but it’s so scary and I try not to seek reassurance or obsess over it but I don’t have the most understanding family so I just like to know I’m not crazy and I know that you have to accept the uncertainty which I was but it comes on and off. I am trying my hardest and forcing myself to do things that I didn’t want to do and hopefully in the future I can look back and laugh. Sending love to everyone I hope you are all okay 💜

I want to beat ocd cause I'm tired of it beating me

I am so frightened and Idk what to do. I’ve never felt like this before and I’m scared that even writing this may trigger me even more. Ever since the year started, I got triggered very badly about a tiktok post about a man transitioning into a woman and I suddenly got a very bad intrusive image about being male (I’m female) and the thought triggered me so bad I started shaking and crying and pacing, even tried taking a shower to convince myself. Ever since then the thoughts have escalated more and more and I’m so scared I have NEVER had these thoughts or urges in my life EVER and it’s so terrifying. I try to escape into a fantasy land where I portray a woman and all these scenarios, I even read a lot of smut and try to get the thoughts to leave and they help sometimes as I do get aroused like a normal female would but then when I’m outside of my fantasies and return to normal life the thoughts come back and I feel so hopeless and am actually thinking of una living myself because they feel so real and true and it frightens me because I feel like I’m the only one who this is happening to and that maybe it’s not OCD. Im so hopeless and alone idk what to do.

There have been moments in my relationship where I have gotten suspicious of my partners intentions when calling me to the point where I tend to become mistrustful of her intentions based on the content of the call being so much banter that I dont know why she would even call to tell me these things. And that is just my perspective. She texted me last night after we had an argument about her anxiety around not getting an email back and we changed subject and then she wanted to use my number for doordash. She then got mad at my cryptic response then asking me to cover it in a rude way. In my mind, I was wondering if she was getting doordash with someone else and usually get these feelings that she says things and does these things to spite me or play games with me. I am unsure why that happens but it is this constant thought. In these moments, especially when I call her usually I hear something in the background to where I think she is doing something on the phone with me intentionally for show. I have had multiple occasions where this comes up and do not know where it stems from but its incredibly hard to be on the phone with her especially when she calls me she talks about things that dont even make sense and I try my best to follow while also trying to keep my suspicions away but it just always leads me to believe that she just wants to do it because there is someone else around and she wants people to witness me and her talk while possibly something going on in the background. Last night was another example where I called and she was talking about needing to get 5 cents more for the discount and then I got the feeling those were one of those moments where she wanted to talk for the sake of talking in front of someone else? Then i heard from a speaker phone, “Chips and Salsa” and then I just froze and muttered something like (partners name) are you with someone right now? My anxiety was so high I couldnt even get words out and really wanted to ask who that was but then she kept saying you need to call you need to call(mobile crisis) and then she brought up how I said I had so much insight into this(sarcastically) when mobile crisis came this one weekend(was never a danger to myself or others) and I did say that at first but backtracked that and then I just wanted to say one more thing and asked if I could and she said no i have to go. Thats when I just really fixated on the “chips and salsa” noise and really wanted her to tell me what that was so I called her a bunch of times and texted her and literally had no self control and it was very rude and disrespectful of her. I called her so many times and texted! These suspicions I have been working on with my therapist with exposure and response therapy but my stress level is always so high even if i repeat the scenario over and over and over. Today, I am meeting with her therapist and her which she requested and I am scared they are going to grill me about my behaviors that I desperately wanted to change(suspicions of her with someone, sending cryptic texts, wanting me to go crazy by things she does with someone on phone then blame it on my mental illness). Any advice how I can navigate this therapy session as she is real nasty about me and calls me possessive and abusive all the time when its just my OCD which she thinks its not OCD. I want to validate her experience and come to a compromise. I dont know if its official couples therapy and dont even trust the therapist as she has said things about their relationship before that make me mistrust him and if thats the case that would be sooo unethical. Sorry for the long post. Any thoughts on how to support her in her therapy would be real helpful. I want to be honest and open with her but I also want her to be more curious about when things come up for me and not just hang up and make me more obsessed about calling her.

The sensations feel so real??? I feel so guilty, feeling like I'm cheating on my BF emotionally because I noticed an attractive coworker who may have taken interest in me. Or maybe I'm misinterpreting things.... idk man has anyone gone through this?! Whenever I'm intimate or close to my bf, my brain is bombarded with fantasies about this random dude that I know little about...

Hi all, I recently self diagnosed with staring OCD. I believe it started May 2020 roughly. It wasn't as bad as it was last year. I have been written up twice at work because of it. Therefore, I am stuck at my current job. I have lost hope for my future and career. I have been depressed for the past 6months at least. I am single with no kids still living at home. I barely found out about NOCD end of March this year. I had my first ERP session on Wednesday of last week. How do I build hope for my future again? I'm so scared of getting written up for a third and being fired. I don't know what I'd do with my life. I need someone's help...advice...

