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My day has been so tiring, I feel sick and icky. If you feel the same comment just to vent it out we all need an outlet

How do I get over when you do something wrong and get “punished” but u cant keep obsessing about it? Like you’re omg that was wrong of me, why didn’t I just do the right thing? Imma tell yall. Don’t judge lol. But it’s a very popular crawfish place in my town, and it’s at a gas station building and beer hectic. The lines are usually a mile or 2 down the street. There’s a side street that’s near the front and it’s a light and the first time, a guy let me cut In front of him. We went today and tried to see if somebody would let us cut and we tried but they got mad and told the place and they told us they weren’t taking our order since we cut lol. I felt so bad and stupid. I can’t stop obsessing over it. Help

Can anyone please help me stop my rumination? I have been ruminating for almost 24 hours and I feel so exhausted but so scared. I am ruminating about my relationship and am alternating between fear of him hurting me by cheating to fear of wondering if I love him and fear of wondering if I’m a good enough partner I am so tired and just want to sleep I woke up in the middle of the night last night and was ruminating for hours. I need some relief 😞😞😞😞

I’m newly diagnosed with ocd. My theme has morphed since my symptoms started. I keep having reoccurring thoughts and images of documentaries and shows about serial killers/mass murders that I’ve watched in the past before all this and it never bothered me. When I get the thoughts I feel like it means that I’m gonna be just like them and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Yesterday it hit and all I did was sit on my living room couch, look at the wall, and do this tic thing I’ve done. I shake my head and either say no out loud or in my head. When I wake up I start to do this and continue to do it throughout the day with or without the thoughts. To me I feel like if I don’t do it then it means that I don’t have OCD. I feel like I’m faking all of it and it’s just an excuse to cover the fact that I’m truly like these people. I constantly see mental images of the faces of these killers and all I feel is pure dread. I look back to every mistake I made as a kid and think it proves that I’m a psychopath and that I’m absolutely ruined as a person. I keep thinking that I fake being a good person even though it’s genuinely who I strive to be no matter how I feel. I keep doubting every interaction or nice deed I’ve done for people and keep thinking it was all fake and it’s not me. I love seeing people happy and well and I’m so confused. I’m worried I’m being lured back to the phase I was in 3 weeks ago. I was in so much fear over this stuff I wasn’t eating, sleeping, socializing. The only thing I did was wake up, immediately get hit with the thoughts, Google, and repeat. My only break was when I was asleep. I love to sleep now for a reason. My dreams are normal and the thoughts/images aren’t there. Sometimes my dreams felt so real then I woke up and was hit with the reality (thoughts). At a point I agreed with myself that if any of these thoughts about harm/being a serial killer was true then I’d just end my life before I ever did anything to anyone. I don’t wanna die but if I’m really this horrible of person then I’ve got no good reason being here. I’ve been doing better than that for the past week or so but it still is there in my mind. When I start to feel optimistic or looking forward to something then it comes in. I love to cook and do crafts and when I do that stuff it tends to come in and I end up not finishing what I start. At times it comes down to getting dressed. When I find things I’d like to wear I sometimes get a thought or “voice” that goes something like “this is the outfit you’ll wear to commit a murder”. I’m so sick and tired of this stuff. When I go out it’s like “have your fun now but when you get back you’re gonna kill ur family and then go to jail for the rest of your life so enjoy your last day of freedom”. I feel like a narcissist or something writing this because I feel like I don’t have ocd because I’ve been doing better and don’t have the anxiety I used to over the thoughts. I’ve been diagnosed by 3 professionals including a psychologist and still can’t believe it because there’s times where I’m still productive and stuff. It’s still there but as of the past week it’s not as bad as it was three weeks ago. I just wish I could wake up and it just been over. I miss who I was 2 months ago before all of this started. It happened overnight on a vacation I was on and ever since I feel like a different person. I at times look to pictures of myself and life before all of it started. I miss it. Idk if my intrusive thoughts now about documentaries and shows about serial killers are even ocd. I’m freaked out. It keeps making me think I’m gonna do the horrible things they do even though I’d rather die before I hurt anyone. I HATE THIS!!!

