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I want to “beat OCD” because it deeply affects my daily life and the lives of those I care about.

I’ve been pretty bad with eye contact lately, and it’s gotten worse… I’m afraid to look my mom in the eye lately because I’m afraid I think I might look at her chest or her lower body. I notice I’m doing some things on purpose like when I notice her in my peripheral, I’ll look when I don’t wanna look, or I’ll find an excuse to look at the areas I want to avoid but I know I don’t wanna look there, so am I using this as an excuse? Am I lying to myself? Do I really want to look at my mom like this? Like I’m avoiding to look at her by looking the other way or when looking down, but I’m looking down, I’ll purposely start looking near the area I want to avoid but I know I don’t look at my mom in any other way. I’m just distressing myself, it’s stupid.

I have real life ocd about an event that happened during the talking stage when my partner and I were just getting together. It’s been 2 and a half years and I still feel so much guilt and shame. I talked to my partner today and he said maybe I need to focus on myself but I don’t want to it because of this feeling. He thinks I don’t love myself, but I know it’s ocd and it’s something that I’m trying to manage how to learn but it’s so hard and I don’t want this to ruin my relationship. I want to live a good life with my partner by my side but sometimes it feels Like I have to choose between my peace of mind, or my relationship. I know my guilt Will always be in my relationship but idk what to do. Does anyone have advice

I just don't feel heard. There's one specific area that's really bad in this, that being my worst obsession, but I feel like this in multiple different ways and obsessions. Talking about them often feels more lonely than not talking at all, and I just hate it

does anyone else suffer from feeling absolutely worthless like a waste of air if everything isnt perfect like looks my body my skin my hair my nails my car my room and even if everything looks the way its supposed to look in my head it never feels right and youre stuck in a loop of trying to make everything perfect but nothing is ever the way you wish it was and then spiral into feeling like youre not worth anything and no one around you actually loves you and is lying about wanting to stay around you

