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How do u guys deal with repetition urges

What if I’m a lesbian? What if I need to leave my bf because I secretly like girls? Am I loosing feelings for my boyfriend? I didn’t want to make out the other night, do I secretly think he’s gross? Did I ever even like him in the first place? Are things getting stale?

Hey y’all, feel free to have conversations about this. But literally y OCD has been switching all around from false memory OCD to Relationship OCD back to false memory about a different topic. And then it’s like, none of the things I stressed about even happened whether it be false memory or relationship OCD. Just so crazy to me.

The fear of delusions and schizophrenia are back and hit out of no where. Had a simple thought in my head of what is someone poisoned my drink that I got for lunch today. And boom full blown panic attack. Why the hell does this happen????? Like why do I genuinely think I’m a schizophrenic and am going to lose my mind and go full blown crazy. Why did I have a thought that someone would even poison my drink. I genuinely am so sick and tired of this!!!!!!!!! I’m not asking for reassurance but how can such a legit thought be just ocd.

For the last three months I have been battling with obsessive thoughts about my water heater. For context, the water heater is at the end of the hallway right next to my daughter’s bedroom. I always have these repeating intrusive thoughts of my daughter being stuck in her room and the fire getting to her. The intrusive thoughts kick in at night before bed because I worry that if the water heater were to catch on fire, I wouldn’t hear the fire alarm and/or get to her fast enough. It’s a terrifying thought that makes it hard to sleep at night. Our water heater has been making popping sounds because of sediment, which has made me more nervous and uneasy. When we drained it last week we couldn’t get too much out but the popping has gotten a little better. I’m so tired of feeling this way every night. Any advice?

TW: SA mention hi so my current relationship is the longest and by far the healthiest i have ever been in. to the point where i’m extremely confident that i am going to marry him. we are best friends. however one of my more recent triggers is imagining my bf as my ex from about 4 years ago. this ex was my first bf and was absolutely horrible to me. he was manipulative and assaulted me multiple times throughout our like 7 ish month relationship. so i’ll be doing something with my bf then automatically imagine “what if i did this with ex instead and we were still together”. there is absolutely no world where i would ever leave my current bf for that man but these thoughts are extremely frustrating because they’re trying to convince me i miss my ex when i know i dont. i have very bad trauma from him and even just seeing him makes me extremely scared. i know that i don’t miss him and i do not love him anymore but i feel like these thoughts are taking away from all my good memories with my current bf. if anyone has any tips plz help me out thanks

Well I’m not sure if it’s OCD Related but this is a tough break up. I finally had a great relationship with someone but I ruined it with my overthinking and insecurities. No I can’t stop obsessing about him. He broke up with me because he was just tired of it. Now I’m afraid I won’t find another as good as he was. I feel terrible

My OCD has come back in full force this week and I’m not sure what to do. The last time I had a rough go, I was worried about being perceived as a cheater because I danced with someone at a bar. It ate at me and I didn’t feel like I deserved my partner. I couldn’t stop thinking about it all hours of the day and wanted to be punished. I worked through this and no longer have these thoughts. Fast forward to now. I am having obsessive thoughts about my husband’s best friend. I’m currently on my honeymoon, so the pressure to be focused solely on my husband is really high, making me feel like a horrible person. The thoughts say things like “you’d be happier with (name)” or “(name) would do this instead.” I love my husband immensely, and we have a relationship built on trust, respect and a long history. I don’t know why I am obsessing over this guy like I want him to want me when I have everything. Is it limerence? I just learned this term, so not sure if it’s even what I’m experiencing, but it seems close. I keep crying constantly. I can’t eat because I feel so physically sick. I have heart palpitations and I’m shaky. Has anyone dealt with this kind of ROCD? Any advice would be so appreciated.

I’m having major health ocd right now. I’m on vacation and since the day we left I’ve been having heart palpitations. It’s getting to the point that I’m afraid my heart is gonna stop beating or something. Or that I’m like gonna go into cardiac arrest. I’ve had heart palpitations before but I feel like these are happening more often. I have had major anxiety leading up to this vacation anyways… but now the palpitations have made me absolutely miserable and I just want to go home and go to the ER (I go to the ER often). Anybody else get heart palpitations frequently? And I’m also like hyper aware of my heart beat in general Feels like it’s beating so hard.