I’m all alone

OCD is excruciatingly painful. I don’t think any other forms of torment on earth can rival it, except maybe schizophrenia-type disorders or physical torture. I have come a long way from where I started. I don’t believe I have OCD, as it is clinically defined, anymore (though some experts might disagree). I no longer have any intrusive thoughts. I have the silence and freedom in my mind that I always wanted—but never could attain before. But I remember the days when the thoughts ran like wildfire through my brain, each thought scarier than the last—the never-ending, repeating sentences that were like frightening music 🎶 that never shuts off. Only people who have experienced these thoughts can understand the mental pain and anguish. Even on the other side of the disorder, where I am now, the OCD still haunts me every day. It’s mostly in the background, but I can always feel its shadow. The roots of perfectionism and fear still run very deep. Every day, as I work on further recovery, I find that I am peeling back more and more layers that I didn’t even know were there. I understand everyone who says they despise their OCD. I find it hard to convey to other people the amount of pain this disorder causes. But every day now I have an opportunity for joy if I choose it. And I love that. Some days are mostly normal. I can almost forget about the OCD for hours at a time. I always sleep in peace, even my naps. And even though every day has significant OCD-related struggles, I also know that every day I am getting better.

Hello, this is my first post. I'm Mag (or Maggie) and I'm 24. I have OCD. Last few months it has been really tough. I finally sought help a month ago (I was diagnosed with it for a year already but didn't receive treatment). After an assessment, I was told that in my case it is highly recommended to start with medication. This terrifies me. I am terrified by the thought of medication changing who I am. On another hand, I am barely keeping it together. I cry a lot. I obsess so much and the compulsions barely make it better anymore. I am unable to feel normal anymore whenever I'm home, alone with my thoughts. I feel sick a lot. I'm exhausted all the time. Yet the medication somehow still seems scarier than all this. I don't know what to do.

how to deal with hyper fixation or hyper awareness? I can't seem to stop noticing pixels in my vision when looking at the walk or in bad lighting. It's been 2 days with this obsession. They cause me so much anxiety and I can't stop thinking about it or checking. I have health ocd as well as this which I think is somatic ocd. So it's making me even more anxious

Hi, I just wanted to see if anyone else had trouble with this? It manifests in making me breathe and blink "consciously", which is very distressing and leads to really bad air hunger. Has anyone managed to get out of it?

I see a lot of people posting the same posts here (myself included at one time) to get reassurance. but there is a sad truth here: no one can help you but yourself. the only thing that will help you is therapy and acceptance of uncertainty. you are literally fighting your brain and you will NEVER win. There will never be enough reassurance for you and yet you can't accept the worst case scenario. there are even people who post the same thing in order to draw people's attention to their posts. but it won't happen. you are your own worst enemy, you are your own best friend, you get to choose whether to be enemies with yourself or friends.

Over the past week I’ve recently started having doubts about my relationship with my boyfriend. I have logistical concerns that we were working on but something kept telling me it might be falling out of love. Because I truly do care for him. But feel that if I’m unsure whether or not we’re meant to be together. If anyone has dealt with ROCD and has any advice please let me know. In the past I’ve had OCD episodes with different types so I know what it’s like to some extent. Over the past week I’ve been very distressed over this all and that led me to ending things with him last night but he’s the one who told me it could be OCD, if it is I want to work on it with him but if it’s not then, it’s not unfortunately. Back story We’ve been talking for the past 7 months and dating for 3. When I met him it was a few months after I had a relationship end very abruptly and traumatically but I don’t see him as a rebound Thank you in advance

My head is a crazy mess. My SO-OCD is now focused on a particular person, and so every time they come into the room a get anxious, I get uncomfortable, it makes me panic in my head and a my head thinks is "you like etc" and creates a false narrative and false response/attraction that feels so f***ing real. The worst thing is, I didn't always get anxious, but I'm still not interested, but my mind starts playing scenarios in my head as if they were, and it's thoughts. Plus, subconscious worry of them popping into my head and they've are, all the time and it creates more false responses which makes me anxious, which then makes my mind go "omg you do" which makes it worse. All because she comes across as been interested which, with my so-ocd (and pocd) flare up), just makes me panic and my mind starts thinking all sorts. I think I now do this over any girl who I think is gay. I'm seeing a guy a like, I'm anxious because of self esteem issues, I'm awkward, I don't want to embarrass myself and look stupid, say the wrong thing etc, at the same time scrutinising him, then panicking because I'm analysing and, today, while we're making out a bit, never allowing myself to get into it because I'm afraid of messing up etc and I'm socially awkward and I'm hyperfocused on what's happening and, guess who pops into my head mid intimacy and makes me panic and then then get immediate things. The SO-OCD has blocked everything in general with him and guys. I hate this so much because it feels so convincing and yet I know it isn't because I'm not interested but all the time my head is like "oh god, you/I do etc." Which makes it more intense. I mean I had this in a classroom full of kids last week but it was more generalised. But my POCD has also been focused on a couple of individuals (with responses) and it made me feel I was attracted. Does this make any sense to anyone?

