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How can you do that with mental compulsions like arguing with yourself in your mind, trying to make it go away etc?

I've been doing with real event ocd for some time now. I get "I don't deserve" thoughts about literally everything and I've had enough. They're still freaking there after so much time, and I've been practicing mindfulness, acceptance and exposure therapy. I'm tired of going through my life every 10 seconds "you don't deserve this" or "you don't deserve that", what's actually going to stop these thoughts. I know whatever you resist persists but common give me a break, there's got to be a better way.

hello! i just wanted to introduce myself. my name is amanda, i'm married, and have 4 cats. i'm unable to work, so my husband takes care of the bills while i take care of our house. it actually works very well for us as i have agoraphobia as well as severe generalized anxiety, social anxiety, panic disorder, and excoriation disorder(skin-picking). i haven't met anyone with my particular disorder (TOCD) so i was hoping to meet someone who could share their experience! some of my tics are making my body 'even' (if someone touches one of my shoulders, i have to touch the other one. blinking to make my face feel even. etc). some other tic-like behaviors i have are always stepping over cracks with my left foot first, as well as stepping onto a new surface with my left foot first. these are only a few of the many tics i deal with along with OCD symptoms. hope everyone is doing well today! take care!

I don't understand agoraphobia and I avoided working with it bc I think it's stupid. Why should I not want to go and live my life? But I'm in the house for days, I can't seem to go to the store or go visit others. It's really a struggle, and its gotten progressively worse. I feel rather desperate. If anyone's done exposures for agoraphobia, what did that look like to you?

I’ve been doing better, but then suddenly get hit with new thoughts and ideas. Sometimes I wonder if they’re influenced by things I read. I also feel like I’ve become addicted to feeling anxious. It’s like I was fine and then new ideas and thoughts and they freak me out. Obviously OCD is going to try and convince you. Anxiety has made me feel safe because I know it’s OCD. A new thought creeped in and was like “you’re afraid of being straight” even though I’m straight. Like I can’t even like guys in peace. And then another thought that was like “you’re sad because you can’t date women”. I don’t even want to date women, I don’t see myself romantically or sexually with women. I know the thoughts are OCD but here I went trying to solve it and feel like I put myself in a bigger hole trying to prove I’m straight and fight against thoughts that don’t apply to me. It’s so hard to remember thoughts are just thoughts. Like why am I arguing with a thought that doesn’t apply to me? I feel like a lot of thoughts have been influenced by what I’ve been reading. Also, another reason why googling as reassurance is bad. I’ve been sleeping next to my mom because I’m scared to sleep alone with my thoughts. Last night she had to help me do breathing exercises and come back to reality. I was independent and the last month I’ve felt incompetent. I hate how OCD just continues to morph. The thoughts aren’t distressing but rather just annoying. I feel like I spent the last day trying to prove I’m straight, it just made me doubt myself. I have to remember that it’s OCD. Been dealing with this SO-OCD episode for a month already. I’ve fed this monster so many compulsions it’s generated new thoughts and ideas I haven’t seen before. Can’t really watch tv or be in public without mental checking and it’s truly exhausting. How did I watch tv and interact with the world before this episode? I think one of the challenging things is being on the early stages of medicine and feeling numb and not being able to cry as much. I feel like crying was my main compulsion. Not looking for reassurance, just needed to vent. I just miss my old self. When you write it down it sounds ridiculous. 😭

I just quit my job today due to the crippling harm OCD that I have been having for the past couple months. I’m also a type one diabetic and so worried I won’t be able to find another job because I can’t hold it together at work. Due to the fact I lost my job, all my money is going to go to medical supplies for my diabetes. Before the harm OCD it was contamination and health OCD. I’d much rather go back to the other one than the harm one. Here is the thing, I can’t afford therapy at the moment. I know ERP is the gold standard. I read about CBT and acceptance therapy. I won’t go into detail about my harm OCD because I’m very much embarrassed and ashamed. I don’t even want these thoughts or like these thoughts. I want to run away from them so bad. I just want to love, be loved and be happy. Now without a job, no health insurance, being type one diabetic, and at I would say almost the height of this OCD, does anyone have any advice? Any words of encouragement? I cry every day about this and feel like a monster. I can’t get disability, I can’t afford health insurance without a job, and I don’t know how to get through this harm OCD. If anyone just can text me back, especially if you have dealt with a similar OCD I would appreciate it. I’m so lonely and lost about it all. I never thought I’d get into this situation. I’m staying as strong as I can but just anyone able to talk I would appreciate it. Thank you guys for reading.

Hey friends, I’m curious if anybody has this ongoing theme I’m struggling with which I don’t really know how to explain other than thinking phrases, and occasional profanity as unwanted thoughts. Almost like if you’re recalling something, somebody said but more vividly almost like if you’re hearing it externally, but you know it’s in your head.

