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I keep questioning if i like my partner and daugther? And if i like anything i used to love… its like i can’t feel joy when im being with the ones i love anymore??? Is this normal ocd??

Anytime I see my triggers it’s an automatic body reaction that makes me feel like I like what I’m looking at before I even start thinking of the whole picture. Just the first reaction my body is telling me I’m turned on. I don’t even look at the people I usually like the same anymore. My brain and body have just gone into terror mode. It’s telling me im attracted to kids, how I hate my dog and don’t love her, and that everybody hates me. These all go against how I feel but now I don’t even think that’s true anymore. Ocd has taken my identity again, within the span of 3 weeks I have only had 3 good days to myself where I wasn’t feeling any of this and now im feeling it all at once again. Im so tired of not feeling like I don’t know who I am. Im tired of the constant questioning. Im tired of my first reactions not feeling like it’s a big problem to me. Im tired of my brain and body lying to me. Im just tired. Im not strong enough. Im going to a psychiatrist soon and getting in medication in hopes I can find a way to not feel all of this as intensely so I can actually focus on doing erp. I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want to be a pedophile. I don’t want to hate my dog. I don’t want to hate my life. But I am getting to a point where if the universe could do me one favor, I would want it for me to seize existing and for my family to forget about me. They would all be better off and that would mean I can stop overthinking and worrying or even having a conscious. All of this overthinking could’ve gone to something useful but instead I’m in constant battle of not wanting to be a pedophile and I keep losing. I’m not positive enough for this. I just want my suffering to end. I won’t commit suicide but I won’t say no if someone offers to shoot me.

I can't do this anymore. Like,come on dude. I'm only 18-years old and I had almost all types of OCD. I'm struggling with HOCD (To a higher level, but there were also many more types, such as rocd,pocd, health ocd, existential ocd,mental health ocd) Since I was 14-years old. I was just a little kid,come on.. I just can't huddle my thoughts anymore.I can't huddle that my thoughts are telling me I'm in love with my best friend.I can't huddle that my thoughts telling me I like EVERY GIRL I TALK TO. I can't huddle that whenever these thoughts come to my mind I'm convinced I don't love my boyfriend. I'm tired. Just.Tired. I'm not even questioning if I'm lesbian anymore. I just have these thoughts and have the anxiety that I'm in denial.Why I can't live a normal life like other people??

I read something about a christian saying that people with OCD have a demon inside of them and I can’t get it out of my head and I feel like I can’t have a relationship with god. Especially with these harm intrusive thoughts. I’m scared I’ll always feel like this.

Why is OCD so confusing? My obsessions upset me so much because the truth about them is quite concerning and depressing to me. So how is treating OCD going to help me when it feels like a REAL problem to me. What if I am never able to accept the uncertainty of my issues. It doesn’t even feel like an OCD problem to me…it feels like a reality problem. I’m not happy with reality and the truths about existence, so of course it’s going to make me sad. I guess it’s just my own mind though. My concerns and thoughts are REAL. If I could go back to not thinking about these certain things, my whole perception on life, myself, reality as a whole would be fine. I feel like people tell me it’s OCD but I don’t agree..yet I don’t actually know what the real problem is. What if I can’t accept reality? It’s such a terrifying feeling to have. I feel so crazy.

I get turned on by seeing womens bodies in a way that I dont by men’s. But at the same time I think some male features are attractive and I like my bf’s body. With men its more about the vibe Some people can say maybe im more demisexual with men. Or that its okay to feel attraction to both genders in different ways. Or some could still think im a lesbian with comphet (maybe half true, but I have felt genuine attraction to bf before) I guess its my ocd that makes this feel urgent enough to end things with my partner. Because I feel uncertain and want the certainty, and to not waste any of his time. I just wish I understood myself better.

I have intense ocd on whether I'm pretty or not over my skin tone. I have the same skin tone as simone Ashley from bridgerton. I hope I don't sound vain but basically this one time when I wasn't wearing makeup and looked like shit and there was this gorgeous blond girl sitting across from me and I saw a couple people checking her out. This other time I was wearing like an all pink outfit so pretty noticeable and there was another pretty blond girl seated nearby. I was in a corner seat and I saw.people checking me out too but most people noticed the blond girl. It's probably a position issue since I was wearing like an all pink unusual outfit. It's easy for me to use dating apps since I get a fair bit of likes and matches and some male friends said I was good looking. My female friends also.say I'm pretty. I really don't know what to think. I read a lot of depressing articles on colorism in the black community and how black women are least desired on dating apps. However the same study showed indian women were doing just fine. Now my ocd said well this statistic is skewed by North and fair skinned Indians and that most Indians were fair skinned and I was dark skinned so this wouldn't apply to me. Now I have ocd over which skin tones are represented in the data. I even looked at indian migration patterns. I'm sorry if I sound narcissistic I just really hate the feeling of being ugly. I think I have bdd and I know I'm irrationally throwing importance on beauty but i really just don't have anything else I like about myself

