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Any tips on whenever you’re getting that intrusive thought, what can I tell myself without reassuring myself

so idk what this is but last year around this time is when my anxiety and ocd got so bad, it was the worst time of my life to the point where i had a plan to end my life, i also was in a horrible abusive relationship that traumatized me. so last year august-November was so horrible for me like those months absolutely ruined me and i think about it everyday. And now that it’s august again i feel like that person again, and like i feel like im in that same situation all over again and I hate it so much. What does this mean? And now im scared that im gonna feel this way up until November and that’s terrifying.

Hey all, this is my first post here, and I really think I'm going through the worst theme I've ever had. For weeks I've been having never ending reaccuring thoughts about everything having to do with being a person, life in general, other peoples lives and experiences, the meaning/purpose of life, and especially ruminating on death and the fact that everyone I know will die, including myself. It's gotten to the point of dissociation, and life feels simulated and fake. I can't think about anything else and the terror that comes along with it is awful (it's almost humorous to me that I'd rather have the POCD or ROCD themes I've had before, this seems so much worse) with death being the main fear in this theme I've given into the compulsions of researching death statistics (such as how many people die in my age group per year and how, car accident/heart disease/cancer statistics) over and over again and constantly repeating them in my head over and over. Driving got scary for a little while, but funny enough driving more (exposure) made that fear manageable. It's also gotten bad with the constant fear of knowing my loved ones will pass, and obsessing over how and when it'll happen. I'm also waking up everyday telling myself it'll be the day I die, and obsessing over the fact that most no one knows their last day and how genuinely terrifying that is. I'm constantly wondering what the point of anything is, if I'm just going to die, and almost prematurely mourning the death of loved ones and the loss of my own life. I am religious, and this offers some relief, but usually just ends in my OCD dipping into some Scrupulosity (which is just ugh why now this). Anyway, I was wondering if anyone has experienced anything like this, I'm feeling pretty alone and depressed and genuinely can't see my life going back to normal or any way out of it.

I went to see a psychiatrist today. She was pretty nice, but even though I was listing ALL symptoms of OCD, all the obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors, she was uncertain about it, as if she did not understand what was going on. She didn't rule out the possibility of me having OCD, but she didn't confirm it. I understand that doctors usually won't diagnose patients in their first visit, but goddamn... I'm so scared right now. I keep doubting that I have OCD myself, I identify with all the symptoms but I doubt it all the time and feel the need to reassure myself that I have the disorder. If I don't have OCD, my life is fucking over. She gave me a diagnosis for Generalized Anxiety Disorder and prescribed me some medication. I received that diagnosis because I shared some of the trouble I'm going through at work. But if I fear that I don't really have OCD if an actual mental health professional can't recognize that as OCD. All the relentless researching, rumination, mental checking/testing, spending hours doing these things to achieve a sense of certainty and avoiding things out of fear of getting triggered.

So I have this new thought that is “I have to do what my ocd is saying to do (which involves my kids)for these thoughts to go away”. Is this remotely normal for harm ocd? I feel so disgusting for even having this cross my mind. I feel like such a horrible mother. 😭

So- I had glasses before and I just got a new prescription- my eye power increased by like .5 which is not that serious but still I needed new glasses- but I have had these new glasses for like 3 days and on the first day I faced some eyestrain but its not there anymore- but I feel like im convincing myself that it is the wrong eye power and I feel like im exaggerating the wonkiness of the glasses 😭 bc there is an adjustment period with new glasses but I dont know- what if its the wrong prescription and i have to get new ones and i dont have time bc school starts in 12 days and i need my new glasses before but if its the wrong one i will actually explode- AND WHDJSJSKSKAKKZKS what if im going blind 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 no but seriously I keep convincing myself that this is the wrong eye power even though I can see clearly- but idk in my head im like “its wonky” “it looks wonky” “you cant see” “you need new glasses” “youre going blind” 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

Does anyone else get memories suddenly from years ago that goes along with your ocd theme at the current moment and you are shocked how you forgot such a bad memory for years?

As the title states, my intrusive thought of "being in a dream" when I'm conscious is horrible tonight. Constant need of reassurance, trying to find any distraction. I can't get this thought out of my head no matter what I do. It's on the top of my thinking list 24/7 no matter what I try. Im feeling bad derealization and it makes me want to wish I didn't exist..I was fine before my panic attack from an ocular migraine (losing my eyesight is my biggest fear)...but now I'm not living...I'm just surviving...I'm very depressed...I haven't eaten today and had to remind myself to take a shower, brush my teeth, and drink water. I have a therapy session on here tomorrow...I'm praying so hard that I get answers and ways to get rid of this stupid thought that appeared out of nowhere....

