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Does anyone on here struggle with same extreme urge to pick their face because in doing so they feel like it keeps it cleaner? I feel alone in this and upset

Hi, I have been having extreme stress for years and after my brother's diagnosis of his MS i started to develop physical symptoms like tingling in legs. I became restless and scared that I have the same. I ended up doing MRI which were all clean but I wasn't able to stop the body checking. Then I was put on Zoloft 50mg and nobody told me about the side effects and I had all of them including first time panic attack and visit to psychiatric hospital. Been told I have to ride out the worsening before it gets better. I struggled but I managed to continue until I started to get better. I saw light end of tunnel and out of blue first time i started having obsessive thoughts in graphical form of hurting my family and people on the street. Everything I see appeared in my mind destroyed. ( See a window it will break, see peoples neck graphic images of it getting cut) this keeps repeating constantly. I thought it will stop due med adjustments but it didn't. It started cause me so huge distress that I developed tinnitus that is constantly there. I got scared of any meds and with talking to my doctor i tapered off the med but the obsessions and the tinnitus sadly remained. I am being tortured by the fear of having OCD and those thoughts that don't let me in peace for the rest of my life and that I will never be myself again. When they leave me in peace for short time I ask myself "where are they" and ofc they reappear. If I will visit my parents the first thing I think of are this thoughts and not something beautiful or positive and that really keeps me from losing joy of visiting people I like.I accepted it that this are thoughts and that they pose no harm to anyone but since it's constantly there i can't focus on my life and i feel like sitting in the cinema and watching images or videos that I don't like and the actual fear isn't from the content but the fear that my life got ruined. The most distressing feeling is actually how my brain is repeating everything that is against me at that moment. If i try to meditate and try to imagine a nice and beautiful place with a tree that is green my mind turns it to burning. Same is with a house or if i imagine a person it endsup being killed. Can it be OCD or this sounds more like severe GAD? Has anyone with similar experiences an advice for me?

is catastrophizing when you’re going through a panic or anxiety attack a compulsion? i do this all of the time and it makes my anxiety so much worse, but it’s so hard to not do

I am starting to finally come to terms with my SOOCD thoughts and give them less power. I’ve been getting them less and less, but now I’m feeling numb towards my boyfriend. I’ve had ROCD and SOOCD for awhile now, and I just feel so numb and confused about what if I don’t actually love him? I hate this. I can’t picture myself with anyone else in this world and I just am constantly questioning this feeling of doubt. 😣

I recently got massively triggered by something at work that put me into a real bad spiral regarding harm OCD and contamination OCD oriented towards other people for the most part. I worked in a grocery store which sells perishable foods and makes fresh food as well so food safety and chemical safety are extremely important. Long story short after seeing other people doing things wrong I started to examine my own job and noticed I've been doing lots of the job wrong for years and never got proper training for a lot of things or corrected, and I failed to speak up about it and ended up training other people in my position. I never worked with making food but was tasked with returning perishable items to the coolers if they were unwanted. So the lack of cut and dry policy on what exactly can or cannot go back and it being mostly based of a sense of touch feeling if the item is still cold or frozen made me get worried that we were potentially putting items away that were no longer safe to consume, that and I saw some more things that needed genuine fixing and brought them up to management. But I lost confidence that I was ever doing things right in any part of my job, including the cleaning parts of it as I had janitorial duties and was never shown how to do that part of the job. And the fact I trained other people who would also be doing those same things incorrectly made me panic. I've been sending endless lists of things to my boss that I think need fixing, of things that should be disinfected, things that could contribute to cross contamination, things that could cause chemical exposure, things that could cause food poisoning. I can't stop myself as just as I think that I've said everything that can be said, I'll wake up in the middle of the night with new things that need fixing. I massively fear the butterfly effect, that my actions working there have contributed directly or indirectly in the harm of others. They are taking the genuine concerns into account but even then I fear that me bringing things up and potentially causing changes could cause something bad to happen and that something's should just be left alone. The thought of someone's kids or other loved ones getting sick or dying because of mistakes I've made and trained into others due to not being properly trained myself is unbearable. I had to get medicated and take benzos because the anxiety and guilt made me barely able to eat, drink, or sleep. I'm not even planning on going back, I've been there so long just coasting in life and need to get things in order and actually do something. I just fear leaving that place without bringing up every possible issue, mistakes I've made or things I've seen throughout the years will result in people being harmed. I don't know if I can ever get to the point where I feel I've "said my piece" and can walk away without worrying about it. Too many things were going wrong for too many years for me to feel confident at all that I've done all I can go help them fix their mistakes and mine. I've genuinely probably written a small book worth of things and sent them to my boss at this point. It's exhausting, embarrassing, etc. but I feel if I don't do all that I can that my inaction is going to cause people to get harmed by these unfixed problems. Has anyone else dealt with anything similar? This is the biggest struggle I've ever faced in my life...

