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But since last year when I had a travel going completely wrong (i got COVID) I started to Always think that my travels Will go wrong Always now. The fact Is that my next travel went horribly too, ended up in the hospital twice for panic attacks. i have health ocd and magical thinking. I'm convinced someone threw a spell on me and now every time things Will go bad. Next week I have to travel again, I'm having already panic attacks and Guess what??? Today i got fever and severe cold. I don't know what to do, i'm panicking i'm convinced everything Will go bad again and that I truly have an evil spell on me. Can't stop thinking about It and It makes me mad.

Well I guess no one could help! No one is going through what I am so I guess this wasn’t ocd after all … so I guess there’s no point been on this forum because it’s a insult to all you suffers … not that you’ll want any words from me but I do wish youse all the best in your recovery!! My journey with thinking I had ocd ends here I guess god bless use just want youse to know I never wanted to be this person and I wasn’t this person for 29 years of my life goodbye NOCD !

I have been having suicidal thoughts for more a week now. I have plan it and I don’t have a lot of will to live. I want to get though this but it is really hard to even sit in classes. All I am thinking about is do I want to die should I tell people I love them and like write letters. I had therapy today but it didn’t really help just said a lot of the same things I already know. I try texting 988 yesterday and it help a little. But everyone thinks it just ocd thoughts but idk

Does anyone open up to friends, family, coworkers about their OCD? Specifically work.. I'm having a relapse and find it hard to function at work some days.

I am with my boyfriend almost 24/7, aside from when we’re at work or when I’m at school. Ever since we started dating we’ve spent almost every day/night together and sometimes I feel weird about it because I feel like that’s not normal. We’ve been together for close to 2 years. He’s my first partner. Sometimes I feel like I might be bored in the relationship and that worries me because I think people say if you grow bored you should leave. But also, I lost my friends right after I started dating my bf (due to me feeling like they didn’t value my friendship, feeling like my mental health was a burden to them and stuff) and it feels refreshing when I get out of the apartment on my own or when I see family and sometimes I feel bored and monotonous being inside with him all day. I don’t know if that’s just a normal reaction because I lost most of my friends and as a result he’s the person I’m around the most or if it’s a problem. Also sometimes I think he doesn’t look good. Before dating him I thought a muscular gym guy who likes economics would be literally the last person I would go for but he has all of those traits. I never was super attracted to his muscular build from the beginning until I told him that I grew attracted to it as my feelings grew for him, which I thought was true at the time but I think he’s also gained weight and he doesn’t really dress nice most of the time so I often look at his body and don’t feel a lot of attraction. I don’t even think this specifically is an rocd issue although I do have rocd I believe. Also I often don’t think his face looks that good, but sometimes I do think he looks really good and if he’s dressed in more flattering clothes I don’t feel negatively about his body. I love him so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with him But I feel really guilty about all of this and I know it’s not “normal”. I just wish I could have a normal relationship where I always feel like he looks good and where I have a high sex drive (which I don’t. I also genuinely think I’m graysexual which I’m okay with). I get these feelings on and off and I don’t want to tell him because it will break his heart and I don’t know if it’s necessary or not. I don’t want to deceive him and I want to stay with him but I feel like I’m not allowed to if I think he doesn’t look good often or if I feel this weird boredom or whatever it is about spending all my time with him. But at the same time I want to be with him this much idk it’s weird

Does anyone have any tips for how to distinguish between thought suppression and stopping rumination? Struggling with rumination at the moment and trying to respond with "I'm not going to answer that" and not engaging, but feels similar to pushing the thoughts away? Any advice would be much appreciated!

My events are actually so much worse than anything else I’ve seen here. Not to discredit anyone’s feelings, but nobody here is a bad person at all. Any time I talk about what I’ve done, I feel like I maybe shock people. It’s very heavy to post here. I’ve probably disgusted a lot of people. My girlfriend is the only person that truly knows me and still loves me, but even then, she doesn’t know every single detail because she wants me to stop confessing. Sometimes I just accept that I’m the villain in my own story, and at least that calms the conflict in my brain down. I stop spending so much energy figuring out if I’m evil and just accept I probably am. This probably isn’t the best approach, but idk how else to move forward.

OCD is the worst! It will make you question EVERYTHING. When I was beginning to conquer OCD by realizing that God gave me a good heart and that I was going to be fine, it begin to make me question why God chose that for me? Like what if I wanted to be evil and I can’t because God chose to make me a good person. Like what kind of irrational question is that? I don’t understand why I’m stuck on questioning that. Has anyone else experienced this?

