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im crying hard right now im so scared. i haven’t cried like this or really at all since the thoughts started happening… im so scared im gonna act on them. i just want it all to stop..

lately there’s just so much I think of when I’m at work. that I’m not good enough, I’m alone & separated from the rest of the staff, under appreciated, etc. I have a leadership role that’s a different branch from the rest of the other leaders & I feel alone in this. they get along fine because they are in a different branch of my job. The one I’m in is separate and doesn’t really need much attention compared to the main branches. I feel like I’m complaining and just need to suck it up. I have been already. I want to leave this job. many factors I can say I guess. first, my pay is slightly lower than a regular employee in the main branches (front of house mainly). then my pay after that fluctuates based on tips & if I get tips. I don’t want to wonder if I made less or more based on tips. (I’m not a server, I’m a delivery driver) I took the position as a leader bc I was promoted and it seemed cool at first but now I’m at my limit. it feels like that one extracurricular at school that barely gets funding and the school focuses on other ‘important’ parts. we have been told that delivery hours will increase (by 30 minutes) and that we need to be flexible to save delivery because business isn’t doing well in the branch. I get it’s summer and there’s not much flow but classes are beginning again and business will rise. we will need people. I am tired. many examples I can throw in but can’t seem to remember. we are short staffed and because I’m a leader, I feel like I have to be there & cover people to help the business. I don’t care for this fucking company. I first joined because I needed money. I took it & now I’m almost three years in. I heard it’s hard to find new jobs. so that’s why I haven’t looked/applied bc what if I don’t find one right now? I know it’s for business & marketing, but I had being associated with the company. hear me out. what I mean is that when people see the car’s design, they know it’s my company & they are like “omg!!” or sometimes say “where’s my food?” yk & I just gotta mask & go with whatever the fuck they’re saying. they only know me as the “[company name] delivery driver” I don’t want to be known as that. I want to make a name for myself. I want people to know ME. what I’m capable off. not a delivery driver at a disposable job. anyway, this past week I had no days off. (except sundays bc that’s when the whole place is closed). reasonable I guess because one person was hurt the day I came in and I said I could cover for them the next day so I don’t think I can complain. but there’s literally no one else who would’ve gone to take care of that shift. if I hadn’t stepped in, my supervisor would tell me to come in. he would ask, but you know with the pressure of being asked to come in. and I don’t want a bad look to me so I just did it. but I also care for the coworker and didn’t want her to worry about her shift, so I feel like I may be acting selfish right now. now I’m getting asked by another coworker if I can take his shift on friday (the only day I’m off). if I do, it would be the second week in a row that I work without a day off (except sundays). I feel like I can’t complain or be upset because I have at least Sunday to take off. but sundays are like cleaning/lazy days for me. (not really cleaning because I can never really get myself to) and then somehow false promises from work??? we are now required to use these ID cards to track our driving skills to see if we’re doing good. and that we would get incentives every quarter of the year if we’re doing good. the reason I’m saying false promises is because an ex-coworker, before he quit, said that one of the reasons he decided to leave was because apparently the incentives were never a thing according to a manager he asked. I will need to ask my supervisor about this because if it’s true, I won’t stand by it. there’s no way u can tell us this & then remove it. also, I’m tired of carrying this branch. I don’t care for the company really. my coworkers are cool people though. I have no beef with anybody. it’s a nice environment but I hate having to stay over my shift and come on days I’m off. not having enough people is not my job. I’m not the employer. all of this I’m dealing with a basic ass teen job. maybe it I actually had my shit together & knew what I wanted to do as a career, I wouldn’t be in this mess. but no, I had to engage in gambling, poor financial decisions and now dealing with two kittens. I love them though and can’t imagine giving them away. I’m just going through a rough patch. I keep telling myself that it’s temporary bc at times I get suicidal thoughts, either bc I want to end it or I feel like I need to & don’t want to. these come up randomly depending on how I’m feeling at the moment. then I have random spurts of “wanting to live a fulfilling life” & it goes back to square one again lol. it’s too much to put on here and I already wrote a lot so I’m sorry for the long post. I’m just trying to get by my day, every day. I told myself at work that what matters at the moment is that I’m here. I’m still here breathing. but it just sucks. everything sucks. well, not everything, but majority of the time it does. I am tired. I wanna stop working here!!!! but I have to complete my 3 years so it looks good on my resume. I am done with this company. it’s a good one, but I am NOT spending my precious time in the food industry anymore. it’s just fast food. I don’t care for it anymore. I just need the money. I’d rather spend my time and actually do some overtime on something I’m passionate about. not some fast food chain. end of rant.

