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Has anyone had a success story with beating relationship OCD? Please share. Feeling a tad hopeless.

i feel like with ocd comes a feeling of emptiness and the thought that i don’t deserve love. i get so caught up in who doesn’t like me i can’t see the people who appreciate me and i just circle everything around why they don’t like me and who doesn’t. i feel unloved. it’s a thought that just lingers. why would anybody ever love me, what’s to love, and my mind truly runs blanks.

I’m still new to knowing I have OCD and understanding it, so I’m wondering if what I’m about to describe is an OCD thing? There are fun creative projects that I want to do, but I feel so guilty about wanting to do them, and trying to do them because my room is a mess and I feel like I should have my room clean before doing something that could make it worse, and because it’s messy and I know I should clean it, my brain isn’t letting me start the fun projects I want to do. It’s like it’s not letting me do anything because I haven’t had the energy to clean my room and most of the time I end up sitting on my phone scrolling through social media because my brain won’t let me do anything else. And it’s all anxiety inducing of course. I’ll bring this up in therapy when I have my next appt. but I was wondering if anyone else understands this and has any suggestions of stuff I could do to help this in the meantime?

I’ve identified as a lesbian for about 2 years and now I am rethinking everything. I do not know why. And in my time identifying as a lesbian, I’ve felt the happiest, most liberated, and most free I’ve ever felt. I’ve learned the history, I’ve learned to accept myself. I’ve felt so much joy and happiness toward it. My fear is that I’ll go back to therapy and discover that I really am attracted to men. I haven’t had any trauma regarding them. I just don’t want to be attracted to them. I’ve never really shown interest in them In my life. But now I have terrible SO OCD that keeps me up at night, has me waking up with anxiety, gives me multiple panic attacks a day, and has me rethinking everything I’ve grown to love and know about myself. I have nothing against anyone else’s identity, I just don’t want to be anything other than a lesbian.

I can't do I really wanna be poly? Why why why why I don't understand. I just want me and my boyfriend it was always the two of us. I don't wanna share my boyfriend with other girls. I don't wanna be with other dudes. It doesn't stop! It keeps saying things in my head. Ik in my heart I will never EVER be poly. I'm happy just the two of us. But my head, my stupid twisted head just wanna make me question that. I had not one not two but 4 ANXIETY ATTACKS just because I was scared of manifesting my boyfriend to be poly or these poly thoughts in general. I even confessed my boyfriend about being poly just to see his answer and he said "that's not us babe" and I was so happy! But now it's questioning me. It keeps questioning me. Making me picture another girl. It keeps forcing me to be poly but I don't wanna be. I can't I don't even know what I want. Why do I feel bad for a girl WHO'S NOT EVEN REAL. Like first of all he's mine :,3 second of all me and my boyfriend BOTH said we are not sharing each other. I can't keep repeating the same words every day. I can't keep doing this. I really don't wanna share my boyfriend. I do NOT want a open relationship. No no. I don't like it. It's like I don't even know who I am. I should be happy that it's just the two of us. Is this ocd. Can ocd trick you like many many times to the point your like feeling crazy. I tried sitting with my thoughts. It ain't working because I'm scared of it coming true I feel like I have no choice. It does want me to know what I want. It's like making me view everything completely different. I can't even remember anything. I feel like shooting my head. Help me. please please help. Someone help. I can't do this. I can't even think of my boyfriend without thinking of another girl. this is so unfair. Why not the two of us. It has always been the two of us. It keeps making me rethink everything that me and my boyfriend had done together. Please help me please anybody please. I can't do this alone. I can't.

1. Do other people see both the imagery and the room/place they are in 2. Do other people feel like some images are closer than others? 3. I don’t take any drugs or have a diagnosis of anything other than OCD is anyone else the same

Do some people recover completely?

