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So I’ll be watching callout videos and I’ll get these sorta intrusive thoughts and feelings as if I’m defending or sorta wishing the allegations weren’t real… why? I don’t know…. Is this an effect of ocd? I don’t actually agree with a single action these losers do and like this has to be a new intrusion cause before my reaction was pure hatred and frustration… Honestly I’m extremely uncomfortable with the way my brain views these callouts…. I don’t agree with my brain but it feels like my own thoughts….

I’m struggling immensely right now. I’m on day 5 of no contact. I had made it to day 12 before. I have hit 5 days once before, 3 a few times, and 4 a few times. We have been broken up for 9 weeks. I don’t want to get into the specifics of why we broke up, but he is someone struggling with his own mental health and due to something he said that was very threatening and scary, I felt it was the only safe option for him, myself, and my child, to have him move out and work on healing and health in a space separately. It was to be a separation. We continued to deteriorate and it became a breakup. He has stated he may want to get back together but he needs total and complete silence right now. He said he may come back in a week, month, years, or never. But he loves me more than anything, I’m his soulmate, I’m his other half, and he knows we will see one another again. I couldn’t tolerate the distress of no predictable check-in and so I pushed for us to check in at 8 weeks no contact to see if we are taking more space, coming back together to work on things, or terminating things. He refused and said that is too much pressure and he just wants to focus on his own healing and maybe reach out if he ever decides. I said that was far too distressing as even a day is scary and difficult and I have a strong compulsion to reach out and try to talk and problem solve and keep us from losing what he have entirely. Things continued to deteriorate as our needs conflicted and his need for unfettered space and time was too distressing to me. He was unwilling to take me into consideration to try to meet my emotional needs too. So the relationship is now a very and he has stated he never wants to get back together because my behavior is so “disgusting”. He got very cruel. It’s hurt a lot. I still feel the strong impulse to reach out because maybe this time if I can explain it correctly, explain my heart, continue to take accountability while neglecting any of the pain caused to me, and try to fix and repair this, he will come back and love me and stay. All of my abandonment wounds are activated and this is the most distressing thing to me. It feels love has fully gone away and I will never get him back. And even though he was emotionally and psychologically abusive, I can’t tolerate the discomfort and grief of him leaving forever. It’s replicating my parental trauma to a T. I don’t know how to cope with the distress of the uncertainty and the loss. I know how to deal with ERP surrounding contamination and found recovery. But this is new. I don’t know what I’m doing. And I’m very sad. I’m extremely sad.

Does anyone else struggle with the theme of being afraid of dying and death? I don’t really know if it’s my OCD or if something is legitimately wrong with me, but it’s starting to consume my thoughts. Sometimes it’s almost physically debilitating when it’s all I can think about. I guess I’m just reaching out so I don’t feel so alone in this.

+18 TRIGGER WARNING I’ve been trying not to post as much on here, but it’s been a rough time facing these thoughts on my own. I’ve been trying to force myself to move on and not take my thoughts so seriously but it’s hard not to sit with them. Basically, to try to cope, I’ve been watching expose videos on internet drama and those who have been “cancelled”. Sometimes, though, it can just get to be too overwhelming as I start comparing myself with the people in these videos and I just want to cry because I’m just so disgusted with myself. I’m starting to question what’s real or not, if I’ve hurt people in the past or not, and separating my thoughts from my actions. I don’t trust myself anymore. I can’t find happiness in anything. I just keep pushing my friends and family away because every little thing triggers me. Sleep is the only time that I can find peace. Because then, I know that I’m not hurting anyone—including myself.

Struggling today with my thoughts and maybe some dissociation. I can’t get any clear thoughts. I felt like lately I’ve started to recover and then the past few days have felt so hard. I feel scared for the future. I am scared I don’t have enough hope for living with ocd. I am scared that I’m not gonna be happy. I’m scared I’ll chose to end my life over this. I’m scared I’ll want to end my life. I feel weird. My thoughts are jumbled today. Something feels like it’s going to happen and that’s what is giving me anxiety.