I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 year and 7 months and this is my first relationship. When I look back at my memories that Snapchat shows me I get kinda sad because I looked happier, prettier, and like I was really enjoying my life. I started officially dating my boyfriend in November of 2021 and only a months after I think, I lost my best friends since the beginning of high school. They had been 2 of my best friends for years. I lost them because I realized they had stopped inviting me to things and using excuses like “they didn’t have time” when they would still hang out with their newer friends. They also decided to get an apartment together and kept it a secret from me until a third party told me. Even though I had my own place when this happened, we had talked about eventually becoming roommates for a couple years. They said they did it because I don’t like partying so what would I do if they all went out? Essentially they made me feel like I’m a burden for my mental health issues because I wouldn’t socialize whenever I went out and clearly they didn’t want to deal with that. Then they gaslit me by saying no, no that’s not true, making up excuses and saying that one of them also has mental health issues (which of course matters but wasn’t really relevant to this discussion). Anyways, it was my understanding that we might at some point become friends again. I told them I just needed time. I thought because there are two of them and one of me, they would reach out to me if they ever wanted to be friends again but they didn’t and it’s about been 1 year and 6 months since the friendship ended. I don’t really have any connection to other friends in the larger friend group because I think I have social anxiety and my connection to them was really through my other friends. I’m shy and don’t have much interest in making new friends. I have a couple friends that I see very rarely but it’s hard for me to initiate because I get nervous and want to avoid it. My boyfriend grew apart from a lot of his friends at the same time I did and now it’s just been me and him ever since and we spend almost all of our time together. Sometimes I worry because I don’t want to be that codependent couple that dumps their friends for each other but I don’t think it went that way. Sometimes I worry that we spend too much time together and sometimes I feel like the monotony is sad and bleak which makes my rocd brain start to wake up. Like what if it’s because of the relationship that I don’t care to look good anymore (it partly is because before, I was always trying to look to impress guys and now I don’t feel the need to because he always tells me I’m beautiful without makeup and stuff) but idk I know the friendship loss has been a huge thing for me, I’m grateful for my boyfriend and I know I would be so lonely if it wasn’t for him but it makes me worry that if I was happier when I was with friends dressing up cute going out and flirting “living the single life” would I be happier? Looking at those Snapchat memories just made me feel really depressed for some reason.

I’m hyper aware of…everything. My thoughts, consciousness, everything. I’m scared to not be distracted out of fear I’ll be overwhelmed by my thoughts. It’s incredibly overwhelming, and I’ve spent all day so far in the same spot basically catastrophizing. I feel like there’s nothing I can do to distract myself, and that my anxiety has been consistently through the roof. Just…very rough day so far :(

I fear that I will be permanently changed if I recover from ocd and I will never be the same person again.

Because the thoughts disturb us, it's been said that they're the opposite of who we are. But maybe they disturb us because we simply know they're wrong and maybe these are more like temptations? Freud believed the thoughts were signs of repressed anger. Maybe they are? I struggle with this.

I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for about a year, and he is the first healthy partner I’ve ever experienced. He is supportive, understanding, and has done a lot of work on his mental health and his boundaries. OCD is only just now coming to light for me this year but the patterns have been there for most of my life. I’ve also struggled with anxious/disorganized attachment which plays into the way I react to situations as well as my level of self-worth. Lately, he has been in the process of moving and while I want to be supportive and excited for him, I find myself so triggered by change, in fear of abandonment. I’ve had very strong fears of abandonment lately even though he has given no indication that he is going anywhere and has made an effort to try to be as present and reaffirming as he can, but distance can get pretty mundane over time especially when he is very driven and I am struggling to find what I am even passionate about in life. Yesterday, when we FaceTimed at the end of the night, I was very apparently upset at the fact that we hadn’t talked on the phone all day, which is something we tend to do frequently throughout our typical daily schedule, which my OCD finds comfort in the pattern. We had not been doing this all weekend while he was moving. He’d been working most of yesterday using his phone hotspot, and the rest of the afternoon was for cleaning his new space, but then he went to hang out with his friends afterward and that’s when I felt really triggered because I felt under-prioritized—immediately my OCD spiraled into thoughts of eventual abandonment (I’m used to very slow, painful, months-long breakup experiences with little communication throughout), and that spirals into thoughts of worthlessness. He had been texting me all day and I found myself acting dismissive and cold toward the end when I wasn’t getting what I wanted, and he noticed. The FaceTime confrontation and aloof texts made him uncomfortable because he’s had bad past experiences with overbearing and controlling partners himself. I told him I thought I wasn’t going to be waiting for him all day to call and felt distant from him lately and didn’t want to be tossed aside amidst all the change. He handled the disagreement very gracefully but held firm in his boundaries that he can’t always be expected to do exactly what I want and that I have to be okay with being by myself sometimes. I know these things are true logically, but I still feel this nagging fear that I’ve permanently damaged the relationship and he’s going to decide this is no longer something he’s willing to invest his energy into. I cried a lot with him, and quite hysterically, to which he told me to bear no shame for but I still feel deep, painful shame. I always have a hard time when my ROCD isn’t satisfied by the exact reassurance I want and perfect (but very unrealistic) consistency, because it builds up resentment that I didn’t get exactly the outcome I needed to reassure by ROCD and I act out. At the same time I feel an intense desperation to erase my vulnerability and do everything in my power to make things happy again so he won’t leave. He’s expressed that he invites the humanness and disagreements, and has remained consistent through his actions, but I’m always on defense just waiting for signs that he no longer wants me around. I’m so scared that I will bring abandonment around through my own self-sabotage. ROCD takes over so intensely that it’s hard to focus on anything else from my own day-to-day other than my hyper-vigilance of making sure I hold it together so we’re always happy. I don’t even get to enjoy his presence because I’m so caught up in the fear that he’ll leave. Fights and disagreements make me feel so disregulated that it feels like my entire world is falling apart in the moment. And I know deep down this obsessiveness is what suffocates relationships.

