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the NOCD Community

I don't if I can do this anymore 😔

Interview of some sort I’m doing an art project and I am going to need you to answer a few questions: 1. What’s your imaginary world ? 2. What’s the difference between imaginary and your reality world ? 3. Are you unsatisfied with your reality ? 4. How do you cope with your reality?

I don't need exams but does anyone have multiple themes that thrive off of one type of compulsion? I realised I had this years ago and wondering if anyone else has/ had the same issue. I think I may have had 2-4 themes thriving off of one compulsion.

i made a post (on a different app for girls supporting girls) about me washing my hands. I just washed them for 2 minutes and it felt so relieving. I got made fun of by the other girls and another girl told me “ Nice, hope you added soap because if you didn’t you just showered the germs on your hands.” I want to go wash my hands again, I used soap but maybe it wasn’t enough.

My question is if we had a theme three years back We do erp on that thoughts the theme will go away Bcoz it doesn't get the importance and priority from us...right... Then again after one year the thoughts pop up with same theme Why??? Can anyone say something on this?? Does we are not doing correct erp work or else we are not removing all the compulsions from our life Why the hell they will come back...after some months or a year??

I'm realizing I'm having a hard time responding to intrusive thoughts from a certain OCD theme I'm having. They relate to obsessing over whether I'm "living right" or "not falling behind" when it comes to dating or having relationships. When I see or hear about another couple I automatically get a lot of anxiety and I think "What if there's something wrong with me and thats why I'm not with anyone right now." or "What if I'm living all wrong." In response to this stress I quickly recount how many dates I've been on or try to recall to myself how many guys I'm talking to or if I think a guy may ask me out or something. Or I compulsively talk to guys (which usually leads me to getting hurt because they're shitty guys anyway.) I'm tired of this cycle and I'm ready to use exposures but I'm unsure how to approach this. Any advice or thoughts?

Not sure this is the best title, but my situation is that every time I see my therapist, she adds another diagnosis. So, initially I went to her after being told by my ENT that my breathing issue sounds like OCD. Ok. Cool. I can accept that. Let’s work on it. But now, every session, she adds something else. Now it’s OCD, ADHD, depression, GAD, somatic symptom disorder, PTSD, and health anxiety. Is this normal? Do other people seek help for OCD and then get diagnosed with additional things?

I love image metaphors! When my therapist says them, they definitely help with my ocd. A favorite of mine is that ocd is an annoying guest at a party. Instead of slamming the door in its face, you say, hey thought! Come on in, make yourself at home, join the party. And it might try to bother you still, but you’re too busy with the other guests and having fun, it pay it much mind.

im about to give up. im struggling and nothing helps.i dont wanna be here anymore with these thoughts and fears.

I've been pent up and I know I am but I'm scared to mas****** cuz what if I'm doing it cuz I'm turned on by the thoughts I'm having or think of it during and get off on it. I have been unable to have alone time, havent even tried, just thinking about it scares and disgusts me. this isnt normal. I feel like I want to sometimes and it'll just remind me of the thoughts, sometimes they dont even turn me off. I've never had a sexual relationship before, I dont remember ever being turned on by someone my age or older and sometimes when I have these thoughts I feel like they turn me on. That's what causes the panic most of the time. now when I even look at kids I feel like I have a reaction that I don't want happening. I cant tell if its panic making me feel this way or if its cuz sometimes I pay more attention to my groin to see if it causes a reaction, sometimes I'm not paying attention to it and I have a reaction or what feels like one. In the past when things like this have popped up when i was *yk* it didnt make me feel good, didn't help me finish, it turned me off. I keep reminding myself of that. But having these thoughts sometimes make me feel like I want to touch myself, I don't, I never will after thinking them. I'm scared. children and BABIES aren't sexually attractive. I know that. but it feels like my body doesnt. I am on my period right now, I know it's affecting my hormones but that doesn't change the fact I'm thinking these things, and that any little reaction or feeling I have down there reminds me of those thoughts. Even if its pain, the pain will make me think it because its in that region. I have had these thoughts happen before a few years ago and they went away eventually, I didn't touch myself then either but I had dreams and I know one time the dream (more like nightmare) involved a child. I didn't do anything in the dream nor did the kid, but in the end when I woke up I got off. I was delirious, tired and horny but not delirious enough not to remember it and it's haunting me now. Why was I horny?? cuz of a kid I dreamed of?? a child!!?? just thinking about it now is making me shaky and sick, but why didn't it then?? I think I need serious help, what if this isn't pocd what if I'm just a p***?? I want help so bad. I want to fix this, if it carries on any longer, if I can't get help soon, I might just ki** myself. I'd rather do that than any of the other things my body feels like it wants. It's disgusting and wrong, I'd never hurt a child the way my mind keeps telling me I would, and I'd never do it to get off. So WHY am I having a reaction to these thoughts?? I've tried to acknowledge them without actually accepting them, but it doesn't feel like it's helping. It's just daily panic and confusion.