So I started using tampons but I don’t know how to insert right yesterday I was wearing one and it felt super uncomfortable so I took it off like 2 hours later and today I did it again and but took it off by the like the 5 minutes or 10 max because I seen that if you wear it wrong you could get TSS and I took it off and now I’m worrying because I seen that you could get TSS from taking out dry tampons so from that I was so worried and stressing I always take Magnesuim glycinate at night 400mg and today thinking I was gonna take another one I don’t know why I took that one I took it again at 12 pm and last night I took it like at 10pm now I’m scared something is gonna happen to me or I’m gonna die or od of it which it’s possible and I’m feeling cramps from the Magnesuim but I’m also on my period which makes it 10x worst ugh I’m very stressed I don’t know what to even worry about because I know you could also get cramps for TSS and back pain and I’m getting it ugh guys idk what to do I’m so overwhelmed

I know this is my OCD and it can make me look like a fool. I’m have been married for 7 years to a sweet loving person who has never hurt me. My OCD is telling me he is going to leave me and I’m going to be alone. ( I have recently lost my a love one and had to step away from my family because of money inheritance ) I have recently decided that I have to shut down my business because of economy . I know my OCD is triggered by stress. Stress that I have been suppressing for the last year and I know my brain is just sticking and picking up everything. I hate waking up in the morning and feeling wave of anxiety and uncertainty that it makes it hard for the bed . This morning I had to work myself out of bed and go for a walk with my dog in the park, which helped a lot. I just keep beating myself up because I let myself get to this place. I saw all the signs and I ignored them all. I feel so foolish 🥺 I went through something like this before 2017 and I feel like I’m always going through some level or mental illness that my husband has to help me with and it is so disappointing with myself because why can’t I just have a normal brain. Why can I just have a mind simply works and I don’t have to keep manually shift it out of gears I’m scared my husband and people that I have close to me don’t you say that I’m too much just discard me. And I thought with myself to say that I’m not too much. I’m just going to human experience and that I’m a little bit more. I’m just extremely frustrated. I’m just sad that I’m back at this place again. I’m happy if not as severe as it was when I first had my OCD breakdown, but I’m still disappointed in myself. I should’ve took better care of my mental well-being. I should’ve focused more on that and focusing on other things that knew my mental.

Does anyone have experience of being in recovery from addiction and being around people that don't get it and they keep offering you drugs? It sets my anxiety off a lot and I start feeling overwhelmed. Just good coping strategies will do.

This past week has been very challenging; I have been seeing this guy now for a couple of months, and every now and then I will experience a loss of interest in him. Sometimes this is brought upon by the OCD itself, which makes me not want to be around him because he is the trigger. Other times, it’s hard to tell if I’m genuinely not interested, and this drives me absolutely crazy. I feel like I am leading him on and forcing myself to like him just because I want to be in a relationship. To make things clear, he is the sweetest guy and hasn’t done anything wrong; he knows that I struggle with R-OCD and has been very understanding, but isn’t aware of my periods of disinterest and doesn’t know just how distressed I get. This morning, he texted me and said he can’t wait to see me. While reading his text, I never got excited or felt butterflies, I just felt sick to my stomach because all I can think about is how I’m gonna have to tell him I’m not into him right now. I feel like at this point with the back and forth feelings, I just need to end things. The more I think about it, the more I start to believe and feel that’s the right answer. I get sad because I am starting to catch feelings and don’t want to put a stop to a potentially good relationship. I’m really trying to understand why my feelings for him are constantly up and down.

TW I am so scared that I am a horrible person.I deal with harm ocd and pocd.I consider them the worst themes I had.It feels so real .Like one day I could act on them.And I am so scared.I know I will never do something like that .I doubt everything I do.I feel like I am a fake person.Like I put a mask but seem innocent but in reality I am a monster.I am so scared and disgusted, especially because some similar things happened to me.I am scared I will become like that people.Like I am already like them. I just want to live in peace without these thoughts .I want to help people.I want to become a psychologist but I feel like a hypocrite because of the thoughts that I have

So I’m 15 and I first realized I had ocd when I was 13. It started with a bad dream I had that triggered intrusive thoughts. The theme of these thoughts were almost purely sexual. It started as Iocd, and that turned into compulsions of not letting family touch me at all and cleaning myself with alcohol and hydrogen peroxide to get rid of “family germs” because in my mind that meant I was a bad person if I so much as even touched an object that they touched, I just started getting over it recently and I’m feeling a lot better, but the other day another theme was triggered after I heard about this guy called “smartschoolboy” and he disgusts me so much. He’s disgusting. After I heard about him it started triggering intrusive thoughts. I was sobbing over the pocd thoughts the other day, and my brain won’t stop trying to convince me that I am one. No matter what. Today it was “why aren’t you crying about these intrusive thoughts like you were the other day, that must mean you think it’s okay to be one” and it just hurts so much to have these thoughts, I can’t live in peace and I was literally fine just a week or two ago, how do I get rid of this, I just want to be happy again (sorry not to sound dramatic I’m just really scared right now) I mean deep down I know I’m not one every time I hear about one I feel disgusted, I hate even thinking about the fact that those type of people exist, but whenever I tell myself that my brain gets to convince me otherwise. My thoughts have always (mostly) been sexually themed but these are the most disturbing ones I’ve had and I’m so scared right now, anything helps please 🙏🏻