Now it's time for everyone's favorite game! Am I feeling weird because of the summer heat and weather changes, upping my meds, or just because? No one knows! Could the insomnia be a symptom of my meds or dehydration? Are my headaches caused by lack of sleep or stress? Am I sweating from the heat or is it a side effect from meds? Should I drink coffee and will it make my tummy hurt? Find out the answers in roughly a month when I can finally get to the doctors! (FR tho, I really hope when I adjust to the upped dosage of Zoloft most of this goes away. I'm trying to keep my spirits up regardless. Overall my mood has been pretty good tho, I just want this to settle out)

I cursed and I asked God for forgiveness and then I did it several times I feel so bad i feel like I don't deserve to go to heaven I don't deserve their love I don't deserve them cause they are the best and I cursed souch and the day isn't even over that's not the only sin I did today and I feel horrible I love God and Jesus so so much but I feel like I just don't deserve God or Jesus

I’ve struggled with suicidal ideation and OCD for a long time now, and I think that the OCD is making it worse. I am a suicidal person who struggles with day-to-day life, and the OCD makes me believe that I will compulsively make that decision based on what I’m feeling in that moment. For example, if I work hard on a project and it doesn’t turn out the way that I wanted it to, my mind immediately jumps to suicide. Or if I interviewed for a job (which already took a lot out of me), and I don’t get hired my mind immediately jumps to suicide. Like I said, I already struggle with suicidal thoughts but I’m afraid that one day it’ll be enough to make me do it and it would be a mistake. Like, at the last minute I’d realize that I made a mistake but it would be too late. I know that others experience this and that I’m not alone in this. But I don’t know if I can afford therapy, so does anyone know any tips to get out of that state of mind? To train the mind to not jump to suicide at any level of inconvenience?

I have these real events that just keep popping up. It’s like when I finally stop worrying about one thing, another one fills in the gap. I know that this is all ocd, but I also feel so guilty because I feel like I should be confessing these things to people. Like future partners and stuff like that maybe. I know that it’s probably just my anxious brain talking and I know that confessing is a compulsion, but I just feel this guilt when I think about simply moving on and not telling more people. I feel a sense of imposter syndrome where I feel like my family and future partners wouldn’t love me if they knew about the real events. I just constantly feel like I’m deceiving them and hiding the fact that I’m secretly a bad person/at the very least did bad things that need to be confessed :(

I’m on day 8 of my period and still have some light bleeding when I go to the bathroom. I have read this could be anything from hormones to cancer. I’ve had irregular period’s recently. It’s not super abnormal for me to have irregular periods but I’m getting scared that this period might just not stop. I’m so scared of going to the doctors and getting checked, I hate the whole process and the waiting game. I can’t stop thinking I may have cancer. Just freaking out.

I’ve been struggling really bad with hocd, always Afaird of “snapping” With school starting I’m struggling with getting up 7am to take my son to school and pick him up. I struggle with I can’t handle doing this everyday, and because I feel like I can’t handle it makes me feel like this will lead me to snap!! I don’t know if me not being able to handle taking him to school daily is a form of Ocd or just me being overwhelmed!! I’m overwhelmed and find myself being very short fused which also plays into the what if I snap!! Anyone struggling with this?

I cringe even asking this... I knew she wasn't on the feminine side when I fell in love with her. I fought against my initial feeling to run away because there was not a HUGE spark and only a small one because she wasn't on the high femme side. We have a wonderful sex life and she is very feminine in bed, but she dresses like a 12 yr old boy most of the time.... and I'm finding myself frustrated that she doesn't even try to dress up a little femme for me... when she knows that's what I've always preferred. We haven't had a full blown convo about... and I'm afraid to because that was her ex's complaint as well. I want to love her for her but I am starting to get worried that I am going to blow this relationship just because of the way she dresses/doesn't dress. I don't know if this is my ROCD or my true preferences shining through.

I feel so so sad. When my son was born I didn’t get any intrusive thoughts and I felt complete and happy and I thought maybe it’s my time to be happy now. He’s 6 weeks old and I’m bombarded with intrusive thoughts I’m feeling really really low and hopeless I feel like I’m not going to get through this I feel like I give up on life. No matter how happy I get there’s always something that will ruin it. I felt a strong bond with my son when he was born and weeks after but now I feel like I can’t have a proper bond with him due to the thoughts. I’m scared I just want to be a good mother and a good person I just want a normal life I can’t remember what it was like to feel normal. I wish every day to just let me be a good mother let me give my son the best possible life I can I just want to be a good mother that is all I want 💔💔it hurts so much

I have been really struggling with contamination OCD, I'm so afraid of touching things, I fear getting ill or my baby, and the very worst is the insane amount I wash my hands, my psychologist told me I should take note 📝 of every time I wash my hands during the day and also to write what are the thoughts that drives me to wash my hands, past week there was a day I washed them 30 times in just one hour 😓😱😨😰😭 I feel so miserable about it, my mother keeps telling me things like: "OMG that's insane! It's wrong, stop it! Like if it was so easy just to stop. My husband just says: oh just stop washing them so much it's not necessary 😑😒. I feel like no one understands me, I feel like I'm the weirdest person alive like no one else has ever washed their hands so much as me. I'm fighting everyday to wake up early and break the vicious circle of being so down and lazy.

