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It feels like now im for sure attracted and im just hiding it but i still don’t want it

Today has been a rough morning. I’ve been doing a lot of googling… a lot of online quizzes… I can’t put my phone down. I saw an attractive girl who was very masculine (and lesbian) last night on TikTok and I got anxiety and blocked her immediately. Is she “hot” or is she “pretty”? I wouldn’t categorize her as pretty because she looks like a man. So that must mean I think she’s hot. If I think she’s hot, that must mean I think masculine women are hot and I want to be with one. This morning I woke up and unblocked her to see if I actually thought she was attractive and if the anxiety I felt was anxiety and not the “lightning bolt” feeling people talk about getting when they see someone attractive. I went through the comments to see if there were any straight woman commenting on her attractiveness. There were, so that was relieving. I watched her a few of her videos until I felt good enough that I would not want to be with her.

For those who have conquered or healed from soocd, I know most do ERP but how do you know the difference from acceptance and doing it to calm down your anxiety and ocd. Do you ever fully recover? Doing erp seems like an acceptance of the denial. Someone please help. I’ve been struggling with SOOCD for 2 months because of my dreams. And ROCD goes along with it. I can’t see myself being with a woman at all and I don’t want to be at all, it’s just not me and it never has been. I never questioned my sexuality ever until these dream’s happened and then I dug myself a deep hole because of it. I’m also 18 years old and in a 1 and a half relationship with my amazing boyfriend. My mind is going through so much, someone please explain to me all of this and why just why. I don’t care if this is reassurance I just simply don’t understand why this is all of a sudden.

I visited her over the summer and I had the best time but before I went back I started feeling numb and dissociated. Like I had no feelings, I am back at school and I feel the same way worse even. I feel nothing, I have thoughts like I don’t love her anymore and I feel urges to break up. I have been fantasizing about someone and anytime I see that person my brain is telling me to check if she is pretty, staring at her. I also feel attracted to most girls, I have thoughts that I should experience college life even though deep down I know I don’t want to. It is so difficult because I feel nothing to what my girlfriend says, all I could say is that I am sorry. Even when I say that I struggle to, my mind makes me think I don’t want to be be back to normal and it feels so real it is scary. The same thing happened last year too. I got to school and I started fantasizing about being with someone else, I followed that person and once I knew she didn’t have any interest I was back to sort of normalcy. I don’t know what to do. It is overwhelming. I am still feeling this way and my girlfriend decided to take a break because she is unhappy about what I say about my thoughts brings her confidence about herself down, I feel nothing towards her. have thoughts that I am a manipulator and narcissist, thoughts that I don't care about breaking up, that she is fat, not attractive, etc and that I can just move on and date other people or live the typical college life or download dating apps and engage in hooking up with people. I also have thoughts about people performing oral sex a certain way that I want it to be like, anytime I see a girl my mind thinks oh she can probably give a good oral sex then I have the image of how it would be in my head, I also have this fetish/kink with acrylic nails that if a girl has it my mind start to fantasize about the person performing oral sex on my with the nails or having sex with them. I am not sure if this is because of watching 🌽. Anyone else feeling like this or have experienced this?

I have ocd over taking meds. And my ocd makes me second guess or change my mind constantly. I’ve been batttling this for almost six months. I was put in zoloft 200 mg right away six weeks ago. I am also in Klonopin which is freaking me out bc I want off of it so badly. Four weeks into treatment my psych added remeron 15 mg. With the 200 mg I’ve had diarrhea and tremors, which I can’t decide it it’s anxiety or the meds. I also cried a lot those first few weeks. My doctor told me I could lower my dose to 150. Now I can’t stop ruminating over whether I should have stayed with the 200 or not. This is week six. All I can think about is whether or not to go back up to 200, which mh psych did give me permission to do. Ugh! I’m a mess and not just relaxing and letting the meds work. Anyone else struggle with these thoughts?

