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Ngl i kinda wanna give up on ERP not because i don’t believe it will work but im just struggling so much rn and then i have to go to therapy and struggle more

Firstly, i’m a female and i’ve always believed I was attracted to both genders for as long as I can remember. Yet for some reason I feel like my attraction towards women is disingenuous. When I analyze my attraction towards females it seems to only present itself as lustful, and if not that it’s just me envying them and wanting to be them. After talking to other females who ARE attracted to women, I noticed how different our motives are. They tend to think of women as an ethereal and divine being that deserve to be care for etc. My attraction is full of insecurity, envy, and lust. Every female i’ve ever been attracted to, it was because they fit what I thought to be ideal to other people. I only liked them because they had something I envied. I have a hard time deciphering genuine attraction and envy. I am always comparing myself to every woman I see. (males too but not related to this topic) I feel like my thought pattern towards women is more similar to an apathetic male rather than a loving woman. This leaves me to believe I have never truly been attracted to anyone and it’s only ever because I envy something about their personality or physical appearance. When I think back to everyone i’ve ever liked, I wanted something they had or damn well wanted to be them. Does anyone else feel this way or am I just crazy?? I really hope this is me just overthinking and not my genuine emotions. Because I truly believe that beneath all my confusion, my feelings for other were genuine. Is that wishful thinking?

Hi, I’m 18 years old and just yesterday, I realized a lot of what I do lines up with a lot of OCD symptoms. Specifically, intrusive thoughts often accompanied with the compulsion to confess those thoughts, feelings, etc. mostly to my bf but sometimes to other family members. It will go away for short (and sometimes, but rarely, longer) periods of time, but when it comes back, it gets the worse the more I confess. As, I’ve gotten older, the obsessions have changed, but the confessions have almost always been around. I can even remember one instance at church when I was probably 9 or 10 having negative thoughts about other and being unable to stop them unless I kept confessing them to my grandparents who eventually spanked me for it (it was so upsetting though, I WANTED to be spanked). At times the thoughts have been so distressing I isolated and avoided things as simple as eye contact with others for fear of doing or having already done something disloyal towards my bf, predatory to children, etc. At times I will even shake my head and repeat a word out loud to try and drown them out. However, I am in a good place right now after learning more about why I have these thoughts, and I almost feel weird sharing all of this while it has subsided, (but I’ve told myself I have it under control many times because). I also have just about every auto cannibalism habit in the book, which apparently can also be an indicator of OCD. Obviously, I can’t be sure until I talk to a professional, but I guess I just wanted to see what you all thought, as I found a lot of comfort already just hearing so many stories like mine. I have been hesitant for so long to talk to anyone because I’m usually able to “manage” it, and I thought it couldn’t be OCD because I didn’t have the stereotypical compulsions until I learned my incessant confessing WAS the compulsion.

Another rough day. Been dealing with the same intrusive thought for a month and every time I try to rationalize it I'll have a thought not intrusive that I think of that basically keeps reinforcing the fear and makes it still seem real. I am so exhausted. I have my beautiful son to take care of and I feel like my life is getting ripped away from me. I feel like I went too far thinking and that I'll never get out of it this time. And the thought is so silly but I just attached fear to it for whatever reason. A lot of people that don't have ocd/intrusive thought issues would probably make fun of me for the thought. I get embarrassed at how silly and weird it would seem to someone else. I'm scared I'm gonna go crazy or that I am crazy. I feel stuck inside myself. Lost somewhere inside myself. And a bit detached. I just feel hopeless again 😔. I just want to be normal and have a great life with my son 😔.

