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the NOCD Community

Haven’t tested myself in a week maybe now my mind is trying to see if I like it now what do I do

what is your experience? Weed helped me realize i also had an OCD diagnosis along with my AuDHD. Weed was an enhancement drug for me and I notice that it increased my intrusive thoughts BUT only when i was already in a state of anxiety while sober. If i was happy then obsessive thoughts of joy and ruminative yet this only when i smoke the strain sativa. When i smoke indica my thoughts slowed down more, but so did everything else. For me indica affected my body more. But in moments where my mind couldn’t even move to get up or used the restroom. Only in bliss would i be able to fall asleep. I want to journey on Weed with this App so if you’d like to join ! Feel free :D I can also go on to make another post how it affect my autism and my adhd.

I just am so sick of constantly battling my mind it’s so fucking annoying like what’s even the point of spending anymore time on earth if non existence is preferable to existence. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD but more obsessions than compulsions it’s really more of a mental fight than anything psychical although I do have a bit of that contamination OCD. I’ve tried the SSRIs and I would 100% reccomend them to anyone who has OCD but it feels like there are too many triggers that force me back into that intrusive thought loop which is just hellish. Its really hard to imagine any sort of torture that could be worse than those thought loops genuinely hard to conceive of any torture even physically that could be worse than that. I have actually been doing much better recently but I really just can’t conceive of going back into another one of those fucking miserable intrusive thought loops again like I see the symptoms coming back and the feeling that I get before the intrusive thoughts start really really piling in has come back again. Idk just thought I should share my experience like anyone else who has this mental condition I feel really sorry for. Here’s something that I read I feel like was really important that I wanted to share with anyone else who has OCD “You are a sensitive person, so altruistic that you get worried by even having bad thoughts. Learn to be a bit more selfish, and fight for your own happiness. You truly deserve it!”

Hi I'm new to this app and just wanted to communicate with someone struggling with simular things. My ocd has me feeling so stuck right now, like I just don't know what to do. It's caused me to stay home from school and quit my job due to panic attacks. I should probably specify I have contamination ocd and some other one idk what to call. Closest thing would probably be perfection ocd. A couple days ago I had a really bad panic attack once I got home from work where I cried and sat on the stairs for about 2 hours. I only got up when my mom forced me to, because everytime I tried I just felt like I couldn't move. It was mainly triggered by my job as I find it "dirty" and cant handle it anymore- I quit mt job that night. Then is also when I finally told my mom how I've been feeling because of it and now she's constantly worrying that I haven't hurt myself as I finally told her "I just want it to stop." I don't think I actually would but I can't help but to think what would happen and how I could go about it. I have a therapist I see monthly, but I find it really hard to tell her how bad it's effecting me because it's hard to talk about and Idk what kind of power she has but I don't want her to send me to the ward. Idk if that's even a thing anymore but I'm scared of it. I constantly feel like I have to clean everything and I just dont have the energy to do it. All I want to do is lay in bed. But these "dirty" things full my mind untill they're "clean" again. Not to mention the things I literally can't clean because of their material 🥲 I apologize for the awful organization, these are just my thoughts right now.

I just took my 4th shower, maybe my 100h hand wash, I've done laundry twice, I had to clean my glasses a few times. I've basically spent all day on edge and getting tiggered, trying my best to ignore it just to get triggered by something else and spiraling. I haven't stopped moving for 12 hours and I'm not even done yet, my blanket is still in the dryer and I probably need to eat. I needed to clean my four "safe" cups but only managed doing one after not having anything to drink for three or four hours. All I want to do is lay in bed and cry and play animal crossing but my 2DS is dead and my charger is "dirty" and I just don't have it in me to clean anything else if I can help it. :(

I was on 3 different meds this week they all caused issues . Looking into hopefully getting my genes tested to see what medication might work best for me. I cant deal with the weeks of SSRIs making me think Im crazy. It just makes it worse . Whenever I contact my provider they say stop them immediately.

