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Meds didn't help at all. ERP not helpin so much. I feel I'm treatment resistent, anxiety/OCD so severe. What to do next?? Feelin lost n depressed..

So last night I tried to talk about it And I got told I shouldn't question it and that I am straight But when I got told that I had the worst chest pain in the world and now I feel even further away from being straight than ever. Idk how to pull myself back and I really do try to carry on but I feel so masculine when I am a feeling not to mention the groinal responses and butterfly emotions are really strong and I have lost my attraction to men I was close to accepting I was bi because I got relief from that but how have I even got here Is this still ocd because I feel so far away from myself and I feel like the only way out is to still accept I an bi Someone please help me work through this I can't get erp I am really lost

How are you and sum it up into one word or phrase 😊 💚Amazing 🧡Ok ❤️struggling 💙awful

Can’t tell if I’m exaggerating but I feel like some of my actions have a possibility of putting me in jail. What’s the point of living if I’ll probably just end up there

I've been seeing a new psychiatrist for three months now. Or rather, I was supposed to have my third appointment recently. I deal with a lot of other issues on top of OCD. Last month, my psychiatrist ended up prescribing me the wrong medication, and not the one I was on. Thankfully, I had extra from an older prescription, so I've been taking that for the past month. I told CVS to request a refill for the right one and he never responded. So I was going to talk to him about this on Monday, because that was when the appointment for this month was supposed to be. On Monday, I got in the telehealth waiting room and he never showed up. Finally called the office to see what was going on. Receptionist told me he changed his availability. No one told me. I got a text reminder three days before that appointment that I had an appointment. Apparently, he is now only in office on Thursdays and Fridays, days I almost always work long hours. So they managed to find a time he was available on Friday that I could fit in. I mentioned I really needed AT LEAST one of my meds, lamictal, because if I run out I have to start at a low dose again due to risk of serious side effects. I managed to get to CVS on Friday before my appointment and it wasn't there. Legit started crying when I got out of the CVS. Especially since it was Friday, meaning he was in the office the day before and did nothing about the prescription. I called the office again and the receptionist said she had no guarantee he would respond before the appointment, which was in a couple of hours. Pharmacist was at least nice enough to give me three pills to get me through three days, had two left, so I can make it five days. Decide to go home, I take a depression nap, and then make myself get up for appointment. He never shows up. Call the office number, no one picks up because it says they're closed even though it's 6 PM and the site says they don't close until 9 PM. I have no clue what to do because I need those meds. I called the psychiatric ER that I had to go to to get started back on my meds a few months ago and they say to call my PCP. PCP doesn't open until Monday. So I'm just really hoping that my PCP will be willing to write me a prescription until I can find a psychiatrist who gives any semblance of a fuck. I am furious but can't call until Monday. I need those meds. I'm finally able to function again. I don't want to lose that because some idiot of a psychiatrist can't be bothered to communicate with me.

Anxiety has immensely affected my OCD. If I got bad grades in school or if someone texted me something that would make me nervous and anxious, my OCD symptoms would skyrocket and would be very difficult for me to control. Personally, my symptoms include the obsession to make everything even, this includes having to hit and scratch myself places that trigger. A common example of this is if I stubbed my right toe, I have to stub my left toe but only if the feeling after stubbing my right toe sticks. Usually the feeling “sticks” when I am anxious. This could be anywhere on my body. If I crack knuckles in my index finger, I have to crack my other index finger the same exact way until they feel the same/ even. I have met a few people that have these same tendencies, those being my brothers, one of which is diagnosed with severe autism (non verbal) that has also shown clear signs of ADHD and OCD among many other diagnoses that I can’t even list because there are so many. My other brother has dealt with OCD as well as depression and I can imagine he has ADHD as well. I’m fairly certain, since I am the youngest, that I could have ADHD and of course OCD as my brothers do too. I have a lot of PTSD from prior family events from when I was a lot younger which strikes my anxiety horribly and my OCD with bad intrusive thoughts. My OCD makes me feel very different from others and makes me so self conscious about my actions. I am a very energetic person but some days or weeks I will be so tired and cannot reconnect with my bubbly persona. I really miss the way I was when I was younger and happier and I just don’t like the feeling of loneliness. I really want to find a way to relive my OCD as much as possible. I have never talked to anyone about any of this, I find whenever I open up to someone, they unfortunately do not stick around. All of this built up emotion has made life so hard and made my OCD struggle horribly. Can someone help? Or maybe tell me how they might relate to anything I talked about? And if anyone could tell me what type of OCD I might have, I would be so grateful.❤️‍🔥

