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Why do I feel I raped someone intoxicated, I’ve felt fear and guilt for months it seems real, Could you suggest what I do next please

Anytime a see an image of my best friend I feel a moment down there or I feel huge or I feel like I’m about to get a boner please why is this so, it makes me feel lost.

Additional trigger warning topics of self harm I struggle with self harm. When I opened up to someone about my struggle with it they told me that my scars were so bad and that my future husband would have to see them. It hurt me really bad. I’m working on stopping and am in therapy to stop doing it. I’m honestly trying so hard. I’m now just afraid that because I have scars that look “bad” no one will love me. That was my best friend at the time who said those things abt my scars. Now I feel unlovable. My ocd tells me that I’m gonna die alone, and that no one will ever love me.

Okay, so to spare you the DISGUSTING details, I won't go into symptom details here. Context: After being on prescribed Adderall 30mg to treat ADHD while I finish my final year in university, I had to go to the ER a couple times because I got very panicky. Essentially, the doctors and emergency psychiatrist said I'm experiencing dopamine toxicity as a result of Adderall, which can cause extremely uncomfortable, delusional hallucinations. I've never gone through something this terrifying before and I don't know how to manage myself at home. It's making my sleep terrible, which only makes the physical sensations worse. I am okay with accepting that it's a temporary thing and that it's just based on my perception of the feelings I've been experiencing for the past 4.5 months. I thought it was "just my OCD symptoms coming back with a vengeance" as I used mindfulness to help with fear and reassurance in the past. However, I've noticed a longstanding trend of paranoia and that reassurance does not seem to help me often these days. My thoughts seem to loop between some form of "can't trust myself," "can't trust the world," and "everything feels unsafe." It's affected my sleep (demons/ghosts/intruders/death/bugs/etc), my ability to walk outside (ie. Storms/lightning), my ability to eat (ie. Contaminated water/food/etc). It seems to always relate back to something hurting me, and I have done CBT enough to understand that I don't need to give power to the thoughts, nor do I need to let thoughts or emotions control my behaviours. But HOW THE F**K DO I GET OVER THIS!!!! It ruined the last 12 weeks of school. I could literally only submit 2 assignments and had to get an illness form which essentially rendered me incapable. I am a huge people pleaser and I am extremely self-critical. I just want to feel normal, and I know that I can't continue trying to use Lysol wipes to clean my back, or challenge the doctor when he says antipsychotics are the quickest solution. Like I'm CHOOSING the harder route by making myself learn to trust myself, even when it feels like I can't trust my senses. I'm at a complete loss for what to do at this point and I have a lot of exciting opportunities coming up in January. I can't continue feeling like I'm going insane slowly... I KNOW I will get through this, logically. I just don't know what to do when reassurance doesn't work. It's like no matter what the doctors say, I just feel stuck on these thoughts that I know are false. Any thoughts?? 😕 Thank you for reading if so. This is my first post here, I apologize for how long it is and I appreciate your time and/or literally ANY words of advice/support ❤

i just switched therapists and today was my first session with my new therapist. while on the call i had a panic attack and ended up hanging up the call cause i couldn’t calm down. i’m extremely sad about how the therapist is treating the situation. i voiced what was going on when the panic attack started. i later messaged her apologizing and explaining that my panic attacks cause a rush of compulsions that i HAVE to submit to rapidly. she’s suggesting i “wait until after the new year” to continue therapy. i don’t understand that because i so clearly need the help now, i can barely function. i’m not sure what to do in this situation and im so sad and hurt. i need help and im literally crying over how disappointing it is to be brushed off by the person who i need help from.

Today it feels real. I have my online boyfriend my current boyfriend who is perfect and right for me that I want to meet and marry soon. I'm tired of these ex thoughts. I don't want to be with my ex or do anything with my ex. I moved on and I'm happy being with my current boyfriend. I don't know what to do. I feel like a traitor and a cheater. Why is this happening why does it feel real. I'm hurt having these ex thoughts while being with my boyfriend. I'm tired of having to fight these ex thoughts time and time again. I love my current boyfriend I would never be with my ex or do anything that involves with my ex. I don't wanna lose my boyfriend. I'm trying everything I can to prove these thoughts that I don't want my ex. I'm hurt I'm lost. I'm this close to even ending my life because I keep having these ex thoughts while calling my boyfriend. I don't wanna view or think of my ex. I wanna think of my boyfriend. I'm scared. I'm tired. I don't wanna lose my boyfriend I don't wanna keep contuining this cycle. I want these ex thoughts to stop once in for all and let me be happy again with my current perfect boyfriend.

