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the NOCD Community

Yesterday I felt good but today I don’t. I hate how it switches like that. I’m tired of the thoughts but I know if I keep working on it and face my fears it will get better.

i developed this fear of getting schizophrenia a couple months back and i seemed to have gotten it under control until a few days ago where i read a comment about someone with schizophrenia. now it’s non stop intrusive thoughts again.

hello friends! anyone here have experience with backdoor spike? does this mean i’m on the road to recovery from OCD? fingers crossed this means things are going back to normal and the OCD is making its way out. any words is appreciated! keep fighting all 🫶🏻

Hi. I’ve been very compulsive on this app of late and not using it in a healthy way. Question - a real issue I am struggling with is committing to ERP. - my mind doubts wether it’s OCD, so therefore sees ERP as useless. - my mind tells me that exposing myself will lead to discovery that my fear is true. - I’m finding it incredibly difficult to see my theme as irrelevant and not ‘real’ How have people tackled the above? Any examples would be great. E.g. was it just trusting your therapist knows and you just have to trust them? Was it just giving it a go for long enough? Would love some advice/lived advice etc. Cheers

Anyone else scared that they don’t actually have OCD, and their relationship is doomed?

Does OCD ever make you feel like you don’t want to be with your preferred opposite sex and makes you think you want to kiss / be with / have sex with the same sex? I don’t know what thoughts are mine or not or why it feels exciting but this is distressing

Why do my thoughts not give me anxiety any more or very rarely. I never thought I’d go chasing the thoughts or the anxiety but it just feels it was never ocd and I was lying because my symbols are so little atm. I still feel like my obsessions are true as well it’s really weird it’s like I’ve got to this limbo place

Yet again another "did you wash your hands after the bathroom" thought, like... I ALWAYS do, always have. There's lots of suds in the bathroom drain catch this time when I looked... I even caved and took a picture, though brain is doubting the "timeline"/was that the same trip/etc. I did wash (again!) in the kitchen, but that was because I was getting lunch, not because of doubt. I am so confused. I don't understand where this is coming from. I also had the thought, "what if I didn't and am making excuses by blaming anxiety brain? What if I am not "doing exposures" by Lysol wiping everything and am just becoming a scuzzball..." I don't WANT to be dirty and contaminate stuff, I desperately do NOT want to make anyone sick!! I KNOW I wash my hands, and then my forearm, then hands again--every time! My hands are dry and cracked for hope's sake! Where is this sudden doubt oozing from? Is it because it got to me the first couple times? Did I just react badly? This is now the third or fourth time in just over a week or so that this has happened--within my entire living memory. I don't get it. It's actually starting to scare me. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Ok, girl. Just breathe. Be firm. You know your habits. It's one of those things I just DO and always have-- don't need to question it. I just don't. Good grief. Anyone have any advice, or similar experiences?

Part of my OCD is that I can’t share my intrusive thoughts and compulsions with anyone. I can’t say it out loud because then that makes it more true? OCD is weird like that.

I just need to rant. I love my partner so much and I don’t want to have these thoughts and feelings. My obsession has been for the last few weeks on and off that I am in love with my roommate. I obviously love my roommate she’s my bestie but even I TRY to come up with LOGICAL things I like actually “love” about her in a romantic way I can’t remotely think of anything. I of course have fond platonic feelings of like, we laugh together and we talk about boys and we’ve been roomies and besties for years now like I love her very much! We have even had some friendship ups and downs and have gone through stages, she has been actually notoriously difficult at times lol but I accept her and have learned to live with her shortcomings. But despite it all I am very very fond of her and she’s a dear friend. All of these things feel true and warm to me. So you can imagine my frustration when this fear pops into my brain and latches onto EVERYTHING. I do something nice for her, “it’s because you love her”. I even NOTICE anything about her (I like her outfit, her hair looks pretty, etc) and its “you are only noticing that about her because you looove her. You wouldn’t notice that about any other friend”. I get a cold icy feeling in my chest and my brain thinks “the body knows first, physical sensations MEAN something” I’m even getting anxious just typing the thoughts out. It’s even MORE frustrating because they don’t even make sense! I am a very caring and observant and considerate person. I pride myself on being a good friend and caring for those around me. So I’m constantly thinking about others. Like all of my friends. So obviously I’m always going to see something and think “oh, this person would love that” or feel someone’s energy is down and want to cheer them up or do something nice for them. It just sucks that my brain knows that since I love my partner so much, more than anyone I’ve ever loved, it is the one thing it attacks. The one thing that I’m so afraid of losing. And somehow it’s so convincing that even with all this knowledge and all this logic I STILL get tangled in the web of lies and tricks :( I of course feel anxious and fearful and doubtful and all of the textbook ocd things but most of all I just feel SAD u guys :( I feel so sad that I can’t live a life where I just go throughout my day with no anxiety inducing thoughts and no fear. I’m so tired and upset. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I want to be normal. I want to not jeopardize my friendship with someone I truly do love so much and I want to not feel guilt and fear with the best relationship I have ever had. I am a big spiritual person and love to meditate and practice mindfulness so when I have flare ups like this it’s almost like…..I KNOW what I’m missing. I know the peace that is just outside of my reach because I can’t seem to ground myself. It’s like I see it but I’m running in place. I’m so tired.