I’m currently ruminating about today at work at my job. I work retail so it’s among many people I have to associate with when it comes to work. Lately though, I’ve had some concerns about a coworker who happens to be a higher level, having something against me . As far as I know, I haven’t given her any reason to dislike me or get me in trouble. However, with todays encounter with her it didn’t go very smoothly as usually expected. There are frequent times where she can come across an uncertain way of perceiving her. It almost seems like she always has some way of telling me someone over and over as an excuse to just say something. I’ve noted her approaches and she can definitely tell I’m standing up to her level. Today unfortunately though , I got fed up with it and it pushed me over the edge where it was taking a toll on my anxiety and stress. Remind you I haven’t ate anything at all today, let alone had a lunch/break which for us is typically standard 30 minute periods. I was working my ass off up front attending customers and putting in all my effort into my job while maintaining balance. I asked a different manager earlier about my lunch cause it had already been 4 hours since I got there. I initially was supposed to work 10:30-5:00, given from manager’s approval since I wasn’t originally scheduled but came in voluntarily when asked . By couple of hours in I had asked them not once, but twice about my lunch since everyone else had been going except me . I patiently waited . The first time I didn’t receive an answer when I asked via the communicator , second time I asked someone different in person and was told to remain waiting until my turn. So I ended up not receiving a lunch at all. This definitely made me more stressed which I think also stimulated my anxiety level. There was a customer in line who appeared to be upset and impatient due to have waiting longer than usual cause person in front of her had coupons they wouldn’t go through, so eventually since that register was out of cash and she had cash to pay with, I told her I’d be able to ring her up on the other register and she became more agitated about it and that’s when I had to call a manager over cause I knew I just wasn’t capable of dealing with it at the moment. That’s where the problem sorta escalated onto the other manager saying stuff to me . It got complicated because my register locked me out from using the other one, so therefore it required a manager approval to use the other one since it knows I’m in an active one. Unfortunately too my communicator so happened to have unexpectedly shut down without any warning whatsoever. When the manager got up there she already seemed bothered but not giving any indication. I said I’m not able to log back in to ring her up cause I’m logged in there and she told me the exact same thing I had just told her let alone said on the communicator . I said I called like 3 times and no one would answer or come up. She said “well just so you know I’ve been clocked in for 30 minutes now and I didn’t hear anything .” So I of course stood my ground and said “my battery died evidently I guess .” “There wasn’t any other way for me to call unless I shouted across the store.” She said “you don’t need to get mad .” I then clarified to her that I wasn’t mad I was just explaining as to why. I’m tired of her always wanting to say shit to me Everytime I call her up it seems like she gets bothered by it. But I figure by the way she just approached me , I know she knows I don’t let things like that slide. I told my main manager of the store that I had to briefly speak to her about the matter privately because I didn’t want any deescalation or misunderstanding. I spoke to her and she was well informed and listened to me with open ears. I honor her for being very considerate and understanding of people’s feelings and concerns. She said she would talk to her about it because that’s no way to talk to an employee especially given the role that she has as a shift leader. I told her my intention is to not get her in trouble but instead, I just don’t want any problems with anyone and if it’d be helpful, I’d rather change my schedule and not have to work wit her for that matter. She reassured me she’d talk to her about it. Later on as it came close to the end of my shift, I politely paged the shift leader about the code 5 that was needed on a register 2. (Code 5 is pickup when register overloads ). She said “ok well I’m kinda busy right now showing Wendy how to do something so just use the other register.” She knows exactly that I already know what to do in those cases it’s a pretty common occurrence where she’ll say something knowing I already know. It was just for her sake of knowing and I was being remindful about it cause it appears as one way or another she’ll ultimately say something . “Please be sure to let us know ahead of time when your pickup is needed otherwise it’s gonna overload.” I already know that’s and that’s exactly why I friendly reminder about it 🤷‍♂️. But it just seems that she wants to contradict it. 🤦‍♂️I said “I was just reminding you that’s all.” I know for a fact she’s behind my back talking shit about me and I’m just overthinking that she’s gonna ruin my perception of people or spread misinformation to retaliate against me for telling on her. My ocd is making me to think of the worse possible case scenarios. I value this job because I actually like it there in many different perspectives aspects. It took me a while to get back up on my feet and get a new convenient job because I hadn’t been working for the past month or so before working here . I can’t get fired or be provoked anymore 🤷‍♂️

My ERP work and meds are finally working well. My Harm OCD is way down and I'm starting to feel like my old self. Unfortunately I had a thought and anxiety spike around some coworkers and now it's HOCD, I keep worrying about my body language and making sure I don't come off as gay, also constant thoughts of them being flirting or hitting on me I hate this.

I live with my partner right now and he just went to work. Everyday I tell him to let me know when he gets there which I feel is a normal thing. But today he didn't text me. I feel like I have two people talking to me at the same time right now. One is saying that it's fine and he probably just forgot bc it's work and he's busy. The other one is telling myself to be ready for the call from the police or his mom or someone saying he's been in an accident. Idk how people lived for so long without having constant access to the people they care about. I feel so terrified and like I just have to sit here and wait until I get a text and know he's okay. I feel like a bad person if I just go about my day like normal. I feel like if I don't worry about him dying then it will happen. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm paralyzed but also I feel like an idiot and like everything I'm scared of is irrational.

Do you ever like wonder why .. why we have to go through all this battles ? Its so weird like i feel i suffer in this life more than being happy ... why are we put on this earth to just suffer ??? why we have depressions , ocd , and all this shit in our heads we trying to figure out and get so stuck.. but mine feels like i cant move on to live my life with this selfimage of myself ... and when im in this page i see how many people are suffering like we are not alone.. but why??