Hi everyone, so I’m way new to this kind of thing but I figured it might help to find more people that I can relate to as far as this part of my life goes. I will put a trigger warning for certain language regarding illness, violence, SH, COVID and obviously OCD. I was recently diagnosed with OCD, not really a specific kind just mixed obsessions and compulsions. Even so, I’ve known for a while that I might have OCD, my family did as well. I started having problems when I was about 11 when my whole family got sick with a virus, since then my whole life revolves around this disorder. Where to begin, I guess I’ll start with my fears, I think the better question would be; what don’t I fear, but my main fear would be illness. I know that this is usually linked with contamination OCD and that I deal with that kind of OCD the worst. I’m terrified of getting sick, specifically regarding illness that affects the gastrointestinal system but any sickness is scary. Since I was 11, I’ve had this crippling fear that controls my school life, work life, my diet, my friendships, relationships, my home life, the medicine I will take and treatments I will allow, and overall, my happiness. On top of having OCD I’ve been diagnosed with clinical depression and GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), I believe that both of these, although having a genetic factor, are severely worsened by my OCD. Things only got worse when COVID happened. It was like the world was ending and honestly I wish it had because that would’ve been easier. My fear was solidified during those years. On top of not wanting to interact with anyone, I lost someone very important to me from complications due to COVID. I miss this person greatly, and going through that grief was immense putting my fear at its peek. With that being said, I also deal with intrusive thoughts that are violent in nature, sometimes to others, mostly to myself. Those thoughts can be anywhere from hatred, disgust, anger, and just straight violence. I have lots of shame surrounding the intrusive thoughts I have because it’s hard for me to recognize that those thoughts aren’t a reflection of my real feelings of others or myself. I also have a hard time in relationships, including friendships, because I constantly question my feelings toward that person, not knowing how to differentiate between the intrusive thoughts I have about them and the actual feelings I have for them. During this time, I’m growing and learning new things about myself, exploring my sexuality and gender as well and becoming who am I today. I’m 18 now and a senior in high school and I feel like I’ve missed so much of my teenage years hiding from the world in fear. In person schools are hell for me, when I go I’m constantly on edge, overwhelmed with the fear of sickness and people and even just breathing the air that the other students breathe. Being there makes it so hard to learn, think, or complete assignments and because of this, my education looks a lot different from most. I’m in an online school, it’s still a public school but online. This school has been a positive experience for the most part, I can learn and get good grades that I couldn’t before, it also gives me a sense of independence and control of my education. However, it also means I miss out on a lot of things. My school does hold a prom and graduation for students but I have no friends at this school because most people aren’t here to socialize but to get an education and move on. So, I’ve never been to a prom, my only friend lives in a different state than me, I don’t experience parties or sneaking out or relationships outside of the non-serious ones I had in middle school, overall, this disorder has made me very lonely. My parents are amazing, they truly do their best to accommodate to me but they will never understand the extent of what I go through. I never want them to fully understand what it’s like to have OCD the way I do. I wouldn’t wish this disorder on anyone. They have gotten me doctors that want to help me and a great therapist but I still struggle. I will say in recent months I’ve been making some progress however there are still bad days. I understand that this disorder is for life but I hope that one day I can live in spite of it. I often think back to a time where life was so much more enjoyable because I wasn’t constantly anxious. I miss a time where I was living instead of surviving. I hope that this app can do me some good, I’m an adult now and I want to change how I’m living. I want to find more independence and happiness and most importantly, peace of mind that everything will end up okay. Now, this is only a summary of my story but I hope that if you got this far you understand that you aren’t alone in this. We aren’t alone. - Jay (he/him)

-social anxiety -existential ocd -religious ocd

I’m taking it day by day. I recently put in my two weeks notice and have left a toxic workplace. It’s been hard on me because this has happened so many times. I’ve been working since I was in middle school, cleaning hospitals, sleep centers, etc with my mom. And at 16 I got my first real, legal job lol. And it’s been rough, employers can be toxic or the job just isn’t set up with the tools to succeed. This last job I put my all into and like most jobs I’ve had I wasn’t trained, but I persevered and owned it. I had to leave from cruelty and just not setting me up to succeed but fail. I could take the difficulty, but I couldn’t handle the disrespect. I actually really conquered some of my ocd there and used some of it to my advantage with organization and starting up new ways to help the team, as well as actually speaking up for myself and holding a small meeting. It was incredibly difficult to understand whether I was right or wrong, but I followed my heart. Even with conquering those small things like speaking up, I was still left unheard by the people who could change the environment. I’ve struggled quite a bit since then with feeling like I made the right decisions or not. My mental health comes first, but I need money to eat. It can become so discouraging that you’ve got to work to live and these places don’t have to treat you like a person… it would be a lot to go into it. But I’m proud of myself, although I’ve become depressed and have lost myself in my head a bit. I’m coming out of it quicker than ever, and honestly that’s because God never stopped believing in me. God has helped, and my ocd really messes with my relationship with God a lot. I won’t quit, and I won’t give in. I believe in myself. I’m proud because through the pain I’ve still managed to keep up with the house and my laundry and myself pretty well. Today wasn’t that bad and that gives me hope. I’ve recently been working on my breathing too, when things get overwhelming I take deep breaths for 60 seconds. It helps settle me and my heartbeat. I know that my ocd is gonna fight me thru getting my next job. Tons of reasonable and unreasonable thoughts. I’ve got to try and I’ve got to let go of what could or could not happen and be myself. I’m a child of the most high God and if He is for me then who can be against me? I’ve done nothing wrong, and I’m a great worker. People have seen that and people will see that again. I can do this, if I believe and try ! I believe in you !

