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the NOCD Community

I want to increase the conversation on this so tell me, How do these appear for you? How immersive are they? Are they first person or third person? I’d love to increase awareness as THOUGHTS are talked way more than IMAGES

Like does it say to you 'why shouldn't you kill or harm' this person? And you feel numb and full of angst?

Why does it feel like I'm putting these gay thoughts in my head?I honestly think I might be. I've never been gay always strongly attracted to woman but it's been going on for months now and it's kinda gotten worse. I'm worried I'm gay or this is the new me

So My Mom got to know about my OCD, yet her behavior towards my OCD behaviors didn't change... It was worthless to tell her... She thinks whatever behavior i show because of OCD is intentional and i have control over it... I have suffered so fucking much with Mental illnesses. If i can't become a Psychiatrist/therapist in future i ain't choosing any other occupation ever...

I have literally just experienced my first sexual thought … I been worried all day thinking what if I act on my thoughts , and my mam said what thoughts? And then I had a thought about touching a child and I got feeling down there! Omg I can’t breathe with anxiety !!!! Because I liked the feeling down there wtfffffffff😭😭😭😭 and I don’t know if I liked the thought too!!!!!! What the hell is that what ocd does or is this me!!!!!

I hope this doesn't really come off as reassurance seeking and if it does, don't reassure me, just give me some advice. Don't get me wrong, I hate this and I want it to be gone but I'm scared. I think I'm doing better with feeling apathy towards the thoughts but OCD tells me that it's not apathy and that I just accepted it. I tell it that's not true, I'm just trying to ignore it. I just feel weird. During this subtype I would either feel so much fear that I would want to cry and have cried, (Even though I hate crying.) Or peace knowing that it's OCD. But I just feel weird and like at a middle ground. I still feel fear And I never want to be the thing that my OCD is telling me I am. But at the same time sometimes the thoughts will decrease some days or I would try not let it bother me some days. The groinal responses would decrease or sometimes I just wouldn't feel it at all. I think I could be getting better And people on this subreddit and on the NOCD app have been really great at helping me. But I just Don't really know. I think that's what scares me. Is a possibility (And this is probably the most likely one.) That I'm getting over it. Or the possibility I could just be accepting it. But I don't want it to be true because I've never felt attraction towards kids, never wanted to do things to kids, honestly nowadays some too scared to be around kids. I only started feeling groinal responses after being scared that I could be a pedo. I remember I was sitting at church and my intrusive thoughts were running rapid and then I felt a groinal response which scared the hell out of me. I used to hate sunday's bc I had to go to church but now I hate it bc my brain ingrained that feeling in my memories so now when I go to church I feel groinal responses there even if I'm not having intrusive thoughts about pocd. Anyway the thoughts still bother me but it's like I care less. But I'm scared that I care less because maybe that could mean something I don't want to actually be true. I want to feel apathy and I do sometimes feel apathy but I'm scared that It's not what I want it to be. I know deep down there's a little voice telling me that it's just OCD and I'm not a pedo And I really want to listen to that voice but OCD is just so loud. And I want to say I'm not a pedo because the fact that I fear being a pedo, it goes against my morals, and the fact that I'd rather kill myself than live my life as one, I'm still scared I could be one. I know I'm repeating myself multiple times but honestly I really don't know what else to say. I don't think I feel as hopeless as I felt a week ago but I wish I just felt better. I wish that I could be 100% certain that I'm not one. I wish I could just not let these thoughts bother me. I wish I could just live my life without being scared I could be one. Honestly I wish I just never had thoughts at all. The good and the bad. I used to want to have children. Then I got PCOS which made me sad but then realized that if I wanted to actually have children I could just do IVF. But POCD has completely shattered that wish. Because I'm scared to hold a child for more than a minute. And even when I don't feel groinal responses towards a child, I still get scared. And the fact is I see my siblings and my parents hold children and play with them and feed them but even when I do the same thing I feel like I'm doing something wrong to that child. Recently I would usually try to ignore the thought or successfully ignore it but like I said multiple times, my OCD would tell me that I'm not ignoring it, I'm just accepting that my worst nightmare is true. I feel like the thought pattern just goes in a circle. I know I have to feel apathy towards the thoughts to feel better but when I feel apathy towards the thoughts, sometimes I feel better knowing that I'm not letting it bother me, But a lot of the times I'm scared to feel apathy. I usually would have intrusive thoughts about being scared of being a pedo but nowadays I'm scared about feeling apathy. I could be getting better but at the same time I feel like I'm getting worse. As I'm typing this, I'm sick so it muffles my thoughts a bit so I'm kind of glad for that. But I hate that I have to feel physically ill to feel mentally better. Like I used to hate being sick but now I'm somewhat glad about being sick so the thoughts would stop bothering me as much. But even after all of that, mentally and emotionally these past couple days I've have felt some type of peace. These past couple of years (especially since April of this year when my POCD got really intense.) I would basically have non-stop intrusive thoughts. It got worse during the summer because I was bored and I had nothing else to do. But now since I'm back in school and try to do my work and try to stay on top of my work and since my birthday party (not my birthday bc it's in a couple days.) Was yesterday, I felt really happy. Which is just really weird for me. I feel like even though I'm not done with my battle against OCD, I feel like I'll come out stronger. These past couple days I've been having bad intrusive thoughts which isn't new but I've also been feeling hopeful that it will go away. I think that's what I definitely need to feel and I feel like the little voice in my head is getting louder. Hopefully they'll get loud enough to drown out my OCD. I feel like this post is all over the place so sorry.