I know I shouldn’t be posting because it’s a compulsion, but I don’t believe that I have OCD. This is my only theme and it’s lasted on and off since I was 12. During that time I’ve had my first kiss, lost my virginity, graduated from both high school and college, and still I am terrified that I’m attracted to women. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD more times than I can count but when I tell people I have it, I feel like a fraud. I’ve been told I give gay vibes, I don’t always get fully wet when I have sex, and I’ve never had an orgasm with a partner— only alone. It’s not like I don’t have sexual experience either; I’ve had sex with ten people. I’m 21 (almost 22) now and feel like the only way out of this is by accepting that I’m a lesbian and I’ve just had a harder time accepting it than your average person. It’s been almost 10 years…I see no other possibility. I’d really appreciate if any other women that have struggled with this for a long time could talk.

At 18 years old, I feel like I have lived the life of someone in their 60s. The pain that I have felt is insane. I never thought that I would get to this point (no one does). I just look back at how I used to be and I just can’t believe where I am now. It makes me feel so sorry for myself and that is one of the worst feelings out there. That alongside guilt and despair. Despair. That’s something that I never knew could feel so bad because I never felt it on such an intense scale. These past few months I have felt despair on a level which has caused me to come to the conclusion that despair is one of the worst feeling out there. And if it’s mixed with guilt, it’s bad on an astronomical level. I am writing this on my bathroom floor after a panic attack. This is where I seem to end up these days when things escalate. And I can’t believe I am saying this, but a couple of nights ago things got so bad to the point where I considered taking my own life. I am not saying this to make you feel sorry for me, it’s just that the feeling is so intense that I feel like I need to tell someone this because I can’t carry it anymore. I didn’t physically try to, but the idea was there and it was so clear. It was so scary. All of that happened because of one of the worst intrusive thoughts of my entire OCD experience. It was so horrible. And thinking about it just now made me panic again, triggering my OCD. Yes, even the memory of these thoughts triggers my OCD and makes me overthink it. This thought has been triggering me for days. It just makes me feel like I did something so bad. And then every time the memory of it comes it all just feels like I am reliving it. I do know what I believe and what I want. I really do. It’s just that my brain keeps telling me that the thoughts have ruined that even thought that’s not my intention. I am not going to lie, it is getting so much harder to live every day. I want to live, don’t get me wrong, but I’m just saying that it’s hard to do so. Like I said even writing this has triggered so many thoughts, and the worst part is I always end up questioning these thoughts. I know what I mean and don’t mean, but ocd makes me feel like I did something bad and even if I don’t mean it I said it anyways and hence it defines me. I am proud of myself for writing this, but I can’t even describe the panic that I faced doing this. Like I get the memory of the thought obviously since I am thinking about it but then it makes me question whether I did mean it. I always shake off the thoughts tho, but sometimes even that doesn’t work. If there is anyone out there that can give me some advice or anything please do so. I feel so lonely and I can’t bear this anymore.

How does false attraction feel like for you guys?? For me it is like I find almost every guy attractive and it feels so real like it is coming from the heart, I find women attractive too but my brain says yeah you find her attractive but you don't want to be with her in future, you want to be with a man and it feels so real, does anyone feel like this??

My name is Brooke. I have OCD. I actually diagnosed myself. Haha don’t laugh, yes I actually have it. I’m a nurse and as silly as this sounds I’m too embarrassed to seek help or a dx from Someone else. I’ve been battling this for several years. Over the years the compulsions have gotten worse. It used to be tiny things. Now, it’s several very noticeable things. I have to move my hands a certain way, say a certain prayer a lot, which I feel bad about because repetitious prayer isn’t ideal. But I know God knows my heart and he sees me. He knows ♥️ He’s a good good God. I have to look up with my eyes, I have to make certain movements. It’s hard. I need help to stop these compulsions but it’s hard. I’ve had a lot of trauma. I lost my sister last year/ I’ve got really bad PTSD from that. I’ve been through a lot. I’ve got a LOT of anxiety and depression. I am on Effexor. Hasn’t started helping yet. But I know God is my peace and my comfort. In him I have safety and peace. But it’s a mind battle you know. I am married. I love my husband. He knows I have OCD. He doesn’t point it out. He doesn’t pick on me. I really do love him. We’ve had some battles, young and newly wed but I love him.

