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Anyone here experiencing OCD related to skin picking disorder? I'm freaking out right now, been living with this shit for years and I'm afraid I can't stop! Please help me.

Hi! I thought I would share this because I think it’s so important to share experiences through erp and this crappy ocd life we all live! A few weeks ago I wrote a post in reasons to recover. Almost all of my ocd was gone! I was 98% ocd free ...... for a whole month until last week... I relapsed. It was awful and it came in strong. It came in as a visualization that disturbed me so much and brought back my harm ocd and also my ocd where I think i might really be “crazy”. I want to share this because I think it’s important for others to know that when a relapse happens it doesn’t take away from your hard work. It doesn’t mean you are back at square one! You are just at a higher bridge now and it’s time to cross it. About a day after the horrible relapse that made me feel awful all night, I realized that I wasn’t getting to the root fear of my ocd. I managed to do aspects of erp which helped me... I was better at accepting, I let thoughts in, I stopped physical compulsions, i labeled my ocd but what I didn’t do was expose myself to my deepest fears.... and I get it now. It’s so scary to expose yourself to what truly disturbs you. I began with making a hierarchy of my true deep fears and came up with 4 main points that I feared the most, then I made goals.... one was to write harm scripts where the worst fear happens... I read them over to myself 30 times a day, next goal is to be around knives and harm objects... so I have been holding butcher knives while reading my scripts etc.... I also look at myself in the mirror and repeat “ yes you are crazy”...this is the thick of erp. It’s horrifying and it often leaves me crying and upset.... but I know this is the only way... the only way out of this pain is completely through it... you have to expose yourself often and intensely .... I look at the relapse as a sign that I slowly worked my way up to being able to do this erp this intensely. My advice is you can do this. It’s true it really does get easier. Don’t give up even when you relapse. I hope this helps!

Hey.. can someone offer some advice on my relationship it’s giving me a lot of anxiety i need mature advice pls ):

Anyone else experienced something like this? You’re doing something normal, and you start thinking, what if my ocd attaches to this? And then you make it. Or you’re thinking, what if I can’t do this normally? And that inhibts you from doing so.

I don’t know what to do anymore. Going to a therapist is not working because he doesn’t know Hocd and he is just crap Exercising doesn’t seem to help The only time I’m happy is when I’m alone in my room I don’t have any or have less thoughts I’m trying to be strong but nah Fuck I don’t know anymore

Please read: Can ocd make you feel like you want it? And enjoy the thoughts? I wouldn't be this distressed if I enjoyed them I know that for a fact but it feels like I do and that terrifies me so so much. I'm really struggling right now and losing hope I HATE my brain so much.

I had my first intrusive thought for a LONG time last night, at a party. I am in a committed and living relationship but when speaking to another guy had the urge to kiss him. I began thinking I had done it and felt sick and panicky, having to move away from him. I have obsessed about this all day ?

Having a rough night. Does anyone out there get obsessive Images and Thoughts 24/7?

*****TMI***** i wish that i never came across lesbian porn when i was 12. i understand that the type of porn you watch doesn’t reflect your sexuality and that straight females tend to enjoy lesbian porn but god, it’s such a trigger. it obviously does not help with my hocd and i feel like it ruined my sex drive. for the most part, i can’t get wet (ahhhhh tmi im srry) unless it’s lesbian porn. i want to have sex with a guy and i get groinal responses thinking about it but my brain is telling me that i’m forcing the thought and that i am in denial.

Hey guys I haven’t been here in a while . I thought if I didn’t talk about my obsessions or interact with others who have ocd it would help with my recovery but I was wrong . I’ve been in treatment for about 4 weeks now , I don’t really have that much anxiety when I get thoughts of being trans but I still don’t feel the same , when I do things like get my hair done or my nails it doesn’t feel the same . I feel Luke My old self is really completely gone . Memories of me being my old self don’t even feel like me anymore and it feels so far away . I can’t even remember who I am anymore and that’s why the thought of me being a boy just feels so real . I don’t wanna be trans but it feels like I have no choice . It feels like the ERP isn’t working . I feel like I don’t know who I am and it’s putting me in a scary place . I know who I want to be but what if I never get there . Being a girl just doesn’t feel as enjoyable as it did before for me . I just don’t know what to think or do anymore ... I just wish I can start my life over before all this happend . It ruined me