I currently COVID. I had started on Zoloft 2 weeks ago and it was working fine. In the last 2 days I realized that it is not working as good as it was before I got sick. I wonder if it’s because of COVID, has this happened to anyone else?

Hello, I never got formally diagnosed for OCD, they told me I have autism with ocd tendencies but I think I have more than just tendencies. I’ve been reading some of the posts and I’ve never related to something more. These past few weeks especially have been awful. Let me explain. 1. I have a boyfriend and I’m coming to realize I may have ROCD. I love him to death but I can’t get over the thought that maybe I’m just faking for his attention and I don’t actually like him and that he doesn’t actually like me and just feels sorry for me. Now I know none of this is true, but it feels intensely real to me and I’ve started avoiding him because of it. We still hang out and I try to get past these thoughts but its hard. 2. I’m trying to lower the dose of my meds because I miss having emotions but now they may be too low and my depression/anxiety is coming back. The other day it was so bad and the intrusive thoughts were awful and I had the urge to SH. I physically felt like I had to do it. My boyfriend was on the phone with me, I kept trying to hang up so I could go do it, he wouldn’t let me. It was the only thing I could think about. “Luckily”, not really that lucky, he fell asleep so I snuck to the bathroom to do it. I hated myself so much afterwards but also felt relieved that I did it. Then super guilty. Then I started thinking I only did it for attention. It’s so stressful and I feel the urge coming back and I can’t stop thinking about it. There’s many other intrusive thoughts and compulsions I’ve been having but those were just two of the main ones. I don’t know what to do/maybe I could try exposure or therapy but I really don’t want to. Thanks for reading!

I thought it would help me. I thought being by myself would be good for us, but I just can’t shake this feeling. He is nothing short of wonderful, he’s so charming and charismatic, but then things just started making me worry I don’t love him anymore. Even though I feel I still do, even after I already broke his heart. Now he hates me, which is understandable, or at least won’t talk to me as much. I want to be just friends but that idea doesn’t make me happy. I thought it would. I thought that being by myself and free to explore is perfect. And he is free to explore and find someone better than me. But I hate that. I don’t want that. He agreed to give me a week to see how I truly feel, but I already know my answer. I miss him. And I don’t even know if he’ll trust me again. I love him despite everything I ever said and know I know that OCD ruined everything for me because I thought that getting used to someone being around me was a bad thing. I don’t want it to be a bad thing anymore. I miss his kiss and touch and hugs, and it’s only been a day. Isn’t that crazy? You really don’t know what you’ve lost until you’ve lost it all. And I lost my best friend. Any thoughts?