Hi yall just wanted to get more information as I’ve always wrote it off as something else before but I always figured you have to be in a relationship to know if you have rocd and if I think about my two brief relationships in the past ( long ago) it kinda of jives with it but is it still rocd if you get extreme anxiety and are super picky and second guess your attraction to the person in the initial talking/dating phase? Like I want to pursue a relationship so I’ll get n apps and start the swiping get overwhelmed with doubt and anxiety over f I want this then I get over that hurdle and then let’s say I really was into a guys profile but now he messages me and my full on panic button is hit, I question everything, why did I even liek him is he even that cute ? Omg what if I’m doing this wrong what if I’m broken or secretly gay ( I know I have so-ocd) omg is this gonna change my life in a way that I can’t handle? I don’t wanna lose myself in another relationship, what if they think I’m fat ugly or a freak cause I can’t get through talking or meeting a new person without spiraling ? And honestly I’m not even fully aware of what goes through my head it’s just so instant and intense and overwhelming and in the past I would just panic and stop dating all together and the last several yrs it’s been a struggle for me not to completely abandon it. I do get frustrated with myself and beat myself up at my glacial progress I’ve gone on maybe 2 attempted dates ( one kept cancelling and one just didn’t show up ) I’ve gone one successful date where I was able to get through it and go and I felt so proud of myself but I don’t think I was really interested in the guy and just felt guilty so I told him I wasn’t interested. I’ve been in therapy for ocd and overcome my other subtypes this one is just hard af and I’m doing my work and my modules but it’s so exhausting. How do I get over not feeling safe exposing myself and being vulnerable with someone else even though it’s want I ultimately want ? Sigh p.s. I have a feeling a part of my extreme anxiety is my first bf assaulted me and then ditched me so I know that’s part of it but I’m also like but that was over ten yrs ago and the way I reacted was to just avoid dating all together! I felt like I couldn’t trust myself and now I know I can but I get overwhelmed with this feeling of worrying about being a fraud and leading someone on if I can’t go all into it or my anxiety gets in the way and I’m wishywashy and battling myself so I need to go slow but ugh I’m so frustrated !!! Does anyone who struggles with this have advice/tools they use to get through it? Thank you in advance

There are so many signs I'm a lesbian but I don't want to be.

OCD tends to attack my personal morals. I try to not only be a good person but I feel like I pressure myself to live up to impossibley high standard and be the best person. Lately my ocd makes me worry if someone/everyone assumes I'm gay. I'm straight but I support, but the fact that I have these worries makes me feel guilty and like I'm a monster. My friend said that nobody's just assuming this and that if I was homophobic I wouldn't be so guilty. I then worry when I mention these fears to people that they make them think I'm gay if they didn't already, which then makes me feel homophobic again. My friend says my OCD is just tryna give me something to worry about and make me feel bad.

(Tw: thoughts related to zocd and pocd) I have done horrible stuff when I was 9 years old. These events have made my brain go back to them every chance they’ve got no matter what I do to distract myself from them. I am a victim myself during this time also. I’ve already held myself accountable but it’s still eating me up. I am definitely a changed person ofc.

Hi im 15 and my name is Asia and I have a really bad fear of drugs I think their everywhere and on everything and I keep convincing myself I did them and I always tell myself I took something dangerous like cocaine or worse it happens everyday when I eat or drink something when I’m around certain people or places I get these thoughts and when I get the thought I took something I start to feel “weird” like my body starts reacting and I automatically think “I’m dying” so I call 911 and I feel like I HAVE to call or else something horrible is gonna happen if I don’t my whole perspective on life is miserable and scary because of this I wanna feel like myself again and not get these scary thoughts it’s literally ruining everything for me I don’t like hearing ppl talk abt drugs or anything that has to do with it or I start telling myself it’s happening to me or that I took something

Ive been told that I have POCD bc I was molested as a kid. By two practitioners (therapists who treat ocd/trauma). Im not sure I buy this. What do you think?

