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I’ve convinced myself that I have bpd and major derealization. I went to school today and I was totally spaced out. My life just hasn’t felt real recently like I’m outside of my own body. Help.

Hi, I've been having a huge problem lately with some work at school. For context, I am a technical lead and lighting designer for my school's show but recently I've taken on being lead to all production and stage roles. The problem I am starting to find with my work ethic is definitely going to the extreme to make things correct. I will work multiple nights and do extra work, other people's roles, just because I need something to be correct. I have been doing so and it's been hurting my health. I am unsure how to fix this since I need to work to feel satisfied and at ease most of the time.

hii! nice to meet y’all. i’m new here in this app and i hope we can all get along and helped each other through this draining process. i wanted to let some things out today, i hope someone can listen to me or give me an advice on how to deal with what has been bothering me. i started having intrusive thoughts ever since i was a kid :( it mostly were sexu4l intrusive thoughts about my teachers, classmates or family members. i felt so disgusted and i ended up developing an anxiety disorder and depression too :( i never knew it was pure o after some years later. some years ago, i started finding comfort through therapy and through music and my favorite artists. but what happened next was torture for me, my intrusive thoughts starting getting related to them and i couldn’t handle it. now i can’t seem to like someone or an artist because my brain just relates it to the disgusting thought. i feel so bad, i am already handling the situation so much better. the thoughts sometimes appear and then disappear. it’s been awful, i don’t know how i’m still standing.. i hope all of you are okay :( i would be really grateful if someone helps me or replies , or has a similar story. i feel really lonely in this

I'm so nervous that I like the thought. It feels I want it and I when I try to react I can't. It's like I just don't even want to fight it anymore. I know deep down it isn't true, but it feels so real right now. Anyone else have this?

I was on Instagram when I saw a post from a ocd creator that I follow. It was talking about micro aggressions that people with SOOCD have against the LGBTQ+ community. One of the examples was about how it is a micro aggression to say “I would rather die than leave my husband and be gay” if you are straight and how that’s homophobic. This left me super confused because I fully support the LGBTQ+ community but the thought of not being able to be the orientation I have always been and want to be makes me feel so stressed out and depressed. Now I am questioning whether I am homophobic and a bad person :/ I am not sure if anyone else saw this post or if anyone has similar experiences or advice

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he is an absolute angel. All throughout the relationship I would have nightmares and intrusive thoughts “what if he leaves/cheats”. And he would reassure me and treat me like the world revolves around me. Lately I’m realizing this was actually ocd and not anxiety as I had previously thought. I would get paranoid if he didn’t check his messages for a couple hours, I’d get anxious if I saw an ambulance heading toward his street while I was driving, I would ask for reassurance that he loved me constantly. Bear in mind, I have no reason to have these fears. My boyfriend is my best friend and has supported me through thick and thin and he’s amazing. One time a couple months ago I was being a bit snappy with him one night and I had the thought “only people who don’t like their partners are snappy with them” and it just stuck. Now I struggle with intrusive thoughts about my own feelings, do I love him, do I miss him enough, is my relationship going to end because this couple on social media broke up. I could deal with the thoughts about his feelings because he is so so good about making me feel loved but now I’m stuck in this constant guilt loop where I question my relationship for no reason then get anxious and feel guilty for even thinking that way because I think I’m manifesting it. Was wondering if anybody else in a healthy long term relationship has had this happen to them and how you talk yourself down :(

I'm supposed to have a doctor's appointment for a physical this week and I've known about it for weeks but now I'm having overwhelming anxiety and panic about contamination themes. I know that rescheduling or canceling will only make the panic worse and make the OCD stronger but I just started ERP and I seriously don't know if I can cope with this level of exposure/anxiety at this point. It will also make my family upset if I don't go. I'm trying to just sit with the discomfort and not look for reassurance but it's so overwhelming and everything makes it worse. I hate having OCD and I hate these feelings so much.

I tried to do exposure by reading lesbian experiences, especially women who discovered late in life that they are lesbians, but I'm too triggered now. I'm crying and I'm having panic attacks. Also I've been obsessing a lot since Friday and yesterday I tested myself by looking at pictures of Maddy the euphoria's character and I felt a sort of attraction I don't know. I'm so tired, I can't live like this anymore.

It can feel impossible to sit with uncertainty especially when you are having intrusive thoughts telling you to 'figure something out.' I know how easy it can be to get sucked into OCD's rabbithole and do compulsion after compulsion looking for certainty. Practicing sitting with uncertainty is not easy but it is so worth it. Responding to intrusive thoughts with phrases such as "maybe, maybe not" or even agreeing with intrusive thoughts can be extremely helpful. By not engaging with the thoughts and instead choosing uncertainty, we stop the OCD cycle. Give it a try!