Hey guys so I’m new to this. I struggle really bad with religious ocd on top of other themes of ocd i have. But the religious ocd and POCD I have are definitely the hardest two. Today was so hard for me because I was freaking out all day about the eclipse and if it was the end of the world. I grew of in a very strict church and being gay was not acceptable so now I feel I’m morally wrong and unlovable in a sense. I don’t really know how to explain it. Wether it was from my youth pastor outing me on stage in front of all of my friends and hundreds of students, to them praying over me for years on end, before I finally left the church. Yet I still question if my salvation is safe or not. I question if God loves me etc. it gets so bad that I’m convinced everything I do is because I’m possessed by a demon. And I’ll start to vomit. Literally vomit. It sounds wild I know. Wether it’s music my ocd deems demonic or movies or spiritual things such as tarot cards that I enjoy. But my mind will convince me if I use them I will go to hell because that’s what I was taught for so long. I just wish I could get better but I don’t know how and I’m so hopeless.

So rocd keep making me thinking my girlfriend and sick of me, tired, bored and has lost interest. I am resisting my compulsions of talking and asking her about this, facing a lot of anxiety and distress. Two days ago she apologized for being distant and that she feels bad for acting like that and thinks its hurting me. I comforted her. She also said she doesnt know How to express herself Very well and I noticed this even before we started dating. Thing is I didnt say anything to her about my rocd and I always try to look Fine and always try to make she feel better. This made my rocd calm down for a while. It was like a reassurance and now rocd is coming all over again. I fear this because when I listen to rocd I feel extremely depressed and with suicidal thoughts. Last time this happened I started hurting myself and I fear acting out of this and trying to kill myself. Tomorrow I Will talk to my therapist, but I dont know If I Will talk about this, about my girlfriend and us. Sometimes I want to ask my therapist help and sometimes I feel like I am Just deceiving myself into thinking my girlfriend likes me. I dont know what to do.

I have been diagnosed with OCD for about 15 years now. I see a wonderful OCD specialist and she is sure that I have OCD but I just can’t help but wonder if I actually do or it’s something else and I just am lying to fit this description. Most of my life I struggled with contamination/viral fears. A lot of fear around throwing up. And for awhile I was panicked that I could be gay and not know it even though I’m not homophobic and no one would care. And now I am in the most healthy relationship I have ever been in and I obsessively doubt whether he loves me or not or if we’ll fall out of love or now that we’ve moved in together, we’re not compatible maybe or that we’ll end up like roommates and not love each other anymore. These thoughts feel AWFUL and he tries his best to support me but I don’t think he fully believes this is OCD. And that makes me panic and feel like my fears are right and that it’s something more and that I have a creepy obsession with him or that I’m wildly insecure (which is super scary to me idk why). My panic attacks from these thoughts get so bad and I don’t know how not to keep asking him for reassurance and I can tell he’s getting tired. And he goes to therapy with me and knows not to answer my questions so I take his lack of answers as confirmation of my fears and I freak out. We are both just barely over a year sober and he’s working so hard on his own stuff and after I panic about us, I feel extreme guilt that I’m roping him into this when he has bigger things to worry about and maybe I have to break up with him because I’ll hurt him. Then, that thought makes me panic and all I do is research and ask people questions and compare and idk I’m so lost and exhausted. I need help