Hi everyone. Does anyone have any experience with OCD rituals ruining their relationships? My boyfriend does not have any patience for me anymore and I am having a hard time with this

Im getting so tired! I keep getting the “i want to die” thought and feeling… and its coming everyday… Always comes out of nowhere.. and i had a very good day yesterday… the thought and feeling just keeps coming back.. all the time! And it always makes me doubt if its real 😔

So I want to quit drinking or work on moderation. But I’m scared to. Which honestly sounds weird. Sadly, alcohol is the only way I feel alive and actually kind of happy and (weirdly) motivated. I don’t drink during the weekdays but then I binge drink like crazy on the weekends. Anyways, I feel kind of like I’ve fried up most my brain cells from years of this and obviously alcohol increases OCD and anxiety and all that jazz. Anyways, long story short, just looking for some motivation or if anyone else has quit drinking/ learned to moderate and what are your tips and tricks.

I’ve recently had the epiphany that I more than likely have crohns. I’ve been diagnosed with celiacs disease but even with a gluten free diet, I still have symptoms. Then it hit me that it could be crohns since it can cause increased anxiety, celiacs, and skin and GI issues consistent to symptoms I get. Well OCD won and I searched info on crohns and the increased risk for cancer has me terrified. I started having these symptoms in 2012 though when I was 18. So I’ve dealt with this forever and feel like surely it would be better to be being treated for crohns with my primary and getting meds etc than continue to live the way I have been…..but people on here have spoken about how bad crohns treatment can be as well. I honestly just feel like giving up. I’m battling so much, that I just don’t have the motivation most days :(

I’m so annoyed right now because I’m starting college tomorrow and I feel horrible, my OCD is at an all time high and all I want to do right now is hide away and never talk to or see anyone again. I knew my mental health problems (OCD, depression, social anxiety, insomnia) would impact me going to college which is why I contacted my doctor about going on anti depressants months before hand but I am not being allowed to (it’s wayyyy to long of a story) It’s going to be so difficult to achieve anything when I’m in this state, my mental health problems have already destroyed so many opportunities for me and I don’t want this to be added to the list. All I wanted was that possible extra support from medication but nope I’m going to have to do this all on my own

So, I have a small note that I made of myself, but I noticed that I was on 150mg for a little more than two weeks where I then started to return to my normal routine of daily activities and soon I fell into emotional blunting so I'm worried that by me having returned to my usual routine since I was feeling better and since I was on a high dose, I didn't need it in the first place

I've had this discomfort in my right foot for the whole day and it's never been like this before. I'm afraid that I let my eating habits get the best of me for too long. I don't have any other symptoms of diabetes but this really scares me. I even get tingling in my feet by just crossing my legs while sitting down

It’s amazing how powerful OCD is, I went through the worst Mental Health experience of my entire life last year. I thought my life was over, that I was insane, and was convinced 100% I had schizophrenia. My brain was mimicking every symptom. It was terrifying. After starting OCD therapy and ERP. My life changed forever. I was actually mental stable for once. I felt happy and controlled for once. Now Schiz OCD is back , and it seems worse then before. I can’t sleep, eat, work, or even socialize. I constantly feel insane. My two biggest themes are Harm OCD and Schiz OCD. And these themes work together to cause me constant anxiety. It’s hell. I can’t even think straight. I’m currently dealing with DP/DR, command thoughts/voice, internal voices/thoughts that I can make not sound like me or my inner monologue, “What if” delusional thoughts,hyperviligance,checking if I hear or see anything externally(auditory and visual hallucinations) and many more. I question my insight constantly. I even went to the hospital the other day to get evaluated and make sure I don’t have psychosis. Everything I fear the most seems to be coming true. Constantly asking my parents and therapist/professionals if I have schizophrenia. Constantly looking for reassurance. Feels as if I’m thinking my way into psychosis and schizophrenia. OCD knows exactly what you fear and will try to one up you on anything. OCD will CONVINCE you everything that’s happening to you is true , all your biggest fears. OCD is trying to find new things to keep you stuck and hold you in fear. This experience has been horrible and I am convinced I’m going insane. But I’ve been through this once and I’m going to get through this again. STAY STRONG. Reach out to professionals, Resist compulsions, step into the fear, and relax a little bit. You’re not alone.