So I have this Filipino friend who's a bit white worshippy tbh. He's also a bit crass and he mentioned how on average he finds white women the most attractive, but that there's beautiful women in every race and if you're hot you're hot. Now race and attractivness was an ocd theme in me. On college campus, I've seen hot girls in every race and there's no real "discrepancy" in race and attractivness. Except with the rich middle eastern girls because every single one of them is annoyingly gorgeous. I'm indian but that really triggered my bdd and ocd and I want to obsess over what exactly he meant by that. Overly left wing people talking about "eirocentric beauty standards" doesn't help either. During my worst ocd episode I looked at stats like reply rates on dating apps for different ethnicity. Asian women are favored. When it was broken down by indian vs white va arab etc. Middle eastern girls had a huge advantage but it was pretty even between all other races except black women. But that's probably due to stereotypes. Either way I'm trying really hard not to go into another ocd race and attractivnesd episode again.

Hello, long story short. In July I saw a message from a recruiter pop up on LinkedIn. When I did, I heard a voice say “I will protect you” and I felt like it meant that God was going to protect me somehow by giving me this job. I reached out and ended up going on a bunch of interviews and they made me an offer. I didn’t love the offer and then declined. Then fast forward another job pops up with a friend. I accepted it even though I really didn’t want to because I thought it was God’s will for me to go to protect me from something at my current job. Now my current job just offered me a promotion and a ton of money to stay. What should I do? I’m so scared to not go if it was God but I’m scared to go and it was just an intrusive thought all along.

Just wanted to check in with everyone. How is your week going? It’s ok if it’s not been very good. Always here to chat if anyone is struggling. OCD is so hard, but you don’t have to battle it alone. 💖 I’ve had some ups and downs this week but the highlight has been volunteering at a local animal rescue. And guess what I’m doing there?!? Walking the overweight donkey because she needs exercise 😂😂 Apparently when they rescued her they were told she was pregnant so they just let her eat and eat. Turns out she wasn’t! So she’s been living her best life lol. I start walking her tomorrow and I’m so excited. I’ll post photos 🫏

I’m sure everyone reading can relate. I’m tired of over analyzing my memory. I’m tired of being convinced that my worst fears are true. I’m tired of faking every emotion to everyone. Tired of breaking down and sobbing and begging for this to get better. Tired of watching this disorder completely change me and deteriorate my relationships and my will to live and keep going. This episode has lasted since mid-November. It’s mid January. I am running out of options. You all are so beautiful and kind for being on this forum and offering each other support. I can’t keep living like this. Every single morning I cry, then cry throughout the day, and can’t really explain to my loved ones/friends what’s going on, because OCD is such a nuanced disease. False memory has completely taken what’s left of me. I legitimately just feel like there’s nothing left of the real me. All I see everyday is this anxious creature trying to survive and begging for the suffering to stop.

hey its been a while since ive last been on this app. tbh my health ocd has gotten a lot better since the last few posts (yay to that!!) but ive been struggling soo much with pocd. i used to struggle w/ intrusive, obsessive thoughts like these before but they werent common and they were bearable. not anymore apparently. im so scared and disgusted at even the idea of having these thoughts, i know i would never actually do something to anyone but i keep on ruminating and its been taking me into mental crisis. anyone that could help? ive been off therapy for 2 months so im thinking that maybe that caused the obsessions to get worse but idrk im 17, about to turn 18 this year. i feel gross

I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but I have been googling nonstop and can not find any reasonable answer. I’m worried I’m a hidden sociopath that is just really good at pretending to care about everything because it benefits me to make other people feel good? How can I ever know for sure? It just makes me want to lock myself up and stay away from everyone in case I am but that just makes the problem worse because I’m socially isolating myself. How do I know if I’m actually trying to listen to someone because I care about what they have to say or if I’m just pretending to try to because I know it’s important to them? I do care, of course I care but I just don’t know if it’s in the right way, especially being so depressed sometimes it’s hard to care about anything at all. I feel like if I’m kind or generous to people, even if I want to be, I worry that I’m just pretending. After having existential OCD, harm OCD and others, Major Depression and constant experiences with disassociation after being through constant panic for months (and years), I’m worried I may have accidentally unwillingly turned into a sociopath. I feel like I can’t accept the world at face value, and I have no idea how to just accept social norms anymore and have this compulsion to prove every part of existence before I can rely on it because of existential intrusive thoughts, but that seems like such a sociopathic way to interact with the world. Coupled with feeling completely numb and unable to love like I used to, I’m really freaking out. I would rather die that hurt anyone, but when I think about taking my own life just in case I am a sociopath or a potentially harmful person, I’m scared. I don’t want to say goodbye yet but what if I’m just destined to get worse, living already hurts so much every day. I feel like my soul switches on and off 5 - 10 times a day, I don’t want anyone to love me in case I’m a bad person and I also just can’t accept that I’m worth loving no matter how hard I try which is so toxic and it’s my responsibility to fix but it feels beyond me. I’m trying, but I’m so so tired. I’m sorry for being a bit negative but I just need to vent.