So, I’m spiralling right now. My dad was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma 5 months ago. Since then, my anxiety has been all over the place. 2 weeks ago I got a swollen node under my jaw, no other major symptoms. It was movable and painful to the touch. After a week of it not going away, I went to the GP and she said not to worry, it’s probably some kind of an infection, otherwise it wouldn’t be painful and it my throat wouldn’t be red. She gave me antibiotics. Now, I’m almost done with the antibiotics, and I can still feel the node. I think it decreased in size, but I’m really not sure and I keep touching it (it’s a compulsion, I know :( ), but it’s not painful anymore. I’m really anxious and my dad’s diagnosis is just making everything seem more real :( But, at the same time, the rational part of me knows I’m overreacting. Aah, this is so idiotic :(

Does anybody’s hocd get triggered when celebrities come out

Ugh the intrusive thoughts are heavy today. Hoping to just push through. I don’t understand where they come from. I was fine a few minutes before and then they hit me. Any advice on how to just deal with the anxiety they bring.

I shared on Instagram about what it is like to have harm ocd yesterday for mental health awareness day, and now I cant stop thinking that this was a terrible thing to do....My mom told me that I shouldn’t have said anything on social media because a future employer or school could think I’m violent, so I took down the post. I can’t stop thinking that now all of my friends and family think I’m a terrible violent person because I shared some of the intrusive thoughts that go through my head in an effort to get people to understand... I’ve been repeating an exposure of saying how I’m going to be arrested, my family will disown me, Im going to end up homeless because everyone will think I’m a murderer, etc, but I’m still just so stressed about it, despite the ERP....

Okay so this has been on my mjnd for a while but like, every instagram model or like celebrity is always like: i have been depressed or i am depressed and life will get better and everything. But than i see the next post and its like them looking all happy partying or its a post with the caption like: i bought a new dog im sooooo happy. While i cant get it over my heart to go to a party or buy a dog while im like this. I dont wsnt to experience all the good things i always dreamed of when im not myself because it hurts. I dont know if that makes sense but its like i want to be the old version of me before hocd the careless one and the free one and then do all the fun stuff otherwise i wont enjoy it fully. I want to enjoy things fully like i used to. So i just dont get how all these people claim to be depressed but still are happy? They are like its a rainy day omg im so happy or something and jm just like, How? How are u happy. U said u were depressed if u were wouldnt u not be posting. Wouldnt you be sad 24/7. Because thats how i experience depression. So why arent they? Im just wondering like im not a depression expert and i dont know what they are feeling but i just get so jalouse like how do they get to be happy even tho theyre depressed as they claim. What are they going trough??. People always say that if u have depression and anxiety go lay in bed grab a snack grab a blanket and just chill and let the feelinggs be there but i cant chill. My mind is always on the run. I cant do any of the old stuff i did without feeling pain because im not expierencing the same feelings thst i used to get while doing the stuff. This whole post is so messy i hope Someone understands what im talking about because like depression and hocd littetaly changed everything. Eating, sleeping, breathing everything feels different and i dont wsnt to do fun stuff when i feel like this because in the back of my mind i know that if i didnt had hocd and depression i would be genuinely happy and not even thinking about anything other than the situation thst is going on and id just be focused on having fun while not even noticing it.

I can't even remember what it's like to wake up and not feel anxious with intrusive thoughts. ? I took those days for granted and I wish I could just reverse time

Can someone give me any tips to calm down? I want to throw up I can't with these false attractions, etc. It feels to real to not be real I want to just stop suffering.