Has anyone else had this? What can I do? I hate that my ocd is focusing on my heart rate seriously! It’s so scary!

Can I get peoples thoughts on the logic of ‘ocd feels real’ with a lens of SOOCD? My brain seems to focus on hyper-noticing anything remotely related to me being gay. I identify as a straight 35 year old male, and before my initial “you are gay” thought at 25, I had never given my orientation a second thought. There was just no consideration about it. I’m in therapy trying to commit to ERP. A key factor holding me back is this inner thought that “I just feel gay”. And it feels real, like that I am. From what I’ve read, the real feeling or believing your theme/thought can be common. Is that true? Secondly - my logic goes: OCD is a fear based disorder. It’s a thought that lots of us have, but our ocd says “that thought is danger”. As soon as we give the thought the power of “danger” and engage in it to work out wether it’s true or not, then we conform to our brain that the topic is intact, danger. Hence, your brain will continue to make you want to engage with things that it perceived as a danger. The logic I get stuck with is for SOOCD, is that my brain seems to want to prove that my fear is RIGHT, not wrong. Is this OCD doing whatever it needs to, to prove it’s a real danger so I know I have to do something to fix it? Like, why would my brain try to prove it correct? How do others deal with this?

Does anyone else get OCD about people in their lives committing suicide?? I get this a lot with my mom and brother who are both mentally ill. I dont think either of them have a history of being suicidal but im worried one day they're going to catch me off guard and I'll discover them. Sometimes it makes me afraid to sleep as I'm scared of what I'll wake up to. I also get worried people with do it because of me, if I accidentally say the wrong thing or worry I'm not being a good enough friend/family member and they'll die a death I could've prevented. I dont know why this theme keeps coming up for me and I'm not even sure what subtype this falls under..

I really hope I'm not alone. Today after experiencing (what the hospital said) was a complicated migraine, and being given drugs I've never had before, I've spiraled terrible. I have been panicking for about 4 hours now honestly because I read about side effects and risks, also even though i specifically asked would they interact with zoloft and another med I take, they said they don't but multiple drug interaction websites say otherwise. I just took my first dose of zoloft last night because it has saved my life in the past and I'm at the point where I need saving again. Now I can't take it for like 24 hours and I am feeling trapped in my panic with no escape. Here's the kicker, in my catastrophizing, I have been ruminating on if something actually happens with my health and I need an ambulance I'll freak out and legit lose my mind and they won't give me anything to calm me down and I'll get locked up in a psych ward or something. Like if i have a medical event all im going to be thinking about is ima die ima die and I'm going to be flailing and freaking out. Today I'm scared of being scared. I've felt that before. It used to keep me from wanting to go anywhere. I feel so exhausted. Does anyone understand what I'm even saying?

Thats mostly it…

My friend/coworkers sons birthday was today and they stopped by at our job on a day off and said hi to everyone and when I heard that they were there I got excited for someone reason to see them and say happy birthday because I know them. I felt weird like I was in speed mode if that makes sense because it felt like I just had to see them or him. They cut his hair recently and she had told me about it because he used to have longer hair and so when I saw him with short hair I mentioned I didn’t recognize him because he looked different. I told him happy birthday and I kept overplaying the tone of how I said it and was worried I said it in a creepy way. Later on she was running after him and she looked worn out from running and I said she was going to get worn out from chasing him and that she would sleep good tonight which made no sense but I then got and intrusive thought which then twisted what I said and then I worried that I was being weird when I meant that since it was his birthday he was hyper and she looked tired. I didn’t mean it any other way. It was weird the way I said it but I didn’t mean it in the way that the ocd twisted it. Then before they had left she told him to give me a hug and I just felt really uncomfortable and scared because I didn’t want to do anything wrong. I would NEVER hurt anyone. It just makes me sad that when I’m spiraling my mind won’t shut up and try to make it into something it definitely isn’t 💔 I can’t do this. I absolutely can’t understand why I was doing fine and then all of a sudden this theme came back full force. Please help 😭

My OCD theme is fear of psychosis/schizo and it’s gotten so bad idk what to. I feel like it’s starting to make me think crazy.. like my brain gathered all information on this mental illness and now mimicking it. Does anyone else have this problem? I feel like crying

Why does ROCD have to be so hard. One minute I’m excited to get married and have kids someday and grow old with my person, and then the next minute I have unexplainable anxiety with intrusive thoughts popping in and out. Ugh.