i came across a disturbing post here and on reddit (from doing compulsions) regarding pocd. i am sick and tired of feeling this way. i dont want to feel any type of way towards children as they are earth’s most purest beings. i care so so much and i hate having these horrific thoughts in my brain. i hate this so much.

Okay so, I know ocd has prevented me from basically doing anything I used to do… but I also have had a lot of eye opening moments to what I see is or isn’t okay. Me and my partner have had issues with porn and shit in past, which has contributed to me not feeling ok about certain scenes in movies, like even if before ocd I used to watch whatever scene/movie with my bf, and we used to not care, porn is a big reason as to why I have chosen for us to not watch Sex/sexual scenes, strip club scenes, nudity, etc… I made it a rule when I had ocd , but just because I made that a rule doesn’t mean that it’s the only reason why. I shouldn’t have to be “ok” with certain scenes in movies, not everyone in life can watch that stuff without having their soul affected. I’m also religious and feel that certain things are wrong, so there’s a few reasons as to why we don’t do that now, but ocd is trying to tell me it’s a compulsion and that I’ll never get over ocd because of it. Like I think people are aloud to have change of opinions , yes when I made that rule part of it was because I was worried about triggers but there’s also that because of past issues I don’t want either me or my bf engaging in those types of scenes, no I’m not being immature (my own Nan skips past anything like that) we are religious and see certain things differently than others. On top of that because I used to watch like cardi b music vids and shit where she is just being a slut the whole way through in EVERY music video, I used to love her music and songs and shit, I still listen to her occasionally but just because I used to watch stuff like that doesn’t mean I should have to just to “get over ocd” yes part of it is about preventing being triggered, but also is a respect thing to myself, my partner, and Jesus and my relationship. I know lots of people wouldn’t give a shut about that stuff, but I do! It affects my soul. We are all brainwashed into thinking that people making videos like that is right, I’m sorry it’s not. I get that there may be some music videos I watch that may have certain things that pop up, but I can CHOOSE to look away like my partner does if there’s like twerking or something in it, but when I just KNOW the whole music video is going to be something that affects my soul or I feel Is disrespectful to my partner, myself and our relationship, (I wouldn’t like him watching a music video like that) I shouldn’t have to do that as an exposure right???? Exposures should be things that are normal like going to the shops, or public places for example. just because before in the past I didn’t see an issue with stuff like that doesn’t mean my opinion can’t change on that stuff??? As I said why would I do something I wouldn’t like him doing? It’s hard for me to sometimes know wrong from right because ocd fucks with my head, but sometimes I rely on other peoples insight like my mum or partner because I can’t think for myself at times… anyway all I’m saying is just because I used to fo that stuff before I REALISED how it affected my soul and stuff, I shouldn’t have to just be “ok” with it just because I used to, I just don’t want to think this is a compulsion and that I won’t ever get ocd with this mindset because that’s what OCD is telling me…. I don’t want to play it’s games anymore, but I also shouldn’t have to “expose” myself to sexual/slutty content/material just to “get over ocd” I’ll repeat again I have been a lot closer to god through this and feel certain things are just wrong like those scenes or certain music videos. Any Christian’s maybe similar to me, can give me some perspective?

I was watching this random tiktok on my fyp and this guy was comparing his art vs how how he looks or whatever. He is 15 and when he showed how he looked in real life I had a thought that was like 'damn that's how he looks??' and immediately after I thought 'he's 15 why would you think that' and im so anxious that's proof that im attracted to minors. I am 22 and I have never been attracted to a kid, nor have i ever considered dating or persuing a kid. Ive had POCD intrusive thoughts before but still, the pictures had his face covered and they looked like those aesthetic pinterest pictures people post, and i wasnt expecting that. I feel like vomiting but that thought felt so natural and im worried i meant it. Why would I have a thought like that?? I know we're 'not our thoughts' or whatever but that didn't feel like an intrusive thought and now I'm worried that was proof im attracted to a minor and that one of my worst fears is true. I'm also worried if I pass It off as an intrusive thought im in denial or making an excuse. Please help.

