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I’m 16 years old am I’ve been struggling with ocd my entire life. It started off with compulsive hand washing and touching things until it felt right. I remember being only a few years old with compulsions. When I was 13 the pure ocd kicked in HARD. It was hard for me to do basic everyday things even writing. I went to the doctor and she signed a note for school giving me some extra time to finish tests although I only used it for one semester and haven’t really touched it in 2 years. I talked about my ocd and she immediately shut me down, she said “why are we even talking about this?” Verbatim. It really broke me because I felt like no matter what I would be judged for my compulsions. I know people with ocd tend to get severely judged the rare times we open up about these sorts of things. She referred my family to a child psychologist who misdiagnosed my older sister with anorexia. She doesn’t do anything. I have no trust in this woman and I don’t know any other way to get formally diagnosed to maybe get therapy or medication. I’m too scared to open about any of it to my family. My family knows I have ocd, but not how debilitating it can get.

So I'm trans, or I was pretty sure I was before my first big ocd flare up. When it first started the fear that I wasn't trans and had somehow been brainwashed or motivated by a fetish was my biggest theme and all the other themes i had seemed to stem from it or were related to it in some way. Since starting treatment ive been applying erp techniques to all my other themes and it helped alot to decrease my anxiety about them and help me gain clarity on my actual values and beliefs. But I just ca t shake this one I have to constantly remind myself of evidence and mentally review all the variables around my gender identity. I know it's compulsive but it's the only thing that gives me hope that one day I'll feel like myself again. I know that the more I ruminate on it and mentally check my reactions to certain things the worse it gets. I feel kind of trapped in this cycle

I had a similar fear on two different occassions I’ll label Episode B (2023) and Episode A(2021). The difference is Episode B I was completly blacked out alone for hours and hours whereas Episode A I was alone for like an hour an 30 minutes I asked my ex to come over and it took him an hour to get there and we were on the phone 70% of the time . Episode B Nov 2023: Severe fear that I molested my dog while blackout drunk since I live alone. Anyone had any similar alcohol blackout fears? I Have not drank since but when I drink I hit on people and get very sexual (beer google eyes and just nothing wrong with sexuality) but when I drink it comes out in ways and with people I don’t want it too and I don’t feel self aware I’m just acting out on alcohol and lower inhibitions. My point is since I have pure ocd intrusive thoughts of sexual intrusive thought with people,dog,family etc. almost daily basis. I have severe trauma/fear that what if I got home alone and like molested my dog or something. I was at bar hiting on a guy that when I saw selfie I took next day I would not have flirted with this guy in a million years (0% my type) and in the next bar and in Uber I was coming on to my best female friend. I’m a female and I would have ever hit on my friend in the 5 years we have been friends, she’s like my sister so because I was so drunk I was coming on to her heavy/begging almost as per what she said. She was upset about it but forgave me. However, I no longer drink with her or at all anymore after we left the bar (I went to three bars in the span of 5-6 hours and had prb 4-7+ drinks which were mojitos at first and then I blacked out so don’t remember). When I was dropped in lobby I was inside but accidently got out and locked myself out of lobby door for about an hour, I could stand and walk (though I would rock a little back and forth) and I was disoriented to some degree because there was a man entering lobby and he let me in lobby and got inside elevator with him, he got out on his floor 7th and I pressed 10th floor (I live on 11th) then got out on 10th took off shoes realized I was not in my floor. Went back to elevator press end lobby and then 10th floor. Then door open again then I saw myself trying to press 11th floor and eventually I got home to my floor (without shoes, I left in other floor and left purse/cellphone in lobby) my apt door was unlocked (due to the lock being broken) and was kinda lost I live in 11th floor and took me 2 minutes to get home since I got off wrong floor and pressed wrong button twice until I pressed 11th floor (I only know if this bc I saw security camera footage because I asked since I blacked out) and wanted to know how I got home. Once I got home I don’t know what happen other than I believe I showered and I found a tv remote control and and wet towel on bathroom floor and dog bone in shower and that I woke up naked in bed covering myself in a bedsheet and that i had left my dog locked in the bathroom (I believe with light on). As someone with ocd you can see how this has wreck havoc in my mind and uncertainty. I have no memories of anything, my fear is what if I had an intrusive thought and acted on it with dog or what if I was in a sexual state of mind still and acted with my dog. There was also a knife in my bathroom but I don’t know if it was there earlier from dying my hair or if I grabbed it in a drunken emotional state of mind ( episode A: 2021 I have grabbed a knife on another occasion a year ago once on the phone drunk with my ex bc I thought I had done something wrong to my dog an intrusive fear so I took that fear as what if something happen while intoxicated though I was only home alone for 30 minutes also I was fueled with sadness over our breakup so it was a bad mix ) my ex came over and that’s i) so I don’t know if I’m Episode B the most recent my subconscious mind grabbed the knife since I was alone and prb had fear or if the knife was already there from drying hair earlier to open a hair box bottle not sure. Long story short, it’s been 6 months since Episode B the thing about episode B I don’t remember anything/my train of thoughts nothing. However since Episode B occurred I have stopped drinking and planning on never drinking again but the uncertainty and what if and fear haunts me and I don’t know how to deal with the fear and uncertainty. I’m sorry if this is confusing to read. If you have any questions let me know. I wanted to share but also try to see if anyone has ever had a similar fear. It has been 6 months since this event and I have not drank since but needed to vent bc I’m starting to think about it more these past few days. It’s always been a thorn like something that bothers me most days I try not to think of that fear but these past two days I started to ruminate.

