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I decided to try sobriety for a change.

at 8:34 AM , Jlanden33 <jlanden33@yahoo.com> wrote: Hey folks. I'm in a bad way and hoping I can get some help. I suffer from an "intrusive thought" that no matter what I read about, I've never really seen/heard of anyone else having. My intrusive thought is a "prayer to the devil". I am a born again Christian and I also believe our pets get to go to heaven. I know there's no proof, I just have faith. I don't wanna debate this, you'll understand why I'm telling this as I move forward. So my "intrusive thought" that I mentioned comes anytime I feel like I'm sinning. Here's some examples. #1. I don't care at all about germs. However, I wash my hands probably 50 times a day because I'm always worried I'm contaminating someone else. What follows that fear of contamination in the intrusive thought(in the form of a prayer to the devil) like this...."dear you know who, if I don't go back and clean this or clean that, you can take my beloved pet that passed away to hell or not let him into heaven." That prayer follows ANYTHING I think I'm doing wrong. #2. I may feel like I didn't do my best at work so I'll get home and think of something else I should have done and the prayer will come again....."dear who know who, if i don't go back to work and do my work better, you can take my pets to hell or not let them into heaven". These are 2 examples but ANYTHING i think i did wrong this "prayer" follows it. On top of all this, I have this day trip I like to take on my days off and if I want to go, it'll come in my mind again...."dear you know who, if i take this day trip, you can take my pet to hell or not let him into heaven." Now I'm scared to take the trip because I'm scared my pet won't make it into heaven. And one more thing, I also have sort of a number OCD issue. If i have this intrusive thought/prayer about the dogs, I automatically yet this time on purpose have this thought/prayer about the pets on purpose, because I have to get to a 3rd time of the thought to make it "clean". In other words, having the thought a 2nd time is evil because the number 2 is evil in my mind. So therefore, the 2nd time I have the thought/prayer I feel like is not intrusive because I did it on purpose. I don't want to be praying to anybody but God. I'm just so scared to take this day trip and so scared my pets aren't gonna get to go to heaven(if possible) because of me. I'm so tired of living this way. I want to be thought free, my pets be ok, and only be praying to God. Please

My mind keeps telling me I’m attracted to women and bi and I constantly recite in my mind I’m straight and it feels wrong? False attraction towards woman no longer give me anxiety and confuses me. I feel like I have to identify as bisexual. I had the fear of lesbian and bisexuality years ago and I got over it twice. And ofc it’s back as I’m doing erp with my femal therapist cus I got a thought that said I was attracted to her. Ever since that day, the sticky thought was STICKYYYY. I’m just confused why it’s not giving me as much distress and anxiety as before. These thoughts are always in my head and I have ocd. Like my mind gives me anxiety when I say “ I am straight”… wtf? I’m scared I’m gonna develop the fear of being straight now… does this mean I’m actually bisexual? I have always identified as straight. I’m just confused and no longer want to erp. I don’t know if this a compulsion. When I say “ I am Bisexual” it feels right? I don’t want to be bisexual. I’m sorry for ranting not looking for reassurance but I keep imagining myself about filling out a form asking for my sexual orientation and hence I imagine scenarios. Are these false attractions even false? My brain is buzzing. Why am I not avoiding females as I use to? I keep compulsively checking

Does anyone else’s intrusive thoughts just repeat over and over and over again? I have harm ocd and sometimes the thoughts will just be like “K!ll him” over and over and over again. It freaks me out so bad. 😭 maybe I’m just actually horrible and this isn’t ocd. This makes me feel like it’s probably not ocd because this probably doesn’t happen to anybody else.

A month ago I was feeling so good, i was im a recovery journey, i had some bad days but then i was able to see it as a good thing. Now for 2 weeks now im on a setback and its worse day by day, now i cant even escape from my mind, i was able to see through all of this, and now this is the complete inverse of that... I cant even go back to see what i did so i do the same again to feel better but my I keep thinking that i just think i kept getting better, i was blinded by the good feelings, actually i was still obsessive, and i cant do the same things again cause it will not help... i feel alot of shame cause how I was felt so good for weeks and see through ocd and now i believe everything my mind says and i react to every thought...thats why i think i wasnt even on a good path, then i wouldnt be here. Im tired of always go back to the starting point...