I feel so hopeless and alone right now. Even seeking therapy seems like a waste of time for me. Im just so tired of battling with my mind everyday and having not much of a support system. I just want to stay in bed and not do anything because even getting through the day feels so hard sometimes.

i don’t know if this falls under a specific theme or is even related to ocd. if someone could help me out i would really appreciate it ever since i was younger, i’ve had really upsetting thoughts about losing my loved ones and it would get to a point where i vividly imagine their death scenes play out in my head and it’s started to effect me during a day-to-day basis. sometimes i even imagine myself dying and the imagery shows me how my friends and family react to my passing usually when i think of something happy, my brain enters this cycle where i begin to think of some upsetting and distressing moment and i cant help but think about it for the rest of the day i’ve had a common fear of death for a really long time, but it’s gotten really bad now is this a form of some intrusive thought? please let me know what you think

I have pocd. How are you supposed to practice erp with an intrusive thought that is so disgusting and wicked? A disgusting two-words intrusive thought? It's difficult for me to just sit still and get exposed to such a horrible thought. I still can't write it because it triggers me a lot so I'll say the "acronym": it's pc but read backwards... if you get the word I'm trying to say you'll understand that that word is very disgusting, for me it's the worst word ever of all times and I can't simply deal with it, whereas with other triggering words I am able to move on. With this thought for me it is simply impossible to ignore. And moreover the day after tomorrow is my 18th birthday, a once of a lifetime event and I'm afraid that I'm going to start that day with the same intrusive thought ruining everything and having the memory of that thought forever because it is associated to such an important event. How I deal with that? How do I apply ERP to such a disgusting intrusive thought? I can't do it. How can I move forward? Somebody help me, please.

I don’t know what to do! My 13 year old son has suffered with intrusive thoughts for years. He feels guilty of things he’s done in the past when he was super young and obsesses over it to the point that he has to come clean about everything!! He fears that he may be a phedophyle at times because of intrusive thoughts. He’s on Zoloft 75 for it, it was getting better for a bit but it’s getting aggressive again! He is so kind and such a good son and person. He is in counseling but his counselor doesn’t specialize in OCD. I don’t know if I should have them change his medication, idk if there’s a medication that will help him more. I’m so scared I suffered with intrusive thoughts as a kid and teen, I never got help but I’m good now.

okay hi, so i am having awful thoughts that are just plaguing my mind. i got into a relationship almost 3 months ago and i got on nexplanon for birth control a little under 2 months ago and i think i am driving myself insane. like i’m having intense anxiety and i want it to stop. everything was fine until like 2 weeks ago, i was staying with my bf at an air bnb and i started overthink having sex and stuff. one of the things that i’m most afraid of is that i’m going to give him consent, we’re going to do stuff, and i’m going to realize that i didn’t really want to do stuff, and have weird feelings toward him even though i told him yes. but i know how to tell him when i don’t like something and i have before and i know how to tell him when i want to do stuff. i’m getting so hung up on a few moments when we had sex a couple of months ago and there was one instance where we both had sex and i forgot to ask his consent and afterwards he says “you didn’t ask my consent” and he was joking but that really bothered me and we talked about it and he said it didn’t bother him he was just making a joke. another time, we had sex and the opposite thing happened: he didn’t ask me for it and we talked about it and it didn’t feel like a violation and i know it wasn’t but i’ve been super anxious and depressed this last week and kind of driving myself into the ground worrying about this. i don’t want to ruin my relationship because i know that when i am rational, i am able to be like “no, that didn’t happen” but i’m scared and overthinking and i’m not rational right now. i don’t know what to do but all i feel is intense distress and anxiety and i want to get over this because i know the truth but i can’t stop spiraling. can anyone relate and help me? i feel like i’m losing it.

Hello, My name is Dana, I’m new to this app but I’ve been suffering from harm OCD for quite some time now and it’s been extremely debilitating. I’ve never experienced anything like this EVER in my life. It started at the beginning of this year, I got hit like a runaway train with intrusive thoughts and it shook me to my core. I wanted to see if anyone on here has struggled or is currently struggling with harm OCD and could maybe share their stories? It would just be nice to feel less alone and maybe share what has worked/not worked. All I want to do is overcome this! Thanks in advance to all who respond.

It's always mention that OCD's main focus it's the doubt and the "what if" questions, but to be quite honest, my mind barely ever asked any question, most of my thoughs/feelings are like afirmations "you are into dudes" "you are in denial" and the feeling that those statements are true, with or withouth anxiety, that's how mine usually goes

Has anyone taken shrooms or micro dosed before? I’m thinking about it but idk how it will effect someone with bad anxiety and ocd