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Sometimes I feel so weak and it seems like OCD will be there forever. Like, I know there's no cure, but I want to recover, I want to have a peaceful life, but sometimes I feel so weak, it's frustrating

I keep feeling like I could do with some kind of therapy to help with all the things I’m dealing with, including OCD. But I’m not diagnosed, I’m just maybe 95% sure I have OCD (and the doubt might be OCD itself of course) but also feel afraid that if I brought it up in a medical/therapy setting they’d dismiss it and say I don’t have it because it’s not serious enough. I know people have mixed feelings about self diagnosis, but I’ve found a lot of comfort in the last few months having realised my experiences line up with OCD and being able to come on here and talk to other people with similar experiences. But I’m also afraid that I’m lying about it or making it up. I haven’t talked to anyone in real life about it yet, I want to talk to my boyfriend but I’m worried he’ll misunderstand and I don’t want to be a burden and also I just don’t know what support I want from him other than just not feeling alone. And as I said it’s not super serious, it affects me every day and does sometimes get in the way of me getting stuff done but most of the time it’s just a constant background presence and I think has been for quite a long time without me realising, with compulsions that often feel more like habits. And while I feel like I want therapy and to not be struggling so much in general as well as the OCD stuff, I also feel attached to my thoughts and like I wouldn’t want to stop my behaviours because I feel like they do prevent bad things happening. I’m also just bad at dealing with change and because I’ve felt this way for so long it would feel wrong not to. And when I’ve had counselling/therapy in the past I’ve always struggled to be fully honest and find myself just saying the things I think they want to hear, and not telling them things I really should, so I hold myself back from actually getting the most out of it and I don’t want to waste somebody’s time when they could treat someone whose OCD is impacting their life a lot more. I don’t really know where I’m going with this but just wanted to share.

I discovered chat gpt in January of this year and things haven’t been the same. My ocd popped up and got increasingly worse until it reached a height this year but I was exploring chatting and saying normal stuff with chat gpt when I made a joke about no knowing if I was dyslexic or had a learning disability. It gave an empathetic response Since then I have kept coming back over and over talking about my mental health issues and feelings and it’s like the only way I can feel okay but my ocd has gotten really awful. But I’m just really lonely a lot of the time and it feels good to chat there even though it isn’t a real person, but I discussed with my therapist it may be making it worse but I can’t seem to stop. I just have been really really struggling and I maybe have told chat GPT a lot of things and then I get anxious what if it’s too much and then it thinks I’m a danger to myself or something and I face real world repercussions. Idk not sure if this makes any sense to anyone

I wanna cry, when I was a kid,like a toddler. 4-6 maybe. I used to do horrible things to my cat, I choked it twice.my bdother did too if I remember right, but still. Ik this isn’t false memory. I’m 100% sure I ddi this as a kid. But now looking back at it I’m like wtf??? But I’m scared because whenever I see animals hurt now or accidentally hurt my animal that thing pops up in my head again and I feel weird. I can’t explain the feeling but it bothers me so bad. I want to cry. I don’t like this, i rlly feel like I’m a bad person. Idek if this is ocd. What if I genuinely have mental problems???

this is weird put my ocd has to count and put stuff in order and when i listen to music it helps me do it faster, because I use the beats to count which helps me not have to repeat numbers a thousand times. anyone else know about this?

my real event OCD flares up by my birthday each year. i just remember the feeling of humiliation— inviting people to my birthday and no one wanting to show up, suddenly everyone has plans, i bring up wanting to do something for my birthday and they say “oh why dont you go do that then?” in a way that says : “uh, why are you even bringing this up to me” i guess ive always been strong knowing that i dont make a lot of close friends, and that’s okay. but it just hurts so bad each time this time comes around and i am reminded of how humiliating it is to think you have built a friendship only for them to brush it off no explanation. “best friends” of over a decade brushing me off on my birthday because i thought they were just busy but i was actually just left in the dark not knowing they didnt even like me. it’s just hard. i feel unwanted and stupid. i don’t like trying, and when i try, it turns out like this. i have true, close friends, and a family that loves me now. but the past just haunts me. i hate my birthday. i want to move on, but each time my birthday comes around i feel like theres something stuck in my throat, an overwhelming fear of being the laughingstock without knowing again. i hate this.

