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Does anyone else find when a huge change happens in their life their ocd comes crawling in?

So I dropped my phone in the toilet yesterday, and everything seems to pretty much work properly, but I can’t help but keep thinking what if it’s not working properly, what if something is working slower, what if the audio doesn’t work right etc. And like what if it’s not clean after being in the toilet even though I washed it to death. Someone please help and tell me if this is just my OCD, these thoughts will not stop and I’m stressed out.

I think I realized (probably too late) that I’m scared of losing myself to one of these themes. I’m not sure if it’s like this for everyone but sometimes when I have intrusive thoughts it slowly erodes my own sense of self. Intrusive thoughts become so muddied and virtually indistinguishable from my own. I have this idea of myself that all of my intrusive thoughts go entirely against, and I’m afraid I won’t be me anymore. I am trying to practice more self love, and more self care in general. I’m trying here. To gain a self esteem, to not be in control but to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Why can't I get better? I've been suffering with harm OCD for 3 years now and feel that it must be something other than obsessive compulsive disorder. I cannot think stop thinking about harm and everything triggers me. I'm a mom to two beautiful boys but I'm starting to do avoiding of triggering situations like changing and bath. I was doing so well for a couple months and now since I've started erp therapy two weeks ago things have just been so crazy in my mind. I meditate, I pray, I try so hard to build my home to be happy and healthy but I just feel sick and broken hearted.

Im working on it alone cause i see no help on the internet about this, i hope one day people will treat suicidal ocd normally, also people who want to tell me go to therapy, i was in therapy for years, one therapist said she cant do anything for me, she gives up and sended me to another one, and the other one who claims that knows ocd, told me stupid thibgs about ocd and told me the thoughts are somewhat real so she is the reason why im still questioning what if im really suicidal. I found out cause i really want to know that im actually suicidal or not, so i go into the feelings i have which sometimes feels like im enjoying or like i want tge thoughts. Sometimes it comes up when im angry of the people so it automatically comes with the anger and i actually feel like i want to do it cause im angry but at the same time i realize its bad but my mind grabs me back and says no i dont care im doing it, while i feel like i want to and then imediatelly i feel panic, shame and i want to say its not true...it feel like i really dont want to accept that im suicidal so im denying. But why im denying? So because i feel bad and i want to know, i go back and intentionally get back the feelings to see what do i felt and what i wanted, but i get lost and i heard you can get depersonalization in that moment so you dont feel the anxiety just the good feelings and you think you really want it, cause you dont feel anxiety and you feel like you enjoy it. I really dont want to say im suicidal or i think about suicide when bad things happens but for me it seems like that. Idk what to do. I will never do plans, but im always afraid that i will do something imediatelly when i feel it, cause i have thoughts like "do it now" and i feel the urge and like i feel happy about it and i hate to say that. Im so afraid that its actualy suicidal ideation, i dont want to accept that. Feels like im denying... but i didnt seen anyone saying who has ocd that in hard times they get this urge and like it would feel good and then they feel shame, i hear these from people with suicidal ideation... even if its passive ideation, im so afraid that can turn to active ideation.

Does anyone else feel like if there friends, family or partner knew what their intrusive thoughts were then they would fear you or hate you or feel disgusted by you? I hate my intrusive thoughts but feel like a liar or fake person for not sharing them.

I’m currently in the process of moving to a new apartment and it’s so mentally draining. I’m still in the process of “decontaminating it”. I wish I was able to just move in and live, but unfortunately I can’t. Although, I do feel that me having to actually clean it myself is exposing me to my triggers. It’s taking so much energy to clean because i’m cleaning things that haven’t been cleaned since it was built.

Lately I’ve been feeling pretty confused on almost everything now to the point where I just don’t even know anymore. Every positive thought turns into a bad one such as finding out people in denial tend to avoid thinking about it completely, made me feel pretty good but now it’s telling me that’s how I think. I’ve been having false attraction, feeling sick to stomach, can’t stop thinking, feeling like I’m lying to myself, feeling numb, the only emotion I can feel is being scared the more real this feels. I’m extremely worried that this is becoming true and that I am gay. The only thing I have left is what I want, which is to marry the girl I am with one day, that brings me a good feeling. Anyways, what are some methods of being able to tell what’s real and what’s not when everything is leaning towards being gay besides what I want?

I notice that I have a more difficult time relating to others who don’t have ocd or do not really understand ocd, which had me thinking, how does everyone make friends when you are living with this condition? I’m genuinely curious. My tendency as an introvert is to just not really seek out friendships, but maybe that’s a form of compulsion and avoidance. I think it would be beneficial if i could make actual friends who could understand and relate to me. Any ideas? Thoughts?

Hey everyone. Even though I’ve been an OCD sufferer for the last couple of years, this post isn’t aimed to address any specific symptoms. I’d rather enjoy your guys opinion on something. I got broken up with a couple of days ago. The relationship was pretty rocky but lasted for about two years. It’s difficult to explain but my OCD forced me to stay in this relationship. 1) He used my OCD symptoms in order to insult me. I am terribly afraid of being perceived as stupid. So he used that very word during quite a couple of fights. I also struggle with university, due to my mental health, and he told me that’ll never achieve anything. 2) He frequently told me how one of his female friends is nicer, better, smarter […] than me. 3) He harms himself, and accused me of being at fault for it. I apparently caused too much stress. 4) Whenever I tried to talk about the insults or asked for reassurance, I got labelled as overdramatic. He requested that I just forget about it, as I am at fault anyways. «He only insulted because I stressed him out». 5) He went on a skiing trip and injured himself. A few weeks later, he told me that I stressed him out and the incident happened because of this. 6) He called me manipulative, toxic and labelled me as a narcissist. 7) He frequently used the silent treatment, or blocked me. His actions were followed by telling me how he pities me and that’s the only reason he came back. I surely did some things that weren’t appropriate. One month in I told him that I just jokingly flirted with him (= we weren’t together yet). He was quite devastated and so I apologised immediately and tried to make up for it. I also acted clingy and asked for reassurance. Was this wrong? He told me that I am at fault for the breakup, and mentioned how he needs to teach me a lesson. So I learn how to treat people. He also mentioned that I deserved this treatment. Am I really as bad? Am I at fault? Did I deserve all of this? I am afraid to be a bad human being, a narcissist even.

Hello, I was doing well lately and did not post anything for a while, I have harm OCD and today I had really strong urges to harm my co-worker, who is really nice person. I don’t know what to do, when i am telling this to my therapist, she is just telling me u know u don’t harm anyone, u are kind person and that is not enough for my anxiety, any advice who is dealing with harm OCD?

Hi! How do you handle rocd after arguments? It always spikes so bad... It doesn't always have to be an argument. Sometimes my partner is tired from work, his voice sounds of and my brain freaks out. Or we disagree about something, it's not even a fight, just something minor. I start to have thoughts like: see the disconnection between you two? You would be happier with someone else. You both are miserable together. You fight too much. I am very obsessed with the word connection lately. It feels like we are very disconnected. My partner is burn out from work and I am very stressed as well. Our relationship is not exactly smooth right now and I spiral everyday, if I should end it. i just wish we could both be happy again.

please don't judge 😢 i have a 2 year old and my partner lived at my moms but was classed at living at his dads i told my benefit people i was single because i knew wouldn't have any money as my partner works, i felt i wanted my own money to buy my daughter things, i've now told them i have a partner and he's moved in i'm overthinking they they will say something as he was paying bored to my mom my heads really scrambled with fear i don't know what to do i could say he offered to help pay mine and his daughter bored instead of child maintenance etc but i just feel so sick anxious i can't eat i'm constantly in a state of panic 😥 i know we can make mistakes but i think when you have a mind like ocd it just makes everything worse

im just losing my mind... im so scared of minors lying about their age online... i dont go on dating apps anymore cause of this, and I was on an NSFW discord server (with age verification) and literotica, a chat site where you have to be 18+ to access the chat and the site... Im so scared and anxious of unknowingly messaging minors online when i dont ever want to... I havent been on these places in a while... but im so so so scared of minors lying about their age... it honestly just terrifies the everloving crap out of me... i dont ever want to ever be involved with men or minors in any way... god im so so scared... i dont have reasons to doubt most. The ones I found suspicious were those who were unverified or suddenly left the server... this one girl gave me her birthday, so that wasnt that suspicious... but then when i asked this one girl what date she was born on, she just said "13😭" before reiterating that she was 18 once more later on when i stopped responding to her after she said "13😭" and said she was 18 once beforehand... im just honestly so scared and anxious rn... idk if she or other women were lying about their age or not... thats whats scaring me... ive only talked to verified women as far as i know... and i get so scared about minors online lying about their age, and it makes me ruminate on whether or not this happened to me... Ive seen so many horror stories of minors lying about their age and it just terrifies me to no end... Im paranoid and just so ready for me to be whisked away into a fantasy land... thats what final fantasy is *chuckles*... but i just genuinely want it to stop... its making me think the girl accidentally gave me her proper age by mistake... and that I indeed accidentally chatted explicitly with a minor... I genuinely feel so alone and anxious... we didn't do anything explicit yet because i was trying to check her age before that... but it was getting there after she said she was 18... I was asking for her date of birth because I still wanted to check, and she said "13😭"... im so so scared...

I am 21 and just received an OCD diagnosis. I go through phases of intense obsessions and compulsions, usually involving panic attacks. My last severe obsession was health related, and my current obsession centres on my relationship — an intense fear that I secretly do not love my partner and an overwhelming urge to escape the relationship. I remember when I was a child, my obsession was a fear of violence: every stranger felt to me like a threat, and so I compulsively avoided danger in various ways (walking in zig zag line, crossing the street multiple times on my way home.) Receiving a diagnosis, while scary, has been a true relief. Finally, I understand myself a bit better. I understand why I can’t let go of thoughts that I logically know are ridiculous. I understand why my panic is not a 30 minute episode, but prolonged, lasting days. I understand what the work ahead of me is. Though flare-ups are some of the most painful experiences I have been through (psychologically exhausting, and physically sickening), I am feeling hopeful. While I continue to work on ERP and mindfulness, I am aware of how much more control I am gaining over my attention. I am realizing that this is an illness treated by learning to listen to others, regulate my mind, and choose peace. Once I have the space to apply those skills beyond my immediate obsessions, I feel I will be an all around better person for it. I don’t mean at all to say that this illness is a blessing — I do not consider it advantageous by any stretch. That being said, the only joy I ever find during these difficult episodes are when I feel hopeful. If anybody has any victories, big or small, that they would like to share, I would love to hear them. Hope is a powerful tool. Community is a powerful tool. I hope everyone else learning to manage this illness can use them to our advantage.

I think I have ROCD (Background information then question at the bottom) I have moments where I have an urge and strong feeling that I want to break up with my gf Then I have moments where I am questioning myself if I love my gf When I’m in these moments I get very anxious and get an anxious spike I do worry that these are my true feelings and I refused to accept them and I am surprising them and I don’t have OCD at all but I feel like this isn’t true because I don’t want these feelings and I know I care deeply for my gf. It’s been 3 years and I’ve never had any of these thoughts until an event happened that almost ended us and I was scared to lose her I’m struggling to identify my compulsions to get on the path of healing any help for this would be great I never give into breaking up with her And Ive been working on not questioning myself and questing weather I love her and just not responding to those feelings Would those be compulsions? I don’t have a thing inside me that says I need to go do something to relieve this It’s just like I get stuck feeling like that for a while. I will say I do reassure myself and say “ no you love her don’t be silly and don’t let ocd control you” And then from there my brain says “ Are you sure you love her”. Maybe that is a compulsion and I should avoid arguing with those thoughts and just not respond?

I only recently was diagnosed with OCD and have started my journey which I am proud of, but am struggling with finding balance because of the dissonance between my work responsibilities and ERP. I have been attracted to the career I am in because I care about doing right by others, and I have a passion for helping leaders create a healthy environment for the people on their teams. I also of course like clear expectations, writing and following rules, so educating on policies and procedures is a strong suit. Unfortunately, I am just recently learning that a big theme for my OCD includes moral scrupulosity and it has opened my eyes to see why I have struggled so much mentally the past year. I work in HR as a team relations specialist which means I make recommendations on how managers should address issues with their teams, i investigate employee concerns or allegations, and also advocate for team members when they are being treated unfairly. Additionally my job involves doing nonstop documentation of the content of every call we have, every email received and sent to us etc. we then have to save them as files and write notes summarizing each file or piece of correspondence and key information from it. (There is very much the mindset of there being no such thing as too much documentation at my company) I have noticed that since taking this job a little over a year ago, I have not been ok. I love the work I do and the good moments where I feel like I helped someone. I also love that the company and managers put so much weight on doing the right things, but the expectations put on those of us in the roles also feeds my OCD and reinforces my compulsions like getting reassurance that my thinking is right, ruminating, or checking and rechecking. It also gives strength to the arguments OCD makes to me about needing to analyze excessively to make sure I am not missing anything, or that I am not mistakenly engaging in cognitive biases and factoring them into my recommendations. Since I have a large influence over how situations with team members are handled my OCD emphasizes this and convinces me that if I do not do my job adequately or make a compelling argument, I am doing a disservice to the team members I support.....but so does the HR leadership at the company. It is consistently emphasized that we are expected to be the ultimate moral voice in every circumstances and that we are responsible for remaining 100% objective in guiding leaders on what to do to ensure all risks are assessed, taken into account and avoided in addition to us making sure leaders are doing right by their teams. Many of the others in my role like myself also keep spreadsheets during investigations we conduct that documents all perspectives in situations of people we interviewed, track definitive evidence, and analyze all factors/ devils advocate arguments to ensure appropriate steps are taken to address and that every situation is handled fairly. I'm finding that even though I tend to be behind on work because of my just right struggles with documenting and investigations, I am seen as a star performer in my role because I am hyper-empathetic, scrupulous, and risk aversive. Unfortunately, those same qualities makes my OCD obsessions and compulsions stronger. Not sure if there is anything I can really do at this point because finding a new job isn't an option right now, I just needed to get this off my chest and see if anyone has experienced similar where they found themselves in a spot where their work responsibilities were at odds with their recovery or made it more challenging to use ERP tools.

Does anybody else’s intrusive thoughts come in the form of “delusional thoughts”? I’ve been in a terrible episode of hypochondria or ocd for the past 6 months where I have FULLY convinced myself I am developing schizophrenia, it started with becoming really easily overstimulated and not being able to concentrate and now it has spiraled out of control to where I am constantly getting intrusive thoughts center around demonic stuff, which i have never ever believed before, I have always been a skeptic. But now i get these thoughts all the time like “what if this song has hidden demonic meanings?” “What if your wife is a demon” “what if nobody is real and your just in hell” “what if this political figure is being controlled by the devil”, the typical kind of delusional thoughts you would expect from a schizophrenic. Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and all about facts, science and evidence, I am a skeptic. Not only does the fact that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place scare the life out of me, but I have to constantly battle with these thoughts in my head if I believe them or not. I feel like I have to constantly hold myself back from fully going off the deep end, I feel like I have to constantly disprove these thoughts and stop myself from believing them, but they feel so real and it’s scaring me so much. One part of me is like “why can’t we just stop worrying about this, this is delusional” and another part of me is like “what if I actually do need to worry about if these things are true or not, they FEEL true” and I’m just like “wtffff I shouldn’t have to worry about if things like this are true at all in the first Place!” I feel like I have fully lost my mind, and in no time I’m going to lose this little bit of insight I have. I hate these thoughts so much, I don’t want to think about them, but now that they are here, I feel like I can’t forget them. My dpdr is already making everything feel so off and weird and unreal and I feel like it’s only giving these thoughts more credibility and realness. I feel like this could also be partly a terrible form of existential ocd that’s being thrown into the mix with all these “what if thoughts”. Ugh I just want to be normal again ): but I don’t even know what normal feels like anymore because I’m constantly on the lookout for symptoms that I can’t even be normal anymore. Btw: yes I am seeing 2 therapists and a psychiatrist and all of them do not believe I am developing schizophrenia.

“I love him of course I wanna spend the rest of my life with him” “I feel nothing I don’t know why because I felt everything 2 weeks ago” “I’m okay it’s ocd” “What if it isn’t ocd and it’s the truth” “I love him, wait I feel like I’m lying to myself” “I’m in denial the love is gone” I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL AGAIN.💔

I don’t want any negative comments. I only want positive ones about your experience with Zoloft if that’s what you take.