i am dealing with SOOCD at the moment im married and have 3 kids this theme has been coming and going for months now and makes me question even more if i am gay ,my thing is when i look at my husband i feel nothing no attraction which makes me so anxious and i am constantly looking at him and checking how i feel and makes me even more anxious because i then think ok then you are gay and are indenial the feelings just seem sooo real though i have even tried accepting that i am gay which gives me panic attacks any help on this theme please?🥲

my mom shared a post with me about someone we knew being arrested for cp things. i’ve been obsessing over it for like 30 min now. i feel like i want to watch those things and i would like it. would i actually do it? no. do i feel like i would like it? yes. what if this isn’t ocd and i’m actually like that. i’ve done things in my past as a kid that could make me believe i’m a pdo and i just think what if i’m still like that or what if i am that. i feel like i don’t deserve to live. i’ve been imagining these types of things to test if i really like it and i feel like i do, i feel gross.

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I have alot of problems with this, this has been my main obsessions. The biggest trigger for me is this bible verse: “whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is a sin” (James4:17) Alot of times I feel like what i do is a sin, joking or laughing at something, but then i feel angry cause i cant enjoy my life and i always criticize myself that what i do is sin, but maybe im just legalistic, and maybe its not a sin, but then i feel like im just trying to talk myself into continuing the sin. I feel like im really a fraud, cause i talk myself into thinking im not sinned. Then this verse comes in my mind and i feel worse. So i tell you what happened now. Someone in my workplace came to me and asked if i have credit card to send him money and he will give me the money in cash, and basically lied and said no i dont have, i dont use my credit card. Then i felt really bad that im a sinner and i dont help others, im selfish, I knew i shouldve helped but i decided to not and im a bad person for that. For me i had an explanation why i lied. I use my credit card to save money, i really dont like spendig that money, or even if i do i know how much i spend, every month i know how much money i will spend take out from there. Sometimes i let myself spend more like this month, but im really sensitive about this, cause i want to buy a car and i know if i will spend money i will not have that car as soon as i want. So if i have cash, i know i will spend that, i wont save that cause i use my credit card for that, so i dont want to take out money from my credit card to get cash cause i will spend that cash. And i have a story to, cause this happened before with another person, i gave him money from my credit card, he gave me cash, and the next day, he came again, and the third day be came again. So 3 times i took out money from my card and i got cash, some would say you shouldve saved that cash, but things happened and i had to spend that money... i know myself, if i dont have cash then i know i wont spend money, but if i have then i will spend it. Credit card is for saving money and sometimes spending it but i have a limit, and cash is for spendig it. But i feel like im just selfish that i lied and i didnt helped him, i feel like im a bad person for that. This was just an exemple but everyday i battle with this, did i commit a sin, i feel like i did, or i feel like what im doing is a sin, but i still contonue it and i feel bad cause of this bible verse...

I’ve recently been on my period and it’s like hell I’ve been having 3-4 panic attacks each day and I wonder if it’s my OCD getting worse or if it’s my period since I tend to get very sensitive during my week.. do you also go through heightened stress/anxiety when on your period? I’ve notice this happens a lot when it’s my time of the month. I’ve also been very paranoid.

