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As an OCD are we able to enjoy and when. I never did.

Not really an ocd thing but I really need any kind of advice. So Im autistic, and I have several problems with communication especially with allistic people. Today I tried to go to toilet but my sister wanted to bath, and she just wouldnt stop insulting me for like 20 minutes. Instead of letting me just quickly do what I need she stood in bathroom cursing me and calling my mom to take me away. Finally mom took her away and after I walked off the toilet I just couldnt take it anymore and hitted her head. I know it was bad but I just couldnt take her arrogant behaviour any longer. It was the second time I did it this year and I dont feel guilty neither do I feel ashamed, I dont really know why. And no Im not excusing it, Im just explaining why did that happen But the main part was when mom and dad started to yell at me, at first it wasnt that bad but then my dad just started to straight up calling me a crazy bitch, asshole, stupid fuck and idiot, and a lot more but I cant find any translation to these words. Mom told me that I ruined this family and I ruined their marriage. They told me that I think I can do anything I want because Im "sick" (reffering to the fact Im autistic) and when I said Im not ill my other sister said that I use autism as an excuse. Whenever I try to tell that some of my behaviour are autistic traits and I cant help them or I cant do something because Im literally disabled, instead of accomendations I get yelled at and said that I think I can do anything. I have no idea how to communicate with them anymore, they think of me as a bad child without rules and that does everything they wants, while Im literally a disabled person who cannot control their emotions because of constant stress and with several other problems. Im not saying that what I did was okay, but what did they expect? They really think that just because Im 14 and she's 9 I should take her humililation like nothing and think of me as crazy when I show my anger. But when my dad is angry, he can insult and curse us however he wants, sometimes even threat us, and at the end of the day, mom still will come to me telling how much my father loves me and that he is just depressed. I promise Im not talking to him again, last time his words hurted me so much when he said Im the biggest shit that has ever happened to them, I was like 8. They dont understand that IM DISABLED AND I WILL NEVER EXPERIENCE A NORMAL LIFE AND I CANT FUNCTION NORMALLY BECAUSE IM DISABLED. They think that its just some kind of illness to cure, they have no idea that everyday is traumatic because of the lack of communication. Its like keep getting accused of things while being mute, and not being able to explain anything. They think that they accomend me with letting me sleep at day and function at night or by not forcing me to do chores or letting me curse. Like these arent accomendations? Just lack of rules and boundaries? I need a peaceful house in which I could be accomendated, but how am I supposed to find peace when my father is insulting me everyday all the time? Especially when he is drunk. Or when mom and dad are arguing and making me feel extremally unsafe because dad always threats to quit his job or kill himself I dont know what to do, and all of this stress doesnt help my anxiety and ocd, I have been crying for like 50 minutes and I still cannot truly calm down

I had intense scrupulosity this weekend. I am triggered by any sermons or scriptures relating to judgment, punishment or hell. I went to church today and the Pastor preached a strong meat sermon regarding God's judgement and sovereignty and remaining in the protection of God. This set my OCD off and made me mental review for past and current sins. I feel like I can never meet the cut and guilty. I fear that I love the devil and that I am hardened to sin. I fear going to hell and dying in my sleep. These thoughts have gotten increasingly harsh lately and I don't kbow how to counteract them. I really need some suggestions.

I don’t know what to think. too much to take in. don’t know what to think of myself. humans are scary. the way they are capable of doing such evil things….. I want to run away. I am starting to feel the need to move. I can’t right now. it will be scary when I do because I’ll be more alone. but I will start new again. I don’t know. so many thoughts. sleeping is much better. reality cuts deep.

