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Help, it was nice while it lasted. I'm not going to take the amazing job opportunity after all. OCD has won another battle.

Hi everyone! I have never posted on here before but i’m not really sure what else i can do. I have a concert coming up (tomorrow) that i have been waiting a year for. I am extremely excited, but over the past few months ive been having a lot of obsessive thoughts that something bad will happen at the event and i will get really hurt. After these thoughts it makes me worried and contemplate whether it is intuition, or if it’s just an obsessive thought. Just wondering if anyone else has ever had these worries/thoughts before going to a big event!

I am on a cruise ship and my contamination ocd is so bad. I keep seeing people coughing into their hands and touching everything. What are some tips for cruising with contamination ocd?

Hello. I downloaded this app because of a cousin who has been through and is currently experiencing things similar to me and she said this helps her not feel so alone. So here I am. My name is Emma and I’m a 15 year old from Texas. In 2015, when I was 4/5 years old, I was ripped away from my grandparents (who took care of me) and placed with my father (who abused my drug addicted mother) and his wife, my step mom. “Dana” is what I’ll call her. When I first arrived at my dads and Dana’s house I didn’t suspect anything bad. I just missed my grandparents. Until Dana started to sexually, mentally and physically abuse me at a very young age. She would lock me in dark rooms, hit me with spoons and tell me to blame the marks it left on my grandparents as she tried to heal them or whatever. Dana told me that I was a snake and my dad didn’t love me. She showed me pictures of mens private parts and, although my memory of this incident is blurry, I do remember taking a “bath” with her once and never again. But Dana is just where my problems started. Whenever my grandparents won the custody battle, I came home, but not as the same kid who left. My thoughts were now very sexual if that makes sense, and I started to have sexual thoughts about family members and other thoughts in which I couldn’t control. I had basically developed a very dirty mind from an earlier age due to this abuse I went through at Dana’s house of horrors. These intrusive thoughts had eventually calmed now because as I got older I learned how to (somewhat) control them, but they still invade my mind today. The sexual abuse I endured also led to a short-lived porn addiction that stopped in 2020/2021 after I turned to God. These thoughts are also kind of like OCD, but like ‘if you don’t get this right all your loved ones will die’ and ‘if you do this God won’t love you and you’ll go to hell’ and what not. Now onto my present day problems Also, my grandparents are cattle people. They raise beef steers and breeding heifers. I started to show steers (a boy cow basically) in 2018. Of course, like any other animal-obsessed kids, I always fell in love with my steers. But, if you don’t know this already, FFA kids raise their “projects” or “show animals” for their county fair or other major livestock shows/expositions and at the end of every year my steers were slaughtered. I learned this at a young age but wasn’t too affected until I started to win, until I started to gain attention from random people because of what I’d accomplished in the show cattle industry, and I started to really get attached to my show animals. Just recently, I had a steer named Flash, and my goodness did I fall in love with that steer. We won almost every show we went to and were known by many people in my county. At the end of the year, Flash won Grand Champion Market Steer at the 2024 YMBL South Texas State Fair. At the fair, which lasted a week, I had to leave Flash in fair grounds in his champion pen the staff always provides for the winners (Grand and Reserve.) The fair always ends on my birthday, March 30th, which means I also have to leave my favorite animals on a day most would celebrate, but I dread all year long. Leaving Flash made me loose all self worth and also deem everything else the world had to offer meaningless. I became extremely depressed and bipolar, which, by the way, I still struggle with intense depression. I started thinking of killing my self. I told myself that if a painless way to end my life ever arose I would do it. I would end it all, just to see Flash again. Also in 2022, a heifer I loved so much, possibly more than Flash, prolapsed and died a painful death, leaving her baby behind. (We still have her baby.) The day this heifer died will always be ingrained in my head. When I got off the bus from the school, I ran to the end of my driveway before realizing my heifer, who I called Ms Kitty, really was dead. I dropped to my knees and sobbed in the driveway until my grandpa came and got me. Later that day I forced myself to look at the bloody trailer and I cried. I looked at the place where she was buried. But I got over Ms Kitty. Now onto the other problems. My grandpa went to Vietnam and told me stories. Like a normal kid would, I became obsessed and wanted to learn everything about the war. Me and my cousin played a game at night that resembled Vietnam. Until I stopped treating it like a game and let the events that took place in that horrible war shake me to my core. My grandpa also told me a story where one of his only friends, because according to him he tried his best not to make friends in case they died, was hit by some type of bomb or something and his body was blown in half. That scarred me as a child and I still think about it to day. All of that war phase I had as a kid affects me. Last week my family put on some Vietnam war movie. I started crying and had to make them turn it off. It just affects me somehow…and I know I’m not a veteran and I don’t know half of the problems vets go through, it still affects me and makes me depressed. All of these problems, amongst smaller things, make me want to end my life; I want the sadness and depression to end, I want to be with my family and Flash in heaven. I don’t want to live on this cruel world any longer than I have to. During the daytime, I’m happy and I laugh. There are days where I’m sad regardless of what time it is, but for the post part, every night I cry alone in my room, read my Bible and pray for God to take me and my grandparents to Heaven so I can see Flash all my other loved ones and animals and end my suffering. Before I end this post, I just want to add that I wouldn’t ever cause myself any harm. I’m a very low pain tolerance type of person and I’m even terrified of needles, so at least for now, Im in now real danger and wouldn’t ever act on my sucicidial thoughts. (Hope I spelt it right.)