Why can't I figure this out and why when I try to it makes me feel like I am gay? I feel so depressed I was starting to be myself again and I was so happy even got a girlfriend and was working out and about to get a job too but now it's all lost I hav wno motivation to do anything, when I check gay porn I get aroused, when I imagine scenarios no matter what I get aroused I guess I've lost. I've never been homophobic or saw it as wrong but I also was never interested in men I always had crushes and fantasized about women and wanting to only be with women but now it feels like I can't even do that. I'm also noticing men alot more now too as handsome or pretty boy faced and it's making me feel even more in denial ): I fucking hate this so much I would do anything to go back to my comfortable happy self who was straight and girl crazy. I really hope this isn't all real I don't want any of this i just want to be straight not because of society but that's what made me the happiest and most fulfilling version of myself. I just don't understand why it all feels so real? Why I can't no matter what have certainty that stops me from checking? Why does porn cause arousal? Why do I notice men alot more? Even now I still don't want sex or a relationship especially a relationship because the thought of being intimate with a man isn't something I want and would make me uncomfortable and sex causes arousal but it's not something I want unlike women I desire it I want it. It makes me feel all fuzzy and good inside.

I was wondering if anyone else has dealt with OCD that revolves around food? For instance I’ve had an eating disorder from OCD for about 2 years now. I’m scared to eat food I’ve always eaten due to the fear of an allergic reaction. I also have a fear of my food being poisoned or laced with drugs. It makes it very hard for me to eat at times because I’ll have the symptoms of anxiety where my throat feels tight as if I can’t swallow or I’ll feel really panicked after I eat a fear food. Logically I know I’m not allergic to many of the foods I’ve ditched. It’s like my OCD clings to the fact others have allergies to things like peanuts & other foods. I used to be able to eat foods just fine and I love food! I just have so much fear of not having control once I’ve consumed something and that what if thought pops in. I believe all this stemmed from me trying an edible and it being one of the worst experiences ever. Felt like I was spiraling and not in control of anything. I even deal with extreme derealization/depersonalization and it feels so similar to the bad high. & I just get scared someone will lace my food just for the fun of it. So now when I eat I get scared even though logically I know my food is just food and I need it!! I’m doing much better than before, I eat even when I feel anxious too. I had stopped eating and drinking water due to my ocd tricking me (didn’t know I had ocd at the time, I thought my negative impulse fear based thoughts were intuition but they weren’t) and ended up in the hospital. I still have many fear foods that are actually very healthy that I need to start eating again. I am suffering from low iron due to not eating correctly from this fear. I’m on a iron supplement though and I’m eating better than I was. I’m just wondering if anyone else has or is dealing with similar?

Oh… the internet. Internet articles and INFORMATION OVERLOAD. Are parts of my OCD theme, and it hasn’t given me a break in the past while. Does this bug anyone else? I’m trying my best to stay present and just pretend I never read certain triggering information.

Do any other trans people with OCD get intrusive thoughts about faking being trans or misgendering them? On a pretty much daily basis I go through this cycle of either accidentally misgendering myself or getting the thought of “you’ve been lying for the past 10 years and you’re actually not trans” and it always sends me into a spiral. My dysphoria tends to fluctuate and it gets worse when my dysphoria is lower than normal. Logically I know fluctuation is a thing that most trans people experience at some point but I still ruminate over it. Any other trans folks here experience something similar? If so, do you have tips to break that pattern of thought?

