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I became concious of my OCD when experimenting with hallucenagenic drugs back in 2020 during covid and the lockdown (yeah, horrible idea). My anxiety spiked for what seemed like the entire year and I developed a panic disorder. I didn't know it was OCD at the time. I went to a psychiatrist and got diagnosed only with panic disorder. Eventually, I saw a therapist and was diagnosed with OCD, but I couldn't afford to continue seeing him. I also wasn't sure yet that it was true that I had it, or perhaps wasn't willing to accept it yet. My method of managing it for the past few years became to keep myself busy and not think about it. This year, I realized I was running from the fear when it brought me to my knees and made me feel the way I did in 2020. Now I'm here and ready to tackle this once and for all.

Here is all my symptoms that I have been experiencing: 15 years old - first symptoms playing Fortnite and when playing my brain will tell me “go pickaxe that tree, do it or you will lose the game” and if I attempt to leave it my brain will say “go back, you better go back, you better do it or you’ll lose” until I give in and do it 18 years old - symptoms worsen with obsessions (such as certain games or tv shows) and I start to worry excessively and asking for constant reassurance that things are the way I think they are (if people like me, if people think the way I think etc) Present day - much worse symptoms: Noise sensitivity with doors in rooms being open and I can hear TV extremely loud or when people are talking in huge groups around me so I got noise cancellation headphones because I became so unbearable I couldn’t study or focus in education or at home. Obsessions with order such as sorting figurines in order of colour or name for hours at a time and excessive leg bouncing and tapping on tables for hours at a time (sometimes I don’t even notice until someone point it out), zoning out or becoming hyperactive. Feeling of extreme boredom very quickly after finishing tasks and extreme irritability especially when things aren’t done my way or done incorrectly. I can read people very well before anyone else does and I pay attention to details no one else can. I also think more in depth that other people sometimes in a manipulative way (I wanted to win certain things so I would act and do certain things so ensure I would win or I would say things so people would do what I wanted) and the biggest symptom I’ve had longest is lack of empathy and emotions. Are these all related to OCD or is this something else?

I gave into a major compulsion after a major trigger. I haven’t done that in many months. My anxiety spiked because of a trigger. How do you forgive yourself? I feel like a failure. 😞

Is the anxiety still meant to be there? I have so much evidence and it feels like no matter how much erp, I can’t get past the facts and evidence I have from my past memories…. This is so scary, erp is so so hard. Reassurance is easier but sitting with the thought makes me feel like it’s real and I get lost in these thoughts and spiral. Isn’t it supposed to go away? This is why I hate erppppp

I had a significant severe agoraphobia relapse a month ago and have been on leave from work since. I have been staying with my family and have not gone home alone. I feel so defeated that at all my progress is gone. It’s been so hard to do ERP and back to being terrified and overly sensitized of everything. I’ve been so down and emotionally and physically drained. Anyone have any supportive comments or experience to share? Not much is talked about regarding agoraphobia here. (I do agoraphobia and OCD treatment at NOCD and this is not reflection of the treatment.)

Working on my issues w ocd related emetophobia. Does anyone else struggle with this? Any response prevention messages that work for you?

Why are all these different things being called some form of OCD? It looks like every issue under the sun is some kind of OCD. Can someone explain the common trait that makes all these things a type of OCD?

I had a hard day today with my mental compulsions, rehearsing and thinking about stuff between me and my boyfriend and brought something up I thought was important. What happens every time I do is that he gets annoyed because it’s a demeanor that is intense as a result of obsessing. I didn’t say anything mean, I know it could have been much much worse, and I stopped talking about it much more quickly than I’ve done previously with going on and on and on. It’s really hard though, I’m thinking about it more, and it’s another reinforcement that it really is the same every time when you think about something all day. I feel like I’m going down a rabbit hole now where I’m thinking about it more after the fact, feeling distress at the uncomfortable thoughts. How do I stop this?

