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Today was a crash day. After multiple long days of school, working out, and late nights I sort of crashed today. I had some paint stuck on my hands that wouldn’t come off, and I accidentally spent an extra 20 minutes in the shower obsessively trying to get it off. As the day progressed and I slowly got more stressed, I could like physically feel myself getting like uptight and OCD. I could physically feel my eyes bulging almost and in the strangest way I could feel like a pressure in my head that was onset from the OCD. I can normally tell that I get more OCD when I’m tired and stressed and today was especially evident. I didn’t want to go to class, and everything in me wanted to just sit in my car and scroll through social media. I went to class but then could not focus whatsoever on the assignment. After this I went home and napped for a couple hours. This seemed to help a lot. But then I woke up stressed because I remembered a job I was supposed to do but didn’t get done because I was sleeping. The rest of the day was much better. Sleeping sorta of resets my brain. And the rest of the night I was in a social setting. But it’s so frustrating because I feel like I can’t control whether I’m in this state or not. And some days it’s much more subtle than this. This past 3 months as a whole have been immensely stressful. I have noticed my disfunction and ruts come every semester. I was dedicated to getting over this, but after a really terrible breakup I am in this sort of hole which has me feeling alone and overwhelmed by this mental inability to keep up. No one I know has OCD. The breakup was a huge tole though. I’ve tried everything to heal, to numb, and to cope. Everything healthy and unhealthy. But I just can’t comprehend how someone can go from 1 week “let’s get married” to the next “God is telling me to break up with you”. And apparently the next part of that process for her was getting with her camp co-counselor. Less than a month later. And I’m left with the pieces and the lies. This was someone I’ve been best friends with for years. It has been betrayal, and heart break. I know all that’s in the past though. And I’m trying desperately to forgive her. But I can’t get her out of my head no matter how hard I try. It’s been 3 months, and still no luck. She’s in my dreams, and in my thoughts. The days never seem to get any better. I had this grand future built in my head, and now I have to rebuild the pieces with what I have. I just feel so rejected and alone. Thankfully have had friends and family to talk to. But I feel like I really need therapy. I’m rediscovering the deeper issues such as childhood trauma, and coping mechanisms. But I need someone to help walk me through this. I have someone set up but it’s been weeks of miscommunication trying to get a date set up. I’m supposed to see him next week so I’m hoping that goes well. I’m never really on this app. I have a hard time getting to a journaling state of mind, because when I open up my thoughts it’s like Pandora’s box, and I just want everything to get out at once. I don’t normally have the patience to do that in journaling however. So this entire post is just a journaling rant. Maybe someone has a relatable experience or some insight.

Anybody else pick their fingernails then put the nails in their pocket? I’m going through a not littering phase.

Does anyone get thoughts like what if i want to go back to my ex? What if i like him? Etc etc or compare my previous relationship with my current one, like oh maybe he would’ve done x or y differently, And start fighting in my head thinking its true, and feel like im lying to my partner. Please comment so i feel less alone and not crazy, and actually relax from this

i’ve done some pretty shit things in the past and whenever i hang out or talk to my friends, i can’t help but feel like i should tell them what happened. i don’t wanna seek reassurance but i don’t know how i should go on with our friendship with knowing i have done something bad as a kid. only one other friend (+ siblings) knows about this but other than that no one knows.