I'm not feeling the best. Pretty depressed about the thought of relationships. Thinking about how relationships don't really feel like they would be special to me. Feeling like it doesn't really matter who I would marry, or that it doesn't matter to them in reality, even if they feel like it does matter that they married me -- maybe they would be just as happy elsewhere even if they didn't feel like it, or even happier. Also, s*x doesn't really feel like it would be special to me. Feels kinda cheap

I can’t get over the fact that I’ve been in such distress over something I thought about and had a sensation over. I watched a movie with a child and because I’ve had similar “reactions” in the past with what was going on in this movie which in of itself is weird, I was thinking about what I had just watched and had a reaction. And i assumed it was arousal, and I’ve always known I didn’t like kids but it’s happened once before at 16 and I managed to forget about it but this was an even bigger trigger, it had ruined my life. I can’t even remember how long I thought about it and I think it’s possible I may have wanted to think about it intentionally?? I’ve watched that scene to check my reaction and I can’t get that same reaction anymore. I just don’t understand wtf is wrong with me and I’m so beyond mad at myself and hate myself more than anyone in this world. I hate that movie so much now and get triggered seeing any of the actors in that movie even tho it’s my fault this happened. I’m convinced I def have some disgusting kink that ive been in denial over and am just now feeling guilty over it, I don’t have any other explanation

This passed weekend felt amazing. Nothing special but I felt normal. I actually convinced myself that my long nearly 4-month-episode was over. The intrusive thoughts and images were still coming but I didn’t get frozen in terror, I was able to actually enjoy little things like playing my Xbox and binge-watching YouTube videos. Until Sunday night, the backdoor spike struck. I just hate myself a bit right now for thinking it would be over that easily, I look in the mirror and I do wonder in my head, “will I ever see my old self again?” I once heard someone say that everyone has their own trial to battle in life, mine is just OCD. Well I don’t want this one, I want a different trial. I’m posting this because I feel isolated, OCD does really make you feel like your thoughts are your “true” self trying to emerge from years of trying to be someone else. OCD really does make you feel alone and like the worst person in the world. Worse than Dahmer, Gein, Gacy, why? Because like my mind always says to my soul, “you’re worse because you’re not locked up, they were, so they couldn’t hurt anyone anymore. You’re out here and who knows how many you will hurt.”

Any advice for finding a balance between what you share with your partner? He knows I’m struggling with soocd, but it’s really difficult feeling like I need to share how hard of a time I’m having, then immediately feeling guilty that I’m going to push him away by telling him too much. I just don’t know the right balance between sharing & feeling supported without over sharing and feeling like I’m dragging him too much into my obsessive/intrusive thinking. Any advice on this? If I don’t say enough I feel like I’m lying that I’m feeling ok when I’m not, but then If I share too much I feel guilty that I’m hurting his feelings.

It’s funny because I’m not remotely aroused my thoughts I think my fear now is that they will never go away which is probably what’s keeping them stuck. Also dishonesty is a big one for me even though I’ve been honest with both my fiancé and mum. It’s like a sense of sadness where I look at people and think you don’t have to second guess who you are. Which is silly because I feel like I know who I am. I know I don’t want to act on my thoughts, I know I love my partner but it’s the anxiety of this “am I gay?” Question coming up all the time that I put meaning to. Any suggestions for this?

I’ve been suffering from OCD for the past decade or so and it has gradually gotten worse with time. But this summer, something happened thatblay or may not be OCD and I can’t get a clear diagnosis on what it is. Basically I’ve been developping intrusive thoughts about what if my cats hurt themselves, on silverware, on chemicals like bleach etc, as well as their well being in general, which led me to do a lot of compulsions including being careful about were my clening products were stored, cleaning relentlessly areas on which chemicals might still be, not being able to close door in fear I might close them on their paws... But as time went on my body started acting out some of these fears, without me wanting it obviously, for instance, I would turn around, see my cat and push her a bit harshly automatically with my foot, this happening in the span of less than a second, or squeezing my cat a bit too hard when picking them up. I would feel super guilty afterwards and petted them or played with them to pake up for it but this also has turned into a compulsion with me spending sleepless nights taking care of my cats to make up for stupid stuff. Recently I had to go to class and was about to miss my bus and I had earlier spotted an extinguisher my parents keep in the closet in the hallway where my cats hang out and was afraid it might fall on them if someone were to open the closet too hard, but I went to class anyways and when I left the bus I called my parents to tell thzm not to open the closet and went in class, during it I excused myself to go to the bathroom but tried to call my parents because I knew they would still do it so that they at least notnlet the cats hang in the hallway, but I couldn’t reach them, I told myself I should leave mid class tp catch the earliest bus home to fix this issue but didn’t, even though it wasn’t an important class and the teacher knew I was doing good and could have let me go, and I don’t know why I did that. A similar thing happened two weeks after where I told myself to go back home to fix some bags my sister had halfhazardly stacked in the closet and I didn’t knownwhat was in there, but instead, I got on the bus and went to class. This doesn’t really seem involuntary in those cases so I don’t know what’s happening to me, I don’t want harm to my cats so why am I doing that. It’s not OCD, although OCD is having a feild day with this one preventing me from partaking in things I love because they are the root of the problem according to me. This is because during summer if I didn’t do the compulsions I talked about I would have to delete my savefile on games I play with friends and I came to the conclusion that if my body was doing stuff on its own it wasn’t my problem but now that it doesn’t seem voluntary anymore I don’t know. Playing games feels like I’m allowing myself to bypass the punishement system I put in place to stop me from hurting my cats and I can’t justify it because it doesn’t seem to be unintentional anymore. So I need help, what do I have? How do I solve it? What should I do?