I have people pleasing OCD and I always avoid conflicts with people who are mean, so I’m trying to face mean people as an ERP. One hour ago a girl in our major chat group, (she’s the one who have contact with our Doctor to help us)she was kinda mean and arrogant with some of us, we asked her to ask a Doctor an important and urgent question but she refused without any convincing reason, and was acting arrogant towards some of us and made it seems like we’re losers and neglected, so I got annoyed and had a little conflict with her, and another girl told me to stop or it’s gonna turn into a fight, and I don’t mean to cause problems, so at the end I told the mean girl “okay, thanks for hard work” and she ignored it, so I got annoyed again and thought that she didn’t deserve it so I deleted the (thank you for your hard work) part. I know I did right thing by facing her for being mean, but I got triggered I had these thoughts: - I did good and I was finally assertive but I ruined it at the end when I thanked her. - I just let down myself by trying to please her at the end by thanking her. - Now she and everyone think that I got scared of her and decided to thank her. - What if I saw her in college and I was not strong enough to face her again, especially that the Doctor loves her the most. - What if I looked like a troublemaker or a loser to everyone? - No one supported me while talking to her what if I’m wrong? - I feel exposed. - I don’t want problems I can’t handle stress. - I must’ve been more assertive with her. - I must let her know who really I am and she must respect me. - I must take revenge. - I must let her know her place. - I gotta make her feel like loser next to me. - I got triggered so I must be weak and shouldn’t have done this. What I felt: - Stress - Anger - Shame - Embarrassment - Insulted The compulsions that I did: - I responded to my fear of causing a problem and thanked her to lighten up the mood. - I got mad cus she didn’t reply and felt like a loser so I deleted it. - I kept checking who read my chats with her. - I told my friend about and asked for her opinion as way to gain certainty. - I archived the group chat cuz I feel embarrassed and ashamed when I see it. And now I’m facing annoying OCD thoughts about it, I feel so triggered, did I do the right ERP and is it normal to get triggered after it?

Has anyone ever experienced wanting to be exactly like someone? Even a crush?

I’m really trying to sit with the discomfort of the Harm OCD urges. The other day it felt like I was about to snap and act on my thoughts and it scared the heck out of me. Now I can’t shake it. It feels like because I didn’t act on them, I’m missing out on something. How horrible is that? It’s freaking me out. It’s also coming in that I don’t have a choice and I want this to happen. If anyone has any tips, I’d greatly appreciate it because I’m very terrified. I’m trying to accept it and move on but it’s super sticky.

years ago i was told i have ocd. i speak with a mental health nurse weekly and he said i don't have ocd because i don't do rituals and now i feel like well what do i have then all my life i was told i have ocd and to be told this has made me feel weird 😢

Its done, i dont know if ive done something awful one night intoxicated, im looking for evidence all the time, looking on facebook etc, looking at any evidence possible but the crime i feel I committed would put me in prison and is awful, i just hope I haven’t done it.

I was diagnosed with IBS at the top of this year, and my ocd panic attacks coincide with when my stomach is not doing well- but then it becomes the chicken or the egg I can’t tell if the stress is coming from the pain or if i’m creating pain with stress!! Anyways- just curious anyone else struggle with tummy issues of that variety. I write this as I try to make sure I don’t pull myself into another panic attack due to the feeling in my stomach, but instead try something new.. like write in this forum! Hope you all have a great day !

I keep seeing posts on here about people saying that they its its ocd and that deep down they know they’re straight but they cant get rid of their thoughts and that triggers me soo much. Because I don’t relate to that deep down feeling and deep down I feel like im lying to myself and that I’m in denial and that I would be happier living my “true self”. And even when I say that I love my partner and that if this was true I couldn’t have stay 5 years with him my mind tells me well yea but when you kiss him you dont feel much and when you tell him that you love him you feel like you cant get attached. I’m just soo down. And the thing is when I wish for something like “ I just wanna be normal” or “ I just wanna be straight” it feels like im just like the people that are in denial and I tell myself no you can’t wish for that because that’s not you and you can’t change that about yourself. Ughhh i’m sooo tired… can anyone relate?

Hi everyone. I've been struggling with post partum OCD for about 18 months. My OCD themes tend to me around POCD. I've been going to therapy since last December and I feel as tho I'm still in a constant loop there are times I do really well then times are just really bad. Can anyone give me some tips on how to help this. It just makes me feel like such a bad mom to have these types of thoughts

There is a sense of panic…urgency to breakup…..I don’t feel confident , there are so many questions coming up….. what do I do? I feel I can’t do this anymore….i just not able to ignore these thoughts and feelings….i feel nothing is going to get better….but I also can’t hurt him by breaking up. So many what ifs questions….i feel hopeless….i feel like I just want to exit. I don’t even know what do I want anymore. But I also know I can’t hurt my bf like this. Please anyone gone through with this..any wisdom any advice will be helpful

Idk what any of my feelings mean now my groinel responses have gotten way worse when it comes to men’s private areas sometimes it’s stronger in different times of the day idk what to do does it actual mean something like do I like men cause that’s my hocd is making me feel but Ik k would never like men sexually can someone help

How can I do erp for my relationship ocd? The break up urges are insane and it is breaking my heart because I love my partner so much 😞

