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the NOCD Community

„I never had a boyfriend“ is a sentence (often in coming-out stories) that triggers my HOCD the most, because I (19-years-old) have also never had a boyfriend but not because „I was secretly gay“ but because I was too busy with school and working on myself. I don‘t have many experiences in dating and I feel like I‘m not ready yet to be in a relationship because in my opinion the twenties are the most important years for personal growth, gaining experiences and maturity. Anyway, my HOCD tells me that this is a lie and I never had a boyfriend and I‘m not ready for a relationship because I‘m „secretly gay“ and in the „closet“. This sometimes leads to panic attacks, because sometimes I believe my HOCD and think „omg it‘s true I‘ve never had a boyfriend“, „what if I‘m lying to myself?“. It makes me just so sick.

Ok so I thought I’d just come on here to say that I have realised that everyone with HOCD is different. Some may be more open to experimenting and others really don’t want that. Just because we have HOCD doesn’t mean we are all the same! I used to get really bad anxiety from hearing that other people have chosen to come out or are open are to being with the same sex but that’s their decision, not mine! If you really are not open to it then you don’t have to be and likely won’t ever be. Everyone is different and we are all just trying to get through this

I see a lot of undiagnosed teenagers doing lots of compulsions (without knowing) and asking lots of reassurance here. - This app might be doing more harm than good to them. I can't believe the administrators allow it.

I’m really questioning if this HOCD or not. I can’t eat. All day I’ve just been reading stuff. Getting different perspectives. This sucks I feel nauseous. I’m so scared.

Geez, I seem to just be getting worse. I keep thinking what if I’ve been lesbian all my life but never payed attention to it. I mean it feels right to be with a man and have a boyfriend I want that. But why do I keep doubting it I just want this to end. I’ve never been a girly girly. I like cute clothes but I hate how it looks on me I feel so insecure. Same with make up. And I keep thinking maybe that’s evidence I could be lesbian. This all sounds ridiculous but why can’t I just accept the fact that I’m straight. I actually like being with boys and kissing them. I get aroused when I kiss them. So why is this happening?

PLEASE READ THIS!!! This is for all of you who developed OCD from some form of abuse, bullying and PTSD. I really hope it will help you to shut that disgusting OCDs voice cause it did help me a lot. It took me 27 years to finally realize it is not my fault. I blamed myself for EVERYTHING. Someone accused me of being stupid. I believed it. Someone said I'm worthless. I believed it. Someone accused me of cheating, and guess what? I believed it and developed a false memory OCD. I ALWAYS DOUBTED EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF. Through my entire life I strongly beleived I was crazy, neurotic and too sensitive. But, guess what?? After almost a year of suffering from OCD and almost a year of blaming myself, critising myself and hating myself I realized I AM NORMAL!! PEOPLE AROUND ME DECIDED TO MAKE ME THEIR PUNCHING BAG, ABUSE ME AND THEN AFTER I DEVELOPED HORRIBLE ANXIETY BECAUSE OF THEIR ABUSE THEY MADE ME LOOK CRAZY!! I WAS THE ONE SEEING THERAPISTS WHILE THEY ALL CLAIMED THEY'RE "COMPETELY FINE AND NORMAL". All I wanted was love and understanding. Nothing more, nothing less. That was exactly what I gave to them. But it was never ever enough. And with years it left me feeling drained. Like I am just an empty souless body. They took everything from me. I gave my heart, my soul to the people who only wanted more and more and more... This is how I developed OCD. It is conected to PTSD in my case. I wrote this because if anyone here is in a similair situation, please just know: YOU'RE NORMAL. THEY ARE NOT. STOP BLAMING YOURSELF, IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT YOU WERE MANIPULATED AND USED. Your OCD is THEIR VOICE! JUDGING, HATEFUL AND CRUEL! You deserve love, you deserve happiness and kindness. IT. ISN'T. YOU. IT'S. THEM.

Hey there, very new here. Is there anyone else around who suffers from Schizophrenia OCD? I'm in the midst of a coming-up-on-two-months-long episode with this now, and it's really making my life hard. I am absolutely convinced that I have the disorder, so convinced that I believe my OCD diagnosis to be merely part of the prodrome. I have seen an ER physician, a psychiatrist, a therapist, and a mental health worker specializing in early intervention in Psychosis, and they've all said that what I'm going through is nothing but OCD. I really want to believe them, but I'm constantly thinking that they've missed something or that I neglected to tell them one crucial symptom or that I still have the disorder, but it's too early for an outsider to pick up on it. I am very, very exhausted, as I'm sure you can imagine. Do any of you with this obsession have some strategies for coping? Or is there anyone here who has beaten it and can give me some insight into how I can too? Thanks a lot.