I see a lot of people place a lot of do's and dont's on what someone with OCD will do regarding their urges. I wanted to share my story. Before I knew this was ocd, when I would have a sudden intrusive sexual image that was an extreme trigger, I would feel the most extreme anxiety, fight or flight of my life. I felt like I was choking and having a panic attack, feeling like i was going to collapse and vomit. I felt like I was convinced this must be a real buried desire of mine, and that the only way to sate it was to give in. I felt like the only way to end the anxiety was to get off to it, like a bottled emotion that wasnt going to get better. It was really ineffective, the novelty would wear off and id just be disinterested. But being a porn addict, id just go down a rabbithole of more wild stuff until it was over. Id have another panic attack after, and id be in a depressive episode for a week. Eventually i felt like the reason it wasnt working was because I wasnt fully accepting it, defeated, I tried letting myself do it and tried loving myself for it. It ended up just being another compulsion, temporary relief for "finding the answer", then id lose interest and feel uncomfortable. Going right back to where i started. One thing i knew, is that if i resisted the urge, the feelings would fade within minutes, and if i thought about the trigger afterwards, I wouldnt feel a thing. After not acting on these urges, I had a 7 month period free from the ocd, no thoughts no urges, the whole thing just seemed silly in retrospect. I was extremely happy aboutnit, until having a fight with a friend caused me to relapse from the stress. I was in that viscious cycle for 3 years without knowing what it was. People like to act very black and white about whats ocd and what is denial, and I can understand why, part of me is afraid people will tell me im in denial too. But i believe personally that people will be driven to all kinds of desperate acts in attempts to find any kind of meaning or relief from the absolute hell OCD throws you in. I tried to open my heart and accept what ocd was telling me, and it didnt make me happy nor solve anything, it just perpetuated the cycle. I feel better understanding the root of these urges and not acting on them, and Ive seen real progress, but I made this post today to try to bridge the feeling of isolation i get having made the mistakes I have trying to figure out OCD.

I used to believe there is no recovering from this disorder, I used to believe every thought and feeling that is true. I started to challenge every thing by calling its bluff by leaning towards uncertainty. It’s terrifying and it’s not easy. I promise you the reward is the best. Because you’ll start to realize we’ll shoot man it’s not so bad maybe this could happen maybe it won’t, either way I’ll always be me and I’m loved. Live your lives the way you wish ! 🖤🕺🏼 I believe every single one of you are more than capable of defeating the beast (OCD) let’s do this together 💪🏻

I’m 20 years old and Christian.I’ve started having thoughts that one day I will be a drug addict and that I look like a drug addict.never in my life have I touched drugs or did them.i grew up in a household with people that did those things.my aunt passed away from it in 2015.my mom is set free because of making up her mind and jesus setting her free.I’ve dealt with other type of OCD thoughts.I’ve tried looking up fear of drugs and I found some people who struggled but not a whole lot like if I were to search up other OCD thoughts.every time I see someone that is struggling with drugs or is drunk it just scares me.I live in a small town so I can tell (I’m not in any way trying to assume someone else’s life but you can tell from certain people and I don’t judge them I really do feel bad for them).I’ve seen posts about people who’s face completely changed from drugs and it just terrifies me to the point where I’m going to panic.just like with harm OCD,I would see murder cases and immediately get scared that one day that would be me doing harm to someone.please tell me I’m not alone.I’m afraid of ever falling in love with someone who does do drugs,smokes or drinks because I know that who we hang around and get attached to,we will do what they do if we are not careful.hopefully this makes sense.again I’m not judging people who do them at all.I feel very bad for them because they are trying to fill a void with something that just isn’t worth it.at the same time it’s like I’m okay fearing it because it will keep from ever doing them because I know how much harm it does.I have thoughts and images of people drugging me.thoughts telling me “you look like a drug addict”.this is scaring me.some days I just want to move away where no one knows me.