Hi everyone, I decided to join this app because I believe I need more support when it comes to being open about intrusive thoughts and how scary it can be to share them. Yesterday I had a therapy appointment and I decided to open up with her about a recent panic attack I had that followed with intrusive thoughts. I rarely experience them now or can mitigate the anxiety that comes from them because I am on medication, but I thought I wouldn’t be judged and felt comfortable opening up about them to my therapist. Following after that, she began to ask mandated reporter questions and I became scared because she seemed to think I would act on the thoughts I’ve had. So despite me opening up with her about them I feel like I can no longer share because people who have never experienced them think i would act on the intrusive thoughts, when in reality I know I would never and have avoided people, places, and things because of them. Intrusive thoughts are debilitating and cause people to question who they are and go into complete panic! And I guess I’m just frustrated because though there are people who understand it’s still very weird for others and it just saddens me.

My pocd is calling me a chomo because of extremely horrible real events i did when i was 13… I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭

I’m freaking out reading about people that actually came out gay after having so-ocd… it’s so scary I don’t want that to be me but I can’t shake the feeling that’s it’s going to be me

I recently had an urgent question about my OCD. I contacted nationally known expert on the topic, who proudly gives you his email. I asked him a question that no one has been able to answer about my OCD and I get the usual response, the compassionless "Sorry I cannot diagnose via email". Well I'm not asking for a diagnosis. Let's face it, you're in agony. And you try to find a therapist and 9/10 times the therapist sucks. That's after you spend forever trying to find one. I had a "therapist" who told me to watch the show Monk. I mean, really? I had another therapist who said he knew about OCD but then "fired" me because he said I "didn't want to heal." He just sat there and let me talk! Unless you're a therapist who actually has OCD I believe it's impossible for them to understand the living hell your'e going through. They're just punching a time clock. ANd they can go to their fancy New York restaurants and fire off smug, pat emails to those who went through hell just to even write the email. Therapists suck.

Everyone else has been telling me tol for my pocd and real events OCD when i was 13… But how…? What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭

I’m grateful I found this community and could really use some help. I know I have OCD, but I’m not sure if this would be considered real event OCD. I feel guilty for telling myself it’s real event OCD, when maybe it’s just the natural consequences of my actions, and I’m trying to escape them by just telling myself it’s real event OCD. About a year ago, I did something that was actually awful. I felt extremely guilty and punished myself for a long time (still do). It threw me into so much despair and depression. I lost myself for a while, my life actually fell apart. I went to therapy, at a certain point my therapist told me I need to stop punishing myself and I just need to let it go. I don’t believe her though, I question if she just was sick of listening to me talk about the same thing. I feel like a moral failure. And well here I am still suffering daily from ruminating over this past event. I’ll wake up feeling sick to my stomach, cry almost everyday just thinking about what a bad person I am, replaying all the terrible details over and over again. I feel like I deserve this though. I’m constantly confessing to those I trust and seeking reassurance. They tell me my reaction at this point isn’t normal and I need to get help. I know what I did should make me feel guilty and shameful because it was. But it’s starting to ruin my life and I can’t keep living like this anymore.

So, does anyones groinal responses/ arousal or what ever you want to call it, can it be stronger than normal arousal? Like I exposed myself to sex scenes and arousal is stronger than regular arousal w my husband. 😭

I have been having difficulty with therapy. I get appointments but I refuse to go to them. I get nervous and terrified of what could happen, it used to be easier but now I find it difficult to join the sessions. I feel awful for letting down my therapist but I just cant figure this out.

https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/magical-thinking-ocd-symptoms-overview-treatment-options

Im really off with this strong setback, i start to give up cause i have the same self defeating thoughts and feeling that i had before i knew i have ocd...its like i went beckwards. Also i feel like i have to learn what is ocd and what is not. I feel alot of guilt cause i label every negative feeling as ocd, and sometimes i do feel like it cant be all ocd and i feel guilt. I mean not all but those what gives me anxiety or panic or so much stress i label it as ocd. Sometimes i see it like the thought that comes up is a real problem but then i add a worry to it and then i start to panic and thats ocd, but then im afraid to remove the ocd cause the problem is there... idk its so many variations in my head, i start losing it...sometimes i can deal with real problems but with these ones which are important to me but gives me so much stress idk what to do cause if i start to work on them, lets say i accept that the thought is a real problem like "i might have childhood trauma, or my favourite one "i cant live anymore without that thing,life is just depressing" I take these as this is a problem for me and my mind goes full panic mode "omg youre depressed, you dont want to live,you want to die" so if i take it as a real problem this happens...same with doing something bad "omg im a bad person, if i do that i dont deserve that persons love, how could i do that thing,i couldnt forgive myself" and i say then okay but dont stop talking like this to yourself and my mind says "no cause this is what stops you from doing wrong things". Even now as im writing this im like "okay this second one is clearly ocd but the first one seems like not ocd more like a negative self hatred talk, omg i dont want to have that cause blah blah..." then i feel bad cause its like i just avoid my negative traits to feel better... See this is how confused i am with this... idk which part is ocd and which i have to work on. I still have to learn that. If someone wants to ask me if i am in therapy, i was but i left for the same issue, i was afraid of being a narcissist and suicidal and my therapist said i have traits of narcissism and i want to die but i wouldnt do it... and i accepted these and made me depressed until i realized its a lie...