I haven’t done anything wrong and I’ve been trying so hard the last few months to love myself and bring me up but every time one of my relationships has ended I’ve got the full force of the bad karma and they’ve always got the good. No matter the situation everything for me always goes wrong. And recently everything has been going right, it’s been so smooth it’s been great, until I found out my ex and his new gf broke up (there’s an entire situation with him and her being incredibly disrespectful to me and he left me basically for her) and I finally felt like for once the world was on my side. So I caught my friends up with the drama and now ever since talking about it I think I’ve brought bad karma on myself, irs made me laugh considering everything I went through, and I’ve not been laughing at him because I know how bad heartbreak is, I’ve been laughing and his and her stupidity and disrespect and how finally I’m no longer in their drama. But for some reason bad shit is happening to me again. This guy I’ve been speaking to very recently only a week and a bit has just suddenly blocked me on everything when I haven’t done anything wrong. He was calling me hot and fit and sexy and how I’m thinking oh, maybe I’m not any of those things. Am I actually ugly? Like have I been stupid this entire time thinking I am hot? I’m so stressed out now that I’m actually disgusting and that once again was being used for my body. I’ve gotta stop seeing people for a while, and I’ve learnt the red flags I’ve gotta change my way of dealing with men. I’m so done. So done. Is this my bad karma though? Am I overthinking it or like has me talking about the drama back home caused me to have some bad karma on myself I don’t know! I’m stressing out!

Hopefully the algorithm pins my previous post on the bottom, but my friend of 14 years has suddenly stopped talking to me completely. It’s caused me great distress and I cannot stop checking my phone and asking people for reassurance on this situation. I’ve had chest pains and headaches, and I feel sick to my stomach. I’ve done nothing to her. But since I started social media, she’s been ignoring me. My friends (and partner) all say to cut her off and that she’s trying to punish me out of jealousy bc of my recent looks (I’ve been told I’ve had a substantial glow up) and my success with art online (she’s a photographer). Birthdays were considered our traditional day to catch up, we never missed birthdays. She ignored me, but she DID post her other friends and a party on social media. Here are the texts I’ve sent in the past few days. At what point do I call it quits? Should I just block her? I cant even relax, this is on my mind constantly.

Why does it take so long for people to respond to others posts? Is there just not a lot of people on here to help or do they just not know about said subject like I said genuine question no hate intended

Anyone here with POCD with false memories? I need someone to talk to please

My SOOCD journey started around 2017 when my boyfriend and I broke up because I no longer wanted to be with him and remember thinking omg what if it’s because I’m a lesbian and I was dreaded with anxiety and fear. I kind of forget about it after that tbh. My partner and I got back together and I struggled to enjoy sex. I think because we had a friendship (originally ended on good terms) I found it hard to get back into a sexual relationship. Anyway cut long story short in 2020 during lockdown we weren’t having sex, I just had a really low sex drive and if I’m honest I think it was because we didn’t have a very good sex life, we didn’t explore one another etc and so I surpassed sex for a good few months and that’s when the intrusive thoughts started. I became so poorly, I lost almost two stone from stress and anxiety, I had panic attacks and if anything it brought me and my partner closer because I DID NOT WANT TO LOSE HIM AGAIN. This went on for a good 18 months, I was diagnosed by a NOCD therapist with OCD and I started to accept and do ERP. Around 2022 things started to really look up for me. It was like my life was getting back to normal. I got into my fitness, my partner and I were really enjoying sex, having it more frequently and we still are. We are in a very very very good place. I’m actually currently pregnant and we’re expecting our first bundle of joy. However the last few weeks I’ve had some thoughts again, dreams too but this time not as much with the anxiety. It’s really upsetting me because with the anxiety not being there it’s making me think am I enjoying them? Do I want to explore that? I’m very good with the uncertainty now and I always tell myself ‘Ahhh well you’ll never fully know so don’t stress yourself out’ kind of thing. I’m wondering if the surge of hormones has triggered it. I don’t know I just don’t want to go back into a spiral. I love him so much. He is my rock and my best friend. We have a great sex life but the dreams and thoughts are so frustrating.

this time it kind of feels like the fear is valid and that even after therapy i’m gonna believe the thoughts. because before they felt real but never felt as valid and truthful and the reasoning behind them never felt so real. damn bro it’s days like these where i sometimes feel like my old health ocd was paradise in comparison.. any other subtype i could deal with but this sucks booty and feels like the fear WILL come true.

is there anyone who can talk I really just need someone who can maybe leave some insight about the specific issue im having I'm so scared and everything is too vague and it's important