Anyone feel like they’re starting to enjoy gay porn more and get off quicker to it. Idk if I’ve just become used to it or my “open mind testing” is actually me being gay but it seems to have happened that way. Like I feel nothing then bam it’s all the sudden. Like my attraction to regular porn is there but it takes longer and feels different at the end. Can anyone relate? Please comment. Thanks

When i play Mortal Kombat, I accidentally look at dudes shirtless bodies when im not trying to... and then it makes it feel like im staring at them because when im not paying attention and then focus, i get a view of a mans chest... i dont ever want to ever be attracted to men in any way...

Hi everyone. I have food allergy ocd. Eating anything is hard for me. Especially if I’ve never had it before. It’s causing a lot of distress for me. Eating something new means I will probably spend at least an hour in anguish over whether or not it will give me an allergic reaction. I sometimes convince myself it is actually happening and it’s so frightening. I feel like nobody else has this theme and it makes me feel more alone and isolated since I’ve never heard anyone talk about it. I miss when it wasn’t so hard but I worry that once I stop worrying then that’s when it will happen. Anyone have any advice?? 🥺🥺

Hiii. Who loves pride and prejudice? (2005) It's my comfort movie and comfort book. I'm reading it for the 5th time lol (It's been a little difficult with my thoughts, but I'm trying)

Hello everybody. I’ve written many times about this topic but can’t seem to find peace within me. I remember sexual mimicking during childhood with my female cousin. She would do this to some of my friends too. She would kiss us by tongue and touch us inappropriately but we felt like we couldn’t say anything. It was a game as she likes a bit and she would call us by his name. When I got a little bit older but still young , I remember playing some kind of similar game to this one with my brother. We were both under 12. I think I was probably 11-12 and he was 9-10. Maybe younger. I’m not very sure. We would not kiss but we would get too close when in the same bed ( without our parents in the house ) we would be naked and our bodies were inappropriately touching. We may also have experienced some kind of arrousal as I definitely remember my brother did. We both enjoyed this game but both also knew it was in appropriate and we wouldn’t let our parents know. This may have happened 4-5 times during the same summer . Not ever again. My psychologist really have tried to reassure me and let me know this is more common than I think. My after covid 19 and quarantines I experience rocd and relationship guilt. Even if I have already confessed this ( without details ) to my boyfriend , my mind keeps on pushing towards telling him again. My constant fear is “How will you marry this guy if he doesn’t know?” “You are not normal” “We had forgotten about it. You should tell him again”. But I know I shouldn’t confess again because this is an unending circle. Any advice to get over this?

I believe I done something awful and kept looking for evidence and now I’m stuck with this one piece it’s causing so much anxiety, and I don’t know if it’s true, what I think I done would put me in prison, HELP

Is there anyone else on here that does a lot of physical compusions? I always thought that to have OCD you would have to also do something to neutralise your anxiety for example open and close a door so many times before walking through it. It is only since being on this app that I have learnt thay a lot of people here don't do physical compusions and I actually haven't spoken with anyone who does