First things first and that is thanking God, my family, my support system, my NOCD therapist, Paulina, the NOCD community, and Mr. Stephen Smith. Honestly, 2-3 years ago I was a "mess". I was scared, in the dark, confused, felt alone, and didn't know what was going on with me. I lost track of time whenever I hit rock bottom but I know the start of the break up with my ex fiancé was what kickstarted me hitting rock bottom 3-ish years ago. I felt horrible because I could see the hurt in my loved ones eyes that wanted to help me but didn't know how. I'm honestly so grateful that God blessed me with my mom and dad and surrounded me with loving people. Without God and my support system, I don't know if I would be where I am today. My mom invited me to this recovery program that is centered around Christ. It's a bit focused on drugs and alcohol but you can still apply some of the faith lessons to your life. That program was where I accepted Christ into my life and where my journey with God began. I truly believe God has always been working in my life giving me the courage and strength to continue living. To help me rest on the days OCD is too much for me. Of course I have to thank Paulina for being the true definition of what a therapist should be. As you all know, OCD is scary. People often misdiagnose us, or don't understand how hard it can be. From the first session with Paulina two years ago, I felt a sign of relief. I feel understood. She has challenged me to do things I would've never had the power to do on my own. I truly wish all therapist had the passion and drive she has to help those with OCD. Then, Mr. Stephen Smith who happens to be the CEO of NOCD. I have no doubt in my mind God worked in his heart to get me back into NOCD. A little over a year and a half ago I tuned 26 and fell off my parents insurance. Which meant I could no longer see Paulina. I was very upset because at that point n time I was 6 months in and felt I as finally improving. I spent a year trying to find insurance that were affordable, or accepted. All failed. It was around this past April I had given up. But NOCD made a post with howie Mandell and I shared how lcd changed my life and next thing you know I'm back with Paulina. I truly cannot thank NOCD and everyone who makes NOCD possible for saving mine and countless other lives. Receiving this badge brought tears to my eyes. It's almost unbelievable. Seeing this, I was like wait....I've done all of this? I really came this far? I'm not one to boast and I always feel like there's so much more for me to do and overcome that I often look past what I've gone through to get where I am today. Honestly, receiving this badge gives me a little anxiety because idk...I don't truly feel I've conquered OCD. But I also am hard on myself. I have to remind myself that the goal of OCD recovery isn't to see how many days we go without triggers, or intrusive thoughts. I know that recovery is based on us taking the power from the OCD by living our life. Being an OCD Conqueror doesn't mean I'm OCD free. In fact, just remember today I faced harm OCD at the gym. I have to remind myself what recovery of OCD truly means. That recovering from OCD is taking our life back. I know there's still going to be triggers that lie ahead of me and hard times to overcome. But I know I have my tools, NOCD, and my support system to see me through. Guys, I promise you it gets better. I know it's not easy. In fact, September I was under constant attack by POCD but I am still here. Continuing on with my day. I still struggle, so I don't want it seeming like you have to be perfect or "symptom free" to conquer OCD. Step by step is all we can do. Continuing therapy and ERP. Resisting to urge to give into the compulsions. Because that's what breaks the repetitive cycle and drains the power from the OCD. I pray we all continue to gain our power and confidence back that the OCD took from us. Thank you all for making this environment feel safe and easy to share. I know that I am never alone as I have God and a community of individuals who can understand each others pain. 💚

I came to work and everything was good, i was happy and suddenly a huge ocd attack got me, it feels like how i felt when i couldnt handle ocd and those thoughts like how i handled the situation is back even that i went through this before... idk why but now i cant move on, somehow my reaction is still so much focused on thw ocd and i start to get angry cause i cant focus on something else and i feel worse. Maybe im tired and thats why i got hit by ocd, idk but what i always hate that no mather how many times i watch a video or use that in my life, i still forget how to react and then im like this... im trying not to make it worse but its really strong and i get anxious cause i didnt felt this almost a year...

I habe the feeling that Ill never improve. But not because of my ocd but because of my morals. I suffer from horrible thoughts sometimes and I always fear that i enjoy them especially if they are sexual. I dont want to habe these thoughts. But its so difficult to live with someone and your thoughts always tell you you are just exploiting her for her body which I dont want to. But at the same time I admit that I find her attractive.

I spend most of my waking time resting my groinal reaction and making sure I cringe at what my obsession is. I’ll look at photos, read things online, etc… I’ll have a groinal response, but I will also cringe and shudder every time. This isn’t enough though. I keep doing it, and have to repeat it because I keep getting groinal responses/erections. Mentally, I’m pretty sure I’m disgusted and repulsed. But physically, I keep having reactions. I’m just scared because if the groinal responses mean it’s true, I can’t go on. I just can’t. I would refuse to be a person who was “okay” with something like that. Can anybody relate?