I really feel I misunderstood my attraction to men with seeking attention and empathy from them , i have evidences 😭

Hello I am new to this but I have this intense huge fear of developing or becoming slowly schizophrenia. I have a parent who had it and every since then I fear I will meet the same fate and I want the thoughts to stop I have ADHD and GAD and some depression lately and all that fuels my fears cause I don’t understand all my disorders but I question my reality and it scares me I feel blank at time and I feel scared all the time with what ifs playing over and over and then I get stuck look for reassurance and certainty that I am ok. I have three boys and one has autism who self harms and when I try to sleep I fear I will believe my dreams are real and loosing my mind and my reality and my anxiety goes up more. I don’t know what to do and there are no specialist near me that can help and I can’t afford anything and this app doesn’t accept my insurance I really want to feel better and not be stuck isolated and scared to leave for fear I will show signs in front of people and not realize when I will be gone from reality I wanna cry everyday and I feel like I need to run away. Can someone please tell me I am not alone. And the more I read about it the more I get confused or believe I have those things. I am scared help 🥺

Does anyone else deal with rocd that latches onto partners morals/different opinions? Me and my bf talk about social issues/opinions and what we would do in situations on call sometimes and in some areas we agree, but a lot of things we have different opinions. My ocd treats it like MY opinion is right because it’s the most common opinion I see on the internet and if my boyfriend has a different view/ doesn’t see things as big of an issue as I do or vice versa my ocd tells me “you need to overthink about this he might be a bad person he has a bad view!!!!” Like one thing is that he believes you can joke about but not hate a certain community, like for example, he makes gay jokes that could possibly be offensive to some, when actually he does not care if someone is lgbtq+ or not, he will treat them like anyone else and be friends with them, he just makes little jokes now and then. He will have stronger views than me with some things and something I think is serious, he won’t think is serious and my ocd does NOT like this 😭 it tells me my bf has to have the exact same views and morals as me or he’s a bad person

One of my biggest fears is going insane/going into a state of psychosis and harming someone sometimes it feels a little to real and i start having panic attacks to calm it down… I genuinely hate it because i know i don’t have schizophrenia or have gone through psychosis but my mind obsesses over it 24/7.. it gets frustrating.

I’m gay, and I’ve always viewed gay porn to get off, but ever since last year, it’s been difficult to actually do that cause it feels like I’ve grown..well, bored of it, but it’s the only porn I can and will ever view. But there’s times when I’m trying to enjoy it and then these thoughts show up in my head and it feels like I’m getting excited by it but I always stop cause I don’t wanna touch myself to something like that yk? But it hasn’t stopped in so long and I don’t know what to do. Even when I’m not doing it these thoughts sometimes give me feelings of “excitement” as if I’m really being turned on by them, can that be related to porn addiction too? I can never EVER look up cp or anything violent, but could these thoughts be showing up because I have a porn addiction? There was a time when there was a thought stuck in my head and I still felt the urge to just watch porn and touch myself but the thought was still there, even when I finished. And it was unfortunately very vivid. I cried and kept telling myself I couldn’t be this person, but the thought was there, I felt the need to do it and I still did it. Wouldn’t that prove that I am what I think I am? How can I enjoy watching gay porn for so long then out of nowhere I somehow want something else? I don’t want to do harm to anyone underage, I just want to understand how this could happen and if this is all still part of OCD or I’m just a porn fiend. Cause the saddest part of all of this is, I still want to watch and enjoy myself to GAY porn, but Idk how to do that without the thoughts showing up. If that’s even what they are anymore.

Anybody else with Magical Thinking OCD? I feel like it is the most rare kind, I can never find stories or other people who relate to it. For example, turning off the light switch a certain way until it feels just right, otherwise something bad will happen to me or my family if I don’t do the compulsions. I also have a very hard time with like, if I forgot to say goodbye to someone when leaving a place, or sometimes I’ll leave for work and realize I didn’t give my daughter a hug before leaving and I will seriously go back home to do it before I go because otherwise I’ll have horrible anxiety. Same thing with leaving my wedding ring at home. I’m also so afraid of how it will affect my daughter and if it’ll cause her to have OCD as well because of seeing me do my compulsions and routines. It makes me feel like such a horrible person. It started getting really bad when I was 19 and went through a traumatic event, but I know that I’ve had OCD for my entire life. When I was little I slept in my parents’ room because I thought my own bed was cursed and something bad would happen to me if I slept in it. Things like that. It started being *severe* once I got pregnant with my daughter, and has only gotten worse since then. (About four years now). I search tirelessly for success and recovery stories with my form of OCD, because I just want to know that someone stopped doing their compulsions and everything was okay. I always feel like that’s what it would take for me to start the ERP therapy and actually stop doing my compulsions. Just looking for someone who relates I think really.