I have contamination ocd so get very stressed and frustrated if I feel like something is unclean. I was talking to my mum about my hair and she came and touched my hair to have a look at what I was talking about. She’d just used the toilet and touched my hair before she washed her hands. I had to go out so I couldn’t wash my hair but now I can’t stop thinking about it and it’s really stressing me out. I keep trying to reassure myself but there is no way of making me feel better my hair just feels dirty now and it feels like it’s passing onto my clothes and face. I had an argument with my mum over it as her and my step dad seem to think it’s a joke and no big deal because they don’t understand it. Now I feel bad for arguing and reacting how I did but also can’t stop thinking about washing my hair.

How you guys think about 15 minutes worry time when you have OCD?

im so worried, ive had intrusive thoughts and haven’t really reacted and now im ruminating and trying to remember if i had reactions or not! im also feeling so terrible, i feel like ive failed little me, because she wanted to be so much and do so much, i feel like ive let her down and my ocd isn’t making it any better, ive never had confidence because of the abuse i suffered but now i feel like i can’t do anything, even my passions, i just want to leave

Anyone else feel like your mind is so trained to react and be scared of thoughts that a thought doesn’t even have to fully form for you to be scared or already know you need to do a compulsion? And then your brain makes something up. Idk how to explain it but I feel like sometimes I’m going insane and it’s freaking me out because my thoughts aren’t full thoughts and they are often so hard to even explain that I’m afraid no one will understand them

Anyone notice it’s hard to enjoy things before your brain felt like it broke? My family is the nicest kindest people and I feel like I spend so much time on ocd that I don’t even enjoy them. I put on a smile but on the inside I don’t feel genuine. My faith has also been a huge part of my life and I’m just numb to everything right now. Hope everyone is having a good weekend and can enjoy things.

Hello everyone, forewarning this post will be discussing Suicidal OCD. So during my OCD journey I’ve struggled with various subtypes and only till recently have I started having these what I’ll call S-OCD thoughts. I’ve worked in therapy treating my other subtypes but have only now felt this one more and I’m wondering if anyone else who experiences this finds that it can flare up during times of emotional distress or stress? For example, today for me has been incredibly tough emotionally with life circumstances going on and while driving I had some intrusive thoughts regarding crashing on purpose or things like that. Does anyone else experience these feelings? Thanks for taking the time to read and I sincerely wish you all nothing but the best. 🙏

or can it be something you’re very anxious about or fearing ?

So I’m 22. I’ve had OCD (like all subtypes) all my life, and have been in treatment and practicing mindfulness only for the past almost 2 years. Now, my ocd is manageable for the most part, although some days thoughts get sticky and ocd gets tricky. As I am on a journey of mindfulness, I hear weedz can assist with your spiritual awakening and teach you more about mindfulness. I DO NOT ever want to experience psychosis or hallucinations. I hear psychosis can lead to psychological disorders like schizophrenia in rare cases. But I’m still curious about 🍃. What is your thoughts or advice or recommendations? I’m not sure if I should try it.

Hi all. I am overwhelmed with a nudging, horrible fear that my father is using me to replace the emotional connection he had with my now passed mother. He makes innuendos and my OCD immediately starts barraging me with "One day he's going to try and rape you" and "He's sexually attracted to you because you look like her before she got sick." He says I'm one of the only people he has. He hasn't made any inappropriate actions and a lot of the NSFW "jokes" I excuse as him now having very good social skills. I just wish these thoughts would stop so I can be there for him through this shared grief without feeling scared shitless and disgusted at him and myself with no logical basis for it. I'm tearing myself and my family apart with these thoughts. They delve into "He probably raped you as a kid" and all sorts of past events that I can't verify as being "true" but can't rule out as "false" either. I just want to be able to love and support my dad without feeling disgusting, or like I'm leading towards something worse. Has anyone else had a similar experience? What did you do to find comfort or resolution? How do I stop being scared of and disgusted with my dad when he didn't even do anything? I don't want to tell him about these thoughts because I can imagine how horrifying it would be to hear your daughter tell you she's scared you're gonna rape her, but I can't tell anyone else either. I feel crazy. I feel totally alone. I feel like my OCD has robbed me of my dad.

I confessed to my girlfriend about things I did in the past and I feel like she's disgusted with me and is making her upset. Any tips on how to stop confessing? This is literally hell. Every morning I wake up with anxiety and guilt and feel the need to confess something. Am I not allowed to be happy and move on from my past without feeling the need to let everyone know and them thinking I'm a freak?