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applied for therapy but they don’t take my insurance lol!!! not quite sure what to do anymore, does anyone know anything that i can do to cope or self erp while im waiting to find another therapist?

I think im on my lowest ever i have been. I started a new OCD theme (schizo OCD) in the begining of July and it went downhill from that moment. Its all over the place every second of the day. I cant stop thinking and feeling things. For example I think that I will hallucinate any second now, and from those thoughts I imagine in my head illusions and I get sooo scared. For example I imagine that someone is standing in my room and I get scared that yep, this is schizophrenia and I get scared. I know that my thoughts and visual illusions are not real, but it drives me crazy. I also developed derealisation/depersonalisation. I cant look in the mirror, I cant do basic stuff like washing the dishes or talking to a friend without thinking some stupid things. I have constantly that burning/tingeling sensation in my chest from fear and stress, because I am so scared all the time, I would say even paranoid. I see the world so much different now, and I have the feeling like I will loose my mind any second. I have panic attacks every day, sometimes multiple times, because Im scared. I have a new job coming up and me and my boyfriend are buying an apartment, and those are so exciting news and moments ahead of us, but I am constantly scared that I will loose my mind, I wont get better and I will not have those things, because I will be in a white room locked up. Im really tired of this, I look at pictures from June when everything was fine and I burst into tears, that I will never be the same and it scares me so much. On top of all of this I am on my 4th meds, because the first three gave me bad side effects (high prolactin levels) and I am a hypocondriac and I am dealing with that fear also, that I am on new meds all the time. I know I just have to trust the process, but its so exhausting. Anyway, I do really hope that someone knows how I feel and would be kind to say some kind words, because no one around me knows what to say :(

For context we’ve been together for over 4 years now. We’ve fought A LOT but we have a lot of great days together. I’m always the one that brings things up to him but to an excessive extent and then it ends up in a fight which then later diffuses and we talk about it. But these fights get worse and worse and they get my brain thinking that what if we’re just not meant for eachother. I can be one day feeling perfect and happy and ready to marry this man and then the next I can feel unhappy and unloved and unfulfilled all cuz I had to ask him to give me more kisses and more affection the way I like overall and I tell myself if he was in love I would take have to ask him for it. I never know if what I’m feeling is right and I always feel crazy because I know I can go overboard sometimes and start big arguments over things that aren’t so big. I never know when to trust my own feelings since I never know if I’m overreacting to something or genuinely feeling it. This has been too much on him and I know he’s been feeling unhappy with me because he feels all I do is fight and constantly am unhappy with him. He feels like I’m never truly happy cuz I always find something to he upset over and the sad part is that I think he’s right. I’ve noticed I truly always do find anything to pick out or be upset over and I just never know when something is truly bothering me or just might be me picking something out just to “test” if he would be “The One”. Listen, I know there is no “The One” but my brain genuinely always goes to try and find every reason to push him away. I hate it! I hate that I always try to find some reason and add all them up to justify us “not being right for eachother”. Worse part is that right now I think I finally overdid it….he went off the deep end and I don’t think he’s coming back. He’s tired and rightfully so cuz I know I make him feel like he’s not good enough ever. and Listen this man really does try! He always tries to listen to me and to do the little things I ask of him so it’s not like he’s given up without trying. But again, nothing is ever enough for my brain. I don’t want to lose him even though that’s what my brain tries to do, “push him away”. I’ve seen my life with him and I love him so deeply. But, I do believe I can’t keep living like this. And the worst part is that I sometimes don’t know when he’s overreacting or if I’m just actually going overboard. So I never know if to trust my instincts or not since I always feel crazy. I feel like we never found a good way to actually discuss concerns or issues without starting a whole fight which certainly doesn’t help and at this rate Idk if we can. I also don’t know if the best thing is to just let go or to keep fighting for us. We’ve always kept fighting for each other cuz we love eachother so much but Idk if that’s the right thing. I don’t know what to do you guys. I need help…I feel like I need therapy again or something…Idk what’s wrong with me😔

Something else I’ve been really struggling with is that EVERY. SINGLE. THING becomes a harm thought about my loved one. If my brain can come up with it, it does it. All day. Cooking? Driving? Lighters? Guns? Knives? My bare hands? Sexual related harm? Random scenarios/objects? It all brings up an image and an urge feeling. And when I get triggered, it *actually* feels like I’d act on it and not care. Is this totally normal??? Even the urges?? I always hear people go “but I know I wouldn’t act on it”. I’m seriously at the point where I don’t feel like that’s true for me.