I’ve been this way my whole life. It’s never been a problem until OCD got ahold of me. Does anyone else feel like they get obsessed with certain people?

I think I did something bad and I don't remember exactly what happened. I turned my family's life into hell with my problems. I don't want to live anymore but I can't leave them. I don't know what to do, I've never felt so bad.

Hi all, I’m having a spike in my ROCD and am just going to vent but am open to comments / helpful words as well :) I’ve been experiencing ROCD for about a year now, been living with my fiancee (M) and love him to death. I picture having his babies, I can’t wait to marry him, I’m excited for our future together and see myself being really happy with him. However, y’all know how it is when you get triggered. It makes me feel like I’m behind a clear shower curtain staring at the world through a wall of my own emotions that I can’t poke through and get out of, but can see through. Then I’ll randomly snap out of it (maybe from spinning to the point of numbness) and feel fine and happy and content. It’s hard because we’re engaged and we’re set to get married at the end of the year. So the whole “don’t make a decision yet, give it 6 months” won’t work because we’re getting married in 6 months 😂 I love him. I just question a lot of things and need absolute certainty all the time. I’m learning that I can be a very black and white thinker and take things very literally, so that probably ties into it too. I just want to be normal again. I feel the most guilt ever when I get into these ruminations, and wonder if he deserves better— someone who knows what they want and can be with him and not feel how I feel sometimes. Lately I’ve been hyperfixated on if I actually want to settle down and have kids or if that’s just what we’re trained to think, so what if I travel the world instead …….(but we can travel together so, what? lol) Or I went to a baseball game and had the thought of maybe I wanna date a baseball player …..(I don’t even like baseball!😂) Add being religious into that mix, and then it becomes “well what if GOD doesn’t want me with him and is trying to force me to leave??” So then I pray “god, if you don’t want me with this man, show me please!!!” And 3 hours later my man surprised me with flowers and a hand written note professing his love for me. But then it’s back to the spin cycle days later. I’m in OCD / trauma therapy and for the first time today, I spiraled before my therapy appointment, and was able to explain how that felt to her. Then I mentioned the guilt behind planning a wedding while feeling like this (she knows we’re engaged) and she said “you know, this is the first time you’ve mentioned the wedding in the entirety of our appointments” and THAT is making me spiral because I don’t know what she means by that! Am I supposed to be talking about the wedding to my therapist? I don’t know? Anyways, I don’t know yall. I don’t want to leave and I want to see this through and marry the man I’ve loved for so many years, but sometimes I get wrapped up in the mess of all of it. It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and sometimes I don’t want to even leave my bed because I’m so bummed and sad. Thanks for reading.

I just have had a very bad day. Over the past couple days many situations have happened which have led me to believing that my friends might be upset at me. I feel like everyone is ignoring me, and it scares me. I am scared they're upset and idk what to do. I don't know if I should confront them about it or just say nothing if I am overreacting. I have this one friend I know I could confide in but all she would really be able to say is that I have to ask them myself. A long with that nothing has really gone my way today. My friend who I was supposed to hang out with last minute canceled cause her brother from Atlanta surprised her. Now I am all alone outside a public park. And I can't help but think what am I doing? What am I waiting for? I know that sometimes the only solution to fear is confronting it. If I want answers about whether my friends are angry with me I have to ask. I can't just wait. But what does this mean for my other compulsions. What about apologizing to my oarenrs because I might have accidentally had a laced edible? Am I going to live with that forever or is the only way to live through fear to face it head on it? Is that the only way forward? I know fear will never go away, but am I just stuck in a cycle of having to face it over and over again? Or are there things I shouldn't face? Should I not give into things my therapist would label a compulsion like apologizing to my parents for the what if possibility that I did take a laced edible? Is there a balance? Is one wrong and is one right? How do I decipher which fears I have to face head on and which fears I have to keep inside me? Do I live a life where I am congested with fears on a daily basis or one where I am possibly loosely giving into every fearful thought and throw myself into scary situations? I dont know, it seems like I am overthinking. But this question puzzled me.

so im a little scared rn, okay thats a lie im very scared. I keep having these images in my head, im sure there just intrusive images. But its like intrusive images of demons, or really weird creepy things. And it just comes so quickly i can barely see it. And the thing is, i can really see it properly like it comes, i feel the intense anxiety but its insanely idk how to describe it. Ive felt this way before, and ive been in crazy dissociation, i need help, are these just intrusive thoughts? (not reassurance, so please dont flag post, im just really confused)

Has anyone else ever struggled with if they liked their husbands friend in the past? Actually a mutual friend. He’s got qualities I would go for in a different life in different situations, I’m sure I’ve had thoughts about it. But never wanted to pursue anything or leave my husband. So now with confessing things to my husband I tell him this but also say I “don’t know” if I actually liked them or just liked qualities like you woulf with anyone. But, I have this guilty feeling in my stomach, is it ocd doing that or is it bc I know I liked him more then a friend. My husband says I should know, I know what it’s like to like someone. But I really feel like I can’t tell the difference so I just want to assume I did and clear the air. But my husband says I can’t just assume the worst all the time.