My relationship OCD has been bad lately I actually feel like it’s starting to cause problems in my relationship. I constantly think something bad is going to happen with the relationship or him. Like when he’s driving I’m terrified we’re going to get in a crash and him die and me have to be without him. I worry all the time he’s going to leave me. It’s an obsession. I find myself trying to be PERFECT and that’s just not possible. I feel like he’s constantly mad at me when he’s not. We have a good relationship. We have our moments but everyone does. I don’t have issues with him cheating but I always am TERRIFIED about it. I’m scared of him dying, or leaving me. Is this something common with OCD or is this something else?

please help me. if you have POCD and are seeing this, please help. i’m suffering so badly. sometimes when i see videos of kids or toddlers uncomfortable, i get a very strange inexplicable feeling. not like a physical one, more like a mental feeling. like it’s coming from within. it kinda reminds me of adrenaline/anxiety/something sexual. it makes me worry i get sexual gratification from seeing kids upset. i started to notice this feeling maybe a 3 months ago. please help.

My beloved cat of 6 years is extremely sick, i adopted him when i was in the army and hes always helped me get through my PTSD. After about 1K in vet bills the vet said he likely will not survive this week, and i should consider euthanasia as its most likely advanced pneumonia or heart disease. Hes a indoor only cat and when i was trying to feed him his tooth scratched me and i got a tiny cut. Now my OCD is trying to convince me i somehow got rabies on top of it already going crazy and mourning my cat even though hes still fighting and not yet gone. I feel awful that now im scared to continue caring for him because now im scared of being near him

Hi, I have so many consequenses that it feels impooasible to describe my near past, specially the last five years where my entire life turned upside down due to the cresensdo in the last part before I got help. I have a hard time believing people will believe me and my story- its so much to rebuild? Anyone who recognize this and have experience?

Ugh I wanna cry. ERP therapy feels like torture. I know I need it but I wanna cry. I’m tortured

Does anybody else’s intrusive thoughts come in the form of “delusional thoughts”? I’ve been in a terrible episode of hypochondria or ocd for the past 6 months where I have FULLY convinced myself I am developing schizophrenia, it started with becoming really easily overstimulated and not being able to concentrate and now it has spiraled out of control to where I am constantly getting intrusive thoughts center around demonic stuff, which i have never ever believed before, I have always been skeptic. But now i get these thoughts all the time like “what if this song has hidden demonic meanings?” “What if your wife is a demon” “what if nobody is real and your just in hell” “what if this political figure if just being controlled by the devil”, the typical kind of delusional thoughts you would expect from a schizophrenic. Not only does the fact that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place scare the life out of me, but I have to constantly battle with these thoughts in my head if I believe them or not. I feel like I have to constantly hold myself back from fully going off the deep end, I feel like I have to constantly disprove these thoughts and stop myself from believing them, but they feel so real and it’s scaring me so much. One part of me is like “why can’t we just stop worrying about this, this is delusional” and another part of me is like “what if I actually do need to worry about if these things are true or not, they FEEL true” and I’m just like “wtffff I shouldn’t have to worry about if things like this are true at all in the first Place!” I feel like I have fully lost my mind, and in no time I’m going to lost this little bit of insight I have. Btw: yes I am seeing 2 therapists and a psychiatrist and all of them do not believe I am developing schizophrenia.

I did a pretty intense workout with an empty stomach and I felt shaky and anxious right after. I hate this feeling. I ate and Im laying here for the shakiness to wear off. My anxiety is high and I’m having ugly thoughts like “am I going to go crazy” am I going to feel this forever” and it’s making me sad. Can someone talk to me. This feeling sucks.

Finding coincidences/ clues / real details / things you believe is evidence / getting distorted memories ETC is this all part of false memory ocd?! I feel like the exception because of this. Not reassurance seeking just want to understand.

My OCD has been flaring since last night and all morning. Then I get a moment of clarity and apply the tools that I've learned, ground myself again, and continue on with my day. Then a slight thought will trigger my OCD and I'm fighting it again. It keeps happening and its still just 10 am right now. Has this happened to anyone else? What things have you done or told yourself that were helpful for you when this happened to you?