An ocd diagnosis did not stop me from falling in love or becoming a business owner. I am happy to be in therapy & feel supported on a daily basis.

Hey! I’m really in need of some encouragement right now, can anyone tell me their experience with ROCD and their recovery? I’ve felt very hopeless the last few days and it would be nice to hear some recovery stories and uplifting words.

I have never been diagnosed with OCD, but I experience a handful of the same, intrusive thoughts regarding who I am and what I offer to the world, and things with my boyfriend. I have been seeking therapy through the university I go to which has been helpful, but my therapist is treating me with only anxiety in mind, which is why I think it’s effects are not longer. During the summer, I cannot use my universities counseling resources, and have been doing digging through this app to help me consider my options for when I need therapy. However, I am still under my parents health insurance. My parents know that I go to counseling, but they do not know that I believe I have OCD symptoms. It is also difficult because I believe that my parents were a huge influence on these symptoms. If anyone has any advice as to how I should go about this with my parents if I were to use this app as a resource for therapy.

What are some things people do instead of reassurance seeking (eg ruminating or googling)?

can someone please tell me if this is a normal rocd symptom? i’ve really been struggling the last few days. i have my first session tonight thankfully. but i’ve been having meltdowns and anxious 24/7 since this started. im now at a point where im looking at my boyfriend and not seeing him how i used to. like i know that it’s him but for some reason i feel like it’s not. it’s hard to connect who he is with his face if that makes sense. this is by far the most hurtful part i’ve experienced. is this normal?

Today is awful, got groinals a week ago, my father passed away and things got harder. I have hocd since September last year and sometimes have peaceful periods. Overcame false attraction and few other things. Also im taking meds for anxiety and depression and also suicidal. I have girlfriend and when we cuddle i get aroused but when thoughts come it gets more intense. Its wery uncomfortable and i dont know what to do anymore. Thank you for reading this, and hope you have some advice. Im currently 23yo

Does anyone else’s OCD get triggered by intimacy? Was intimate w my boyfriend last night and I just couldn’t stop checking and then if I didn’t feel turned on “enough” I was like oh it’s probably bc I’m gay etc. where’s the line between OCD and not being turned on! Granted on a good day / when my brain is turned off I have so much fun & it feels so good. Why does this happen? Does it happen to anyone else? Sometimes I feel so dirty or depressed afterwards

Anyone who makes art, what kind of struggles you face with it because of ocd?