I’m really scared and frustrated. I was doing okay. Yes I had intrusive thoughts here and there but I was able to calm myself down till now. So I’ve been in a relationship for over a year and 11 months almost two years basically and so the other day some kid randomly pretended to hit me (old friend) and I was like “what the hell count your days” then I told my bf knowing he wouldn’t like what that kid did and he didn’t and my bf said it sounded like I was playfully playing with that kid to for saying count your days but I said it as a joke I wasn’t being for real. So I started to feel like I can’t talk to guys without my bf getting upset or jealous. Like personally I joke around a lot with my friends I’m really funny I say random things, use accents, just anything and people laugh and I feel like I can’t do that with guys cause then my boyfriend will get upset. So it makes me feel kinda trapped like if I can’t talk to males or do things like I used to like yes I know I’m not supposed to be touchy like of course not I love my boyfriend but I don’t want him to tell me to not talk to males but then it sounds like I want male friends and I hate it cause I shouldn’t want that it’s more like I wanna be able to have a convo with one without my bf obv getting upset or jealous. Then again it just sounds like I want male friends and I hate that so much. It makes me feel and think do I miss being single and free?? Like no being single was so boring now I have my bf I don’t wanna think about being single and free my mind tells me to go be single and mess around like I used to. I don’t want to. I hate the words “don’t commit young go out and explore” because it makes me feel like Im missing out and I don’t wanna do that you know? Like why can’t I just be happy and secure in my relationship :/ without these thoughts. These are the most bothersome thoughts ever. I don’t wanna think about them nor do what they tell me but it feels like I do but no :/

When i see couples together, specially people who been together for years i get so triggered and start thinking that can’t be me because i dont see a future with my partner, i want this to stop. Please lord help me. These thoughts are stopping me from going out, making plans, being happy together. We have a vacation next year and im scared to go, because im going to be ruminating and disconnected. I’m scared we move in and i cant control my mind

Hi all, I am genuinely curious about everyone’s coping methods when they are trying to go about their daily lives. I am doing a good job at not giving into my compulsions, but the accompanied anxiety and dread caused by the obsession is too much for my normal day-to-day functioning. Any tips, tricks, etc. that you are willing to share?

I got a lady a soda because she was going through some hard times... i felt that it was the right thing to do so i wanted to do something kind for her... but my POCD and real events ocd... it just makes me think im a horrible person for my real events... no matter how hard i try to be good for others... I have pocd and real events OCD regarding explicit anime/explicit cartoon content too… (14, 17-18) i didnt know what the content was or what it represented at the time, the content was on public sites and some of them said the characters that were underage in canon, were 18+ in the content, so I thought they were safe to watch… I thought it was safe to view because it was on public sites and animated... i didnt even know what the content was or how horrible it represented... I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… The explicit anime characters looked and were really young… and i avoided most of the content… but i thought some of the content wasnt Pediphilic because they were on public explicit sites and had millions of views and was animated... I didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented… I assumed that some of the content was safe to look at because it was on public sites and had millions of views… i didnt know that this content was or what it represented… but doing my research made me gag and puke… i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… they were anime characters that looked extremely young… i didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented… When i was looking at explicit anime content (i was 19 and was making sure the characters were over the age of 18) I accidentally looked at characters that were 17 by mistake... (three times even though the site said all characters have to be 18+) my pocd is saying im in denial for this... this, combined with my previous pocd and real events based on this... makes me just feel so alone...

Im fully aware that OCD attaches to everything and anything but I recently started having heart palpitations and chest pain, I have experience with panic attack and anxiety attacks but this feels different. I went to the hospital and they did and chest x-ray and blood test, they said it all looks good but before being released my BP was very low which made them retest me before letting me leave. I still feel off experiencing physical symptoms but I don’t want to go back to the hospital because I don’t want to do a compulsion. How do you know what’s real and what is just your OCD? 😭

i have experiences nearly all categories of OCD, big pure o. if you have any questions ask me and i’m sure i can give you an answer. no reassurance!

When I was 14 during Covid, I had a episode for six months of constant compulsions every night. When I turned fifteen compulsions were almost completely gone on their own!! When I got into a relationship I completely gave into my ROCD and they consumed me. Then it went away almost completely. Then it would come back the strongest I’ve ever dealt with. Does anyone else have this? Sometimes when it’s almost gone I’m like nahhh I didn’t have ocd, then when it comes back I’m like HWAT ELSE COULD IT BE THIS IS TORTURE.