Does anyone have experience with Hydroxyzine for short term anxiety? My doctor just prescribed it but I’m curious to see if others have tried it.

I’ve been recovering from my recent TOCD flare up. For a week, I did not let my intrusive thoughts win or let me panic. Recently, my girlfriend has been super busy, distant, and stressed. For some reason, ever since she’s been like that, I have been falling into the darkness of TOCD. Not like I am blaming her at all. I was just wondering if the two were connected.

I had an intense discomfort in my upper abdomen/lower chest (couldn’t really tell) for most of the day, and I have spent hours thinking I’m going to have a heart attack (despite being a decently healthy 18 yo) because of my moderate maybe chest pain combined with back/neck soreness and a headache (which I think was caused by the stress). I took some antiacids + neutralizers and the pain mostly went away, but everytime my head hurts or I breathe in too deep and feel a crook in my chest I immediately jump to heart attack. I’m scared to fall asleep because I think I’ll die in my sleep. I might go waste money at urgent care just because I need to hear from a professional that it’ll be okay. This similar feeling happened 3 weeks when I thought I had a brain aneurysm, I feel so scared

Ever since I turned 18 earlier this year I’ve stayed away from online areas that have a lot of minors, but when I was a minor still, I didn’t. For the last few days my OCD thoughts have been getting too intense and overwhelming. I was in an online discord server when I was 17 that ranged from the ages 13-18 basically. I never once really worried too deeply, but now that I’m older (18), I keep getting thoughts. What if when I was 17, I talked inappropriately to someone younger than me? What if I groomed someone without realizing it? What if I traumatized someone? What if I flirted and don’t remember? I keep reminding myself I would never do that. I know myself and know I would not be interested sexually let alone romantically with anyone more than like a year younger than me. I just keep thinking, “But what if you did?” and I don’t know how to make these thoughts stop. I’m fixating on my actions and thoughts from months ago, wondering what my intentions were. Deep down I know I never would want to be a creep, but I’m feeling so confused, anxious and unsure. I feel so uncertain. I feel like I did something wrong to someone. I can’t think of anyone, any specific time, any names. I just feel like it happened and I don’t remember. I really don’t know what to do. I REALLY need advice.

I don’t need reassurance I need someone to hear me and talk to me . I’m 20 years old and I have been in a relationship for 5 years with my boyfriend we have been through a lot and still manage to be together . Recently I saw him look at some random lady’s butt at the fair . I don’t know how to let it go and I feel like my ROCD has a little bit to do with this . Anyone’s opinion ? I’d appreciate it .

Hey guys! Does anyone ever feel like there intrusive thoughts are so bad that you fear being punished from God? Fear of being punished for all those bad or evil intrusive thoughts ? I try to wake up every morning and forget about the thoughts but I can help but feel so much guilt , shame and embarrassment. I feel like my happiness has been stripped away from me. I am fed up of feeling this way. I hate feeling this way, I am constantly afraid that god will punish me for having these bad thoughts and that I will pay for my sins (intrusive thoughts ). Can anyone help or relate to this ?

Hi all, I’m having a really hard time recently because I’ve been having major life changes in the last six months (new relationship, graduating college, ending a very close friendship, moving, new roommates, going long distance, new boss, bad boss, unemployment, and now a new job) and with them major flare ups. I love my boyfriend, and he’s very much willing to learn about OCD and how to help me / us. He’s been a huge help recently. However, sometimes things that happen with us or our friend group send me into giant spirals and I can’t seem to focus / get out. I think one of the biggest things is that the majority of our friend group and my boyfriend all have ADHD, and a huge part of their ADHD / coping brings parts of my OCD out in big ways. (My Timeliness / their lack of timeliness. My Schedule / their lack of schedule. My not-feeling all of my emotions / their ability to directly tell me their emotions). How do I become a better girlfriend and friend and also still keep my own mental health a priority and in check?

How do y’all keep going? Especially when there’s work to do

OCD and ERP so difficult. ERP is so difficult, I want to try so hard. As I do not want to waste these sessions but as some days I feel like I cannot do it. Like how do I change my mindset.

Does anyone else feel not as triggered during your exposures vs when the intrusive thoughts come up out of nowhere???? I am starting back in on the ERP sessions for my subtypes that hold the most power over me. It is very uncomfortable. Feels so awkward and silly TBH to even entertain these thoughts and yet... HERE I AM! Thanks OCD. I am going go commit to the homework that my therapist has sent and hoping for the noise to quiet down soon