I broke up w my ex over a year ago and we ended on good terms and haven't really spoken since. I don't wish to be back in his life but whenever people ask abt him and why the relationship ended bc we were healthy and were together for over 2 and a half years I speak highly of him and tell them that we ended on good terms. Luckily people don't ask too much but it's a bit uncomfortable since obviously, it's over and we had our reasons for breaking up. Over the summer my ocd peaked and it was awful bc it would mix and show up as MANY subtypes, one of them being false memory and I would get intrusive thoughts abt the possibility that I took advantage of him, which were horrifying to have. The intrusive thoughts were getting way too convincing and so I decided to go up to him, catch up, and inform him abt ocd and the thoughts I've had abt our past. When I asked him if he could confirm w me that I never saed him or tried to he literally laughed at how out of place it was and told me that no I never did any of that. Ik that what I asked for was reassurance and is not good for ocd but I haven't done it since and that same evening I literally cried in relief that I didn't do some monstrous thing. It's so insane how real ocd can feel sometimes. Someone recently asked me abt him and it was the same day I had therapy and I had brought it up to my therapist. She then asked me if I thought I was fully over him and I immediately started worrying that I wasn't. I've been obsessing abt the fear that I'm not fully over him since even though since the break up I have seen several people and caught feelings twice. I just acted on a compulsion by researching signs I'm over him and almost everything checked out that I am but since it wasn't absolutely 100% everything, it was an issue and I'm still worrying about it. I literally have serious feelings for someone completely different rn and have liked 2 other people prior to my current crush and after the break up so I'm pretty sure I'm over him but my brain keeps making me think otherwise. I really need some advice, somebody pls help

Tonight, before my fiancé had to go home to his place, I was having difficult OCD. It was a very difficult and stressful week, and I felt disconnected from him and my body as well. Kissing him and intimacy this weekend didn’t feel the same. When I kiss him, sometimes it just doesn’t feel like anything or it doesn’t feel satisfying like kissing used to feel when I was younger. I’ve experienced this from the beginning of our relationship, but we were friends for three years before dating, too. My honeymoon stage was kind of wasted in the very beginning when he wasn’t ready to date and we ended up dating other people before finding each other again. A year or so later and we’re engaged. Tonight, right before he left, I was stressed from the fixation with kissing not feeling a certain way. And I began to feel stressed and guilty. I started asking questions like, “You’re sure you want to spend the rest of your life with me and my ocd?” He said yes, and he asked me if I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and I replied, “I think so.” Then he looked down sad, almost humorously, but still sad. And I felt terrible and responded that I do love him and want to marry him. I apologized for the things I say out of fear. And I cried. He is so good and loving and patient with me. I feel awful. I walked him to the train in the rain and I cried walking back. I called him and he stayed in the phone with me until I felt okay. I’m worried that I’m not attracted to him enough sometimes, and I feel so disoriented by my feelings of disconnection sometimes (we only get to see each other on the weekends right now, and he had to leave earlier this weekend than usual). But I want him to stay, I want to be with him. I am attracted to him and I do love him. My ocd is so triggered by the feeling of disconnection. I just want to rest and relax into this decision I’ve made and be okay with all the feelings. I think it’s okay to have days when I’m not sure— forever is a long time, and it’s normal to have doubts. But I’m scared. And the fear has physical weight and takes a toll on me. I’m afraid that I don’t love him enough to stay with him forever. But every time he leaves, I’m so sad. It feels like we never have enough time. I get acclimated to his presence and before I know it, we have to part again for another week. … sigh.