I have constantly been feeling like if I hit one arm, I have to hit the other and if I set something down and it just didn’t look right or feel right I had to do it again or I had to move it to a different spot in my room I’ve had never been a clean freak, which is mainly what I get told is OCD And I don’t know if I should even have this app. I don’t know if I actually have it. I’m constantly worried that I did something in my past that harmed others and that’s why people don’t like me or I’m constantly worried People are constantly watching me and I don’t know if that’s OCD or if I have it so please tell me I will delete this app and never think of it again if I don’t I just really wanna know

Lately, I have been able to manage my OCD thoughts kind of. They’re still there but I kind of push them away? I know that pushing them away doesn’t help but it’s been my only way to survive. I get scared often about things like clothes or my voice or how I present myself. I get scared that I want to dress differently or act differently and it scares me. I know for a fact I don’t want boobs or anything like that, but my mind constantly is like “What if?” and it kills me. It has ruined everything for me. Sometimes I can’t even look in the mirror because I get scared that I won’t like what I see. I’ve also been afraid because I find myself relating to many female characters, or I want to act like them. Like Pearl from Steven Universe. I want to be graceful and elegant like her, but I don’t want to be a girl you know? My mind constantly pushes these thoughts of what if and images. Because I am not like most guys. Which I know is okay. It just freaks me out. It makes me question every aspect of my being. I know who I am, but I know that the only way to move forward is to accept that maybe I don’t.. It’s just a lot.

sometimes when i’m doing something like going to the bathroom, taking a shower, changing clothes, i get a thought that is like “what if im not actually in my bathroom and im in school right now in front of anyone but i just can’t see them” i hope that makes sense. i just keep having these thoughts and recently ive been afraid while taking showers and going to the bathroom. writing this out it sounds so stupid but i just don’t know how to stop thinking these things. and when i do think these things i just tell myself multiple times that i am real and i am actually in my bathroom, not in public. but does anyone know a way to make this stop? also i dont know if there is a word for this, and if anyone can relate that also might have these thoughts please let me know im not alone!

I am a 59 yr old and for years I have been struggling to get the correct diagnosis and treatment. So I have always known my mother was OCD. Everything had a place and she would flip out if things were not always a certain way. However I don't think I fully understand the complexity of this disorder. I now am beginning to realize I have these thoughts running inside my mind on repeat and the ones that are negative are the ones my brain continues to feed me. I hope that made sense but I need help understanding every aspect my life that is effected by this disorder. This site has been extremely helpful. Thank you everyone

I need to know if anyone has experienced this because I feel like this is so different and WAY to real. I have a coworker that I got along with quite well and she became my false crush I was always obsessing over if I liked her it was so bad, when I was doing worse, there was times where we would have a conversation and that conversation no matter what it was I would repeat this over and over in my head, or when something funny or interesting happens my brain would immediately go, omg I have to go tell this coworker what happened, and it was so energetic too, I’m so scared this means that I actually like her and it’s not a false crush please anyone has experienced this before?