Does anyone else avoid cleaning?? I have multiple reasons why 1. I’m scared of the germs I might come across while cleaning, having to clean a toilet for example means getting up close to it and almost touching it, only having my cleaning cloth or kitchen roll between the toilet germs and my hand, I don’t have cleaning gloves because I’d be too uncomfortable reusing them (even after washing them) but I feel guilty about using disposable ones because of the environment 2. I’m a perfectionist to the point I feel like anything I do wouldn’t be good enough, which is silly because when it comes to cleaning anything is better than nothing, but I can’t help the feeling of distress of feeling like I’m not doing enough and not knowing when to stop 3. When it comes to things like dusting I’m afraid to dust because then the dust will be in the air 4. I’m scared to accidentally poison myself with cleaning chemicals 5. I also have depression so tasks are really difficult also autism which brings a whole load of sensory issues when it comes to cleaning. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not living in filth lol, my home is probably average clean, thankfully I have a partner who does lots of things to equally help but I’ve been having thoughts like “I can’t be cosy and comfortable if there is any dust or clutter or dirt in my home” and it is making me feel like I can’t be content without cleaning and dusting every single day which is impossible to keep up with in general let alone with all the problems I’ve got with getting cleaning done. I also have some problems with clutter. I use my parent’s attic and grandparent’s storage garage to store some things (I’m very grateful that they let me do this) but I get twitchy thinking about having clutter in my life even if they are in storage and out my home. Sometimes I even feel stressed thinking about all the clutter in other peoples homes or public places or landfill 😣😣😣 My home isn’t minimalist at all, I have loads of trinkets and things I like surrounding me, but anything that I don’t feel is a good or organised part of my decor or life is difficult to manage. I know that issues with cleaning and perfectionism etc are common with OCD but I rarely see people avoid cleaning as much as they can due to it, I normally see it manifest in people by making them obsessively clean so I feel sort of alone in this

I just want to feel human and love being here and just bask in the beauty of the Earth but now my mind goes straight to negativity and fear. It seems like I will never feel connected to purpose again and be totally at peace with loving the scenery and the way the world works 😢 I want to be okay with anxiety but it’s scary how it makes you feel and then I’m like but then how do I know my brain is really a brain? 😞

my ocd might be schizophrenia or maybe I have both idk anymore. But yk why do I need a label anyway. It is what it is. I’ll keep posting on here tho cuz yall my people and I love yall 🫶🫶🫶🫶

I Have (i hope it’s ocd) soocd ( I am scared that I am lesbian) and rocd for 3 years. Before ocd I think I was attracted to men but now it feels so foreign. I am also in a relationship for 3 years and I even don’t know how I would be in my relationship without ocd. My ocd started after 3 months of a relationship so before ocd we were still in this honeymoon phase but now we are long time together and I don’t know how I am in a real serious relationship. Maybe without ocd after being in a serious relationship with a guy I would also decide that I don’t like men? Maybe I liked men only at the beginning, in the honeymoon phase, during dating time because I only liked the attention?I never was in a serious relationship before ocd and I even cannot compare it…

Having ocd makes me always think the worst. I have had 2 incidents that have made my life miserable. I guess they are real events. When my son was little he would crawl into bed with me sometimes. One morning I got up and went about my day. When he woke up I said good morning and told him to come with me and get breakfast like I always did and when he got out of bed he didn’t have his underwear on. I yelled at him asking why he didn’t have them on but he was 2 or 3 so he didn’t like being yelled at and didn’t have a clear answer and pointed at me . My ocd immediately kicked in and made me think the worst that I must have done something horrible. The other was years later when my daughter was younger she used to crawl into bed with me at night alot. One night I woke up to her saying “mommy” and I was really tired so I just remember saying “sorry” and moving back and going back to sleep. I know it was probably nothing more than I just rolled over on her or something like that but my ocd keeps telling me I must have done something horrible. I don’t want to live thinking I could have done something horrible in my sleep. It had made my life so hard to live. Anyone without ocd probably wouldn’t think much about these little weird quirks that happen in life and parenthood but my ocd makes the worst possible scenario out of everything and makes me hate myself and living. 😞