Does anyone else ever experience like a jump in their chest? Almost like being poked but it’s from inside your chest? I’ve been to the doctor and was told I have Sinus Arrhythmia. Can anyone relate?

Your ocd is meant to latch onto something to keep you in the cycle of worry and for me it’s this ‘feeling’ I get, it’s not really an emotion it’s like one time I imagined this thought about my mum the thought is about smothering with a pillow, I imagined it on purpose I hope I would get bad anxiety from it and know for sure I hated it but I don’t know why but it felt like I knew how it felt to smother and ‘felt good’ to do that when I imagined it - now idk if that’s the same ‘fake urge’ feeling but I’ve confused it now since these were thoughts I deliberately brought on not the usual unwanted intrusive thoughts so maybe I got a ‘fake urge’ but I’m mistaking it for me ‘liking the feeling’ of doing that since I deliberately imagined it but it’s really horrible and when I get that feeling it feels really real that it ‘feels good’ to do that and I’ve been paranoid about it ever since my life been in shambles. Now I’ve got that in my head that I like the feeling of doing that and would ‘give in’ because I like the feeling, I keep thinking that I would do that now that it feels like I ‘like the feeling of smothering’ and I cry so much over it but it feels to real and because I’m believing it I think we’ll why am I believing it it must be because it’s true and the fact I’m believing that that would actually happen does that mean I want to do that ?? I keep thinking this means I want to give in to it because now I like the feeling and it’s been worrying me a lot. It’s like I cry a lot and am worried and testing myself deliberately imagining the thoughts to see if that feeling is there but I still believe that it’s true and that’s another thing I’ve got in a habit of constantly Imagining those thoughts about smothering on people I care about ans my cats to ‘test’ myself and everytime I just shudder or get a strain feeling in my neck as I shudder and get a sort of anxiety shudder but I still don’t believe that that means I hate it and I keep imagining it to see if that feelings there and then I think maybe I just haven’t imagined it properly for that feeling to come back and then I’m worrying maybe I like the feeling of stopping someone from Breathing and I don’t know but sometimes I think it must just be my fight or flight and I know ocd can make you feel things that aren’t real but the fact it’s making me think I would enjoy the feeling of smothering someone with a pillow is disgusting and I feel really worried about that. It seems like as well that feeling when it does come about it’s always about something vulnerable like a baby or animal qnd then I get more paranoid thinking I like the feeling of doing that to something vulnerable. I’m really worried about my future I keep thinking I won’t be able to live a normal life because now I ‘like the feeling’ I ‘want to give into it’ can ocd make you think that you ‘want to do something’ that you don’t want to do because it feels like that and it’s scary because it’s backed up by that feeling of ‘feels good to do that’ like I can’t explain it but it feels like when I imagined pushing the pillow on someone’s face and then not being able to breathe ‘feels good’ and it’s terrorising me, I’ve always been a good person always wanted to help people and now I have this horrible feeling that’s keeping me in limbo because it feels extremely real and that feeling isn’t there all the time in fact it’s only happened a few times but I go looking for it because I’m worried it’s there so I deliberante imagine the thoughts to test myself. I feel so down and sad. And then a few days ago my sister went away and it was just me and my mum left in the house and it was night and my mum was sleeping and I started worrying because we were left alone and then I started deliberately bringing on these horrible scenarios or me smothering my mum and then in movies when yoy see them dragging a body and burying it and I imagined that about my mum and then I got myself in a panicked state and I starting getting hot and cold chills and heart beating faster and for some reason I kept feeling like I wanted to imagine it and I don’t know why and then I we thinking there must be something wrong with me and now even today it’s the same thing I kept feeling like I needed to imagine it and i don’t know if that’s because I’m worried or trying to test myself but the thoughts so vivid like I know how it feels to drag someone of a thoughts or putting mud on someone or digging a hole and my mum was in it and it’s so disgusting and I don’t know why I was imagining all that on purpose and I’ve had really bad anxiety, I haven’t had it this bad in a while I felt like I didn’t want to eat and feeling unwell like headaches and almost felt like I had a cold that’s how badly Stressed I was but it still feels all too real and I feel really uneasy and now my sisters back home and now I’m worrying why was being alone causing all this why was I imagining all that horrible things about my mum just from being alone I never had those kinds of thoughts like that before and now I’m thinking I can’t be alone with anyone and I feel better now the house isn’t empty but now I’m thinking The reason I’m not being evil is because I’m not alone and I’m worried how can I be getting such bad anxiety but at the same time feel like I want to or need to being on the thoughts am I trying to test myself? I’m such a mess and I don’t know what to do I wish I could be free from all this. A few days ago I went to meet with family and we had a nice time and everything was happy and fine and now it’s all gone down hill and I feel awful. And does anyone have moments where your mind makes it feel so real like it could actually happen and now because of those thoughts it’s felt like ‘that could have happened’ ‘imagine that happened’ and then I feel really anxious like and the im worrying ‘what if I just choose not to do it’ and I’m just worrying and feel like I’ve committed a crime when I haven’t because it felt so real like it could have happened and I’m just a worrying mess. Please god help me