This is about pornography addiction. Back when I was still greatly suffering through it, I remember watching videos I shouldn't have when I was a lot younger. It genuinely did have an effect on my well being and it made me act out in ways no kid should. No kid should be exposed to these things for that matter. I keep focusing on this one time where I made a taboo search about all something and it had the word "lil" in it. After I did this I just started crying badly because of how much of a problem this was for me but now I'm getting thoughts that are saying I did this because I wanted to see kids and that's really scary because I don't want to do that. I really don't want to believe that and I would not want to do that to myself. I didn't see anything inappropriate when that happened from what I remember but I just want stop thinking about these two sides of the event. I think I was around 18 at the time. Something like this also happened when I saw this really disgusting playlist on YouTube that had children in it and creeps saving videos. I couldn't believe it to be true so morbid curiosity came in and when I went through them they were very real and it was very disgusting. I remember freaking out about this so much and I couldn't calm down for that night. It was terrible. I hated that so much. What really scares me about that is before I found this I was watching videos that were fine but just when everything was coming to an end that playlist came up in the midst of it and it made me feel absolutely disgusting. I just hate how much porn messed up my life and I wish I could take it all back. I still get haunting memories of it every single day one way or the other and I'm never at peace with it fully. It always messes with my mind and I can't let it go because of uncertainty. I also hate that through my addiction, I've seen very questionable content without even trying to look for it, which I can't stand. I hate that shit so much. I make specific searches that I find reasonable but even still bad things show up regardless. I just feel disgusting about this completely and it's one of several things that has always kept my self esteem very low. I don't know what to do.

I am in extreme depression now. I am not getting a job. I graduated almost 9 years ago and still jobless. I really want to earn money and live an independent life. I am 30 years old and still not married. These things are causing me anxiety. It doesn't mean i haven't tried. I really tried my best to get a job and get married but all in vain. I also prayed alot. I am not impatient. I bore patience for a long time but now its getting harder for me. I feel so miserable. Please pray for me. I feel like giving up. 😭😭😭😭

As a cis woman I'm ashamed that this is the subtype that causes me the most distress, and that I have to deal with it at all. At the same time, though, I'm relieved that TOCD is a known thing, because it's the explanation for what I feel. About 4 years ago is when I first started experiencing this subtype (though I did not know this until last year). It caused me so much distress that I would spend days laying on the couch doing nothing but crying. This time of extreme distress is also the reason why I went on anxiety medicine for the very first time. I would question my memories and feelings from over a decade ago, every single thought in my head would relate back to this intrusive worry, i was hyper aware of every physical sensation with my body, super conscious of how i perceived myself, super conscious of all my thoughts, forced myself to gather evidence and figure it out/ruminate on it, gaslighted myself in so many ways, questioning if i was just in denial, completely terrified of being anything but me, avoided certain clothes and people, felt others could see what I was thinking, and felt that the real me was truly gone. I was also not present at all. There WAS no world other than my mind. I wish someone had told me at the time that there was a name for this. It would've saved me a lot of time and a lot of fear. A lot of these things I still do without even thinking, though. It did go away on its own for a very long time. Within the past year it's come back, though, only this time I actually know what it is. I don't know how the hell I survived it before when I didn't know what it was. It's because of this subtype that i first learned what intrusive thoughts are. Lately it's been bothering me so much and it's been making me feel ugly and extremely self conscious/judgmental and flat out wrong in everything i do. Everything triggers it— even things that don't relate at all. My mind finds a way!! I don't ever see anyone on here talking about this subtype, but the fact it's listed gives me just a little hope that I'm not the only one.

i recently got home from university and ive been nervous about seeing my siblings but now im overthinking what if i like my little sister and im paying attention to how anxious i am around her and everything and i dont know if this is attraction or ocd, i look in my siblings room to check how i feel and its just so much anxiety and idk, also my medication is like making my anxiety block out, so its like im saying this but im not as panicky which is scary, ive been writing in my notes about this though so that probably means its intrusive idk

