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working to conquer OCD
Answer please. Does anyone else with intrusive thoughts feel like your addicted to them. Like I can't help but feel like I need to have these intrusive thoughts. Ik it sounds weird but I feel it's true. Like I keep getting blasphemous thoughts and I feel like I need to have them. I know I do not but I can't help but feel like I do. Can OCD do this to you?
i have always kept my struggles with ocd from friends and family, except for my parents, but they don’t know everything about it either. i guess what im looking for is advice, reassurance, someone who can relate, or someone to explain what is going on with me. recently i have had a terrible problem with grinding my teeth a certain way on the left side and then the right side to make it “even” and it has become a habit. i can never put my right sock on before my left sock and i can never put my right leg in first when putting pants on… if i don’t always put my left before my right i can’t help but feel like it is a part of some sort of butterfly effect where everything will spiral if i don’t follow my normal steps. i constantly pick at my skin and my eyebrows because i can’t stand feeling unkept. i take 2 showers a day whenever i feel “dirty” and i have a very specific routine. whenever i look at windows, doors, doorframes, picture frames, tvs, or anything with an outline i count it. i count how many sides there are, how many corners there are, how many panes are in a glass window, etc. in school i have trouble focusing because i count ceiling and floor tiles. i struggle taking tests occasionally because if i read the directions or question in the “wrong tone” in my head, then i will most definitely get the question wrong and fail. this causes me to re-read over and over again until it feels right, and i end up running out of time and having to make up tests that i didn’t finish. i believe my ocd and perfectionism ultimately lead me to bad places in my mind. i struggle with standards and expectations mentally due to my ocd. i fear that i will never be understood, even by my own self. sometimes i scare myself because i get random images of people inflicting harm on others or on me. years ago when i first acknowledged my ocd, i became very depressed. i felt different in a bad way, like people could read my mind and know what was going on and think i’m a bad person. i am generally popular with people now, i am an excellent student, and i am beautiful, but i have always struggled. i have no idea how to take care of myself and i have no one with similar experiences. i just downloaded this app and i am really glad i get to rant so i hope someone listens to me and my struggles with ocd. thank you.
i had pocd when i was 11. somehow i did not realize an eleven year old cannot be a pedophile. i couldn't go to church, school, public in general. anywhere with kids. i had days where i would just spend hours crying. i thought i deserved to be executed or something. every time i see people with pocd i want to talk about my experiences, but i get terrified someone will see me saying i had it and misinterpret it. i read a story about a man in an ocd support group with pocd being shunned because people thought his thoughts were true. it was very hard for me to even post about it, out of fear someone will see it and know who i am. i was 11. 11 and i wanted to die. i'm far past it now and i want to be a mother. but it's like a shadow that follows me everywhere.
Did you have any intrusive thought that was such absurd that you can laught now about it even maybe it was really terrified for you in that moment?
Do you ever meet a guy that treats you so well and you fall in love with him but then all of a sudden you get hit with thoughts of self doubt on weather or not you do love him or even find him attractive? I’m going through this right now and these thoughts overtake my emotions and any time we do lovey dovey things my stomach drops and I get anxious when I can’t feel any lovey dovey emotions. It also makes me want to run away or makes me question that I don’t wanna be with him and it’s stressful to deal with these thoughts daily. Anyone relate?
I recently had a panic attack and I was having intrusive thoughts during it that I might attack someone physically. Has anyone else had that combination of a panic attack and intrusive thoughts? What was it like for you? To me it was twice as bad as a normal intrusive thought.
