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So i JUST started to feel better with getting my OCD under control with therapy and medication. Today I learned I have HPV. I don't have the bad type, my pap smear was actually normal I just had the presence of the virus. Nurse told me there is really nothing I should be worried about or need to do except get my immune system back up and healthy and its 90% likely ill clear it on my own in 1-2 years. STILL!!! 90% is not 100% and the internet has NOT been my friend today so iv decided I should stay off of it. Im scared, I feel dirty. My husband has taken the news well with a " oh well, whats mine is yours and yours is mine lol" attitude but I just wanted to see if anyone on here had some advice. PLEASE no horror story and negative experiences or words of caution (I got them all already) I need success stories, tips on how to manage the health anxiety spiral that hasn't happened YET but I feel is coming. Im usually all over this page giving advice, today I need it. kind words and compassion, please.

Hi, sorry to be so negative but I'm feeling down right now. I've been dealing with so-ocd for so long, I'm thinking about my sexual orientation every minute of everyday, I often feel disconnected from reality... it's just too much. I wonder if it's just ocd or something else, and I feel so lost and confused. I would just like to feel like me again, to be happy, to think about other things, to be present for the people I love

I don’t expect anyone to give me any reassurance that I’m a good person, because I doubt it heavily now. I don’t want to fight anymore, I can’t do it. I’m a bad person. I can’t see the light anymore I don’t think I can get better from this anymore, I think I’m gonna give up, I’m actually gonna give up, this is actually really bad that I did this, this is my proof I’m a bad person, I thought about it so I just can’t. basically I saw a a picture of 12 year old boy, and I kept testing how I felt, now I don’t know why I did this cause I know it’s wrong, meaning not good, but basically my brain was like “do you think he’s handsome” and I said “maybe I don’t know, I don’t think he’s handsome. He might be” and oh my god I can’t believe I said something like this, I know some will say “oh it might be intrusive” but I can’t anymore. I feel like I’m done. I don’t even know what kind of handsome I meant, all I know is that I was NOT trying to be disgusting in any shape or form but I can’t stand it, I can’t do this anymore

Anyone else have a hard time discerning conviction vs OCD? Been in a relationship with someone for 2 months now. We’re both believers in Christ and are active in our communities. It started off with me experiencing relationship OCD where I was struggling with doubts of my attraction towards my partner but now I’ve started to wonder if God doesn’t want me in this relationship. I’ve recently been having thoughts that I’m disobeying God and that all of this is happening as a result of me ignoring him. I’m having a hard time understanding whether I’m intentionally ignoring a conviction or if OCD is the culprit. This sucks, haha.

Hi! This is my first post ever but I feel like I’m going crazy and I am just in need to talk to someone who can relate a little bit. I have a relationship of three years with a wonderful man. We have the best relationship I could’ve asked for and it’s all I’ve ever wanted. A few years ago, I went through a horrible breakup where I was left suddenly out of nowhere. I then found my now boyfriend and have been happy ever since. Until about 6 weeks ago. We’ve had long distance and this summer we were finally moving in together later in the fall. However in the midst of summer I suddenly got the “what if you are not really in love with him?” - thought striking me SO hard. The thoughts would run on days end, I’d spend hours and hours on Reddit, doing online quizzes and trying to figure it out. Of course I couldn’t, and the anxiety kept screaming at me that I have to leave him. Eventually I realised that some behaviours were unhealthy and tried to resist the urge to google or ask for reassurance. However then the mental things started taking over. I spend every minute of every day thinking, catestriphizing, obsessed with handling this the “right” way, trying to figure out what is real etc. I have had every possible thought, from that I’m not in love, to that I must be gay to that I am in love with all my colleagues or my bestfriend etc etc. I started taking 50 mg of Zoloft four weeks ago. At first the anxiety subsided but the thoughts have been constant for weeks. (Like I’ll have maybe 20 seconds where I don’t think about “it” and then I get a new thought “now you didn’t think about it”) aI feel like I’m going crazy. Today has been the worst day of my life, as I woke up in the middle of the night and felt like I had to break up with my boyfriend immediately. The thought absolutely terrified me. I think that is breaking up is my largest fear in life, and I don’t want us to or lose this amazing human being that I love. However my brain constantly throws doubt at me and I just can’t take it anymore. I’m paralyzed by fear the moment I wake up, and the relief I initially got from reassurance and googling or ruminating is all gone. I never feel relief anymore, and I officially feel like I’m in hell. 🥺

Does anyone have any tips they can share as to what they do to prevent intrusive images from coming into their brain? Or when it happens how to cope?

Hi! Does anyone struggle with loneliness? Especially when it comes to talking to your loved ones about what you go through. I’ve been struggling with this because it either leads to a fight or I’m not understood. My husband and I have been having some issues and I have a bad habit of bringing up the past. I don’t know why I keep doing it it’s just I get a thought and it goes into auto mode recently. We are going to marriage counseling soon but I try to tell him and family how I’m feeling and it just turns into a fight or it turns into me being dismissed. I just honestly want someone I can trust to hear me but it feels like I can’t really talk to anyone. I think it’s a relapse and I keep doing ERP but honestly I just need someone to listen. Does anyone relate or am I just it? I feel like I’m losing the love of my life and I’m breaking at the mere thought of it.