So I was having sexuality thoughts and I tried using one ERP method which was “maybe or maybe not either way I will be fine” but then a random thought appeared that made me panic which was “what if I become bi or fall for a girl and can’t be with my bf no more?” And I instantly started crying because I don’t wanna lose him he’s literally everything to me. I also couldn’t fully cry out my emotions since I live in a toxic household and I tend to force myself to stop crying because I don’t want them asking me questions and then blaming on the people I care about. 😭

Anyways, aside from my last post, I wanted to come here and let y’all know that I’m basically recovered from SO-OCD! I have maybe one episode every two months, and that’s been going on for two years. Wanted to open up this thread and offer the floor for anyone who has questions for me and my experience!

For those whose OCD gets worse with your cycle, did birth control help?

I think I've struggled with self esteem ever since I was a little boy. I remember the moments where I didn't get along with other kids, where I was bullied a couple times, where I had problem socializing with other kids in middle school, and definitely when I had little to no friends in high school. That's when it was at it's worse. I often compare myself to others without even meaning to, I don't praise the things I do, I'm often stuck with negative self talk, and as of now as an adult it's been causing mood swings that can throw off my entire day/night like it has right now. I couldn't even enjoy drawing because I just kept seeing all the other stuff people can make and thinking how much my drawings sucked. Instead of seeing that was inspiration like I'd hoped it would, I just felt worse. These feelings even show up with my friends and sometimes family. The people I care about the most in my whole life. I constantly just remember everything bad that went on in my life and I feel like I'm not good enough because of my mistakes and regrets. Ashamed, even

While I was in church today I was a little down. I talk to my grandmother and God a lot. I was praying before I go up to communion. I felt and heard God saying to me that “everything is going to be ok, and I anoint your head with the Holy Spirit”. Those were the 2 main things that he said. Then after i started praying and my grandmother appeared to me holding my hand, then I look again I see her face got ugly, white eyes, sharp teeth, and roared in my face. I jumped. Then i went back in and there she was again all beautiful. After I received communion, I was talking to her again saying that was the enemy that was using my OCD against me. Had a little bit of a setback the past few days. Even in church the enemy could attack you. OCD is now telling me that wasn’t my grandmother I’ve been talking to, even though she’s my guardian angel and felt her presence whenever she talked to me. I had proof that it was her. I was feeling down today, and I asked her to send me roses because those are his favorite flowers. There were roses all over the church today when I walked in, signifying she was there within me. However since that thought, I got scared and was thinking a tornado. Can OCD do something like this?

Discovering and struggling with my ROCD during my engagement has been the worst time of my life. Worrying incessantly about my fiancé and our future has made me miserable and I’ve become quite hopeless. I also feel so much pressure for everything to be perfect and to make the absolute most of my wedding/honeymoon/etc whatever it is that it’s debilitating. It has been causing a lot of passive suicidal thoughts not wanting to suffer this anymore.

How do you practice overcoming these thoughts? I read that accepting, allowing it to exist without interaction can help, but I don’t know how to apply it or how long it can last

Ok so for a little but of background before my ROCD started I had bad health anxiety/ocd, I was super worried I was going to die, but as well, thought my partner was going to die, and was insistent on them getting checked by the doctor, I was so scared to lose them. Once I got answers for my health concerns, it flipped pretty much over night to feelings of him being a stranger to me, our memories didn't feel real and I was very numbed out. 6 months later I'm still dealing with this, and I'm honestly still in shock about it. My question is, now, the relationship doubts are there, but also I'm starting to notice the "worried about him dying thoughts" pop in, which confuses me, because I never ever want to lose him so I understand being worried about his health but then it immediately flips back to, "why do you even care anyway" Is this normal? Maybe the ROCD started because I was scared to lose him in the first place? Has anyone else experienced this weird flip flop in between being scared to lose them one moment, and then back to numbness the next?

please please please only watch if you are ready: i want to know your guys thoughts on this tik tok because honestly it has been super triggering and confusing given that ocd is EGODYSTONIC https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRobWuPD/