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How do I know I definitely have ocd I feel like I’m making it all up and using it as excuse to my boyfriend and that I’m a bad person towards him I don’t want to hurt him I want to share my thoughts with someone :(

Everytime i try, my attraction to men is always just constantly underminded by constant intrusive thoughts. I just feel like what excuse do i have at this point. Im so unstable i cant tell up from down. Id feel like myself one day, and the next im convinced i have 0 attraction to men anymore, so what choice do i have but be straight, just to have a crush on a dude the next day. Being thrown through the ringer just kills me. It feels like my personality is being rewritten day by day, and I cant tell which thoughts are real anymore.

Does anyone else get this almost “out of body” sensation where they feel almost drugged during and after a flare up? My brain feels stuffed and fuzzy. I don’t quite even know how to describe it! But it’s always after my OCD is triggered, and it can last for awhile.

I'm feeling a lot of guilt and shame because of my bad habit and I don't know how to get passed it. I'm really afraid I've messed up my physical health because of this addiction aside from my mental health. Sometimes I just browse forums under the same topic to try and see if I find someone that's going through the same thing I am 100%. This usually never works and I just end up finding things that are worse than my situation and it doesn't help. Worse, I'll get groinals that ruin everything about this because I get thoughts that I'm only reading things for Attraction. I just don't know how I can accept my decisions without shame attached to it. I completed a therapy session and it did help, but I just need to find a way to change my mindset. It's really hard. I hate thinking about all of the pain I've been through with porn. I hate that I'm so hooked on this and I hate that I've acted out so badly at times. I had that on some occasions I've harmed myself when this, whether it'd be crying because it's so awful to deal with, physically hurting myself by accident or doing something so impulsive, stupid, and risky just to get the stupid high.

And making it worse? I sometimes feel like I over complicate it and make it worse by feeling like I need the answers to all of the questions that I have in my mind before everything will be okay and I can move forward I also strongly feel that going to talk therapy at the start of 2020 made it a lot worse like it made me feel in my mind that okay I am going to get all of the answers now when of course it doesn't work like that

Just wanted to let you guys know . I hop in from time to time to read and check in and wanted to let you guys know that I’ve dealt with a lot of the things mentioned here if not all . I am not a trained therapist. I’m just telling my own testimony in hopes to help others. 1. It’s not the thoughts that are the problem …. It’s the relationship we have with the thoughts. The more we realize that OCD thoughts have absolutely no meaning , the quicker you can move forward. The anxiety will lessen once your relationship changes and you’ll be able to overcome. 2. There’s not a different regime for each subtype . ERP is the best approach ..Don’t run from these thoughts …. Sit with them And retrain your brain to learn that they don’t mean a thing. If you’re having SOCD about a particular friend , have the courage to go out and hang with them. It’s tough but the more you expose yourself to the environment that you’re afraid of …. The more your brain realizes that these fears are irrational. If you’re having self harm OCD . Expose yourself to the things that you fear … At the root of OCD is fear and doubt….. it’s not the subtype itself …. Approach them all in the same manner. OCD hit me like a ton of bricks 4 years ago …..I struggled tremendously about 2 years before knowing how to handle it or even what it was. I lost my Job due to OCD and almost admitted myself in a hospital several times because I thought I was going crazy. It was almost two years of debilitating anxiety until I learned what I was dealing with was OCD. A few subtypes to name : health anxiety, sexual orientation ocd, self harm ocd, sleep anxiety , fear of being a pedophile. It’s like once I got over one ….the next would come until I realized they were all coming from the same thing ….that’s when my life started to change Fast forward, with the help of God, I learned to retrain my brain and not to worry about intrusive thoughts when they come in from time to time. actually learned to take them as the joke they are . The more I exposed myself … the more I trusted myself . Nobody else can reassure you … better yet you don’t need reassurance because it’s actually what keeps you in the cycle. Just Trust God Now I’m a Middle school teacher , in graduate school working towards my degree in counseling with a bright future ahead. I say this to say that, if I can do it , you can do it too …. I’m no different from any of you … I didn’t have a therapist at the time so take advantage if you do. Don’t view OCD as bad ….. it’s apart of you that you will learn to manage. I don’t regret OCD cause it has made me a less fearful person …. I’ve fixed fear and doubt that rooted from my childhood through the struggles of OCD . So it was a blessing in disguise. This is a temporary phase for all of you , trust me . And I know how hard it is to believe that when you’re in the middle of it . But remember. Once your relationship with the thoughts changes that’s when you Free yourself Love all 🙏🏾

Does anyone receive temporary relief from their intrusive thoughts with alcohol use? But, then the next day you feel worse? I’m not suggesting massive quantities, a few drinks and I feel like a totally different person. I know this is a very slippery slope- I only have a few drinks once or twice a week and no more. But, in that time I almost feel normal again. Why does this happen? Thoughts?

Worried about wrong things I did as a 18/19 year old and it’s so hard to know what to do. I’m 21 now, but I’m so worried I was a p without even realizing that’s what it was. There’s multiple things I’m worried about having done/potentially done and that makes me so ashamed. Like I’m worried I was attracted to characters that were like 17 when I was 19 and stuff like that. I don’t know what to do. I wish I had someone to talk to about all of this. I feel like I don’t care enough about this I just feel like there is nothing I can do and I feel like everything I’m worried about having done is turning out to be real. It makes me feel better to know that I have learned and grown and I know better now when it comes to certain things I did. I also was homeschooled with no friends and never around other kids/teens so I know some things I don’t know maybe I genuinely thought certain things were ok. But I feel like saying that is an excuse. But it’s not an excuse. I can recognize I’ve still done things wrong. I don’t know how to feel and I don’t want to defend myself at all. But that’s what I feel like I’m doing. I feel so frustrated and ashamed and disgusting. What do you do when you realize you think things you did are real but there’s nothing you can do about it now? It’s the most defeating feeling. I feel like I’m one step backwards again. I just continue to remember more things I did were wrong and find more details. And I feel like what do I do about it now??? I don’t know. I just want to be normal I don’t want to be a predator. I just want peace again. I want a normal life. Why did I have to do certain things? I feel like why did it take me so long to grow up and realize certain things were weird or wrong or questionable.

I feel that this post could be triggering so please approach with caution! I’ve been having a lot of intrusive thoughts about the devil getting sent my intrusive thoughts and then making them come true. This has also led some of my intrusive thoughts to include that they’re for him. It’s really scary. I’m not even religious, but it’s really hard to shake. Does anyone have any advice or comfort? Thanks <3

I have contamination OCD which I’ve had since 2016. Does anyone have any steps or plans to start to overcome it that I could try? I’m on medication and have had long term therapy.

Does anyone have any recommendations for distressing harm related thoughts and urges? The last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt someone, I have so much anxiety and distress over the thoughts, the thoughts terrify me in itself. However my go-to ‘solution’ to neutralise obsessive thoughts over a number of years (not involving harm) has involved giving in to my urges as a way of getting temporary relief. My rational brain knows these are just thoughts, but I so quickly get sucked into the ocd thought spiral and my irrational brain is so convinced that I’m going to feel this way forever, until I give in and act on the urge, that this is the only way I will get some relief. I want to emphasise again that I DO NOT want to hurt anyone, but my irrational mind is convinced it’s the ‘only way out’ of these thoughts. Help???

Hi all ❤️ I’m dealing with some pretty severe insomnia. I’m going on day 2 of not sleeping at all because I’m just so afraid of never sleeping again. I’m having a very hard time practicing acceptance around this fear. Has anyone had insomnia of this severity before? How have you navigated it?

I have two main contamination themes and the other day I had a major win over one of them and felt pretty good. Today I had a terrible terrible turn back into my other theme. I can't handle the back and forth and now I feel in a really bad place

For those who have stepped away from religion, did your OCD and scrupulosity become more manageable? Where you able to stop thinking about spirituality?

I'm ruminating practically all day and because the subject affects every aspect of my daily life I can't just "be in the moment." I'm thinking about designating a specific part of my day to allow 30min for rumination and journaling. I figure having that time period well give me a chance to go over whatever I think I need to figure out and allow for me to "table" my ruminations when time is up until the next day. Any thoughts or feedback on this?

Why is reassurance a bad thing for OCD?

So I think I came to a big breakthrough today in my struggle and I want to share it with you guys in case it’s helpful. For the past six months or so, I’ve been dealing with crippling real event and false memory ocd. This event happened almost two years ago and ever since it reappeared in my brain at a particularly anxious time of transition in my life, and all of a sudden a switch flipped. I decided that, despite the concrete evidence that factually lets me know I didn’t do something punishable, I’ve actually done something that warrants punishment and led to the belief that I was being watched and someone was out to get me and punish me for what I “did wrong”. This has made my life pretty unlivable and led to some severe anxiety, depression, and agoraphobia that resulted in me getting a prescription for Prozac about four months ago. I’ve been feeling a lot better, and had a lot of support from my family, friends, and partner who I opened up to about it. However, in the past few days I’ve had to confront some direct exposures in my work that have left me feeling super raw, triggered, and anxious. I’m tired of burdening my people with my constant fears that they see as irrational and can’t fully understand, and the realization that I was doing that left me pretty depressed. I realized I needed to do a brain flip to get back on the right track, but didn’t know what that meant. That’s when I came to a massive realization: what if I proceeded through life with the belief that I am innocent. It crossed my mind that in the months since this obsession came to me that I’ve decided to live with assumed guilt as if the fears my ocd has made me believe are real, as opposed to believing the material facts of the situation. This has taken a significant toll on me, and not just me, but the people I love as well. I can’t believe I’ve let myself acquire such low self esteem by believing what in all likelihood is really a massive lie my OCD has told me instead of what is actually, tangibly and overwhelmingly evidence based and true. Realizing that I haven’t allowed myself to believe I’m innocent of this act and letting myself live as though I’m guilty and burying that guilt day to day is actually not a protective measure, but instead has robbed me and the people I love of so much time and done damage I may never be able to fully recover from. However, I’m inviting myself to move forward with this idea of assumed innocence as opposed to assumed guilt because it makes my life much more livable, and I hope if it’s applicable to anyone reading this you can do the same . 🫶🫶

So a week ago a dog licked the side of my lip quickly, I don't know where the dog came from and he was very calm and playfull and friendly and didn't show any signs of rabies. And after he licked me I cleaned my face multipule times. Later I took the oppinions of 3 doctors and they all assured me it's fine But I went into a spiral and couldn't stop thinking about it and started googling it and google says other wise.... So should I let it go and trust the doctors or should I get tested.

i feel like crying. i keep coming back here but it’s the only place that calms me down. i keep getting thoughts and feelings that i’m going to give into these thoughts today. all i get is images of me harming my family members and i’m panicking so bad. i don’t want to hurt them, and now it’s saying that i actually do want to. it feels inevitable. i feel like a terrible person. i know i don’t want to do these terrible things. i was just fine a few minutes ago but it all just came back like always.

Almost a year ago I was diagnosed with Leukemia. I have been in remission since August. But now I am afraid of everything health wise and convinced something is wrong with my heart. I went to a cardiologist and he had me wear a heart monitor for 2 weeks. I just took it off today and won’t get results for another week at least. I still have to do chemo once a month for another four months. But I’m obsessively checking my pulse, I’m constantly worried and I’m convinced that there’s something wrong with my heart and that I will die before anyone can help me. I’m terrified all the time. It’s debilitating. I’m seeing two therapists and I’m medicated and nothing seems to help. I feel crazy and that no one is taking me seriously because they think it’s all just health related anxiety. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to live my life and be happy that my cancer is in remission but I can’t because of this never ending fear. I’m hoping to find some help here, or at least find someone that can relate.