Dear NOCD, I am still having some trouble with these thoughts, and I am afraid that no other website would come close to understanding it so much as this. People on other sites are way too judgmental and they could even hurl the worst obscenities towards me and not even try to repent. I spent two weeks ranting about them with such pure rage as to actually threaten them. That's how bad the obscenities hurled against me were, I feel wrongfully accused. I almost refused to let it go because those users despise me now. Why should I listen to them? Why should I try to make them repent for something brutal they had done to me a couple of months back? I felt such pure rage at those people that I felt like targeting them in real life, and the delusion that they possibly knew my IP address and that they might be part of a secret network of Redditors making my interactions on that site as miserable as is humanly possible gave me comfort, and the truth looked like premature death itself. I wish I got rid of POCD because it truly is something that I will never talk to anyone else about except on this board. In addition, I am afraid these thought patterns have gotten worse, as I go to great lengths to avoid children and adolescents. I won't even let them into my house or anywhere near me, period. I fear for my life because of POCD. Being accused four times on Reddit is simply a death sentence for me, and I have to go retreat into NOCD to make sure that such accusations and defamations of my character never happen again. Thoughts? Truly yours, MatthewDHall

The wave of hocd has been happening for half a week now. So far I have been mixing between resisting compulsions and saying maybe maybe not but now a few things are worrying me I tried to look up gay things to see what it was and find an answer and I only felt like I identified it more And now there is part of me where it is like actually it's not so bad but there is another part of me that's like I just want to go back to how I was before this wave Idk what to do because I can't do erpe for my own reasons but I really do want to start or at least figure out if this is ocd or denial because I feel like the more I am accepting it the more I am identifying with being gay and saying I want to be straight doesn't feel good or relieving anymore and I have lost alot of attraction to men and keep fixating on the women and getting strong intrusive emotions and responses bur I don't want to do anything about it and I am just trying to carry on Someone please reply

Feeling a bit of spite with this disorder right now. I can feel my mind feeling a bit of dopamine looking at anything other than the thing I was obsessed with for a year and a half now because OCD ruined it for me. I want to go back so much to being in love with what I had before and dont want anything else because I'm so spiteful that OCD gets to run by and just destroy shit I love and then gets to go scott free? I can feel my mind trying to calm itself down from my OCD flare up and it feels like it's trying to stop it by finding other ways things to indulge but I don't want it. I want to indulge in what I had before.

Driving on highways with oncoming traffic, turning with oncoming traffic turning, driving past/oncoming semis, or narrow roads has been something my OCD has made me uncomfortable with for a while. Driving is a big part of my everyday life, so it's something I can't run away from. My one job, driving is centered around driving completely. It takes a lot of courage honestly. I try to almost welcome the uncomfortability. It's scary and hard but I know avoiding it will only cripple me. So when driving, if there's turn lanes with opposing turn lanes, I will turn in the lane closest to the other turn lane. If it's a 4 lane high way, I will drive in the lane closest the the other side of the road. If I'm on the interstate, I will intentionally pass a semi. All of that is uncomfortable and scary for me. But I feel I have to bring the uncomfortability to me. Sometimes I choose not to drive on the closest side, or turn lane because my OCD can also latch onto my intent for exposures and turn it into a compulsion. Well with the uncomfortability around driving my OCD tries to send ALL sorts of alarms. "Did you move the wheel?, Did your hand move? Did you move towards the car? Were you too close to that car? Was that turn too close to the oncoming car? Did you move the wheel when passing the semi?, Did the wheel move because you hit a bump, was it the wind, was it you?, and the list goes on😅. I put that emoji because the OCD is so ridiculous that I'm like like, "come onnn OCD...is there anything else you want to hit me with?". I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't let my OCD take from me. That's why I continue to face the uncomfortability head on. But by no means is it easy. It's really hard. Because any of those questions the OCD tries getting me stuck with, is hard to not fall into OCD's trap and let those questions get me to ruminate and start catastrophizing. It tried doing that to me this morning. Today the wheel felt "heavy" and of course the OCD tried "poking me" repeatedly. Basically like, "hey...hey...I'm talking to you! I know you hear me!". But here's the thing. I have to ride the wave. I can't throw in the towel and be like my day is ruined. I have a lot more driving to do today and I will get through it. "Riding the wave" is a very useful tool for me. It's essentially a reminder that the anxiety and fear will pass. Just how a wave forms and gets high but comes down into shore. That's what I try to remind myself of in moments like today. I hope we all can become stronger with being comfortable uncomfortable. That's a big goal for me. Because I feel achieving that will take the power away from The OCD. There's no rush though. I know WE can all achieve that. Day by day, guys. 💚