I already make a post about this but i need to hear more thoughts on this. Let’s be clear- i am not asking for reassurance i just want to know how to deal with this ocd. Basically, my ocd keeps doing this thing were, for instance if i don’t - make a religious post - report a religious post -Post certain tik toks (Examples of many) It accuses me of being ashamed or embrassed of my religion. I AM NOT!!!!!!!!!!! It makes me post so much (not too much) but I don’t want to NOT in a bad way- i just don’t want to all the time. I feel like religion isn’t all about that and it keeps accusing me. Just now i saw a photo of Priests. They were wearing a certain hat. I ddint want to repost it becwsue 1. Not bc of anything really 2. I am sad to say I ddint like the hat- i felt bad about it, ocd make me do compulsions over it. I now like and appreciate the hat. I make the repost. But I just feel like ocd is making me think if I don’t do soemthing I am ashamed or embrassed and it is getting out of hand. How do i separate ocd from this???????

how can you accept the uncertainty when it's about hurting someone you love? i feel like i will never get it. it makes me feel selfish and like i don't care

Does anyone else go through this? I am still a teenager, almost done with my teen years tho! Obviously we know how teenage guys dress. I graduated high school this year, and whenever i see people like guys post in high school (junior or senior) it makes me kinda sad, like dang ill never have a hallway crush again and soon enough im not even gonna be attracted to this. And it kinda makes me sad I hope that doesn’t sound weird it’s more of like a sad of growing up thing but now im scared its bc im a p and i WANT TO BE attracted to younger people. idk if this makes sense. like im really attracted to dreads and streetwear type of style, like how some of the dudes at my high school dressed. But like it makes me sad knowing im not in school anymore and i wont experience high school crushes or like my type will probably change but im still scared this makes me a p;( help :(((

im so anxious and i want to cry so bad, im so afraid i might have cheated on my lover but i don't even remember if i actually did it. i remember making suggestive jokes ( for my gf it's not cheating unless it's a blatant flirty joke ) to my friend but I don't remember my intentions and there's no way for me to remember what i thought while i was saying a stupid joke YEARS ago. i love them more than anything i don't want to have hurt her but there's no way for me to know that im actually a good partner. im so tired and scared i hate this illness so much I'm miserable. I want to cry but i cant

It feels like my boyfriend is ‘another compulsion” because he makes me happy and that is what ocd does, but when he is gone, my mind can go everywhere. Mostly thinking im not attracted to men (im bi and for some reason i feel like i have to choose 1 gender, and that that would be women) even though i know that i dont have to choose and can just be happy with my bf. But then my mind can go “but are you happy” or “youre not aroused right now or aroused enough so your gay or you dont like bf” Thats really hard, because my one of my biggest fears is being with a man all my life (having a family etc) and then falling in love with a woman and throw it all away. I really really love my boyfriend, but it can feel like this is not my real identity and im doing the wrong thing. Like when im not thinking about it, if thats maybe my ocd and not the overthinking. Does anyone understand?

Is there a worse mental torture than POCD? It's the worse form of punishment for innocent people. Loss of identity, feeling like a monster, believing that you're monster, having and feeling the most unwanted things. And to get better you're simply supposed to tolerate a physical untolerable amount of anxiety. It's a miracle I'm still alive.