I… I looked at homosexual explicit anime content a couple times when i was 14… I had no idea what sexuality was at the time… and my hocd has triggered me with it… I had no idea what sexuality was at the time and i was also addicted to explicit content at the time… i dont ever want to be homosexual or bisexual at all… in any way… and this is POCD related too because this was a very wide known explicit anime that involved very young characters… i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo at all in any way… I remember when i pleasured myself to explicit content involving a man and a woman when i was 12-13… and i finished at the same time the dude did… my hocd is saying im in denial for this… I had no idea what sexuality was or anything like that… my first ever crush was a woman and i always want it to be women… i dont ever want to be attracted to men in any way shape or form… It was an educational video, so it was showing his privates finishing inside of the woman... i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… Its making me feel like im not anxious of triggering thoughts when i try to check my reaction too… i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… When i think about beautiful attractive women, i feel happy and relaxed… actually comfortable… when i see guys, get intrusive thoughts about guys, or intrusive feelings, it makes me feel so anxious and uncomfortable… Its making me think i wanted to finish at the same time as the guy in the video… i dont think i was attracted to him because when he moaned in the video i remember feeling turned off by it… i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… I remember finishing when the guy did… his privates were shown when he was finishing… i dont ever want to ever be attracted to guys in any way shape or form in my lifetime… I also remember that i wasnt attracted to the guy at all… I just wanted to finish when he did because I wanted to keep up the same pace… I dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all…

Hey everyone, My name is Sonia Sanabria. On this day marks 2 months & 7 days of OCD. & here is my story; I’ve recently moved in with my grandparents because of issues with my biological mother. Ever since I moved to the place & accepted I needed to start my whole life over, I got symptoms of OCD. I have to wait 2 more weeks for help & by then I’ll be starting school & I am so worried about how am I gonna act in school with OCD. if anybody has a say about anything please say anything. This is my first time ever dealing with such thing. Symptoms: Intrusive thoughts, anxiety attacks, compulsions to hurt a loved one or anyone in public ( I obviously do not follow through. ) , I could say the complete truth & my mind will make me think I just lied, major headaches that don’t go away with pills, can’t sleep at night, Anything I hear such as music, words, noises .. my head constantly repeats over & over, I wake up with anxiety & go to sleep with anxiety, false scenarios, I constantly do research about OCD, extreme depression! , thoughts that I’m never gonna get out of this, & for one most disturbing thought is to sexually assault someone. I get depersonalization & now currently suicidal OCD. I keep imagining myself dead & how will my loved ones grieve after it. & I am so scared because the feeling almost feels genuine. I even search to see if OCD controls your feelings too. I am far known that I need help, but unfortunately from the place I live in .. people constantly move job to job. So I have to wait 2 more weeks.. what does anybody have to say about this 🥲?

TOCD has been incredibly difficult the past few days. I can't help but feel like I really do want to transition; my life feels emptier without some big change like this. At the same time, I don't want to stop being a man/being myself. I can't seem to escape any of this anymore. ERP or compulsions just bring me right back to wondering if I really would be happier as a woman. I even got halfway through scheduling an appointment with Planned Parenthood for hormones before I backed off, terrified. I don't know if this post has a point. I'm just scared, and I wanted someone other than my friends and my wife to know it. If I look back on this in a few months as a trans woman, that's all fine and dandy. I just don't want to feel this all-consuming fear anymore.

I feel so stuck this time. I get flare ups each year and this feels like the worst. I had confidence before that I'd be able to heal but now I'm doubting myself. I feel so much pain. Why does this feel so much harder?

For the past month I’ve had constant thoughts and worries consistent with HOCD. I am constantly checking my reaction to men and women, I overanalyze everything from my childhood or previous hetero relationships and my mind convinces me that the things I did or how I acted make me gay. I’ve been convincing myself that past relationships were not real even though they were and it is taking over my life. I don’t sleep anymore or eat anymore and am constantly fighting the urge to seek reassurance even though it’s all that makes me feel better. Any advice??

sometimes when things get bad, i feel like everything is wrong, everything i do, everything i feel is wrong. everything just feels off. and it feels like there’s no way to fix it. for example, “if i leave this thing in my purse, later i’ll see it and i’ll associate my purse with that negative feeling and event”, so i move it but that also feels wrong so i move it back, etc.. but nothing feels right. it’s overwhelming. or everything in my room is wrong and there’s nothing to do to fix it bc i’m so overwhelmed and confused with things in the wrong place and my emotions have associations with every item. i feel like their placement will impact my life in huge ways. there’s a blanket feeling over my life that feels traumatic, like i’m tainted and dirty with feeling avoidant and like nothing i do is right. in my opinions, feelings, thought, actions, choices. i see perfectionism ocd with this feeling but i feel like my symptoms are more feeling based, i’m not sure if i’m experiencing ocd or something else, or a mix. does anyone have an opinion or similar experience?