*I NEED HELP!!!!* I'm going to start from the beginning. My first obsessions and compulsions started at around the age of seven and I had different ones on and off all through elementary school although at the time I didn't know it was OCD. When I was in 5th or 6th grade someone close to me was in the process of coming out as gay, during this same time there was a lot of name calling going on at my school mostly between boys. They were calling each other stuff like the f word and "gayfer" and things like that. Despite having crushes on all boys I started to get really scared that I was gay and it turned into an obsession. After that (now I'm starting to get the thought "what it was before") I started feeling like I was actually attracted to this girl in my class and it really freaked me out. It wasn't a crush, but it felt like physical attraction. The fear continued into middle school, I still was attracted to and had crushes on all guys, and didn't have any attraction toward girls, but I was still really scared that I might be gay and not know it. There was this girl who was a lesbian in one of my classes and I had this irrational idea that if I was near her I would turn into a lesbian, which I feel really horrible about now, but I was twelve. I was really scared in the gym locker room because I would get the thought "what if I look at other girl's boobs" . There was no desire to, but I was scared that I was going to, so I kept my head down. Eventually the anxiety started to fade when my focus switched to something else, but I still got intrusive thoughts once in while about the possibility. In eighth grade I started to get obsessed that I was going to get herpes, or already had it and would wash my hands over and over. My attraction to guys continued. In high school I had really horrible anxiety and a lot of "what ifs", but it didn't really stick to one subject. I was still attracted to all dudes, and didn't really give that a second thought at this point. I had a lot of gay close friends and being around them didn't bother me in the slightest. There were some things that stuck around from the gay obsession I had when I was younger though like if I was scrolling on Instagram and a meme profile posted a half naked girl I would get scared of it and scroll past it really fast. After high school I started dating this guy and he said "you know if I tried something with a guy I'd probably turn out to be bisexual", and then the thoughts from elementary and middle school came back. It made me start to question things and I thought looking back I wonder if all of that meant that I was bi. I told my friends about what the guy said and my female friend came out as bi. I decided to say that I might be too keeping the thought of my experience as a child. I wasn't attracted to girls at all as a teenager or adult, but I thought ah that obsession as a kid must have meant something. The dude and I didn't last. I had really strong feelings for him and then I started thinking what if I actually hate him. It felt irrational and real at the same time? The whole time I identified as bi I still wasn't attracted to any girls. I thought about having a crush on my friend and that felt kind of exciting and euphoric for approximately a day, but then I realized that there were no feelings of longing or sexual feelings attached and that I was not interested in a romantic or sexual way. The idea of being bi wasn't scary to me then, but I guess it wasn't for me? A long while later I started dating this really amazing dude, who is my current boyfriend. There were a lot of issues on my end at the beginning of the relationship which I now know were because of ROCD. When we became sexually active I would get really scared because I'd get thoughts like "what if he's using me" or "what if I actually don't like him" even though I knew they weren't true. The anxiety during sex was intense and it made it really hard for me to enjoy it. A few months after our first time having sex (sorry for tmi)the thought hit me again. "What if I'm not enjoying sex because I'm gay". A few days after obsessing on that thought I was scrolling on Instagram and I came across one of those half naked girl pictures. I got really, really anxious and then I told myself that I had to see if I felt anything when I looked at it. I looked at it and I got an arousal like feeling. I freaked the f*** out and from then on for the past few months the obsessing has continued. I came across HOCD on the internet and it seems like that's probably the case, but I'm still super scared that I'm a lesbian. I feel like I'm back to square one because I've started using the curiosity about my friend and my childhood experience as proof that I'm a lesbian. In the beginning of my relationship even though I had rocd I never thought of my friend as a threat! Long after I considered the idea of having feelings for her we all hung out together multiple times (her, my boyfriend and I) and I didn't think of it at all because back then it didn't mean anything to me! I love my boyfriend, I'm happy with him and even if I was a lesbian I'd stay with him, but the thoughts are attacking me. My brain is saying every crush and fantasy about a guy was just me trying not to be gay! I know is not true, but it feels true! Am I in denial or is this HOCD!!??

Lately I have been worrying about my weight... not looking for reassurance but wondering if it is a form of ocd. I’m 136 lbs.

For those with hocd you know those girls and guys who can make lesbian and gay jokes, etc. And not worry about their sexuality at all? I wish I was like that where those things didn't trigger me. The whole entire time Im thinking would I like that? If I kissed a girl would I realize I like it? (this is how Angelina Jolie figured out she was bisexual). I dont want to do any of this with girls but im so scared if I ever were to be around them that I would figure out that I like girls or I will just act out and kiss one.