(sorry long post, here's backstory) 1.5 years ago I got into my first ever realationship, (I'm 18+ now) and there were extremely levels of turmoil. 2 ish years previous to this girl I was anxious about liking animals, liking children, being a rapist, or being a racist. But the thoughts weren't extremely bad and I could normally be like well ODVIOUSLY I'm not and move on for the most part. However 3 months into the relationship she said "if you like someone and don't tell me, and I found out later, I would think your raping me" (BAD PERSON AS STATED PREVIOUSLY) And ever since that moment I don't think I've been the same, all of the thoughts are much worse and in that relationship I couldn't go 30 minutes without telling her "I think I like blank" "I think blank is hot" then it transformed into not just being that but also being "for a second I think I thought u were fat" "I think I think you're ugly" because I went under the thought process of 'well I have to tell this person every thought because what if I think something that she would want to leave me for and I don't tell her' Now, I am in a new relationship and this person is the best person I could ever ask for, complete opposite of the previously mentioned person. However about 2 months ago the thoughts started again. I decided though that I couldn't get into the cycle of telling her every singlele thing because it would hurt her and not even help me. Currently I'm convinced I'm transphobic, she's trans and I am either convincing myself I see her as a man, even though I'm a lesbian so I ODVIOUSLY wouldn't date her if I did, or that I have a fetish for trans people, or that I am dating her for some other twisted reason. I refuse to bring myself to complete the cycle by telling her and being like "is this thought ok" but it's eating me up inside and I find it hard to enjoy myself, it takes up 75% of my waking thoughts

Does anyone else find that their family fails to understand the actual distress that ocd causes? I know with my family they think that I have control over it, like I can just say “okay I’m good” and be okay. I struggle with contamination and checking ocd, Ive been seeing a therapist for a while and I just started medication, but they still get angry at me for compulsively washing or taking too much time in the shower. It feels even worse when my family makes me feel like a burden, when I’m already struggling and don’t want to be doing the compulsions. Anyone else struggle with this?

Has anyone spent time thinking of what might have caused their OCD in general or their current episode to start. I thought about all the times I used to self harm by hitting myself in the face or previous accidental concussions and I sometimes beat myself up about it. I briefly thought about a brain tumour too. I just think "Why me?" "Why now?". This summer coming is suppose to be the best one I've ever had and OCD decided to rear its ugly head at the worst possible time. I wish it came up when I had nothing to look forward to and no hope because at least then I wouldn't fear it ruining everything. Now when I started to build my life back up I have to deal with this. I just hope being with the love of my life and travelling with her will take my mind off all the memories and thoughts.

I am having what feels like a million different thoughts/images a day. Does any one else experience multiple thoughts a day? If I could guess, I could have maybe up to 50 different thoughts a day. So now i fear if these are even intrusive thoughts. I don’t want any part of the thoughts but having so many a day is concerning to me.

Does OCD ever put you in a sad and depressed mood? I have been feeling like this all day today and I can’t tell if it’s from my thoughts/ just being overwhelmed for months in general? my boyfriend could tell over the phone I was super down and as soon as I got off the phone I just started crying. Not officially diagnosed with OCD but whatever this is, it feels like hell and that I truly just can’t be happy. Wondering if your OCD makes you feel other emotions strongly?

2 months ago I fell into existential OCD that left me questioning the meaning of life and if anything was or wasn't real. Became depressed from the thought and eventually through acceptance if never knowing the unknown, I was back to having better days. Well, one day I found myself ruminating about the existential OCD again and had the random thought "Do you think you can keep living like this"? The thought Terrified me. I had been through alot of pain and loss and things but through it all I had never questioned if I could continue living. Since then I've been confused and anxious and tired. I don't know if it's suicidal ideation or suicidal themed OCD. I avoid songs with the word suicide, I stopped watching horror movies and stopped enjoying other things like Ghost Pokémon because they made me think of death and kind of triggered anxiety in me. Sometimes the thoughts feel so real that I'm not sure if it's something I actually want to do or if it's OCD. I've turned to trying to find spirituality and religion to tell myself if I kill myself their may be consequences in an afterlife. Im constantly googling things like "How to make suicidal thoughts go away" and reassuring myself that I wouldn't do it. It still feels real sometimes and it's horrifying. Is there a difference between being genuinely suicidal and suicidal ocd themed?