Hi guys, I’m having another really bad flare up. To start, my fiancee does know about my ROCD, I spilled everything to him once last summer and he was very understanding. But from that point on, I kept what I told him I was anxious about VERY limited because I don’t wanna rub it in. I got a therapist and things got better. Fast forward to Wintertime, he proposes, and it was all SO great. I didn’t have any doubts, and all has been amazing for us. I haven’t had any weird emotions around anything. Then, I started to have a flare up out of NOWHERE somewhere in the middle of the last couple months where all of a sudden I’m doubting him and doubting everything. And I’m feeling a ton of guilt around it, a lot of confusion and pain, and scared that I’m going to get “found out”. And the stresses of wedding planning aren’t helping tbh. Also, so many people decide to share their failed marriage/engagement stories with you when they find out you’re engaged (like wtf???) so that can cause a lot of triggers. My mind goes to “omg am I hearing this because the universe is trying to tell me that my engagement is gonna fail and I’m gonna ruin it all??” And it’s very very disheartening. Obviously as y’all know, it comes and goes. So I had a few days where it was gone and I was so happy and content and confident in us, and then out of nowhere he asked me if I had ever had any doubts. And I lied and said no (I didn’t know what to do or say and all my emotions started to feel like I was on fire and I just lied to avoid talking about it) and I asked him if he had doubts, he said “omg never! I know you’re the one!” Which, okay. Trigger. Anyways, he tells me that he heard me talking about how I was super overwhelmed while dress shopping and he interpreted that as “it sounded like you were having reservations about getting married”. Idk where he got that from because I didn’t have a flare up while dress shopping at all, I was just sad I didn’t find THE dress. Anyways, I lied again, and said I hadn’t felt reserved about anything. So, now that he’s mentioned that twice and I’ve lied both times, I feel guilt and I feel like I’m keeping something from him. I feel like he knows I’m lying but I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if telling him is going to do anything aside from making me not feel guilty anymore. I’m afraid he wouldn’t understand and would wanna break up or something. There’s a big part of me that feels like he wouldn’t be upset and would understand but idk, I’m scared. Should I tell him what I’m feeling or should I keep it all to myself? It’s just so hard. I’m so tired of feeling this way.

questioning everything. I’m having a good mental health day and wondering if I even have OCD. for context, the diagnosis is quite new for me still and as far as I know, I’ve only struggled with real event/false memory OCD with no physical compulsion, just mental review, reassurance seeking, and confessions. I am starting to feel like maybe i just went a little crazy for the last few months but am better now? I know one good day isn’t enough proof of anything but I just feel like I’m questioning it all now, especially because I don’t deal with any of the “typical” OCD themes/compulsions

I'm 17 and I was just wondering if it's OCD to think all of a sudden ' promise ok your pets life to go from one room to another within 30 seconds.' I used to be really scared and in Hinduism materialistic things (anything from sound sight touch taste smell etc) are ignoranve distracting you from god so I thought that by giving up things like not having chocolate for a day, not listening to music, etc I would be making 'sacrificws' to keep my rabbits alive. But then I started thinking things like 'promise on your rabbits life to eat this sweet for example' even if initially I was avoiding it because pleasures from taste are igorance. But now I keep getting it many times a day 'promise on your rabbits life to do this, do that, etc.' it's really interfering with studying and I have an offer for med school 🙏 but I'm not sure I'll be able to go

I’ve been drowning lately, and in addition, my father passed away. Everything is coming back, it’s like my therapy has been reversed to day one. All the thoughts are back, and the guilt accompanies them. The real events tied to the theme haunt me and swallow me up in guilt. I feel evil, and my partner of several years deserves to know what I’ve done. But, if she knew, it would be the end of our relationship. I know this for a fact. My actions as both a teenager and young adult are enough to ensure that. If it was just the intrusive thoughts, I could cope. But the real guilt, it thickens around my bones as rigid as mud in the Red River Valley.