I do have lots of thoughts regarding my daily activities it just comes as a compulsion like what I did yesterday by this time what was exactly happening it just give me lot of anxiety

I feel like I wanna throw up I feel shivers It feels like you’re going to be sick I can’t sleep at all I stayed up all night because of this (not the first time) I physically feel sick

Sometimes I feel like I’m not even myself…💀 I’m either 1: possesed 2: Schizophrenic 3: ocd 4: insane

I think I've obsessed over my sexuality that it might have changed. I've had nearly 4 years of misery and anxiety pretty much everyday. I can't believe how much I used love girls I just hope this is all in my head. I argue with myself in my head I feel could this be my ocd ?. I'm so confused please help somebody 😒 xxxx

❌❌❌DO NOT READ IF YOURE YOUNGER ❌❌❌ —- — - I feel like a really bad person right now, I remember my past and I remember when I was 14, I sent actual inappro//priate pictures of myself to my partner and I regret it so much, i genuinely do, I thought it was okay because I was around adults that were inappropriate to me, and it was so normalized, I don’t know why, I feel like I’m gonna go to jail, this happened 2 years ago but I still feel afraid that I will be in jail for what I’ve done, I can’t stop worrying about this event and I just need help, please someone help, am I a bad person?

I didn’t sleep again last night. The thoughts were just so loud and I couldn’t let them be without engaging. This lead to a full night of rumination and tossing and turning. It just keeps saying “confess. come out. cut. run. that’s the only way this will go away” and it’s so exhausting. I look at everyone around me now with envy that they aren’t dealing with this (not that I know what anyone is dealing with) but I’m just so jealous of all my friends who aren’t putting their husbands through this. The thoughts are so loud, but I know they are not what I want and my body is uncomfortable with the idea of being with a woman. I feel this immense amount of guilt and shame, like I was living in denial all these years and lying to everyone. I was feeling better and then with this diagnosis it got worse almost like “you wanted to get this diagnosis to justify that you’re not in denial” it’s so frustrating and exhausting. On top of that, ROCD has been spitting out the worst things about my relationship with my husband. I miss the old me who was confident in who she was and laughed and ate and slept and danced in the kitchen with her husband and raced home to him every night looking forward to all moments together. Now I’m just scared and I feel like a shell. I’m trying to sit with the uncertainty, i’m trying the “maybe, maybe not” statements, but it’s hard to know where the intrusive thoughts end and my actual thoughts begin at this point. It feels so real and so cluttered.

I really feel like SOOCD is such a tricky theme. They tell you to sit with it and not overthink it and accept the possibilty, but we're talking about our future and someone else's future! I also feel like societal pressure doesnt help this theme at all. And its always gonna come up, because as a women, when I hang out with my friends, all they talk about is 1) their relationshios 2) their crush so my brain automatically compares or stresses when it does not relate. I try looking for comphet video on tiktok (i vividely dont recommend doing that) and some videos kind of made sens so I was like, am I a lesbian? So for instance, there is one girl who came ut at 26 and she was like "all my life I felt like I needed to date guys and chose my crushes and when I was making out with my bf it always felt like something was missing and then when I went out with the girl I realised that it wasnt supposed to feel hard and whats natural to your body will come to you naturally". She said that even tho she's a lesbian now she still imagines a life where she has a husband and kids but she knows that she cant have that because she likes imagining that she's straight when indeed she's not. (that was a very big spike for me). and she knew that if she went down that road she would never date men again ( and I feel like I relate to that?!). So to calm myself I said, idc if im gay or bi, at least my bf will be my "one" exception. And right after there was a video of a girl who said " if you're a girl going out with your bf and thinking you're 99 percent into women but that your bf is the exception leave him, you're a lesbian" ughhhhhhhh. My biggest worry right now after being in a 6 year relationship is that I feel if I imagine it that I would feel way more for a women then for a man? but my therapist told me it was normal because with two women its always more intense but im like but what does it mean? that I dont know true love? That I dont love my current partner or at least not enough? I also feel like sometimes, if I ever break up with my bf I'll never date guys after? like even if they were perfect? I know that for anyone reading that shows that Im in denial... I've talked to my therapist about it and she always is like "live in the moment". Ugh