I know this may be reassurance seeking but I just need someone to tell me of this is alarming or not or if it’s just arousal non-concordance. I’ve been dealing with POCD and I was scrolling on social media when I saw this video of these two boys singing. One of the boys flipped his hair and I had a groinal response. I immediately felt disgusted but immediately got anxious. Definitely was NOT sexually attracted or anything but is that just arousal non-concordance? I remember back in the day when I was a kid too and the style for boys was longer hair, I always thought it was attractive when boys flipped their hair so now I just feel extra nervous that I had a groinal response.

I’m actually convinced I’m a p…. I feel as though I’m a fraud faking to myself and everyone around me. I feel like I shouldn’t deserve to have friends or be around anyone because I am a p. Every thing I see, hear, it could be not child related, or it could, 24/7 I am getting intrusive thoughts saying these things to me. I get groinal responses that make it worse. I cry everyday. This has gotten so much worse. I am so sad. I don’t know what to do with myself I really want to give up. I just miss being a little kid, oblivious to the bad around me and I didn’t question if I was a bad person 24/7 all the time. I hate this so so bad I feel like I’m a bad person who doesn’t deserve anything in life, I don’t even feel like I deserve my family or to have a family of my own in the future.

Guys recently I don't like my session's with my therapist, I don't think she understand me, also she repeat the same advice and I told her about different topics and she's just in silence, I don't know I just feel weird, I have a session today but thinking about that makes me so anxious I don't want, but at the same time feel guilty because is free I'm in a program of free therapy's in the church, so I think she's help me for free, I need to be on the sessions Im not sure what to do 😭😭😭😭😭

The thing I feel is so hard about ROCD in particular is that there is not an objective definition of what is or is not cheating. Some people believe if you talk to a guy that is not your partner, it is a form of emotional cheating. Some people believe porn is cheating. Some people have such a high bar for cheating that it may be that as long as you dont have sex with them it does not matter. But I think the fear in ROCD goes deeper than that. In my case I do not think I fear actually cheating. I know that I am capable of controlling the actions my body takes. It is the fear of desire. It is the fear that I am a bad person and that if my partner knew I thought about cheating that he might be hurt. That he might see my true character and leave. So I guess the base fear of ROCD for me is isolation and abandonment. Who would ever want to be with someone who was terrible person? I have cheated before. I cheated on my HS boyfriend in college about 6 years ago. And while that was a horrible thing to do and heartbreaking for him, I have paid for it. To this day I cant find peace in any relationship because I am afraid I will do the same thing to them. I cant be alone without thinking I will cheat, which makes me overly clingy when naturally I am not. What does ERP look like for this? If cheating is subjective, and emotionally cheating exists, couldnt ERP be actually cheating on my partner to overcome the fear? This has prevented me from doing it.

I had some good days and now the obsessive thoughts are 24/7. Constantly seeing images of killing myself, hearing thoughts telling I want ro kill myself, that I am stupid, an idiot, noone like me- anyone who can relate? To be able to write and share here is such a relief even if this also is difficult.