If a person finds out that you have been in hospital for 5 days and they wish you well but do not offer to visit you or even do not ask you if you need anything, are they still a friend? The hospital is within a walking distance from their home.

I have always had OCD tendencies, however it was until very recently in which I finally got a diagnosis. Life has been hard, lately. Some great things have happened to me - I got engaged, married, moved 2 times, adopted another dog, and am starting a family with my husband, so what gives? I have everything I have always wanted and with the person who is perfect for me. We always laugh, spend time with each other, support each other, and have many MANY great plans for the future, so why the intrusive thoughts? They are common for me - I always had to do things a certain way, couldn’t sleep unless I was the first one to do so, couldn’t handle school, never formed basic relationships (until I met my husband), and have the worst intrusive thoughts about my relationship and about my future. They always decide to enter in my mind when things are amazing. Moved in with my SO? Yep. Got engaged? Yep. Got married and moved? The worst intrusive thoughts I could ever imagine. I made myself so sick to the point where I ended up in the hospital and I lost 20 pounds. I didn’t get it. Why did I have these thoughts of “why don’t I want to be married?”, “what if I don’t love him”, “should I divorce him and leave”, “why do I fear for the future”. It makes no sense because I love him more than anything, cannot imagine a life without him, cannot wait to have his kids, and have the dream of growing old with him. Hell, I even have his initials tattooed on me. I have never been good with life changes, but this is new. With a lot of research and even more stress, I finally figured it out. The reason I am so distressed by these thoughts are because of how much he means to me and how much I am looking forward to the future. I had no idea that these were OCD-based intrusive thoughts. I have these ideas that I absolutely do not want to act on because I hold family, friends, and relationships so close to me, I had no idea what was wrong with me. With what I found, unfortunately it is all too common and can leave you as a shell of a person, someone you don’t recognize, and someone you hate, which is where I sit. Finally getting the OCD diagnosis that I have been waiting 28 years for has been a blessing, but also a curse because now all I think is “am I sure it’s OCD and not actually me?” Well this is not the case and what I need to learn. I am finally starting therapy to help get the answers and the support I need so I can become the best wife, daughter, sister, and future mom that I can be. My goal is to take back my life and my thoughts and stop obsessively worrying and crying all of the time. My current life is what I want and need and I need to stop my thoughts from trying to steal my own happiness. When I have good days, I have GOOD DAYS, but when I have bad days, they are horrible. If I can do it, you can do it. It just takes a community. ♥️♥️

I’m 15, I’ve been going in public places more often and men have always made me anxious, (I’m a girl) I’m not sure exactly why but I’ve always thought in my head “I’m embarrassed because I’m ugly and they’re handsome/attractive” , but recently when I’ve been going out this same exact things been happening with much younger boys, I’d say 10-20, now of course anything above 13 is fine , but 12 and 11 and 10???? A no go. And I’m confused as to why I’m anxious around them too, with the same thought in mind. + I avoid them the same way I avoid older guys- I’ve been thinking about this a lot but this seems very real and I don’t like it. But I avoid handsome guys, cause they make me anxious cause I think I’m ugly, so why do young boys make me anxious in the same way too???? It’s weird. And gross. And now I’m worried and scared.