I was offline for a long time and a lot happend. So I'm going to tell you all my OCD in my case my SOCD and ROCD story. Yes I have Ocd. Yes I have Anxiety. Yes I struggeld imensly with HOCD but I am a LOT better now. My sickness doesnt define me and it took a lot of time to accept that, becouse OCD is full of doubt. Im going to tell you my Story in Hopes, that it will help someone get through this. I have OCD and ADHD both ilnesses just got diagnosed two years ago but I had symptoms my whole childhood. I got extremly anxious when something out of the ordinary happend, like an unplanned visit or somethingwas not placed were it had bern before, but also so exited that something new was Happening that I couldnt sit still. Having OCD and ADHD for me is like being pulled from two sides. It's being scared of everything but also so impulsive that I think I need to do all the compulsions. That means in my childhood years I was just confused I'm imensly attracted to men but when I had thoughts that I could have a crush on a close friend of mine I was just confused. I didn't really felt anything romantic but had a fear that I could have. But to this time my ADHD wasn't medicated and that meant my OCD wasn't in the front so my imupulsivity didn't allow me to have longer thoughts or actions. My OCD started getting worse with my ADHD medication. It was the time that I got together with my now fiance and I had constant fears like "what if I didn't love him","what if he is not the one for me" and I asked EVERYONE in my close proximity for validation. That I'm not doing something wrong. That I'm not a bad person. But one day OCD hit me so hard I almost couldn't breath. Like I mentioned earlier I always had a fear about the topic "what if I'm a lesbian" and one day in my mother's house the thought came and didn't want to go. I was so anxious, filled with shame, scared and terrified becouse I know I'm not a homosexual woman.Simultaneously came the thought if I didn't want to be gay that has to mean I'm homophobic. I'm not a lesbian, I'm not homophobic but this thoughts, urges, mental images and "feelings" made my life the past two years a living hell. I started checking my arousal constantly, started trying to picture myself as a lesbian, started being scared of rainbows, women and men and just about the possibility of living a lie wich I knew I didn't. But still I was so full of doubt that I spend days doing compulsions and just didnt had the courage to stop, I started masturbating to lesbian media to see if I get turned on, watching WLW tiktoks to check my arousal and making every am I gay guiz and video I could find but still after this, and not knowing why I was doing this, now I know that they were compulsions, this little spark of "yeah I did something to prevent my sexuality from changing" but still feeling extremly anxious all the time and full of doubt made me do them all the time. I didn't know I had OCD back then so it was more scary but soon I found what was "wrong" with me. I searched on the Internet for quizzes and just answers when I stumbled over an article that informed about a subtype of OCD ,SOCD. After reading that article I had a light-bulb moment, one that I feared I would get while watching lesbian media but never got. After knowing what's "wrong" with me things didnt get easier, I was close to losing my boyfriend who I love dearly and losing a job I had got two months. The compulsions and this doubt didn't seem to stop. I talked with my psychiatrist about my "ilness" and she confirmed to me that I have indeed OCD and I just felt numb, I thought I would be happy but I was just sad. I broke my boyfriends heart multiple times by asking if he thinks I love him and questioning everything our relationship, our sexlive and our future. I spend so much time analysing my arousal and attraction to women and men that I almost was "sure" that I'm lesbian and just wanted to be done with it. I didn't want to be so anxious so every outcome was "fine" for me. I wouldn't be happy as a lesbian because I don't like the female genitalia and am a suckered for Men but I just was tired. Tired of doubting my love, my sexuality and my whole existence. But somehow, I m not really sure how, it all got better. After losing my Job and needing to go to the JobCenter, something in my head made "click". Me and my boyfriend were now together for three years and have experienced so much hardships, beauty and fun that I went to the next jewellery shop and bought two rings and asked him to be my husband. I had a massive anxiety attack after that, that made my OCD head spin with questions like, was this the right time, do I even want him and so on. But I am so imensly thankful that I have such a cool, attractive, annoying and hilarious fiance and even if my had thinks Im doubting seeing him in our new forever home is a sight so beautiful that I never thought I would