Idk whether I’m perceiving my mannerisms/personality as masculine but it’s been really bothering me. I’m hyper focused on how I sit, dress, walk, talk, my voice pitch, facial expressions, sit behind the wheel, etc. I feel like I give off “lesbian vibes” and it’s really stressing me out. I don’t think I’m particularly ugly, but I feel like I’ve never really attracted much male attention or attraction. I know that guys find me pretty but when they get to know me I feel like I can tell they lose interest because I act a bit more “masculine”. I have a boyfriend that loves me but I feel like I act girly on purpose with him because I don’t want him to find me boyish if that makes sense. And when I just let myself act like ‘myself’ I feel like an imposter, like I act too much like a dude to be in a heterosexual relationship?? But I want to be with my boyfriend and I love him but I feel like a fraud at times. Anyways, rant done :)

In the past, I used to pray 100 times out of fear that God would punish me by giving me or someone I love cancer, or worse. Even though I got out of that compulsion, I still fear God. I pray for my entire family every night out of fear that if I don't, God will kill someone close to me or kill me. During Bible study today, my mom essentially explained that people who don't truly believe in God won't be protected by God. I'm essentially Agnostic, because I'm convinced that if God does exist he hates me. I feel trapped. On one hand I feel like If I stop praying or believing in him then he will make my life worse than it already is. But I have OCD, an eating disorder, I suffer so much in so many aspects of my life and I worry the reason is because God hates me. I'm scared one or these days he's going to push me to my last straw. Does anyone have a similar experience?

Can ocd make you feel that you make thoughts on purpose? It feels like I make some ugly thoughts on purpose but I don’t like it.

Has anyone looked up anything to do with figuring out if you are gay And then feeling more gay and like you identify with the information And make it worse to get out of

Okay just a quick question Has anyone else thought in their head about telling people that they are worried they are gay And then someone reassuring you that you are not But then instead of feeling reassured you feel annoyed as if you are gay But you don't want to be gay But you feel gay THIS IS SO CONFUSING

I am freaking out with panic. It feels like I want to or have to hurt my boyfriend and it’s causing me to have the worst panic attack I’ve had in a while. It feels like I should be in a mental institution and all I want to do is cry. I know at a time like this I need to lean into the anxiety but I’m absolutely terrified. Please. Anyone. Words of wisdom or encouragement. It feels so different than normal and of course I’m so worried this is not OCD. how could it be? It’s so convincing and scary.

I haven't been going through this ocd journey very long, maybe 3 months or so that it has actually impacted my life negatively. Since this started, I cut out caffeine and alcohol completely. I wasn't a big alcohol drinker before but I did enjoy a drink from time to time and I love coffee. I'm curious to know what you guys think about how either one affects your ocd. And also, if I keep avoiding them completely, would that be considered avoidance?