Do any of you guys suffer from so bad that you can’t leave the house

man idk I have been suffering all summer I have been getting really bad thoughts about the TRIGGER WARNING devil and God and how I don't believe in it but the thoughts are so bad. I just hate them. I also don't feel like I could go to heaven when I think like this and all I keep doing is worrying and worrying about the people I love. I'm so terrified of the thoughts I keep getting and everytime I pray to god somethings always interrupts my prayer. its like what should I do then? also I feel ugly and fat because I have been eating a lot and I normally starve but this summer my family has been making so much good food that I have just been eating and now I have a belly bump that makes me feel super fat and ugly also I gained a lot of face fat. I also keep feeling useless cause I just play games all day but idk what I should be doing because I cant find a job (I'm not a adult btw) and I feel like a low life and also nobody wants to hire me idk why but because of that I'm really suffering and very scared to go back to school because my family cant afford to buy me new clothes so I have probably just 1 outfit. I feel like I'm rotting. I feel like its in my head and showing through my body as well. I really just wanna stop these intrusive thoughts aka religious ocd worrying ocd and others. I wanna go back to being like a normal kid with normal thoughts but I cant. also I don't know what this is but everytime I look in the I start freaking out because I start focusing on all the light and weird particles that are in the dark when you close you eyes and I start freaking out because I would feel like they wouldn't go away and if I looked at somebody with those articles I'm still focusing on they could die.

I read many articles about this, cause i dont know how to accept thoughts, and i hear "just let it come in, let it make you feel bad, let it make you feel anxious or depressed. So in my entire life, everytime i will have a negative thought, intrusive thought or disturbing thought, i let it make me feel how it wants. Im in a depressive season right now, i have many disturbing thoughts, i have to accept all of them to come in my mind and im acknowledging every thought and letting them make me feel how they want? Poeple are angry here that i ask this many times but i dont see any progression there...I tried to do that and gave me a huge depressive feeling and i started to panic. Now im overthinking if that depression means something deeply about me or not... and also if i find some thought patterns, should i change them? Or just dont engage in them? Also not engaging for me sounds like avoidance,.cause i avoid to engage in it. This "sit with it, accept them, work through them" doesnt make sense to me. When should i say this is an ocd thought in dont have to figure it out or this is something that i have to think about?

Hey, I’m here to ask if anyone is comfortable with sharing, how has medication helped with OCD? How does the medication make you feel / does it make you feel disconnected in any kind of way? Or has it improved your life significantly? Thanks!

My ocd has progressively gotten worse throughout my life. When I was about 10 years old I started to have these intrusive thoughts that would tell me I was awkward and embarrassing to be around so I would ruminate about every social interaction I had and hyperfixate on how other people reacted to me that would give proof for the intrusive thoughts that I was these things. So I started to isolate myself in my room for most of my life and dissociate because of how strong these thoughts are and the unimaginable shame they make me feel until I developed harm ocd. I'm 18 now and I dissociate every time I go outside because I feel like people are staring at me or want to hurt me in some way. I still feel like people think I'm awkward or retarded (hate using that word but that's how the intrusive thoughts make me feel) Does anyone else experience this or know what might help me get through it? It would help to know I'm not alone at least. Thank you for reading ❤️

I recently went to my PCP for routine bloodwork, that I wanted, just to ease my mind and make sure there weren't any issues that needed attention. When they called with the results, I couldn't answer the phone. I felt an immediate sense of doom, my hands got tingley, and I just couldn't answer. It took 45 mins of crying, pacing around, and convincing myself that everything was going to be alright, to finally be able to call back. I had this done on my own, I requested this so I could try to stay on top of my health, I had NO real reason to be scared of any results.. My health anxiety seems to be different than the majority of fellow sufferers. Most people will run to the Dr for any and everything. I am the opposite. I don't want to know. I'm terrified. I've been this way since I was a kid.... I want to know that I'm healthy, but actually going to the appointments and having the tests that can tell me that...is like a nightmare for me. Does anyone else have this type of health anxiety? Has anyone found a way to ease the fear? My logical brain tells me that if there ever is something wrong, I'd want to know as soon as possible, so I could get treatment immediately. But my panicky, overthinking brain, is more powerful and won't let me do that in peace. It's exhausting wanting to be healthy and keep on top of things when you can't muster up the courage to go to the doctor like a normal adult. UGH