Good morning, I check my emails every day and this morning there was an article from NOCD about the deeper “cost” at not getting effective and consistent treatment early on and the toll it takes on those around you. Here’s the article: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/the-price-of-going-untreated?utm_source=braze&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=canvas_Top_Costly_T4 And yes, we know. We know the toll it takes on our loved ones around us and it’s a guilt we carry in addition to all of the other guilt from even having OCD in the first place, a disorder that dictates most of our lives, relationships and interactions. While this article IS true, and yes the “cost” of NOT getting proper help would be more in the long run, it still doesn’t get rid of the fact that there is not good mental health coverage through insurance, let alone people properly trained to help others with OCD.. as we all know OCD requires specialized training in the techniques needed to treat OCD, not to mention someone trained to know the signs and symptoms of OCD so that a person isn’t misdiagnosed and treated for the wrong disorder. When my OCD first got really bad, I DID reach out to many, many people. I was not one to ask for help, it made me feel exposed and gross actually, but I knew this (OCD) was something worse and harder to deal with than I had ever faced and I had no idea how to get help, nor did anyone else around me. We’ve had insurance for many many years. But never insurance that would cover regular therapy sessions for those trained and specialized in OCD. So I avoided getting help from people who weren’t specifically trained to deal with OCD after reading article after article detailing how crucial it was to find someone who specializes in OCD otherwise it could potentially make things worse. I got on medication many times and was off and on it through out my life. It would make things better for a while and things would get bad again. It was only ever masking the disorder, not treating it. I would occasionally have breakdowns where I would go to emergency mental health centers and reach out to loved ones desperately trying to seek out help the best way I knew how without making myself appear incompetent and pathetic. Years went on like this until there was a big life event that happened and my depression and subsequently OCD spiraled out of control again. This time things were worse than they had ever been as my theme shifted to one I couldn’t deal with, the guilt was so great. So again the spiraling happened. I began reach out for help the best way I knew how.. researching to find other people like me, reaching out to my church, praying, searching out psychiatrists, therapists, is there someone I can go to who specializes in OCD? Oh the wait to get in to see someone is several months, oh the cost to go to an OCD specialist is $250 per visit. Oh the cost for inpatient treatment with an OCD specialist, not covered by insurance, $10,000. Ok well that’s not an option. I don’t want to be a burden financially when I already am in every other way and can hardly function normally as it is. I don’t have any friends and I’m all alone struggling here with no idea what to do or how to get out of this situation. So I continue taking the meds and hoping and praying that it will make me better enough to function ENOUGH to get through life and take care of the things I need to do. I’m reaching out to specialists who are trying to help me the bit they can without actually seeing me as a patient because I can’t afford their services. Another bad episode happens and I go to the hospital. Shortly after CPS is called on me and an investigation is under way. It took the specialist I had been reaching out to vouch for me and then the investigation was done and everything calmed down as much as it could have. What did I learn through all of this? When I persist and reach out in desperation, I am penalized for it and I look incompetent and pathetic and incapable and I can’t even afford the specialized treatment available for my disorder. So again I stay in silence and take my meds inconsistently, thinking oh these do help, oh maybe they are making things worse, they aren’t helping as much as I would like them to. Why do I still have so many problems? I’m on meds, but not doing any therapy treatment because again if it’s not specialized in OCD will I be misunderstood and have people called in again? So I remain silent and I just function and exist the best way I know how and as a burden to my family. Fast forward many years and many things have happened throughout the years, themes have changed and went back yet a lot has stayed the same but I’ve learned to function and exist in this state of anxiety and doubt and fear and disorder and my family has adapted to my odd behavior and we’ve all just learned to function and deal with it. Yes the “cost” has weighed on me and my family and its guilt and grief for lost time that I will never get back. And it haunts me literally every day that I wake up. I get triggered watching videos and reading articles like this and if I let it, the grief of thinking about that lost time could eat me alive and spiral me into a deep depression. But I don’t let it because I still have to continue functioning and existing and moving on for my family and myself despite the fact that specialized OCD treatment is STILL unaffordable. Coverage is not great for therapy in general through insurance and I don’t have other resources available that I could use to help with this… So I guess… what I’m trying to say is.. this is another article that makes me feel a call to action and a failure on my part.. that I’ve failed my family and myself and that I’ve lost so much precious time due to my inaction. When nothing has really changed. Maybe more avenues of treatment have become available with more accessible people, but the cost really hasn’t become any better. The general public understanding of OCD really hasn’t gotten any better. I guess I will continue to take my medication and continue functioning and existing as best I can until I can find a proper way to get intensive treatment from an OCD specialist that is actually affordable.