It's so hard to improve my self esteem. My thoughts are always focused on the things I don't do right. The things that makes me ashamed of myself my addictions. The things I don't do right. Not believing I should be in a relationship, etc. This is really hard. I often just keep myself in this circle of being hard on myself or just not giving myself the same grace as other people because of bad actions in the past.

im gonna start an ocd support group in the fall (like actually in person) and is it bad that im kinda veiwing it as my dating pool? like a bunch of people that get it and might also have false and real memories ocd like? sounds nice. literally never dated before because i never have time in between these blow out episodes to form a connection or make a date but like i feel like it would be easier with someone who also has ocd because theyd get it.

Hi community! I’m new to NOCD and OCD treatment in general. I recently started seeing a specialist for what I suspect (and hope) is SO-OCD. For context, I have happily and comfortably identified as a lesbian for the past 8+ years (i.e. since late adolescence, have only dated women, dreamt of a life with a woman, etc). It always seemed natural to me and how I saw myself. Up until 2 months ago, I had little to no problem acknowledging a guy’s attractiveness when - seemingly overnight - boom…then I did. Relentless intimate/sexual intrusive thoughts, groinals, constant false attractions to strangers and platonic acquaintances, total loss of genuine attraction as I knew it, and so on. I had no idea what was happening to me. The possibility of OCD didn’t even occur to me at first as I hadn’t experienced these nonstop intrusive thoughts and compulsions before. Rumination accelerated quickly. It was devastating, disorienting, and felt like death. I couldn’t stand to be in my own mind. Discovering this app/community was a crucial turning point. It gave me language for my experience as well as direction for treatment and hopeful recovery. I’m not sure where I am in this journey or what I feel now exactly. All I know is that these months have drained me: it feels like my memories have been distorted, like I‘ve been cut off from the person I used to be, like I can’t even imagine being that person. It’s all doubt. Even with a diagnosis. As I type this, there’s a little voice telling me I’m lying, that I’ve been wrong about my life, but I’m trying to push through. I wanted to write about my experience here partly because I haven’t found posts from other gay/queer people who seem this deep into “the spiral” so to speak. Just to say you’re not alone if you are. <3 Huge thanks to everyone who posts here, across themes. As a newbie, your courage is admirable and very appreciated. Thank you for helping me feel less alone. Wishing you all well in recovery!

I tend to really obsess over stuff that irritates me. Or is hard to accept. Like I obsessively want to correct anything people say annoys me. Anyone else?

Hey everyone. Long post, but just want some advice. I’ve had suicidal ocd, with some relationship & existential on the side lol, for about a year and a half. My suicidal ocd is pretty severe. I did a small amount of erp for a month or two, but then took a break. Last week I started an IOP program. I also take 10 mg of Prozac, and have for about 5 weeks. The first week of IOP was great. This week I have went downhill and feel like my ‘old ocd self’ again meaning heavily ruminating and seeking reassurance. My exposure today was standing near train tracks. It made me sad, and scared. I didn’t want to do it. I keep ruminating. I am absolutely terrified I will not get better. I’m scared I will get depressed and think life is not worth it. Thoughts constantly run through my head. I want to be here so bad, but I’m scared I am going to give up. I constantly worry I won’t be “happy” long term and I won’t recover. Can anyone give me some hope? I am scared I’m a lost caus. Any recovery stories? I’ve never had depression and I’m feeling a bit worried about myself from feeling tired and sad. I don’t know many people with suicidal ocd- I just want to know I can recover. Thanks for reading!

I haven’t been diagnosed yet but I honestly think I have POCD. I have been getting a lot of images or thoughts of children lately, like sexually too and it’s been very disturbing. The thoughts have been nonstop. I have three nephews at home and I’m scared that if I look at them for too long or make eye contact, then that means I’m attracted to them. I have been avoiding them for the past few days and when I hung out with my friend the other day, we were talking about our future and it made me feel so anxious and sad and guilty because of these thoughts I’ve been having. I have to keep telling myself that I know I don’t feel attracted to them in any way but then the question pops up, like “are you really sure about that?” I almost committed a few days ago because of it and the only reason I didn’t was because I didn’t want to leave my mom or my sister. I did some self harm too and I have to keep reminding myself that if I really felt that way towards kids, then I wouldn’t be going through this much. I feel so guilty because I’ve broken down in front of my mom and she keeps asking what’s wrong but I feel like I can’t tell her. Yesterday and today though, I feel really out of place because I feel like I can’t feel anything when the thoughts come up and I don’t know if that’s normal. Does that mean I’m actually that kind of person? It genuinely scares me to even think about.