I feel like for years I’ve never really been ‘here’. I’m just the little character in my head that’s always arguing with my brain. I try to be in the moment and enjoy things but all I can think about is how my time will run out soon and this will all be a memory. I feel like I can only live in memories. Like if I go to the beach and it’s a great day, I just think ‘this will be a great memory later’. And then I try so so hard to ‘live in the moment’ and feel (I’ll close my eyes and think of all the sensations, I’ll stare at things like a pretty flower or the sunset, I’ll just try to do things that make me feel) but I still am kinda numb. I feel emotions really strongly but don’t feel like I’m here really?? My brain tells me I shouldn’t be caring ab things bc I don’t rlly feel all that present, but at the same time I feel things too hard?? I also need my disassociation sometimes to cope with things. For example, I think I have ADHD and I have this thing where I’m really sensitive to sensations (my clothes are really uncomfortable and I get compulsions to ‘fix’ them all the time) so I kinda zone out and it helps. It also helps if someone’s mad or me or I’m going thru smthn difficult to kinda just not be there or just think of the future when everything is going to be okay. But using that to deal w the negatives also affects the positives. But even when I try to stop it doesn’t work, no matter what I ruminate about how little time I have left. Even now, my thought process is that I have to fix this problem while I’m still young before I waste my youth not enjoying things fully, but I’ve never really known how it feels like to not be “floating”, so I don’t know when I’ll even get there. Thanks if you read this all.

But im not so happy about it... Im more afraid, cause my whole life was ruled by ocd, what i thought that i dont like bc its not for me or its bad, i didnt liked it bc ocd told me that its bad... So actually my value system is based upon ocd... So why i am afraid? Its there... its because if i start to do exposures and act on not what ocd tells me, i might become a bad person. Alot of times i thought okay ocd is bad but atleast it makes me a good person. And what i mean by that? I realized i stopped doing things in the past bc of ocd. I stopped going out with people who drinks, parties or even do drugs cause i was afraid that i might become them. Fear made me stop going out with them, not my value system. Another one, im a christian, i dont do alot of things that i did before cause i dont want to be a bad christian. I dont listen music what is unbiblical, or be with people that arent respecting christianity all because of fear. I like to write song lyrics. In the past i used to write worldly songs, it was terrible, now i just only write songs about faith,God, and struggles in our life, cause i can connect to this better right now. But i realized i could write love songs too(not cringe ones,more like those Bruno Mars ones) but i got this feeling of fear that if i go back again i might leave God again(cause back then i didnt believe) I will forget what is important now and my life will broke down...i would get lost... so its fear that stops me, and its like i value God but with fear,so its like for exposure i should write worldly songs, go out with people who drinks,do things that i did before, but im afraid maybe i will like this things and i will leave God. Sometimes i do afraid that i only believe in God cause its a hiding place where i can feel comfortable(i dont do this i just feel like it is,,) So idk,.i should do exposures but im afraid that i would fall back to sinning cause deep down i might like these things...

:/ i swear. i spiral so bad. i think about one bad trait and it leads into any bad interaction i've had with anyone. and it makes me feel so bad. i can't stop replaying it and the guilt starts to eat my alive and i ruminate so much and it just makes me want to spill my guts to someone- repent or something, even if A. i already apologized B. i can't do anything about it now C. it might not even be that bad in the first place this kind of shit was REALLY bad last year but i started taking celexa and i ruminate less, but when i do spiral it's really hard to get ahold of myself. it feels like i'm just putting a blanket on it. like if i don't ruminate in guilt i'm a bad person- or until i "confess" or apologize, or get a second opinion. i really wish i could take control of this