Why do I feel like a p :( like ugh what if I’m really suppressing creepy thoughts, and I was also emotionally and sexually abused and what if I think the same like my abuser bc I really feel lost right now like what if I eventually become like him bc that’s what it reallly feels like right now :( and I hate myself. And I feel like I have these thoughts and it feels like I agree with them.. and I feel like there’s nothing I can do bc I’m going to become my abuser :/ I’m really scared bc I had this feeling of doom when I first started having intrusive thoughts of what If I become my abuser and predicting it. And Idk what if I felt aroused by kids voices in the beginning of this? :( and sometimes there would be kids at my job and I would notice them and these thoughts about their body come up and it’s like now I can’t unsee it and it feel like I agree with them, bc it’ll be thoughts that my stepdad had about me like I have a butt or whatever and was only a kid and now I feel like I’m doing the same thing but it’ll just pop up as the the first thing I see which I hate bc I would have these thoughts so much so idk if I got used to them or if it changed for me to worry about now but I’m really scared like really sacred bc now I feel like I’m going to do something in the future where I can’t control myself and I’m scared, and I hate how I have thoughts like oh now I understand what a p feels like but not bc I actually like it yk like I hate it but it’s like before when the thoughts happened I was like I could never understand why a p thought like this and now after a while of having the thoughts it’s like I understand now but I absolutely hate it like I hate bc I would never want to do that or experience that pleasure they get from that, and it’s so complicated and I feel so ashamed to talk about other things that I feel aren’t like okay or idk if its ocd but I don’t want to go to hell bc what if this is the real me bad and evil and I have these feelings and i feel guilty and it feels like I should admit it true even if I feel a little off like idk, like why do I notice kids bodies.. and notice they have like developed bodies and I hate that and I feel weird and I feel scared of that idk I need help bc I feel like I’m panicking, and it will be thoughts like she has a nice body or she has a butt ect and idk I feel like its weird to think that or say it but my mom has said that and she’s not a p or idk if I’m considering it normal but I didn’t think like that until when I had intrusive thoughts and I was also abused which came from that so idk… I hope im not weird and this is the deepest I’ve said and o hope I don’t get judged but idk maybe I would find it a bit weird if I didn’t have ocd if I read this :( I need help.

I don’t mind if anyone reads this. Maybe it can help to know you’re not alone. I thought I was the worst person and that I deserved to die since March of 2023. I’m a music teacher and now a choir teacher. I can honestly say that I never expected to go through what I went through. I feel like I’ve battled and overcome a lot of things, but the last 7 months of my life were by far the worst and there wasn’t even anything going on to cause me a huge amount of stress other than I truly did not like the school I was at and I was really lonely. I found out I had OCD because a tiktok triggered me into thinking “what if I’m a pedophile because my grandfather was?” And “what if I’m attracted to children?” I know it sounds silly, but everything I researched, googled, and/or tested was telling me I was and I began going on a downward spiral, unknowing that OCD was this. I’d always believed OCD was being paranoid over germs or excessive cleaning. I now know that there’s WAY more to OCD than I ever thought possible. For months on end, I managed to somehow spiral into believing that I was the worst possible person, that I wasn’t safe around my students, that I wasn’t safe around anyone out in public, or that everyone secretly knew my thoughts. I still have immense guilt over some and I wouldn’t wish POCD on my worst enemy. I never knew our brains could betray us like that and for years before this, I dealt with all kinds of negative thinking unknowing that it was OCD all along for a lot of things. Yet, my mind was still my safe place to go until POCD. For 7 months, it was as if I was switching back and forth between a real and fake reality. It felt like I was a stranger in my own body. There were moments of clarity where I realized this was insane, but when it felt real, it was like walking through a hell I made for myself. I can now say that there really is light at the end of the tunnel and that no matter how dark or long yours may seem, you’ll find your way back again. The bright side of OCD is that when you realize it’s just in the one part of your brain and you learn ERP to counteract it, you feel grateful just to be you. I’ve never been grateful to be me, but after this experience, I would not be anyone else. I’m so relieved that I’m still me. I’m so relieved that my mind and body are still mine and that my heart to teach remains the same. I’m a middle school choir and keyboard teacher now and I LOVE my new job. (Sorry for the long read, but maybe this will help)

I want to increase the conversation on this so tell me, How do these appear for you? How immersive are they? Are they first person or third person? I’d love to increase awareness as THOUGHTS are talked way more than IMAGES