Can anyone relate?? Is anyone else's OCD so bad and ingrained in them that there whole day is taken up physical compulsions? So whenever I try to do something whether that is getting off the sofa, walking into another room, making a coffee or even typing this question I can't do it normally. Some examples are When getting off the sofa I stand up and have to instantly sit back down again before I can then stand up and walk to whatever it is I am going to do When making a coffee I have to get the cup out of the cupboard then put it back before getting it out again then flick the switch for my coffee machine on and off umpteen amount of times before I can even make the coffee When typing a message on my phone I have to delete a few words that I have typed just to re-type the exact same words Every single task that I do is done like this and I'm sure anyone would agree that this constitutes severe OCD that is going to be extremely difficult to break. I just wondered if anyone else's is this bad and if anyone has some advice they can offer me

I started with a bad flare up in September and I’m still very much in it? I’ve been to the doctors and am receiving therapy but I just can’t get out of my own head and be present. I do mental compulsions and sometimes I’m unaware I’m doing them. Any advice would be welcomed as this is hell.

Why does thinking of a future with your partner makes you anxious and worried? Sometimes i look at my partner and get anxious whenever i imagine living with him etc😞 i want it to go away, it makes me feel horrible because before i was ok with thinking of the future and excited, but now i feel like a liar whenever he asks me about moving in, getting married, having kids etc. i want to look at him and feel all the love i know i have for him and be sure of things

So I wanted to make an account on here because I need help distinguishing if it’s ocd or just plan anxiety. I have always been an anxious person, ever since I could remember. The earliest memory of me being anxious was when I was around 6-8 (memories from those years are blurred) and I’m 20 now. That being said, I’ve always been overly paranoid about my health, and always asking my mom or grandma to take me to the hospital because I thought that I broke something or I thought I had cancer, or some other health issue. I’ve also ruined a relationship recently because I was overly paranoid that I was doing something wrong in the friendship and I did something bad in our past, and I would always mention it and block afterwards after I apologize profusely. I realize I was in the wrong in this situation, which is why the sneaky feeling of me having ocd popped up, although I could be wrong. Another thing is that with my mental health, or health in general in recent times, I tend to spend at least 30 minutes to an hour making sure my symptoms aren’t anything that I deem “bad”. I tend to get extremely worried and irritable when people come into my space to help me clean or just to hang out, in fear they might find something or ruin my room in some way, which causes me to hide things that are really important to me, and if I can’t do that, then I don’t let people into my room. I also have a feeling that someone’s always following me or someone might pop up to my family home to kick us out, and it leads to me always checking windows, and I get extremely anxious when a car pulls into the driveway. I haven’t left the house in such a long time because of how bad my social anxiety is, for multiple reasons. Like I’m extremely scared of getting hurt or kidnapped, etc. Overall, my brain makes me think of the worst case scenario in most situations, and it’s hard for me to turn of my brain. All my life, most people and most doctors just chopped it to me being extremely anxious, but I don’t know if everything adds up to JUST anxiety, and I know I should tell this to my psychiatrist, but I’m not sure if I’m going crazy with thinking it’s something more than just anxiety, and it’s really frustrating.

So my biggest fear right now, and something that doesn’t allow me to be happy, make plans, go out a lot etc, is the fact that I’m terrified by imagining and thinking of the future with my bf, and me still being like this, having those spiraling moments, anxiety attacks, doubting of the relationship, not knowing if i love him (ocd lie). It freaks me out to think what if i stay and im never happy, what if im always sad and anxious, what if im not able to be intimate, what if i get worse after moving in together…. Advice for this