I’ve got into an obsession with deliberately imagining intrusive thoughts and it’s become a big problem, to see if I hate the thought or get shudders from them. Sometime last year I imagined a ‘smothering’ intrusive thought about my mum on purpose and for some reason it felt like I knew how it felt to do that and it ‘felt good’ to do that now I’ve got that In my head that I ‘enjoy the feeling’ and sometimes that feeling comes back and feels extremely real like I would actually do that because I ‘like the feeling’ and now i keep testing myself by imagining the smothering thought about people I care about to see if that feeling will come back but even when I imagine the thought and my body goes tense and I pull a disgusted face because I don’t get anxiety then my head tells me that maybe I didn’t imagine the thought properly or imagine how it feels to ‘actually do that’ horrible thought so then I imagine the thought in more detail. Even like I was exercising and ruminating at the same time and I went to wipe my nose and it felt like when I wiped my nose my airways were blocked for half a second when I brushed my nose and then I started thinking what if that’s what it feels like to be smothered and then I started trying to put my hand over my nose to see how jt would feel and then deliberately imagining the smothering thought about my mum to test myself and see if I ‘like’ the feeling or making someone not be able to breathe and I don’t know why I keep trying to imagine the thought in different ways to see if that feeling would come back and trying to make it more realistic and feel more real or like in movies when you see people that died with their eyes open then I try and imagine that with the smothering thought and start pulling a disgusted face and I grab my face and like wave my hands about in dismay and like eww what is that and I’ve gotten use to imagining the thoughts and don’t even get anxiety and now I’m thinking is there something wrong with me? Why would I want to try and understand how it feels to do that horrible thing ? I’m worried that feeling is still there because sometimes it does come back and feels super real and like I would actually do that and ‘enjoy’ the feeling of doing that? But surely if I actually ‘enjoyed’ the feeling of doing that I wouldn’t be doubting and testing myself but it’s just because of that ‘feeling’ that feels super real in the moment that I ‘enjoy The feeling’ and ‘know how it feels to smother someone’ that makes me believe it and doubt everything

i have a severe problem with people pleasing. i obsess over how i look, or how i act. if someone doesn’t like something then i shouldn’t like it. or if someone likes something i don’t then there’s something wrong w me. i feel like if i don’t do or act like someone else then i’m doing it wrong. it’s tiring and i just want to not feel like this anymore. i don’t want to care ab what others think or want of me. i want my own opinion and i want my own feelings to matter to me.

i literally just joined this app, so i kinda just wanted to share my ✨wisdom✨ on my ocd (and maybe help me figure out the timeline of this bc it’s been a rollercoaster ride these few years) here’s my story: i never really noticed the thoughts at first so i don’t really know when they started. i just know about 5 years ago i started noticing a problem. i think the earliest thoughts and compulsions i remember was when i was like 8, but at the time i didn’t think much of it. i was in the car on my way to church, and for some reason i told myself that my right side of my body was God’s side, and the left was the bad side. so i had to do everything on God’s side and if i accidentally did anything on the bad side, i’d have to do it way more times on the good side. I would move my toes so much on the right side that it started to hurt. i guess that’s where it started. i noticed in Church i would get bad thoughts abt Jesus being naked and other sexual things that are too triggering to me (even still) to mention. this kinda repeated until i stopped going to church but at the time i kinda developed a new subtype of ocd: Pure Ocd. this one tortured me for a year. it was so bad that i eventually told my mom and got put on medicine from a doctor who assumed i was just depressed. then the religious ocd came back (i mean it never really left but other thoughts were more concerning at the time.) but this time it more aggressive, and the compulsions were to hard not to do. every time i felt i had sinned, i had to pray. i was praying constantly bc of this and praying for forgiveness of the thoughts that never stopped. i was convinced something was truly wrong w me. this subtype has never went away, never gotten better. i still suffer from it and it’s a daily battle. it wasn’t until i looked up my symptoms, thoughts, compulsions, that i had ocd. i did my research on it and cried bc finally there was some solution to why i was having these thoughts. i didn’t get diagnosed until last year. but when i finally got my actual therapist she wasn’t really equipped to help me with ocd specifically. she helped w my anxiety (which ik ocd is an anxiety disorder but how could she truly understand my thoughts if she doesn’t understand my disorder?) eventually i felt okay with my anxiety so i kinda quit therapy. but i still stress over my thoughts, i still have compulsions, and idk if they’ll ever go away. i definitely missed a lot in this and i’ve definitely had other subtypes but religious ocd and pure ocd have been the most brutal. thanks for reading <3 and if you have any questions lmk bc im not a very good writer lol

I continue to get distressing thoughts surrounding my love for my boyfriend and if we are going to work out and are meant to be together because he is of different religious beliefs, and I grew up hearing that doesn’t work in relationships. We have been together nearly two years. I know I love him, and he supports my beliefs and I support him, we have had conversations about it. but my brain goes through intense periods of hyper focusing on the anxiety surrounding it, making me feel like I am going to hurt him, or we are going to break up because of me and our differences. It’s very distressing and I ruminate a lot about him and try to calm myself down by thinking through the situation, a mental compulsion? I know worrying about your partner is normal but I feel like I hyper fixate on the compatability between us and me hurting him and I don’t know if it’s ROCD or if it means we aren’t compatible. It’s upsetting.