I am in nursing school and we just went over schizophrenia which created some intense fear for me. I’ve always had a fear of this but now that I know more in depth about the illness it’s been an obsessive thought for me. I’m terrified I will hear voices or see hallucinations, to the point I’ve had some physical panic symptoms. Can anyone help with with this or share their story?

The OCD is trying to make up things about my 3 year old.. and it makes me more mad then anything a few weeks ago he gave me An unexpected kiss and I felt a groin sensation freaked out for dayssssssssss weeks even a little bit again today.. to realize this always happens to me through out the day even when people hug me or I’m just relaxed and a lot when im scared.. Which if you know you know that’s always with ocd and anxiety🫠🫠 And even if it didn’t always happen. It is ok. It’s your bodies natural reaction that means nothing.. nonnas thoughts or sensations only bad actions… any who the other night I’m sleeping on the couch he comes lays on top of me we cuddle like always 🥰 and instantly got a fear of someone or me sexually abusing him in his sleep while he’s asleep cus he would never know and it would never affect him cus he’s sleeping. I Instantly had anxeity poop allllllll day and kept replaying him laying on the couch with me. The OCD is the the devil. But I will not let it take away the most beautiful thing I have. OCD can go f itself

Agh, this irritates me so much. My hands and skin are tight and dry from going crazy because I keep being compulsive and washing them. I hadn’t left the house in over a week and I still want to fuss over my hands. I know it’s OCD and I know that half the viruses floating in my mind aren’t near me, but I still feel like I’m gonna catch a fatal illness if I don’t obsess over my hands.

I know it's OCD, I know it is, but for some reason when I remind myself that it's apart of a mental illness. I feel disappointed? Like these thoughts aren't actually my own or that they're what I want. I'm so scared, these thoughts once brought ms so much disgust and anxiety and now I'm scared I've been changed into someone else

so i just recently had my first kiss and i’m glad that it happened cause i honestly just wanted to get it over with, but afterwards i had a huge wave of uncertainty and fear surrounding it specifically with contamination but also feeling really guilty for some reason. Part of this i think stems from the fact that I do not sit in my bed until i’m in my pajamas, showered, and about to go to sleep, but we sat on my bed and watched a movie (so the first part of my worries is about my bed being contaminated and the second part is that i compromised my “moral standards” although i know this is irrational). On top of all this i also have trouble feeling like a different person (like i don’t ever want to do anything that feels like i have changed or am different now) and this situation is making me feel like i’m a different person because i’ve never been in a relationship and now i feel like i shouldn’t want to be in a relationship or even that i would be ready because of how fixated i have been on this situation this week. also im pretty sure this person doesn’t want to be in a relationship which i am glad for because i don’t think i could deal with that right now but i think that’s also contributing to me feeling like a bad person, because i have such a strict image of what a first kiss should be like (basically being in a relationship with someone) but the more rational part of me is saying that this idea isn’t really realistic. Sorry for the super long post i just needed to vent or maybe get advice from someone who had a similar situation?