Hey everyone, I’m hoping someone can help. Long story short, I have a childhood friend who in HS we became romantically interested in each other, loved each other and then over the years it was to painful because we couldn’t be together because of religious reasons. I blocked him because of the pain, and then we would run into each other a lot and I would block and unblock him as we reconnected over the past 5 years. Well I unblocked him, and we reconnected again - just as friends, but emotionally every time I unblock I feel like I’m a mess. Like I have the obsessive thinking about him and I just feel emotionally tied down even though we are not together. It then makes me want to block him again (which I don’t want to do bc I know that’s messed up), but idk how to just have my brain realize it’s okay we are just friends. Idk if this even makes sense, my brain just feels so black and white and it’s so anxious.

Basically I told the wrong people my intrusive thoughts and they now have pushed me away. My two cousins won’t talk to me (for this and a host of other reasons). I just miss my family. I wish I never told anyone except my therapist. I could use some support.

Feeling super overwhelmed.. I think I’m having an OCD flare up but I can’t even figure out what the theme or compulsions are. I was diagnosed with OCD in April 2019 and was in therapy until February 2020 and then only had maintenance visits every few months up until 2021. My OCD was good so I barely ever did ERP but now I feel like I dont remember any of the tools/how to deal with it or anything that I learned. I recently left a psychologically abusive relationship with a narcissist (am working with a therapist specializing in that) and the stress of that is what has caused my OCD to flare up. It started with fears of my family members dying (not even at all related to my break up) and just obsessing over the situation and how to heal from it. Now I’ve been having insomnia, and my OCD has latched onto it as a fear and I’ll panic and cry in the night when I can’t sleep and then obsess over it in the day. Then I obsess over the fact that I’m stressed which makes me even more stressed. I tried doing ERP by writing my fears down in “maybe” statements i.e. “maybe I’ll never sleep again, maybe I’ll lose my mind” etc. and my anxiety spiked but never came down. My therapist is no longer in practice. Would a NOCD therapist be able to help me? Is this even my OCD or is it something else?

I feel so safe with my boyfriend and I trust him completely but for some reason I have this irrational fear that he's plotting to kill me. It's hard because he's the person that is there for me the most and I feel like I have to make sure that he's not going to hurt me. He comes home late at night because of work and I just get really scared sometimes. When we go anywhere at night I can't help but worry if he's gonna snap and hurt me. Just to be clear there's literally no valid reason why I'd feel this way and he's never hurt me or anything but my brain just goes there and it's terrible.

I have been dealing with Hocd for almost a decade and I never knew that Hocd existed until about 2-3 years ago. I always identified as a straight/heterosexual female for the longest time, for the last 22 years. Always liked guys, had crushes on guys; found men attractive only. I started becoming curious around the age of 12 and looked up girls kissing on YouTube. As a 12 year old, I was intrigued but did not want to participate in anything like that. Little but little became more and more curious and began to watch lesbian porn; never wanted to participate, never imagined myself being with a girl. I always wanted a boyfriend, a husband; that’s all I dreamt about. My Hocd really began when I was 15 and still watching porn and began questioning my sexuality. It became an addiction. It was downhill from there. The amount of anxiety I would experience would last days to weeks and sometimes even months. And then one day, the thoughts would go away. Life would be normal, and then out of nowhere; I would be triggered. Keep in mind, from the ages of 3-22 years old, I only wanted to be with a guy. Never with a woman. Don’t get me wrong, I find women attractive and a woman’s body is beautiful but to be with a woman was never in my plans. Anything lgbtq would trigger me or girls coming out would trigger me. Social media became a trigger as well. Nothing against the community. My Hocd began to go away around 2018 because I was talking to guys and becoming romantically interested in these guys. Late 2019, I fell in love with my boyfriend. The intrusive thoughts and images went away. I did not suffer anything Hocd for about 6 months. I was in heaven. Then the pandemic hit, it was downhill from there. Started experiencing immense anxiety, panic attacks, loss of breath, stomach ruptures and aches from the amount of anxiety I experience. I began having insane insomnia, didn’t want to eat. My thoughts consumed me. I couldn’t enjoy life. I started worrying about my relationship, the best thing that ever happened to me. My world felt like it was ending. I began going to therapy that August. I was starting to feel a bit better. I only went to therapy for a few months thinking it would the trick, I was wrong. Everything came back at full force. It was horrible because my boyfriend is my everything. My saving grace. He supported me through it all. He knows about my Hocd and wanted to help me. I don’t regret telling him. Telling him and him supporting me brought us closer. I had a recently flare up in early February and just have been going through it since. Lost about 10 pounds from not being able to eat. Today was the first day since February that I feel genuinely good, somewhat normal. And yes, I am still with my boyfriend and he still supports me through it all. Sometime the thoughts aren’t loud, they stay low or quiet. When I’m with him, the thoughts don’t even exist. He makes my world calm. Ladies and gentlemen, be honest with your partner. If they support you and want to be there for you, they are your person. If they don’t support it or don’t want to understand it, that’s another thing. Tell them, they’re apart of your world.