So I’ve been reverting back to seeking reassurance constantly because I think I sexually harassed someone I was seeing over the phone when I was 14. If I recall, I asked her at first if she wanted to have phone sex and she said yes. (The thing about this event was that she hummed her response, which I didn’t think was questionable at the time bc my parents would sometimes hum to me as a form of a response to something casual, and vice versa.) After she said yes, it went on for some time and then I noticed my memory of it got very foggy and there were some parts where I asked her if we could have phone sex and she said no. But something about the memory was strange, because I remember being confused at her responses. It wasn’t that I thought she could never say no to me, but that she would say yes and no back and forth which got me very confused from what I remember, but I doubt that this actually happened to this day which feeds into my anxiety a lot. And then I felt confident in myself to ask again shortly after and she said no again (but I’m starting to think she said yes and then said no after I asked if she wanted to keep going.) This is the part in the memory that makes me feel bad about myself because I notice that it’s very wrong to do something like that and I didn’t think of it as bad in the moment which pretty much sucks I guess. So after she said no, this is the part where I got a little upset (I didn’t show it to her obv) bc I was confused. So instead of asking her immediately again, I decided to wait a really long time out of respect for her, (during that span of time, I would try and make flirty comments to her which were consensual) so that I wouldn’t do any harm to her. After a long while passed, I asked her again if she wanted to have phone sex to see what her next response was: if it was a no, then I’d end the call, if it was a yes then I’d stay and basically—yeah. So she said yes (which I’m afraid might not have been enthusiastic at the moment.) And I believed her so we went on, and then at one point I was getting bored and so I kept on having phone sex with her just to please her and then I remember staring at a church from across my house while having phone sex with her (at this point I was just touching myself with no communication involved.) And then I stopped touching myself for her and just did it for myself, and then at one point I noticed she was probably asleep. So I called her name hoping she was awake and she seemed tired so I ended the call and said that “consent mattered to me.” And after the call was over, I went to bed and was pretty happy about the experience but then the thought that I might’ve raped her crossed my mind and I got terrified and so I asked her through text. I was feeling pretty anxious in the moment and then I fell asleep (this event happened at night btw.) The next morning occurred and she responded to me saying that I didn’t rape her which I felt pretty relieved about. But this memory has haunted me for the longest time. Cause it seems so possible that I might’ve pressured her to have sex with me. I’ve been constantly ruminating about this memory for years and I always come to the conclusion that my interpretation of it is false and that I just don’t want to look like the bad guy even though I genuinely ruminate to look for answers and not to pretend that I’m the good guy. Sometimes I think it’s just real event OCD bc I think that I actually did do something wrong but I just feel intense guilt over it which somehow makes it OCD for some reason. Anyways, I feel like my experience with this type of OCD feels so alienating and overwhelming, I feel like I’m the only person in the world with this specific type of OCD and that nobody will understand my experience. I just want to feel like I’m not evil or alone in this experience.

An animal in my county tested positive for rabies in my county last night. I’ve been feeling so weird and all that since getting bit by a cat on the 6th I’m actually gonna end it all if I have it. I can’t do this anymore oh my god

Back when I was at the pit of my current flare up, this time with SO OCD, I would google constantly, always desperate to find that one story that would assure me that I was going through SO OCD. During those googles, the one place I always turned to was my favorite website Reddit, which only made everything so much worse. While people posting on there were trying to be helpful, the majority of the posts that ended up triggering me more were ones one people that didn’t have an OCD mindset. While I’m still going through my current flare up now a few months later, I’m in such a better place now, and even have my OCD theme switching to questioning if I even have OCD at all, which is obviously fun. Having seen people here post about how they also turned to Reddit for guidance, I tried to find the posts that triggered me to just leave a little blurb to hopefully steer them towards ERP and you know what I couldn’t find, THOSE POSTS! While I know they exist, in my memory every post I read had the top post being someone either saying how SO OCD doesn’t exist or that the similar things described sounds like someone in denial. It’s crazy seeing know how my brain just focused on those posts, and made it seem like they were the majority and made me spiral further. Even now the one my brain wants to focus on is from someone that posted 7 years ago, that doesn’t have OCD and says how they think it doesn’t exist. Which obviously they, and my OCD, are right, I do truly enjoy a large percentage of my thoughts going towards figuring out my sexuality and that I’m just in denial 🙄 Basically it’s crazy being in a much better headspace now and seeing the constant state of panic I got myself in over a rare couple of posts, and how us suffering with OCD usually want to focus on that what if scenario so much and blow it up into such a bigger threat than it needs to be

Anyone else just not have any friends I feel so alone and like I have nothing to do Feels like I’m just seeing everyone else do stuff and having fun with friends