Why do i feel like with hocd i look way more at girls than at boys. My eyes are just focused on girls these days i completely forgot about boys at this point. I hate it but when i see a pretty girls its like i must look while i never had that before. It makes me feel like im jusr attracted hut wont admit it. Its crazy because sometimes when guys stared at me im like why are they looking? Because i never understood but my mom said its just a guy thing they always look at girls. And now i feel like i “opened” my eyes and now i “see” the attractiveness in girls too. I hate it like now i look at pretty girls too and im like i never did this before. I dont unferstand its not like i want to be with them i just look ever since hocd. I always used to question myself like what do guys see in girls? I always thiught guys were cute snd then thought do they really feel this same warm feelings forgirls too? Like girls are boring and idk why u would be attracted to them. But now hocd come up and i try to force the feelings i felt for boys on girls and i feel like is real but it doestn feel anything like the feelings i had for boys so i just call it fake attraction towards girls. Ugh so complex

I’m really freaking out right now. I keep reading things. I keep getting scared and panicking myself. I’m sweating like crazy right now. Idk if I’m actually lesbian or it’s ocd. I keep reading things and people answer with there’s no such this as hocd and stuff. And how someone had ocd and thought they were bi but officially said they were gay. I’m so scared rn.

Ocd keeps telling me that I’m seeing things because I’m schizophrenic. Or I get anxious that I’m gonna see things that aren’t there. I have problems with my eyes and my doctor told me herself that I may see things double or in a different position. But ocd keeps telling me I’m gonna see things or see people. So I’m constantly checking things in my peripheral vision to make sure I’m not seeing thing?I just wish school would start I’m sick of this shit

Does anyone else think changes in life are a big trigger for their ocd and intrusive thoughts? Mine became the worst its ever been after losing my nan and also starting a new job which in the end I had to give up. I've always had the intrusive thoughts and urges but latley they have become unbearable to the point I've isolated myself from everyone.

Have people had a loss of aesthetic attraction to opposite sex after removing the intrusives thoughts and the anxiety from HOCD ?

Does anyone have experience of fluoxetine for OCD? I know someone who is on it for anxiety and it’s made a huge difference so far, and I think I’d like to give it a go but I’d just be interested in hearing others’ experiences. I also have emetophobia so the side effects of nausea is putting me off a little.

I like this app but unfortunately I just don't seem to get the support I need. Feel so alone. I see other people post and lots of people relate to what they are going through and always reply. I just don't seem to find that. (harm ocd sufferer) when I say hocd most people think I mean homosexual ocd. I know we aren't supposed to ask for reassurance and I'm not really just would be nice to find someone who suffers the same and gets what I'm going through.

I wake up every morning and it’s like the first thought is “you’re gay come out” like it’s not even triggered any more I guess it’s just there and I’m scared now that I’m not triggered it’s just the truth and I should come out. But I wanna be with a man.

How to explain to a friend what you’re going through without giving too much detail? Sometimes I want to open up and not keep all of my suffering inside. Although I haven’t decided if I want to just yet, any ideas of how to say it in a way that will make me feel comfortable might change my mind. Also, do you think friends should know what you’re going through? Thanks x

i was in the car on the way home from my grandmas house talking to my mom about my anxiety and how my grandma had OCD but that me and my siblings never really had it (keep in mind I haven’t told my mom about my HOCD yet). i was talking to her about how I think I have some OCD in me, hoping that she would say something along the lines of “yes you probably do!” but instead she said, “you may, but you probably just have OCD tendencies”. apparently you can have just ocd tendencies without having full blown OCD?? anyway, now i’m getting all worried that I don’t actually have HOCD and that all this is just a “tendency” and that i’m actually gay. this sucks. i just wish she knew. i wish i could tell her. i want to tell her so bad but i’m just so scared that she won’t understand. i honestly might just wait until i graduate high school (i’m going to be a senior) and just get an OCD therapist wherever I go to college so that i won’t have to worry about my parents finding out about me going to a therapist ugh. i feel so bad for not telling them but i am just so scared

I'm thinking of switching from my birth control pill to the non-hormonal IUD. I've been on the pill for almost 6 years, but lately I wonder whether the hormones are negatively affecting me. Some of the side effects of hormonal birth control are mood changes, depression, and decreased libido. There is also research that suggests the pill may alter some brain structures. Check it out: https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/oral-contraceptive-pill-associated-changes-brain-structure/ I know that switching won't make all my anxiety disappear--I had anxiety before starting the pill. But it's possible the pill might be adding to these mental health issues I already have. For my fellow birth control users, how do you feel about the effects hormonal contraceptives could have on your OCD & mental health?

i had a pocd dream i think... i can't remember a lot of it but i'm scared..... in the dream i think i was using a child for sexual gratification or something i'm not sure. i'm feeling really anxious and disgusted

Can someone please give me some examples of Just Right OCD? I’m not sure, but I may have it.