Are there different stages to ocd?

Does anyone else feel like they freak out when they can’t explain what’s going on in their head? Like an irrational fear of being misunderstood? I feel like no one else will ever understand what is going on in my head and that scares me so much. I don’t even know what’s going on in my head. So what if I am slowly losing my mind and no one will know, not even me, because if no one understands me then my mind must not be okay? Idk if this makes sense but it’s driving me crazy right now. I literally wrote out a 20 page essay explaining some of my OCD obsessions and compulsions so my partner could understand me but when I read some of it to him I felt like he didn’t really understand. And it’s freaking me out. What is even the point of reaching out for help if no one will really know what’s happening in my head? Also the fact that I really sat there and wrote 20 pages in one sitting makes me feel like I’ve already lost it. I feel so alone and scared.

Pain is like the wind Ever flowing sorrows lie Such a sharp embrace

I have this friend and she makes me feel like hell. I don’t know if it’s my ocd, but she is self centered. She claims to have ocd and many other disorder but when it comes to ocd she stereotype it way to much. She says that I’m faking my ocd which hurts and ends up me having intrusive thoughts abt her. I’ve tried dropping her but she won’t leave me alone. And she calls me self centered for not wanting to talk abt my feelings to her. How do I drop her?

Is anybody else just not able to feel Good or go about your life or whatever your doing and enjoy the present without doing mental compulsions to get rid of instruive thoughts. I try to sit with the anxiety and not engage them but man, it is not working. It is really starting to take away and effect the things I love and enjoy most like my girlfriend and my family. I’ve dealt with ocd for a long time but never knew what the hell it was but more recently figuring out what it is and how to get better. I have just started erp on here so I’m really Hoping it gets easier.

Does SO-OCD make you scared to date? I identified straight all my life and now I’m scared I’m bisexual and I’m scared I’m being a fraud? Anyone else

Is anyone else with this subtype absolutely convinced they are suicidal despite not actually wanting to die? I get the worst and sometimes the most convincing thoughts and they scare me when I feel like I believe them. This causes me to question whether I have ocd. They say it can feel so real blah blah but how real can it actually feel I’m confused this is the trickiest subtype ever.

I get scared when this happens cause last time it was the start of my mental break so I guess you can say I’m digging my way out and making progress. Basically when I think of my SO he doesn’t feel real if that makes sense? It’s so weird and I’m getting scared again but it feels like I don’t know him. I hate this because I’ve spent over a year with him making memories and I love him so why does this happen again?

I guess I’m just really looking for some support. Im not sure if this is allowed, but I need to vent and maybe connect with someone else going through the same thing since I can’t afford the therapy rn. I’m a 22 year old f and I have struggled my whole life with what I think to be some form of ocd. I’ve never felt quite right and I become easily triggered by things that are out of order. I am a very clean person but I’ve always lived in a household with others that didn’t clean up after themselves. When the house isn’t in order, my mental isn’t in order and I will have a meltdown. I hate that because I don’t possibly have enough energy to do it myself plus working overtime, and I also really can’t ask for help bc no one ever cleans the way I do (I know I should be happy with some help, it’s just hard bc I have to do everyt hing right and perfect but I feel like others can allow themselves to slack and I can’t) I have never been diagnosed with anything but I have taken meds for anxiety before and used to have frequent anxiety attacks which would usually end up with me in the hospital. If I’m anxious I’ll start frantically moving things around in my specific order and I feel like I have become and “eggshell” person. I don’t have friends, my relationship is hard to manage bc I’m so triggered all the time and I think I’m always doing something wrong in the relationship. It gets to the point where I get so aggravated I just want to rip my skin off. I know I don’t just have ocd, I feel like I also have some form of personality disorder or derealization, I’ve just been like this for as long as I can remember and I’m not sure how to explain it. I don’t make enough to afford therapy and you guys don’t accept my insurance just yet, but I hope that will be available soon. I’m tired, I need help :(