Is there anyone out there who has tips and tricks or getting out of a spiral or preventing one. Lately I’ve been struggling with not giving in to my compulsions but it’s so hard. Any good advice or tips on anything reducing anxiety or spirals would be so helpful.

it’s my sisters wedding tomorrow and i’ve arrived at the venue, i am struggling to enjoy the moment due to my intrusive thoughts, it feels as if i am drowning in my mind and i don’t deserve to be here, does anyone have any tips so i can enjoy myself. i just want to be normal i’m only 16

Please send positive energy. Our son has been struggling for quite some time. He’s done in-patient, PHP & IOP as well as meds and doing ERP for about 5 months. Fighting very hard to resist compulsions but still falters, which is to be expected, but those days are horrible for all of us, as the confessions and reassurance seeking is constant. The intrusive thoughts are there all day, every day, torturing him. Please tell us your success stories so we can remain hopeful. Thank you & much love to all💕

Please give us positive vibes. Our son has been struggling for quite some time now and doing ERP for about 5 months, in patient PHP & IOP. Working very hard on resisting compulsions but his “bad” days are horrible. We know it takes time… Please tell us your success stories . Thank you & much love to you all💕

A few months back, I was struggling with intrusive thoughts about my Dad. I was having thoughts like he was looking at me inappropriately, like he was going to hurt me, etc. But now, I don't even know if its OCD anymore. He says stuff like he's going to k1ll me, and he's going to punch me. I flinch around him, and I don't feel safe in a conclusion. At first, I didn't blame it on him, said it was my fault I'm feeling this uncomfortable way, and he would never do that. And I have a feeling he wouldn't, but he still makes me uncomfortable. Its also that he doesn't respect my boundaries. I have this thing about people looking at me for a long time. It makes me incredibly anxious and uncomfortable. I know its a strong request, but i just mean constant looking at me for long periods of time. So in order to feel more comfortable, i spook out about it to my family. To say the least my sister is the only one who understands and respect that. My mom try's to, but at least I don't get uncomfortable from her stare. My dad doesn't even care. He says "your my fucking daughter, I can look at you if i want" And when i tell him it makes me uncomfortable he says "I'm not looking at you inappropriately??" but it feels like he is sometimes. And i hate it. Cause i feel like its all my fault. I feel like its all just my paranoia and my OCD telling me he's looking at me like that. Cause then i tried checking. (ik, i shouldn't be, but I'm a day or two compulsion free so :DD) But i tried seeing if he looked at other people the same way. And he does, he looks at my mom, my sister the same way. But when he looks at them in that way, it doesn't feel creepy, and it does when he looks at me. I have a feeling this is all just OCD, its the effects of struggling with intrusive thoughts. it scarred me and now my brain cant undo it. Idk..

So I’ve been having a lot of mental obsessions recently and my OCD has mainly focused there instead of physically. It kinda just switched up which is odd and I’m not sure what that means. But it’s getting pretty bad. The ones I’ve noticed so far is ruminating and not being able to let things go. Whenever I get anxious about something I’ll go back and think about it over and over and my mind will keep bugging me about it until I can properly reassure myself. No matter what it is something will bug me and I’ll go on and on for hours thinking about it even just waking up from sleeping. I just recently opened up to my mom about something not exactly bad or crazy but just personal to me because it’s a more softer side of me, and now my mind keeps eating at me and bugging me that it’ll affect something or maybe I said the wrong thing. My mind is just now fixated on a certain part of what I said and keeps bugging me about it and it’s actually pretty stressful. I’ve never dealt with this amount of Pure OCD (I’m not diagnosed yet but that’s what it seems like from what I’ve researched), and it’s getting worse. Another part that is bugging me is not being able to let go of it, no matter how much I reassure myself my mind won’t let it go. I have to constantly get reassurance either from my partner or myself and sometimes that’s stressful because then I’m anxious that I’m being annoying or too much. I honestly have no idea what to do and it’s becoming a lot for me. Can anyone help?