I am young but when I was younger I used to do bad perverted things with other females before I gave my life to Christ. So passing those years and coming to now I have already told my momma about how much trauma those experiences brought me. But when I was in 7th grade I started having bad and perverted thoughts about everyone I see but this was a little before me meeting christ but I kept seeing people and then thinking of then naked or me seeing them doing things with me or me thinking I like them/have a crush on them but the thing is I don't like them and I hated those thoughts, I knew they were wrong and they were disgusting and I hated them so fast forward to me finding christ in the summer of me going to 8th grade, My life got better I got away from bullies and started online school but the one thing that didn't stop Is the perverted thoughts I kept going on and on about how much I love God and I still do but the thing is I kept thinking these things then rebuking them but then I thought about them again and they came back and it has been weighing in my back so I told my mom my testimony about how I found Christ and what I used to do and she was very understanding and loving about it so fast forward to now or a little after the school year ended I started going through serious mental and religious stress where I felt like I had to stope talking to my friend so is started doubting God instead of seeking him I continuously felt hopeless like I should quit or I should just not be here anymore because I felt hopeless like I had no love or the God I grew so fond of wasnt loving like I thought but I got over that so fast forward to know a month after All of that started I keep telling my mom about everything even the small little details and I've been feeling good about it but the thing Is I tell her things but then I feel like it's not enough and I have to tell her more so coming back to the perverted thoughts they never stopped and I told my mom about them and I told her specifically that I keep having perverted thoughts about everybody I keep thinking about nakedness or I keep thinking I like them but then I rebuke it but they keep coming back and my mom felt very stressed with me because along with all the work that she does she has to deal with me and no she didn't mean that in a bad way but with me she said she feels like everything she is doing for me isn't enough because I keep continuously feeling her more and more and more and she feels like all that she is doing her prayer, her hugs, her love and her messages aren't working because I keep telling her more and more and more bad but never about me being better and that was yesterday she also says when she is at work she can't help but think about me and if I'm still here or if I'm breaking down or if something is happening so she is constantly worried and it us causing her serious stress and I feel bad and yesterday was just a bad day for her period, but that was yesterday and today I keep feeling like what I told her about my mind and the thoughts isn't enough I keep feeling like I have to tell her more like the exact people and I don't want to anymore and what i mean by that Is I feel like I have to go into detail and I have to tell her every little spell and dust about the situation and it is stressing me out because I genuinely feel like I have said enough like I feel like I need to tell her the exact people and yes I've had thoughts like this about family also but the thing is I told her everybody I see and I feel like that is enough but I feel like everytime I tell her something it has to be in perfect detail and I have to tell her every little thing or else what I told her ain't credible and I see that that has been negatively impacting me and her because it's making her feel like she isn't doing enough for me or she is being a bad mother because of all that Is happening and the fact that I have to tell her ever little detail and it's hurting me because I feel like I don't want to go into detail because im not comfortable but if I don't I feel like I'm failing my mom and God and I don't know what to do anymore does anyone have anything to help me with about this from a Christian perspective?

i can’t stop thinking. this theme has gotten so much worse like it’s really bothering me. i can’t stop ruminating of what i’ve done when i was younger, all of these that i regret and the things i wish i could change. i wish i was a normal girl. porn just really ruined everything.

I used to have a support person. He basically gave me a month after diagnosis to start showing improvement. Then started a fight. So for a week I haven't had him around to talk to him or tell him anything and it's an extreme struggle. I don't have family to help, I reconnected with an old friend I haven't seen since 2018 but have been friends with for 17 years. He's a very different person which is struggling to have as a support person. He has some good advice and no it's not always what I want to hear, but it just doesn't feel right. Sometimes it's overwhelming and annoying. So I basically have him and a therapist every week. I'm still learning, still researching/reading, still trying to figure out what's right for me, what is going to help me. I don't have any real good answers for me, the questions are overwhelming, trying to figure a starting point is overwhelming and so much anxiety that I don't want to. I've tried setting boundaries and that's blowing up in my face. I'm upset, frustrated and angry so much that hate is building in my heart. Being at work for 10 hours is my hardest part. I can't walk, I can't meditate, I listen to music, write when I can, I try to let the intrusive thoughts be acknowledged and let go and focus some on something else. I guess today is just extremely harder. Monday I am getting on medication for the jump start to getting more help and I'll be back in my therapist office on Tuesday. So I just need to get through the next few days. Possibly with lots of long walks and meditation. I'll be searching for support groups to see if there is one near me, maybe I'll meet someone I can connect really well with that will be my new support person, someone who won't give up when the bad days are really bad.

Does anyone else fear they have BPD? Or that they’ll develop it? Or have to take online quizzes to reassure themselves they don’t but do relate to some of the symptoms? I feel like it’s driving me insane.

PLEASE READ. Ok so I’ve had these intrusive thoughts for a while and essentially at their core they’re about worshipping the devil. I’ve always been scared of doing a prayer to the devil (specifically out loud). Recently for ERP practice my therapist has had me say the word “devil.” We’ve also watched videos about people who have made deals with the devil and videos talking about the devil himself. These are really triggering for me but I understand they’re meant to be as ERP. However, this stuff has really amped up my doubts and I’m not even really sure how to explain them. Basically I’m doubting if I even believe in what I’ve considered my core beliefs, and whether or not I would want to worship the devil. Moreover the fear of saying a bad prayer aloud has spiked especially because I’ve already said the word “devil” aloud. Then I tell myself that if I do it as a form of ERP it would be fine, but then i wonder if my doing it would actually be as ERP or because I actually want to, which stresses me out more about doing the prayer. I haven’t actually done it aloud but I’m scared of doing so.