Its making me feel like im not scared of my intrusive thoughts… and as if it wasnt bad enough… i have real events of pleasuring myself to an educational video of a man and woman having intimacy together… and I finished when the guy finished inside of her and was showing his privates finishing… i was 12-13 when this happened… my first crush was a beautiful woman when i was 11… i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual in any way…

Hello I recently got diagnosed with OCD and i have episodes where I ask my mother the same questions over and over, trying to figure out why she told me those things (things that she tells me at that moment or it can even be her tone of voice ) and I ask her if she’s mad at me. I could go on for hours asking her the same questions and when she tells me a answer I am still not satisfied with the answer and I ask her the same question again and it gets to the point where she yells at me and when she tries to move to a other room to get away from me I block her and she pushes me away sometimes or she ignores me and to me it makes it even worse when she does that because then I have a other question to ask which is why is shes ignoring me or why did she push me and why she’s yelling at me One day when I was having one of my episodes and she asked me what I wanted from her and I couldn’t tell her because I have no idea what I wanted from her and I don’t know why I do it (How it went) Mom - “What do you want from me?” Me - “I don’t know” Mom - “what do you want from me” Me - “I don’t know” Mom - “Yes you do know if not then you wouldn’t be here asking me questions” Me - “I don’t know what I want from you” (from this point tears were coming out from my eyes but I wasn’t crying) She kept yelling at me and asking me the same question “what do you want from me”( I don’t know if she was giving me the taste of my own medicine or something) but when she was doing that i just looked straight ahead and I kept asking myself what I wanted from her can someone tell me what type of OCD this is or if someone relates

This is horrible! I'm so afflicted with thoughts that something is wrong. That I'm not in love with my bf. That I'm lying to him. That I need to break up, etc. I'm in a panic. I can't sleep. I'm in a very loving relationship and my bf treats me like gold. He has the qualities I prayed and waited for. We are in a LDR and he's visiting me. I couldn't enjoy our night hanging out because I was overcome with fear and worry. Community, I'm so beside myself. I don't know how to get my anxiety to calm down.

I just can't get.stuff out of my head where it's like what if I did something taboo 4 years ago and don't remember, then somehow it gets public and I get cancelled. Sometimes I feel stupid like what the hell am I thinking but other times I'm panic mode with anxiety. ❤️ How does cancel culture affect ur ocd? No affirmations please 🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️

Ok so I've been posting about religious OCD and I've been freaking out about it for a while including thinking I done blasphemy against the holy Spirit, people been telling me that if I been really worried about it including overthinking that I did it means that I didn't do it, then my question got very curious and I got really really worried, especially when I'm overthinking about stuff and overthinking it's not my fan, I actually been trying to think going to a mental hospital or go to the doctors, But it hasn't been well, I've been overthinking about pretty much everything especially since May, especially asking people questions and me worrying about everything all over again, A lot of people have been worried or sick and tired of me posting about Christianity especially me overthinking about it, many people success me that I get some therapy, medicine, or even go to the mental hospital or the doctors, like I said it haven't been well, I did some research about it and said how most people with OCD dealt with it but they still require medication, My anxiety has been worse and worser, but I don't want to make my family upset, expectfully my Ma, cause she explains I'm fine, but people are really worried about me expectfuly on Facebook, should I go to the doctors???

I have no friends. I have no one to talk to. No one in my family can possibly understand harm OCD, and they don't know they have it. My nephew has germ/scrupulosity OCD and his parents have a tough time understanding it. Imagine if they knew what I thought. I get up in the morning and sit in the same red chair, for hours, doing nothing. Then I go to the gym. I used to work out, but I quit doing that as I just don't have the drive and energy and will. I just take a shower there (we don't have running water).* Then I come home, make dinner, sit in the red chair for 6 more hours, and go to bed. I'm in a living hell. *I last had a job in 2013. Can you believe that? Life has treated me like crap. I lost my job, and looked throughout 2014 for work. I applied many places, good jobs, got nothing. Then in 2015, in January, I broke my back. I was in bed for a year, then I had surgery. Even though it took me 3 years to get over the effects of the anesthesia, I applied to 500 jobs before the pandemic. Nothing. My life has lost all meaning.