I’m worried I’m an actual horrible person and using these as excuses…. I know nobody will understand this and will get confused but I can’t keep pretending everything is okay anymore:( Basically, for a long time, I would think “oh this is wrong, I shouldn’t do it” then a few months later I would be doing that thing? Like this was forever ago but I think about it, how did I not know things were bad when I thought that way? I mean I knew in reality I never actually knew what was okay and what wasn’t okay, and I only went off of what people told me, or the kind of people I was around 11-16 .. I regret these actions and I always end up crying, how did I not know??… I know I didn’t know but … I don’t know…
My boyfriend broke up with me 6 years ago and I thought I was over it by now, but this weekend I opened instagram and saw that he had gotten married. Safe to say I was shocked; I didn’t even know he was dating someone. And a whole floodgate of emotions have come along with it that I wasn’t expecting. It’s made a ton of doubts pop into my head like what if I never love anyone as much again? It was a very loving and deep relationship and I feel like I haven’t had a similar one since. What if he was my “soulmate” and I screwed it up? What if I’ve messed up my life’s trajectory? And also sadness and anger that he’s moved on from me and has feelings towards someone else instead. I know it’s just going to take time and acceptance but some support would be lovely ❤️ Anyone else been through this? It’s like im re-living the break-up all over.
Hey! I'm a lesbian and have been identifying as such for about 5 years now. I feel completely comfortable with that identity and it has become a huge part of how I see myself as a person. I'm still in the closet and hence lie all the time about my sexual orientation and it has gotten me wondering if I wasn't faking it all for attention. I've always been okay with my identity and suddenly I'm not sure about anything anymore. I get distressing thoughts about sexual intercourse with men and repeatedly check whether or not I am sexually attracted to them (on social medias, in the street...). Since I'm also on the ace spectrum, all the comments about "meeting the right person" are fueling my inner monologue because what if that person was a male after all? I feel like I'm losing my sense of self and it's terrifying because I genuinely can't tell whether I'm in denial or not 😭. Anyone going through something similar?
Sometimes I fear if I actually love my bf or I jjst love who he is to me. I love our friendship and I love spending time with him it’s never draining the draining part is mostly my THOIGHTS I’d say but sometimes yk I think of how much he loves me and I don’t normally feel what he feels I think my honeymoon phase ended and he’s still going and I know love is a choice and before my bf wasn’t who I expected on my head but I did grow to except that he’s not perfect and that’s ok I can except that he’s different doesn’t mean he’s bad for me and sometimes I have other moments where I realize he’s like someone who’s I’ve always wanted I do suffer from SOOCD and ROCD so idk if this is it I don’t want to break up with him bc I do enjoy having him in my life aside when I’m not anxious I love being around him has anyone ever thought this or felt this?
Anybody else with intrusive thoughts related to religion feel like they are coming from you. Does anybody else feel numb to your thoughts and like u just don't care. I'm scared that I committed the unforgivable sin, I feel lost and scared. I can't tell my thoughts from my intrusive thoughts anymore. I can't feel any emotions to my thoughts. I'm scared God has abandoned me. I'm scared he cut me off. I'm worried about my thoughts. I feel numb and emotionless and scared. I feel scared and confused like God has Left me or something. I try to cry and I do but I feel nothing in my heart. I ask God to forgive me and soften my heart to him but I feel nothing. I'm scared that I am going to hell and be eternally separated from God. If anybody has had similar experiences or thoughts pls comment or if u even see my post pls give me advice on what to do I'm really scared and emotionless. I'm scared. I love god and the holy Spirit but idk what to do.
Hello guys! I hope you are all doing well. Rn as I’m writing this I experience a lot of anxiety so I write this in hopes someone can give me some advice cuz I really need it. I think I should first address that I’m diagnosed with ocd and have experienced many themes throughout my life from contamination ocd to hocd to harm etc. at this period of my life I’m going through tocd and magical thinking ocd. When I first had tocd was 3 years ago and now going through it again I can definitely say it was ocd the first time. This time though.. it feels different. And these days specifically I’m going through literal hell. I was always this person who was like do what you love and don’t care about what others think, don’t stay in misery. And these phrases are now a big trigger of mine. And I’m like I can’t live like this. The urges to transition are so bad. Idk if I want this but you know my brain says I got to cuz that’s the real me. Then thoughts of coming out, the reaction of parents and friends, and everyone really is paralyzing. At the same time i feel like I like the thoughts and no matter how many compulsions I do I can’t feel better. I’ve talked to my mom about all this many months back and she was very supportive and not judgemental, which was very helpful for my mental health. So it’s not like I’m afraid to talk to her it’s just… I have this fear that might be magical thinking ocd but idk. Let’s just say that when I had doubts and thinking about changing majors, my mom was the first one that I discussed it with. She tried to convince me to not change bc this career could offer me good money but guess what? I changed majors. So now I’m afraid that if I talk to her about this the same thing will happen and I’ll end up transitioning… I hope you see the connection. I just can’t live like this anymore. I’ve been going through this for the second time and it is going on for a year now. It’s so difficult. I’m actually expecting my period as well so everything is much more intense lol. Anyways, all I’m asking is some advice about this! Also, should I talk to my mom or not? I’m here to chat with whoever is going through the same thing! Thank you so much and sorry for this massive post!