Life is so intense most of the time. I honestly can't function like other people do. I need to shower 3 times a day or I get overwhelmed and when I get overstimulated I get madddd. Like not like yelling but just silent and the need to communicate that I usually have goes away and I end up feeling really mean. I live in a group home and I'm always around people. Don't get me wrong, this is nothing new for me. I've lived in DCF for my whole life and with other people my age my whole life ya know? It's what I know. Buttt, I'm in high school and I work 3 jobs. I feel like I never have time and honestly I like it that way until I hate it that way. A lot of the time I push my own needs aside and I know how bad that is for me as someone who is diagnosed with CPTSD and Sensory processes. And OCD of course. My OCD presents as organization with my life. I need to feel like I'm in control and will push myself to a breaking point trying to do the absolute most that I can be doing while staying so strict about how I exist. I find myself breaking down every week in some type of way. I always get through it. The fact that I get through it proves to me that I can and will keep going but that doesn't mean it isn't so hard. I don't have a Mom and dad to fall back on if I mess up. I'm 18, if I do mess up bad enough DCF will kick me out and I'll be homeless. So I work. I work and I get straight As. Motivated by wanting a future and needing a place to sleep and food to eat. I like DCF but it's so hard having such pressure on me sometimes. I'm also the oldest in my house and the other people come to me when they need me. Keep in mind, one of my jobs is working at a therapeutic school with 5th graders that have IEP's. I love the job, I love the kids. Sometimes though, I don't get out of that mode when I go home. I also work at Dunks as a head closer. The second I turned 18 they gave me the title which was amazing but also so much pressure. I only turned 18 in September I love it though, don't get me wrong. It's kind of therapeutic to make coffee for people. But then I go home and it's just people and more people. In a place I'm supposed to be able to relax I literally can't sometimes and it messes with my time management which I get super OCD about. I hate being late. I also got called arrogant today by my third job. I work at a print shop and he told me that if I was going to go into the phyc field I need to be more humble. Yes I do talk about my jobs and sometimes I just don't answer people when they talk. And I am proud of the things that I'm doing and how I'm doing them because I built MYSELF. I don't and never will have mommy and daddy to fall back on. If I mess up I mess my whole life up. I know as someone who has been around phycology my whole life that arrogance comes from insecurity most of the time. I am insecure. I put a face on because working three jobs is hard. Keeping up with my personal relationships is even harder. Ya know, sometimes keeping myself breathing is a struggle too. I wake up every day and I say im going to do it because I HAVE to. I have no choice. This is my life untill I got to college. This is my world and I might as well make the best out of it. But I think he's right, holding my head so high because inside it's actually so low is pushing people to see me as arrogant because I am being arrogant. I can't push my feelings aside and look at someone and say "I hate this so much" I have to act like it's easy. If I don't then I won't do it. Because I can't bring myself past it yet. I've been stuck in a pity party towards myself before and it's not something I ever want to do again. So I act like I know everything so no one can doubt anything and they won't wanna ask questions. It's a wall I built to get to the place I need to go and that's honestly just pure survival right now. But he's right, I am arrogant. And it is immature to think like that but it's easier right now. People who see through my bullshit are the ones I keep around. I'm glad he told me though and I'm not mad. It's the people who are willing to risk a relationship with you to tell you about yourself that are the real ones. That was a lot, but yeah. Life is weird. I don't expect advice or you to read through this whole thing but that's where I'm at. Have a good existence, you can do this.

How does one tell the difference between hocd and internalized homophobia? I’m currently struggling to figure out if I’m actually gay or my hocd is making me believe that I would actually be okay with being with a girl. I was never against LGBTQ, I would see gay people and think nothing of it, If anything “good for them”, I much l never felt attracted to girls I just acknowledged beauty. I have hocd which started with random thoughts of my friend when I wasn’t even around her, I was going about my day and a RANDOM thought came up “what if we had sex” and I spent 3 days, day in day out trying to figure out if I was attracted to her. That ended when I saw her again cause I felt no attraction. Months later, we were 🍃 together and another RANDOM thought came to my head, “what if I kissed her right now” that in it of itself was a thought and nothing more. It stopped there. I’m in a long term relationship with a guy I love very much and have been experiencing ROCD for months prior. One day I watched a show with a gay couple and since then I’ve been thinking back to the thoughts I was having about my friend and obsessing over whether I was attracted to her. I try to picture a life with her and I simply can’t. I feel no connection to the LGBTQ community and seeing gay couples I do feel any desire for it. But I cannot stop the compulsions and obsessing over HOCD. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t know if what I’m feeling is actual attraction or false attraction. It’s gotten to the point where my mind is so clouded and overwhelmed I cannot see myself with either sex and I’m doubting my love for my boyfriend. There are moments where I’m with my friend and I feel like there’s attraction (with anxiety and distress) and others where I feel no attraction at all. I don’t know what to do.

I don’t wanna say what disease or illness is making me over think because I don’t wanna trigger anyone but I’ve had a really bad spike :( anyone know how to cope with severe health anxiety and rumination

I don’t know if anyone else deals with this but my ocd sometimes will be like “you don’t deserve to feel good about yourself” and then I end up not caring about my self progress and my self care. How can I get out of this mindset?

Recent world events have me stressing so much about the state of the world and I’m panicked that the world is gonna end and I won’t be able to live the life I want and the thought of other people suffering is incredibly distressing. It’s stupid I know. But I can’t rly enjoy anything. The second I enjoy myself a thought pops in like “hey you can’t be happy right now, remember this?” And it’s super stressful. I know I have no control so it’s pointless to stress about but I felt this way during Covid too. I hope nothing escalates to the point of like, apocalyptic catastrophe but my brain won’t let the thought go. It’s so silly I know.