I’m sad. I miss my sexual attraction to women and my libido. I’m terrified that I lost my identity. I want that feeling back. Sometimes, I’d be okay with turning out bisexual. But one thing I’m not okay with is losing my attraction to the most beautiful specifies in the world, women.

Is ROCD manifested after you have already fell in love with your partner and now ROCD symptoms make you question those feelings, or can ROCD happen at the beginning of a relationship before falling in love?

At one time I was kind of good at ignoring the intrusive thoughts when I recognized the OCD patterns in them but later on as I was getting deeper in the spiritual community I am not able to do that. I am confronted with things like that if you believe it/if you put too much energy into that, the thoughts can come true. Any insights how to deal with this?

Real life events is kicking my butt today lol I keep ruminating over and over again about the mistake I did in researching and triggering my existential ocd worse to a point of no return 😭 it feels like I can’t enjoy life and that I’m stuck I don’t like sharing but I’m terrified of being stuck like this forever. My thoughts keep getting more extreme and severe pertaining about space, time, and eternity, afterlife. This sucks I wouldn’t wish this ocd theme to not even my worse enemy :/ I’m just so confused in how can your brain one day just get triggered by something and bam, I remember I was obsessed with space and I would even watch hour long documentaries about it and i would hear people talking about the afterlife and even myself I would think and i never got fear or was scared. Hell I would actually be the one talking about the meaning of life and pondering so this is something I was in essence exposed to so I really don’t know how one comment I saw on TikTok could have triggered this essential ocd im so confused and mad it feels like I unlocked a part of my brain that I never should have :/ I’m so hyper aware of everything now

Please note the trigger warning for this post I go through ups and downs with my OCD, I'm currently having a flare up. Despite getting out of flare ups before I don't believe I'm going to ever get out of this one. I'm having suicidal thoughts, but I know I can't act on them because I have a loving husband and family, because I can't die then I have to live but I genuinely don't see how I can keep living. I'm completely hyper-focused on something from when I was 18 or 19 (about 5 years ago) which I don't know if its a real event or a false memory. I told my husband about it once and I managed to tell my therapist about it today and they both say I can forgive myself if the thing did happen, but I don't think I can. All I can do is cry and ruminate, it feels completely over for me