Okay, so I was exposed to porn at 9. My older cousin came over to the house and asked if I could keep a secret and stuff and then he showed me porn. I got addicted to it ngl. I would watch it whenever I could and would always think about it when I wasn’t home. Because of this, I started reading mangas on this one website and I was still in elementary school when I started reading these I think, either that or middle school. Anyways, there was this one about these kids who did it and I was like oh I’m the same age as them and all that you know so I didn’t think much of it. I would still read it up to when I was in high school but I wouldn’t like read it often, I would just read it because I was familiar with it and it felt like I was still their age for some reason, like I didn’t see them as kids you know, it felt like they were my age. Oh my god, that makes it sound even worse. When my POCD started, I stopped reading that story because I was it terrified me so a little before I turned 18. I keep going back and forth on whether or not I’m actually a pedophile or not. I don’t know if it’s because I was exposed to that stuff so early and my cousin would constantly talk about sex when he was with me. I thought it was so normal to be reading and looking at that stuff. I didn’t realize. I’m scared that my nephews are going to be exposed to that so early like I was. My POCD mostly targets my nephews and now I’m scared that I’ll do the same thing to them and show them that stuff (I never will) or that I genuinely do like that stuff. I feel like throwing up while writing this. I just don’t want to be one. I’m sorry if this triggers you or if this seems like I’m seeking reassurance and maybe I am. I genuinely don’t know right now. I think I just needed to get this off my chest because I’ve been worrying about it for awhile.

My SO-OCD is really getting in the way of my relationship and I’m so confused if it’s meant to be platonic or romantic. We have such a strong bond and I am sexually attracted to them but my SO-OCD tries to convince me that I should be with a woman bc I’m not sure if I’m 100% straight and I feel a lot of guilt about the fact that I want a relationship with a man and get intrusive thoughts about what it would be like to be with a woman instead. But it’s about this one specific girl I found attractive and I’m not sure if it’s sexual attraction or admiration and I have been fixating on this ever since I met her because I see her consistently and I’m not sure what to do. I really want this to work with him but it’s so hard for me to trust myself and what I truly want.

Around a month ago I got out of an almost 2 year relationship. In that time I met someone that I ended up developing a crush on and today we decided to start dating. Since earlier today, I’ve had a lot of intrusive thoughts about a variety of things, the two biggest being if I actually like this person and the if it’s too soon for me to be back in a relationship. I know I like this person and we have amazing chemistry I just want some advice on the situation.

Hey it’s me again, I feel very overwhelmed I’ve been dealing with my OCD for a few months now and it’s been a ride for sure. Lately I’ve been dealing with these thoughts that I’m crazy it’s actually inexplicable I don’t know how to describe what I feel anymore I feel like I’m Loosing sense of who I am like I don’t even know what’s going on like I’m just crazy literally I feel crazy I really just wanna be okay and just be able to enjoy life I feel like I’m never happy anymore. I feel so overwhelmed like I’m holding in my tears so badly I just wanna sit there and cry and I don’t know what to do anymore I really don’t I was doing just fine for weeks and then BOOM I feel like it comes back 10x fucking worst and I don’t like being alone because I feel like I’m gonna loose control and do something or like I’m just gonna snap I’m scared I’m Gonna snap in any moment n I feel like I’m just this crazy person and I feel like something is in my head telling me I’m crazy or I am but I don’t hear anything I just like visualize it like I imagine it in my head I was dealing with harm ocd this week and last week towards my husband and I hate it so much because I just wanna enjoy my relationship like a normal human being I miss being normal I always wanna go get checked to a doctor so they could check my brain and tell me I’m not crazy and I feel from my ocd or stress I’m Gonna get psychosis or schizophrenia from my head thinking so much stuff that I’m just gonna colapse I don’t know what to fuck I don’t like medication I’ve been dealing with so much stress this week from so many episodes I feel like when I’m around people I forget about things but something they try to cripple up on me but I don’t like being alone and I hate not liking that because I feel like then people have to monitor me to see I’m Not gonna do anything or to distract my head I wanna be able to feel alone and being okay I don’t even like listening to music anymore it makes me panic idk I need to hear someone talking or something because then I panic I get to in my head I just don’t know why I’m feeling this if this ocd or my anxiety or my depression getting bad again I feel like I don’t enjoy anything like I’m Bored of life fuck I wanna be fine I wanna be able to think right I feel my head is going 100000 mph please I need someone to comment on this.

So I was playing roblox at my big age im 24. I got into sort of an arugment with a player bc she was making comments about peoples outfits and saying they were basic. So i commented on their outfit and called it basic. She told me to get a life. Then the arguing got worse she got a friend in on it with her. They started calling me crusty bc my username is crispy. I really tried not to engage bc I know a lot of children play on roblox. I just don’t like bullying or people being mean. Then I got last place and the player was like everyone is a queen here except crusty. I wanted to stand up for myself and said yall are just bullies. Now im worried that everyone in the server thought I called them bullies and are going to kill themselves. I was only referring to the two girls. I let them get the best of me I shouldn’t have responded like that because it was funny the back and forth. I acted immaturely but I think my justice complex kicked in. Now Im scared they killed themselves and I will never know.

For anyone taking this ssri what is your dosage, when do u normally take it (concern about weight gain, flat emotion, sexual side effect as I’m in a relationship). Any advice would help everyone here with ocd would like to know doses and what time of day you take and if you have experience improvements or side effects. I just started today on 10mg but would want to increase and stay at 20mg if it works out. Today been feeling sad but I think that’s more bc of something that happen (found someonelied about something from past) so I think it’s more that than side effect other than that nothing I ended taking at 3 PM. Since my bf works 3pm- 1 am so maybe I experience any side effects during this time and not before or after. Again not sure how this works thank you