My ocd is in a spiral. My passed away on December 30th and it’s been taking a tole on me. She was sick for a year and half. Couple months before she was diagnosed with cancer I basically told my teachers a lie saying she was I’ll in order to take my exams early so I can go home early. She had diabetes at the time and she’s a single parent but my mind wasn’t solely set on her being sick from on it while I was sending out the emails. Even she was on board with me telling them that she’s basically sick because she gave me a document that shows she’s scheduled for a colonoscopy. But still it isn’t right.!I feel so bad because as soon as I said that a couple months later she gets diagnosed with colon cancer stage 3. There’s this spiritual saying that you’re tongue is powerful, and it truly is. Now I’m having a hard time sleeping. I can’t even grieve without my ocd having multiple episodes. Everyday it’s something new. My ocd is now saying I basically killed my mother and I wished sickness on her. Please help me I cannot go to this funeral nor live with this hanging on my shoulders.

I would love some advice: I’m wondering where this is coming from and why internally I’m feeling this way. I dated a guy for three months last year and dumped me in May. The night before he said, he adored me, then discarded me the next day. Loooooooong story short, he broke no contact six months after, and I acted like nothing ever happened. I was nice to him. I never told him I truly felt. He broke my heart. It’s been nine months and I have the urge of telling him how I feel. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I want revenge so I want to let him know that what he did was wrong, but in a classy way. Is it a control thing?, Is it a revengeful thing? Am I trying to teach him something? Do I wanna reaction?

I did compulsions again after quitting that for a few days. So sad. Now the cycle is going to start again

I also have pocd and real events OCD regarding explicit anime/explicit cartoon content too… (14, 17-18) i didnt know what the content was or what it represented, the content was on public sites and some of them said the characters that were underage in canon, were 18+ in the content, so I thought they were safe to watch… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… The explicit anime characters looked and were really young… and i avoided most of the content… but i thought some of the content wasnt Pediphilic because they were on public explicit sites and had millions of views… I didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented… I assumed that some of the content was safe to look at because it was on public sites and had millions of views… i didnt know that this content was or what it represented… but doing my research made me gag and puke… i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… they were anime characters that looked extremely young… i didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented… When i was looking at explicit anime content (i was 19 and was making sure the characters were over the age of 18) I accidentally looked at characters that were 17 or looked young by mistake... (a couple times even though the site said all characters have to be 18+) my pocd is saying im in denial for this... this, combined with my previous pocd and real events based on this... makes me just feel so alone...

I was bullied from time to time when I was very young. There were times where other kids threw insults at me and I just didn't know why. Or why other kids may not have liked me for whatever reason. And recalling a time where the entire class would tell me an answer I got was wrong and I took it personally. I was also for sure bullied in high school. I remember having things thrown at me and getting really angry and throwing them right back and I don't think I felt like I fit in. Overall just shitty moments that I've picked up as a little kid even though there were definitely times where I've had good moments. I don't think socializing was a huge thing for me either. I definitely do have people I have zero problem calling my friends and I love those people, but I guess after some thinking, this came up

I have no anxiety with my thoughts, sensations, and images of being with the same sex anymore. It’s like my body finally decided to just accept that I am really lesbian.. my mind starts to wander now of dating women and even though I don’t enjoy the thoughts, it feels like I want to do them. Or I would want to do them one day. This literally crushes my heart to think that I’d have to leave my bf whom I love so much, as soon as my mind throws the thought or image of me breaking up with him over this my chest hurts and I instantly start crying. My heart is in pieces…but at the same time it feels like that’s what’s needs to happen 😭

I think I've struggled with OCD all my life. I struggle with intrusive thoughts alot and recently I just broke down and fell into a spiral I can't get out of. I found out about relationship OCD and sexual orientation OCD and think I may have those. I had an intrusive thought a few months ago that what if i didn't love my fiance anymore and since then I can't shake the idea. Just the day before I told him how much I wanted him to be my husband and up until that point I didn't question my love for him. I don't understand how things can just shake me like that quickly. I know I love him deep down and anytime I get those feelings back my brain is like "you sure about that?" A week later I had a thought about what if I've been a lesbian this whole time and that I'll marry my fiance only to come out as a lesbian in the future. I've always been ok with being Bi, I considered myself 10-20% into women and 80-90% into men. I always had crushes on men and dreamt of finding the man for me one day. I also find women nice to look at but I don't know if it's admiration or actual sexual attraction. Either way I was find with identifying this way but now I'm so stressed that I've actually just wanted to be a lesbian this whole time and that I'm in denail and closeted. These thoughts are debilitating and now I can't look at women without being stressed or getting aroused.