To peoples who are struggling with ocd and wants to know if ERP will actually work or not read this: It's been a year I'm struggling with OCD, in 2023 I didn't realize that I was being a victim of OCD, I thought it was normal to worry about the thoughts I was having, actually the thoughts are not even about me, I'm having thoughts about singer's sexuality since years I know it may sound silly but I have been since a year these thoughts are real to worry about, in January my ocd became stronger, I strat having episodes of ocd every week, in may I got to know that I have ocd and from the moment I got to know that I have ocd I didn't have a single day struggling without ocd, in April I started doing ERP it's been 5 months I doing ERP but I'm not still recovered fully but yeah I don't have episodes anymore, I don't worry about the single thoughts for days but still my every thought is controlled by ocd , I still have anxiety which is out of control, I still feel like these thoughts will never go away but I choose to live the way I want without caring about these thoughts.....I know no one's free to care about my mental health but if anyone's reading this please encourage me😔🙏

I feel and I think differently to others. Broad and vast. Even in a crowd I can feel alone. I long for others to understand me, but if that meant them suffering a fraction of what I do, I'll burden this anguish alone in silence, with a smile wider than my heart can bear. My scars runs deep and my love deeper still. I will hold the line between my hell and the angels around me. Its not what I owe them, its what I don't.

I asked 8ball it said I'm going to hell and I'm not a good person

Hey guys does anyone literally have a panic attack whenever you have to be in a situation (romantically) with a man?? Like I will literally freak the fuck out and throw up I mean that so seriously lol. I think it started after my abusive ex boyfriend.

I’m so frustrated. I’m an atheist through and through, I believe in science all the way but I am still traumatized by the horrible things my mom showed me from the Bible as child. I’m frustrated because my mom died and now that I live alone I’m just always scared of the creaks and crackles that my home makes as the seasons change. It aggravates me because I’ll ruminate over and over that “it’s not a demon/ghost it’s just the wood furniture expanding/contracting” this that and everything in between to explain things and I’m simply tired of it. When I was putting down my self adhesive floor stickers to make me feel happy about my apartment I was stuck thinking about the demons my mom showed me in the Bible and had no choice but to continue what I was doing. The area I was working on when thinking these things, it’s either settling peeling, something, either way there is sound coming from that spot and it’s stressing me out. I can’t enjoy anything because I’m both annoyed at the topic and slightly scared because even as an atheist I’m a human being and we fear what we don’t understand. Is there anything people with spiritual ocd do to ease their nerves from the athiest perspective?

Im at a bar and its making feel like im not attracted to women, and making it feel like im noticing men constantly, when I dont ever want ti ever be attracted to men in any way...

Anybody else's OCD grow more intense at night?

anyone wanna talk?

I feel bad because I'll comment on other people's posts on here who struggle with the same OCD as I do and it's like why am I better at helping other people than myself???? I feel like I'm different. Anytime someone here says something related to pure OCD (or really any off) I try to remind them that they couldn't do anything that results in them being a bad person but it feels different for me because I actually do bad things. I have done bad things. I've never heard a story from other people that involves me not being annoying or weird or a bad person. I feel like there's a difference when other people make a mistake then when I make a mistake. Other people absolutely deserve help but I don't deserve help. Other people should be able to heal but I haven't gone through enough yet. I wish so badly I wasn't me because I just want to be a good person and I pray every night that I will be good and I won't mess anything up and that I will be helpful but I never am enough. I always mess something up. I want to be perfect but that's unachievable and that makes me anxious. I want to be perfect for people and I can't. Any time I think about how I need help or I need to talk about my feelings or something I remember why I shouldn't. Any time I do anything other than sit and smile I just get told to shut the fuck up or get told how annoying I am and it hurts but then I think "if I'm a bad person I deserve this" but if I was someone else and I hadn't done all the stupid and weird and even insane things I've done then I would deserve it a little more. I wish I was dead. I don't know why I'm not. I don't know why I'm writing this I just wish I was either another person or dead. I'm unredeemable it feels like. I hate myself so much. I'm so done.

If you can relate, I would appreciate your comments. Lately I've been feeling rather awkward and out of place. It's not uncommon for me, honestly. You know those situations where you feel like you really don't fit in anywhere? Well, I'm just feeling like despite my efforts to engage with others, I never fully get the satisfaction of genuine belonging. If I try to talk to people or form social circles, even just for the purpose of creating a study group, no one really seems interested. I've been a loner pretty much my entire life, so you'd think at this point I'd be used to it. However, sadly I still get that feeling in the pit of my stomach that everyone is judging or scrutinizing me, as though I am this foreign creature. Having OCD doesn't help. It can just feel like a very lonely place sometimes.