I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I keep getting weird coincidences and I will sit through the uncertainty of them but it will just be one after another. Like I work at a summer camp and we were on the bus and I was listening to a song and thought like what if this song accidentally played out loud and people heard it and literally right after my coworker started singing it. It’s not a super popular song either. I have a theme like what if people are reading my mind or messing with me or whatever and it just felt like blatant. I also had a dream about a knife in csgo and the next day both of my friends get csgo knives, which is rare asf. Like it feels like I can’t trust people anymore. Idk what to do. Stuff also keeps happening right at 12:12. Like my friend texted me at 12:12 and literally the next day I text him on accident at 12:12. Then 3 days in a row my brother comes and talks to me out of nowhere at 12:12. Then at 12:12 I see “real life Truman show” on YouTube . Like wtf. I also have a fear of schizophrenia so it’s not a great mix. Thought I was making progress but this one is just absurd. wtf .
Is anyone’s anxiety and OCD worse while on their period? I was doing good this week but today I called out of work and am laying in bed feeling like shit with Pure/Harm/Suicidal OCD thoughts. Not to mention body aches, headache, and nausea.
Hi all. I’m still really struggling with harm themes towards my dog and I wondered if anyone else has had this happen. The images, thoughts, everything that I get - they all go against anything I’ve ever felt towards her. At all. But now, it feels like that’s my new normal - and my actual values, like loving her, not wanting to harm her, feel fake. I don’t know how else to explain it. It feels like I don’t care, don’t love her and wouldn’t be bothered by harming her yet I know that’s not true in anyway. But it scares the hell out of me. Like I walk around with it all day and have to remind myself why it’s not something I would want to do, vs the other way around! It is the worst thing. Am I alone?
I recently had a bunch of life changes in the past 4 months: selling my home after a flood scare, moving to a new state, ending a year long romantic situationship with a coworker, finding a new job because I couldn’t stand interacting with them anymore (I start Monday), and then one of my best friends has pulled away immensely and I feel like our friendship is over. I also had a support system with two older women at work but I feel like I lost that now too because I left. I think because of all this I am having one of the worst OCD flare up’s of my life. I’m typically very social and outgoing. But I’m in my new apartment and feel like I can’t leave my room, I don’t want to explore my new neighborhood, or do anything. I just feel paralyzed inside my brain. Either I’m ruminating about one of the above situations and convincing myself I’m a bad person who doesn’t deserve stability in life, and that my life is bound to be a cycle of always starting over and pain. Or I have horrible intrusive thoughts (I imagined trimming my cat’s whiskers and then accidentally cutting his head off with scissors). I feel really hopeless because I had taken leave from my previous job for 8 weeks and now start a new job Monday but I’m panicking I’m never going to be functioning well again and I’m bound to fail at this new job. I can’t stop crying because I just want my old life back, or at least my old self back where I felt like this was a small part of my life. Right now I’m consumed by my OCD. I tried ERP when I first moved and had a complete meltdown (crying non-stop, feeling hopeless) which resulted in me taking leave from work. At this point I was working remote because I moved to a new state vs working in office everyday but still struggled even digitally interacting with my coworker I had been involved with. Leave helped a lot and I was able to have some better days, interview and find a new job, but the impending start of the new job has snapped something in me. I also just am paranoid I’ve messed up my whole life by moving, or by finding a new job, or by ever being involved with a coworker that I just keep analyzing everything but feeling scared that my life is ruined. I keep imagining everyone at work talking about me being crazy or weak for not being able to work with my coworker but every time i had interacted with him it caused horrible OCD spirals of rumination and awful instructive thoughts. I’ve found when romantic things end for me I need complete separation in order to move on but I think my bosses are disappointed in me for not being able to push through. I also am so hurt because my best friend of 7 years had lived in the house I owned and was supportive originally about me selling it after a flood scare. But as time went on she got distant and cold. And I think she was resentful I was leaving and she needed to find a new