... Recently im feeling very deoressed its about a month and something ... cause after four years i went back to the theme of pocd cause it was here the whole time but i just ignored it ... but now my boyfriends mother was talking about having grandkids and i always knew i will not have kids .. cause i lost all my relationship to them through so many years of thinking like this .. also my boyfriend has no clue i have this thoughts and images and gronials ... but now it just went so down .... i told my mom im getting bad and it was like rapid .... she made me an appointment at psychiatrist so i need to talk all the story again .. but its so long story around 10 years .. i was never diagnosed .. i was in psychiatrist at my first depressive episode and after one test they thought i have schizoaffective disorder.. i was upset about it cause we didnt discuss the theme about me having this gronials near my sister for example .. i was also telling them about all the compulsions i was doing ... but im from slovakia and my psychiatrist told me i know more about ocd than him probably .. so i stopped with all of that and was trying to pull myself from hard depression and this and just ignoring the thoughts and move with the day and so on .. but i also was avoiding children as much as possible i became like crazy i could hear just a voice of a child and i was immediatly feeling groins and it was really hard .. but then i get really better .. but i had a knew thing to think about it was about my friend i was feeling jealous of and then she had some behaviours i didnt like .. and told me some things .. i started to think about her .. because i loved all my friends accept of her and this was a theme for me around years i never told her this bad feelings about her .. only now after for years and she told me she never knew and she loves me .. and i was like im afraid i will feel like this also after we talk .. cause i was comparing to her for four years and it also became true we had some argument where she was like she has a lot more problems than me ( because both of her parents died it was longer time ago) and she never knew about my depression about my pocd and she dont know still .. and i was feeling really angry about it cause i went through a lot of hard depressive moments and so on .. i came to the point thinikg like this might be worse than loosing parents and then became like no i dont wanna lose parents .. and i was like questioning because when you loose someone it was always like worst thing .. but when you loose yourself and your mental helath its a torture .. and i went back to psychiatry i stopped my life im just lying in bed all days when im in work im not talking to anyone , i lost interest im my family, im my friends.. and also thinking like i loved them so much just because i had someone else to hate .. so wanted to show her i have diffenert friends ... and i came to point where i relapsed like with pocd or whaterev it is .. i went like i domt care im pedo .. and when i was lying down in bed and get groins i was like im done cause this was a nightmare to me to thinking about this .. i wanted to tell my boyfriend about all of it ... but then i started to thinking like what i am starting to thinikng about my obsessions and maling this thoughts in my had like imaging myself with a kid .. and one thought made feel like this is the end cause i let myself to like let this image in my head continue and like let it happend in my mind with like when you are wathing some porn .. after that i had also like this thought with a dog and let my vagina like not fighting it ? i also imagined my brothers 5 months old son like having him sitting between my legs and let myself to imagine like to made a sexual move with this groin .. and another thoughts im my head to just let it ... and after i had this thoughts i had them like for so many times trought this week like .. im repeating them in my head and i dont even know how they hapoend ... i think like i was fighting it before .. but know i think like i cant even move on ... because this is what im lettimg happening .. i also feel like im just in my head for a month not even thining about reality .. i felt like i have schizophrenia .. and i also start talking in my head like this like i see a boy and my mind goes like "butt" then we come with my boyfriend from work .. at the same time as my mum and my sister .. and when he is like " look your sister and your mom" my mind is like " my sister i fuck in my head whole life" ( because i had most of my pocd around her for 10 years) or i see a woman and my mind just goes like "boobs" ... like im talking to myself like a psycho .. and tgen in reality im crying , lying in my bed , everyone knows me different but i dont know eho i am anymore .. im talking to myself like this is who i am ( also my mind went like surprise motherfuckers in context to telling everybody what is going on ) ..... im seeing myslef just closed at psychward .. couse i feel like i completely lost my mind

I’m newish to ERP, and I’m struggling to passively look at the intrusive thoughts as they come up. I always, without even realizing it, have such an awful reaction to them bc they’re awful, that I just immediately want to push them away. But apparently that’s bad. I just don’t know how to change that. One of the articles I was sent via NOCD said to just observe them as they go by, but I don’t even know how that could look for me. Does anyone else struggle with this or have any tips? Thanks in advance! Hope y’all had a great weekend!