The other day I was with my mom and I had these intense urge to do this horrible thought, and a knife was in the table and I grabbed it but I grabbed it knowing that I know I was not capable of doing it and I put in the sink, I had to grab it in order for me to stop the “urge” that I was having. I love this women with all my life she’s been my inspiration to keep going forward, but ocd is telling me that I grabbed the knife because I actually wanted to do it. I don’t know if what I did was ok or not, or if I’m actually dangerous.

I tell people my situation, they say it's nothing big or it's fine, I was a teenager. I still feel awful, magically thinking that the persons going to change their mind and expose me to the world that I'm an awful person even though they said I had no affect on them whatsoever. I feel guilty to admit I've shared it with numerous people, whether a little older or the same age, never younger because I feel uncomfortable talking to younger people. Still, everyone says I did nothing wrong and there's nothing to worry about, but I'm more concerned about the fact I feel like I truly did something horrible, I feel like what if someone's enabling my actions, even though they say they're being honest. I feel awful, and I know I have to sit with discomfort and all that bad stuff, but truly I feel disgusting. I've isolated myself for weeks, and I just don't want to hurt the other person, it's made me question my own intentions too. Does anyone else feel this way? I just feel like my mistakes are worse than anyone else on this app or in the world.

Hey! I'm a lesbian and I'm terrified of being attracted to a man someday and ending up with one. I do not hate men at all, actually I love my brother and my best friend to death, that's just not who I am 😅. All the comments about how "it's just a phase" or "how do you know if you don't like guys if you've never tried with one" are extremely triggering to me and I'm struggling to cope (especially since my family isn't exactly LGBT friendly). I'm also haunted by all of those stories on reddit about lesbians eventually falling for a man. I'm so scared and I'm not sure what to do. Anyone else going through the same thing?

I don’t know why my brain keeps targeting you but it is and it’s pissing me off, I hate how my head goes like oh did they bleed or enjoyed it or why didn’t they and I know full well why they didn’t and it just pisses me off because I don’t want these fucking thoughts anyone!- Or ask these questions. Oh did you cry?- Or the fact that more stuff pop into my head and me just imagining what happened is stuck in my mind and one of my thoughts- I don’t want to say sexualised- More like it popped up- About a baby!- I DONT LIKE THIS AT ALL!- I know it’s wrong!- I can’t even look at any other porn and my head keeps saying that I like my mom romantically and not platonically!- LIKE WHY ME?!— IT JUST PISSES ME OFF AND I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE I JUST WANT TO SEE THE DOCTERS SO I CAN STOP SUFFERING WITH THESE THOUGHTS AND IMAGES, I FEEL LIKE I VICTEM BLAME THEM AS WELL, MY THOUGHTS ARE LIKE THAT WHEN I KNOW IT WASNT THEIR FUCKING FAULT!— AND IM SO SORRY.

I (15m)am seeking advice because I believe I may have a false memory OCD. I am worried that I may have sexually harmed people without realizing it, especially my young cousins. I am also concerned that I may be a pdophile as i think im aroused by kids but idk if its kids or the idea of s*x. I believe my exposure to explicit content at a young age may have also given me hypersexuality, which still affects me.I feel guilt too because when i was younger i did cocsa against my younger brother he doesn't remember it but i do and i'm just scared what if i did other bad things like that. I do not want to use this as an excuse for my actions at age 14 when I made sexual advances/jokes towards my friends, causing them discomfort and harm. Some forgave me saying they didn't care about it now, but one friend ended our relationship due to my inappropriate behavior during a game and is scarred/traumatized and doesn't even want to look at me i tried to tell him i'm sorry but he doesn't really want me talking to him ever again. I am filled with guilt and shame for my actions and consider turning myself in as a result. The idea that I may have harmed someone without remembering it terrifies me, and I struggle to forgive myself for the pain I have caused others. I'm scared to even encounter people I hurt. I'm a monster that deserves to be beat up/ publicly hurt as most pdos/ s*x offenders do.

I have trouble disengaging with my intrusive thoughts because when I say something positive in response to some disparaging comment it made or disengage it will get louder; more aggressive and sometimes even screams at me. So I’ve usually resorted to actually fighting the intrusive thoughts, but I realise that this isn’t helping & I feel like my thoughts have made me a bitch to people lately because my patience has just been spent on that thing and I’m just tired. I’ve come to conclusion last night that fighting the thoughts isn’t going to help but rather disengaging. The best analogy I’ve used is that it acts like a kid having a fit when it doesn’t get its own way and to just ignore it. But surely, I can’t be the only one whose intrusive thoughts have temper tantrums?