have the honour to see. I still struggeld with OCD months after that and still do but after getting a new job and a new place to live with my fiance I feel really better now. I don't want to say you need to find a fiance, a new job, and a new home to beat OCD you just need to find your spark again, something that drives you wild. I still question if listening to songs produced by homosexuals means I'm gay, even if I know it's bullshit. I'm still scared of not checking my arousal and fearing of missing a sign that would totally kill me if it were true. I really think we people with OCD must just accept, "Yes, I have OCD and yes I have and will have massive anxiety over my subtype of OCD but it's just me. I have full control even if my head tries to tell me otherwise". OCD doest define me and it doesn't define you. It probably will never go away and "HECKYEAH!!" after almost beating my HOCD I can almost feel my other type of OCD rising, my constant fear of sickness and death but I'm prepared. I know myself a whole lot better now and even if it sounds strange writing the words "lesbian", "gay", "homosexual" still triggers me so much that I want to dii compulsions, that I want to check if I feel something I'm not going to do it and most importantlyI dont need to. OCD changed me but not in the way I thought and feared it would. I now can say I don't care about what my sexuality is and about labels becouse I just love a Human that happens to be the most attractive man I've ever seen, with all my heart and cant imagine a live without him in it. I feel really happy and grateful I finally can talk my friends again without constantly fearing that I want to sleep with them and finding woman beautiful without thinking I'm not straight. I'm still not 100% there yet and I'll probably never will but that's okay. We don't need to have everything figured out. Yes, I have OCD. Yes, I have ADHD. And yes, I struggeled and still struggle with HOCD but that doesn't define me. We people with OCD know that our fears are just in our heads. I just wish everyone that read this far, wich I know are going to be a LOT of immensly anxious, scared and confused individuals that want an answer NOW, IMMEDIATELY, or I will die this second and even if this second passes its the next second and so on. You know yourself better than OCD ever will. I can only say. I've been there, I know how hard it is and knowing, no-one else in my close range thinks like this, to think I'm going insane and feeling like a total outcast because the compulsions and thought, pictures, "feelings" and urges just dont seem to stop and sadly they probably never will. OCD can come from your GENES, trauma or something else. But that isn't important you have it and you can live with it. I wasted two years on OCD in trying to figure out a question which I had an answer to my whole life but the "what ifs made" me so terrified that I could lose myself that I did so much compulsions I didn't do anything else. But belive me if you feel immens pressure in your chest and tummy and anxiety it is OCD. And please for the love of God, sorry I m passed becouse I found this out, really late and it's just really funny and dumb. If you have a thought that starts with "What if" Or ""I'm so scared that" And doenst go away and wants you to do research or other compulsions. This is probably OCD. Don't use this as a compulsion. Fear is never good in giving direction. And please, please remember. You are still here on this planet and live a live that could end in a heart beat. I really don't know who is reading this and I also don't care. If you read this, this is for you. My complete OCD Story that will go on for the rest of my life but never will stop me or you from being happy. Go out, have fun, meet friends, fall in love or dont but just put your phone and thoughts aside and live. OCD is a sickness and has patterns find yours and learn about yourself. I have OCD and when you read that far you probably to but don't let our sickness define us. Let's live the best live we can even if we feel anxious and want to check everything you font need to have everything figured out. Trust in yourself, You are a strong Human but I know it takes time. Just remember that whoever reads this if you don't belive that you can live a happy live with OCD than be sure that I belive in you. I have OCD. I have ADHD. But even if I have them. I'm still myself and even if it's still hard I love myself. And I strongly belive in you, whoever reads this and that your big and scary OCD monster will get smaller. Till then make fun of yourself, make fun of OCD, Bully the Bully, don't take yourself so seriously and just relax. I have a lot to do today so I should really stop writing... But just one last point. Search professional help. If you are to deep in OCD it's the best thing ib getting the hold and medications help. I really wish all of you the best.