place. She also tried to have her new boyfriend’s family buy the house but unfortunately their offer wasn’t the highest one but I think she was mad I didn’t just take their offer. We had been friends for so long and i had always been there for her when things in her life fell apart. For me, I feel like this was the first major time I needed support past just a heart to heart but consistent support and I feel like she abandoned me. My other friends really stepped up and check in on me frequently and talk me through things but we’ve barely spoken since I’ve moved and I’m so hurt. In the end I had to pack up all of our shared stuff and sort it without her because she refused to help. It was so hurtful because I was just already heartbroken, and feeling alone, and scared about my future for work. Idk I think I just need hope that things will get better because I feel really alone and scared rn
I have not once felt loved by my mom. Growing up she was always emotionally distant and would get mad at me so easily (and still does). She has threatened multiple times when I was younger that she would hit me (and has once even though she apologized) She yells at me for the dumbest things. I’m 25 and still live at home because I am a full time college student and I can’t afford to move out with the job I have. She’s not my biological mother because she adopted me when I was born and took me away from my biological parents who I was told would be a bad situation to put me in and took me out of it. She is technically my aunt, my biological father’s sister. My father apparently didn’t get along with her growing up and treated her badly. I never even met him after I was really little and he had visitation rights. He passed away in 2013 so I never really got to be around him or know him or vice versa. She talks bad about him and you can tell she hated my biological father but I feel like she carries that hate onto me also even though I have never done anything to her. She’s even told me I’m like him when I have no idea how that’s possible if we didn’t have a relationship. She gets mad when I’m sick and if I even open up about how I feel about something she shuts me down and tells me that it’s my fault. She’s called me so many names that have torn me apart to the point I absolutely hate myself and didn’t even want to be around anymore. She scares me sometimes when she gets angry and I just don’t know what I ever done to make her hate me. Recently I ended up having Covid (for the second time) and she didn’t even care. She told me I was fine and that it was all in my head. I rarely can stick up for myself but when I told her she never believes me when I’m sick and needed to be more compassionate she said “f u” and ever since things have been worse. Growing up whenever I would achieve something she didn’t care. I was in orchestra growing up and during my concerts she would always be on her phone not paying attention and then afterwards didn’t say a thing when my grandma and dad would make comments. I don’t know if I’m overthinking this and I don’t know if any of it is considered wrong on her part or if I’m the problem. Before my dad (her husband and only father figure I’ve ever had) passed away, he made me promise to forgive her but I don’t think I can. I will always remember how hurt she’s made me feel. I have always felt hated by my mom. Now I feel like I hate her and I feel so much guilt for that. I wish I could get away but unfortunately I can’t. I don’t want to sound ungrateful. It’s a pain I would never wish on anyone. She posts on social media about peoples behavior but yet she acts that way in private and that’s what has triggered all of this because how can you post on social media about people acting that way or saying that what you say to people matters but yet you do that too. I’m sorry to vent like this but I have no one to go to. This is my only safe place 💔
Hello guys. I really need advice over here, my brain feels like it's in a fog. And I'm scared. I feel really angry and upset and indifferent towards God and it scares me. I feel faithless and concerned about if God is mad at me. I feel like I'm gonna lose control and rip my head off or gonna smash my head. I keep getting urges and uncontrollable thoughts and it feels all to real. I'm trying so hard to fight and pray, but I'm on edge I have no idea what's coming next. I'm scared that I don't even have OCD. I want to be sure I have OCD. My mind keeps saying I'm using OCD as a excuse for my thoughts. I feel angry on the inside and I'm scared what does this say about me. I'm really freaking out on a internal level. Any advice or anybody who went through this pls respond.
I was so confident that I was straight 3 weeks ago and now all of a sudden it feels like I have become a lesbian! That doesn’t make any sense 😭
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OCD doesn't have to
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