A different type of title, I know. ☕ ☀️ Little bit of a read, but hopefully adds some positivity out there by the end. Here's the thing, I used to get up EVERY morning with excitement and experiment with different types of coffee or flavors. It was a joy to just make it. I would never mind if I made a bad brew, just learned from it. It was an activity that made me happy, arguably a routine that made me whole. Since being diagnosed with OCD (rOCD sub category) 3-4 weeks ago that morning activity fell apart. It suddenly became hard to get up, followed by a longing to "go back" or like a "last saved point". Long story short, tragically the French press that made me feel like "me" lost its glitter and glam. All the stresses of rOCD and happiness ROBBED me of experiencing this small and simple joy in my life that isn't even the focus of my ERP. Over the last few weeks I have been feeling better after taking my first few sessions. Healed, cured, completely treated? No. Absolutely not. On the journey to recovery? Yes. Absolutely so! So what does this French press have to do with anything? Well, I'm making a point to try and reconnect my happiness by making it today, even if it doesn't always feel comfortable or "the same." Why? Because I'm making a stand. I'm refusing to let OCD try and live IT'S life when I want to live MY life instead! I don't want it to win, nor do I want it to take any further steps in telling me not to experience happiness. Especially ones I used to enjoy! I'm GOING to make that French press coffee as soon as this is posted and BELIEVE I can have a good day. I don't care if I fall down, relapse, get stressed, have anxiety, get into an argument, panic, have intrusive thoughts etc. etc. etc later today OR if I already did have those things happen! All that matters is at this moment I go do what I WANT to do, not what OCD tells me to do. I'm going to make the French press coffee because that's what I LOVED doing. WHAT'S THE POINT?: If there is something that you used to appreciate doing no matter how small or big and it brought a sense of identity or peace - you don't have to let OCD tell you that you can't do it. Even if it may not feel the same anymore, I know deep down I like making French press coffee. I'm tired of having OCD anxieties ruin that morning routine. Maybe there's something out there you did for peace or fun before OCD took hold of you? Just know you're not alone. I'm not a doctor or anything, just a man trying to get back his life and wants to fight for it. Don't be afraid to try and reconnect some of that positive "former self" that brought peace to you. If this resonated with you, I hope you find your strength to do that small but meaningful thing that makes you happy. You can do it. We can do it. Thank you. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go make that French press coffee. ☕🙂

I know it may sound like reassurance seeking but it's actually a sincere question. During these days I've been struggling believing it's ocd and I've let my thoughts race a lot. I had to study for an exam but I wasn't able to concentrate very well. So my question is: if I try ERP but then it turns out it's not ocd, could I create some damage? I'm so afraid I will confuse myself even more. But the worst case scenario is that it won't work, and I'll change my approach to it... am I right? (I'm diagnosed, I've changed therapist recently, but I struggle to accept it truly is ocd)

Some examples of my thoughts, images commands, feeling and sensations. Who relates to these? -stomach dropping making my chest tight -rapid heart beat/skipped beats -images of horrible scenerios like driving off a bridge or hurting someone or images of what me “snapping” would look like. -looking in the mirror and getting scared that my face will change into a demon face so I stop looking in the mirror. -looking too long at my son and having to look away so I don’t hallucinate a different face on him (even tho I’ve never hallucinated) -what if you’re a horrible monster and you’re going to off yourself -what if your husband and son are demons -you shouldn’t be left alone with your child in case you hurt them -images and scenerios of me texting my husband while he’s at work and telling him I’m killing our son and then myself (even tho I would literally never do this. It makes me sick to even type it on here) -what if you you have schizophrenia even though you’ve been professionally diagnosed (twice) with ocd -what if the ocd specialist was wrong and you don’t have ocd and you’re dangerous -what if you go into psychosis. -what if you are In psychosis right now -what if you were scared of your hands…?¿ this one is so weird lol -what if that bug isn’t real -what if you hear voices -kill them -they’re better off without you -you’ll never get better - you’re crazy. -this can’t be ocd it must be more -nobody else gets these thoughts and feeling -feelings of scared, worried, uncertain, intense anxiety -fears intensifying at night as I’m drifting to sleep -nonsense thoughts that don’t make ANY SENSE at all as I’m trying to fall asleep -what if you believe people are after you one day like a crazy person -what if you already believe this. What if you are delusional. The list goes on. I hope these help some of you feel not alone if you have them as well

i was really nervous yesterday and scared on losing my morals but i had a moment of almost.. like peace and acceptance and i just couldn’t get scared no matter how hard i tried to get nervous and my mind was like.. “your not losing your morals and if you have different opinions on certain things it’s not the end of the world” i could finally fall asleep and i felt.. peaceful? but it makes me question if i have ocd in the first place because it really didn’t feel like ocd yesterday. but now i woke up and im nervous but not for the same reason. i’m nervous cuz whenever i get a worrying thought that im losing my morals i get nervous but i also just idk, it feels like i get little thoughts telling me it wouldn’t be that big of a deal and i almost feel like i believe it now even tho yk how can i suddenly stop fearing what i felt all along? im very confused about this and am wondering if im genuinely losing my morals (which i dont want happening still) but idk i just dk. i wanna be more black and white in my values like i was before this ocd but now i see the shades of grey and idk if i should be worried but it makes me feel like im losing my morals