I’ve been really struggling with urges, a constant numb feeling to everything that feels like I don’t care about things (like my beloved dog) who were the most important to me, and this dizzying pressure in my head that feels like it’s attached to the urges and I can’t think straight or control my own actions. But I’m also scared that since the thoughts are literally constant (they flip around to anything and everything then go back to their greatest hits) and I’m feeling like I wouldn’t care if I did them, they’re not intrusive anymore. Am I losing it? Having harm OCD I never thought could make you feel like you’re actually going to act. Not just be afraid of it.

So I’ve been dealing with what I think is ROCD since July. I’ve started therapy and meds. Doing what I can. But I’ve struggled with my feelings towards my partner. First they were breakup urges and then went to numbness and now I just don’t know how I truly feel. I don’t want to be with anyone else. I can’t picture myself with anyone else. I think I got triggered by a friends breakup and moving to my bfs state. Well fast forward to a couple days ago and I put my security deposit down on an apartment in his state but now my thoughts are running rampant and I’m so nervous that this is the wrong choice because I don’t know how I feel. I know I love him but I don’t know how to love when it’s not “honeymoon” phase. I always leave when the honeymoon phase ends and my feelings leave when that ends as well. But I don’t want that to happen. I want to move there but I’m terrified. I’m terrified this will show me my truth and the truth of the relationship. I don’t know how to love or feel love. I don’t know what I’m feeling. This is so debilitating. I just wish I could be certain but I’m not. I used to be so excited about the idea of moving and the future but now I’m terrified. I don’t want this to end. Not one bit but how can I be in a relationship and let alone move if I can’t be certain or just know what I’m feeling is real or just my thoughts/rocd???

So I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions with my boyfriend these past four years together! Recently I’ve been feeling content and happy with my relationship ready to move in and even get engaged! But now I know that this date is coming soon, my anxiety has spiked and being with my boyfriend right now I feel distant and anxious and like if they hug me I feel instant sadness and push away!!! I know this is ROCD because it feels so so urgent and it makes me sick to my stomach! But why does this just pop up? Why does it feel so real? I hate feeeling this way! It feels so horrible. Any suggestions?

I'm stuck in a 'do you really like your boyf' mentality again and its making me so sad. I'm in love with him and its magical and I was on cloud 9 last week and intrusive thinking has taken over and making me doubt.

I’m getting really distressed and confused about this. It feels like I’m getting sexually attracted to child-like actions or vulnerable things. Sort of like cuteness aggression but sexually. Even though it’s bringing me anxiety and discomfort it just feels initially so much like actual sexual attraction. Does anyone have any ideas?

I feel like if I stop fighting pocd, it’ll make me turn into a disgusting person and it makes me feel like I don’t care but I do care, I feel so scared, I can’t even see the positives, it’s making me feel like I would enjoy being a bad person, and I would turn into it if I stopped fighting it

Hey everyone so I’m a college student and since my sisters birthday is this weekend I decided to go home for 3 days but I just realized right now that I forgot to pack my Zoloft and since yesterday I had a cold and was taking a bunch of cold medication I felt weird about taking my meds so I didn’t take my meds yesterday. I’m freaking out right now because I’ve never gone through withdrawals or anything but unless I cut my stay short that’s 3 days I’m going without medication.has anyone ever been in a similar situation or is there anything helpful I could do or even just some words to calm me down would be so helpful thank you 🙏🙏

How do I not allow my ocd to steal the joy out of all of my most joyful moments right now. I know I should pray more for God to help me see the good and peace these amazing situations bring, but I just can’t get this pit out of my stomach. I get angry easily and have a short temper, I hate it. My boyfriend has been so patient with me but although he says it’s okay and he understands it’s still something I don’t want him to be on the receiving end of… Please help. Any and all advice is appreciated, please be nice💕

Okay, i leave for vacation tomorrow with my boyfriend and some of our friends. i’m so nervous about this trip and im really worried that i would hurt someone on this trip. i don’t want to hurt anyone, and im so so worried about it. i don’t even want to go anymore because im so stressed out. i’m not really getting any intrusive thoughts or anything but im still so anxious that im going to do something like stab one of my friends or my boyfriend, or lose my mind. i’m so worried. and then i seen this thing that said “people who hurt people do that because they want to and they plan it out” so now im scared that im subconsciously planning on hurting one of them even though i dont have a plan or anything and i dont want to hurt anyone. AGGHH😭