Hey guys - here’s something that has greatly helped me. Apparently there is a correlation between OCD and attachment theory - secure attachment is linked with more resiliency and ability to handle OCD. And I wanted more of that so researching more into this I realized that perhaps healing my attachment style would help my ocd. (Michael Greenberg has some great articles on this). And so I set out on a quest to become more securely attached, as after taking a quiz I realized that I was only 25 percent secure! I specifically dealt with the fearful avoidant attachment which causes a hot and cold dynamic with relationships. I noticed that working on emotional regulation definitely helped my OCD, as a lot of times when I was really stuck in a rumination spiral, after taking a step back I realized I was just really sad or really lonely, and that, if I could feel my emotions and be there for myself, and work through my emotions, there was no need for ocd. As in, I could direct my attention towards taking steps to reach out to people to help with my sadness, or cry or release the emotion in some way. If you’re interested in this more, definitely check out the Personal Development School on YouTube, also on their website they have a quiz you can take to figure out your attachment style! I personally signed up for the school and went through some of their courses which really helped. Here’s a daily exercise I do to help myself become more securely attached: I wrote down five securely attached attributes and what I would do to fulfill that trait for myself that day. Here’s what that might look like: Ask yourself, how would a securely attached person act in this moment? Or what would they do? (With this it might help to learn about how a securely attached person would act and then copy that as best you can) Emotional availability: checking in with how I’m feeling and what I need Consistency: keeping my word for myself Thoughtfulness: doing little things I know would make me happy. Patience: not expecting perfection, being gentle with myself Understanding/empathy: being compassionate with how I speak to myself Safety: letting thoughts come and go with peace. Accepting fears as part of my experience and yet giving them little weight. This has helped me not only be a better support for myself throughout this difficult process, but has also helped me get in touch with who I am separate from the OCD. Also if you’re interested more, let me know I have more resources!! And definitely look up OCD and attachment style - there’s some great research on it that may help you. If you’re like me and your willing to try anything to get better - this might be a next step! Hope this is helpful ❤️ wishing you all well on your recovery journeys 🤗

“But this is different! This could actually happen!” Sound familiar? Do you recognize the familiar inner voice of OCD? The truth is, many fears are related one way or another to the worst things that have happened at some point to someone—horrifying things are possible. Unfortunately, OCD twists this into a belief that the slightest possibility of something bad happening makes our fears not only rational, but necessary. But that’s not the case—you can overcome even your most “realistic” OCD fears. Read more about why one of OCD’s most cunning tricks is convincing you that your “realistic” fears are helping you stay safe.

Trigger warning! Please don’t read this if you’re not scared of plants. You don’t want any new obsessions! . . . I got off the bus stop the other day and had to walk a small path down to the road. I passed some verges and didn’t think twice about it, until later when I saw a lot of apiaceae family plants growing. And my thoughts went to the various poisonous plants in that family, like hemlock and such. After work I went back to the bus stop (shouldn’t have done that) to check and yes there were some apiaceae growing there. I’ve been googling images for hours trying to figure out which one it was. I can’t figure it out anymore because I forgot exactly what the leaves looked like. I washed my clothes in the washing machine and am scared to use them now. I want to throw my shoes out… I don’t know how to overcome this one. The risk is so huge to me. Any tips?

Is it my fault if I did something that I genuinely can’t remember? I tried asking for reassurance that I didn’t do something bad, and everyone said I didn’t, but I feel like they’re all lying or I forgot to ask the right person. I keep going through texts, emails, pictures, files, etc. and I’m exhausted. I want to keep going back and looking at different things but I’m too tired. I’m just worried that I don’t want to actually look bc deep down, I’m trying to hide something bad. I know everyone I’ve asked has said I’ve done nothing wrong, but if some sort of “proof” comes up in the future, is it my fault that I couldn’t remember it? Or is it just the OCD making me not able to remember?

Does anyone get unwanted urges with the intrusive thoughts?? It’s so annoying but I heard is a part of recovery like my ocd is making me question whether this is actually me or ocd but i read it in a book and I know it’s not actually me not an urge or desire I want to do but ocd is so annoying with this, does anyone feel the same??