Relationships are so difficult, even without OCD, and yet some people make it look so easy, it hurts. It’s never been easy for me, and it makes me feel like I’m just not meant for love. I found someone that I liked, that I felt initially drawn to, but when you stop admiring someone from a distance and start putting in the work it becomes tough. I was quickly met with things that I thought were “weird” or “cringy” or “annoying” and I started obsessing and it scared and stressed me so much, because I finally found someone that I actually wanted to be with, but my preoccupation and obsession over his flaws made we worried that it wasn’t right and that it would be taken away from me…by myself! I felt like there were two parts of me fighting inside, and I wanted it to stop. We’re now dating but I’m still obsessed and worried all the time by the flaws that bug me so much. I keep feeling that if they bug me this much it means I don’t like him, and I’m trying to learn to accept them and live him unconditionally, but it’s difficult. Like I struggle being in public together with my bf and our friends because I obsess over the way he acts when he’s hyper and trying to be funny and cheeky. I obsess over how his voice sounds so much different when he’s more energetic and hyper and trying to be funny. I keep feeling bothered by it, and then feeling worried that it bugs me, or that I find it cringy or annoying. I don’t know what to do. I want to stop worrying so much, but how do I get past these uncomfortable feelings that I have towards his social personality and idiosyncrasies. I want to learn to accept him in all settings, but I’m struggling. And I feel so anxious when plans are made to hang out as a group because I know I’m going to feel icky towards my bf, and it’s worrisome. What do I do. I’m so exhausted, but I want this relationship to work, I don’t want anyone else.

I hate that there are fictional characters that are underaged that people clearly sexualize or put in suggestive media. I don't know how people can do this with no kind of remorse. I get that they aren't real human beings but that doesn't take away from how disgusting it is still. I don't know why people do this and I don't know why its so easy to run into when watching porn.

Anyone else? I am sure I have contamination ocd for quite a few year’s now and something that I think I do since all that time ago was my ocd was frustrating my family and my mum wanted me to not be doing my compulsions for my contamination ocd like excessive washing and rewashing I had a lot of other compulsions too and still do but because I didn’t go and get treatment for it I didn’t really know much about treatment and just was struggling with the ocd as one does with compulsions and the feeling I couldn’t stop it so I just tried to remove myself from it from instead of I’d get trigger with my ocd doing what I want to be doing I’d instead would not do what I’d want to be doing how I’d want to do it cause then I wouldn’t have to feel my ocd and I in turn didn’t have compulsions or the anxiety feeling , and now sometimes a lot of the time I do this on purpose and sometimes I don’t do what I want to do on accident and it works out the same of litterally not having the ocd experience like I’m skipping that problem , and I’m trying to not do this by finding what I want to do and therefore getting triggered by my ocd and it’s compulsions which is hard for me to not do what my mum wanted and for me to do what I wanted and have ocd be a struggle with me that I can face does anyone else have this experience too? It was a choice of mine not a compulsion that takes me and took me out of my life but also my ocd experience. I still choose to do this to feel safe and to get to away from ocd for the old reason of my mum but more is left no reasoning just for the action now

Whenever things get really bad for me mentally I retreat to watching porn and then I fall back into my bad habits and it usually lasts for a while. But then I see things I won't want to see and I get disgusted and click off. Then there's things that surprise me in a video and it makes me uncomfortable and then I click off. I know it's not what I want but it still bothers me because it's simply OCD. I just can't wait to get out of this place in my life. I hope meds will help me and put me back on the right track. Worst of all is when I click a channel that I'm hoping has what I'm expecting but it has very nasty things on the front page and questionable characters in material and I just click off completely. It's all part of the surfing. This has been happening for years now and I just want it all to stop. Both the porn addiction and OCD. It's a bad combination but I just don't know how to cope without going back to it when things get really bad.