Where is your God? “My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, ‘Where is your God?’” (Psalm 42:3) There is something about this verse that explains grief and mental health so well. Battling with bipolar, anxiety, depression, or another mental illness can make the days feel so long. It’s as if each passing moment is full of more and more exhaustion. And then, the tears fall endlessly again and again. Or perhaps, you feel so numb to it all that the tears don’t even fall at all. So instead, you are just walking around looking fine on the outside while caving in on the inside. Again, as we step into today’s devotional, we ask that you take a moment to breathe in and know that we are not suggesting that scripture will immediately fix what you are going through. Sometimes therapy & medication are necessary. God created those things and they are good gifts! But, we want to focus on how scripture and the presence of the Lord can be your companion along this journey - never leaving your side once. As we dive into Psalm 42 - the truth is we don’t know exactly who wrote this Psalm or what they may have been going through. However, we can see that they were suffering in a very personal way. Their sorrow ran deep and they could not control it. What’s interesting about Psalm 42:3 is the phrase “Where is your God?” - and the implication. It’s not super often that we face hardship today and there are enemies surrounding us asking about “our God”. However, the Enemy does plant a seed of doubt in our minds. And then suddenly, we are asking ourselves those questions. You’re in the middle of a panic attack with the lies whispering, “God doesn’t care. He won’t save you.” You’re deeply walking in grief and you feel this little voice saying, “God could have fixed it, but He didn’t care enough.” Your OCD is flaring up and every thought in your mind is, “I am going crazy and God won’t make it stop”. “Where is your God?”, we hear the Enemy say. But - in the middle of this mental battle, the author of Psalm 42 shifts their focus to another thought. They say, “My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.” (‭‭Psalm‬ ‭42‬:‭6‬) Remembrance. Your soul is downcast. You feel heavy. Life just feels unfair. Your tears keep falling. Anxiety keeps flaring. Nothing feels right. The author is honest. They admit that their soul is still downcast. They aren’t invalidating the hurt or pain that they have gone through & feel - but they are shifting their focus. Have you heard of the word “Ebenezer” before? It’s considered a “stone of help” and comes from 1 Samuel. Samuel sets up in commemoration of God's help to the Israelites in their victory over the Philistines at Mizpah. It’s a picture of God’s faithfulness for the Israelites to look back on whenever they lose hope. What is your Ebenezer? What is one event that God has shown up in so faithfully that you knew He was real? What has God rescued you from before? We want to challenge you at this moment to write that down. Even if it’s just on a notes app in your phone. Write it down and read it back to yourself. No - your Ebenezer cannot solve the current sorrow and pain that you feel. But - it can remind you that there is a God who cares about you. It can remind you that there is a God who is working despite the invisibility of it. And it can remind you that if God was faithful before, He will be faithful again. “My soul is downcast within me, therefore I will remember…” You can be honest with Him about how you feel & still remember His goodness. Take heart, Child. He loves you, despite how it feels. He loves you. *Essential Worship

I just got an intrusive thought right now. Specific thought*** Next week I will see my family. And my baby cousin will be there, I have intrusive thoughts about him. And right know I got the thought about what if I look into his eyes and tell him without a voice (move my lips) that I wanna 🍇 him. Wtf. I’m terrified, I don’t want to even go because of it right know I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do, cause it feel like I’m actually going to do it. I can’t stop crying. Im also afraid to just say it without a voice but move my lips and just being around him. I really don’t want to go, I’m afraid right know but I don’t know what to say to my family. What have I become. I wish I could put block on my mouth. It’s disgusting I know I hate myself for this. I’m terrified please I’m super afraid to see a baby I literally want to throw up

as of this year, i’ve started to worry about getting an std or getting pregnant. i only have one partner, both of us are clean, and i would never be exposed directly to an std. but it gets triggered when i try on clothing, or touching a surface and then later on i lick my fingers after eating. it’s insane, i know, but for some reason it eats me up inside with the knowledge that stds only happen with skin to skin contact and you can’t get it from trying on clothing. does anyone else go through this?

Honestly I don't know anymore, it feels so weird and I'm having the hardest time with understanding, I have Sexual orientation ocd and it's really damaging and one thing that I have been freaking out unconditionally is that every time I see a masculine women or masc lesbian, I get very scared that I am attracted to her, and I freak out because what if that means l'm a androsexual, where I don't care about gender and I only am attracted to masculinity, idk I'm getting very anxious about it now, yesterday ! was working and I saw a masculine women, who dressed like a man had a buzzcut but was wearing a hat and for a split second I thought she was a man, until I heard her voice and clearly saw she had breasts and I was scared that if I saw her as a man does that mean that l'm attracted to just masculine appearances alone? And I'm even more freaking out because I can't tell if I was attracted to her, or if I was afraid that I could be attracted to her, unfortunately so-ocd works that way but idk this felt to real

Everyone says that if you sit with anxiety the thought gonna pass. And what if I’m feeling no anxiety but want to cry and throw up (maybe little bit of anxiety) what I do then? This thought in my mind all day I’m going crazyy. I want to end it all I’m afraid. Please someone help. And the urge to act on it is so much I want to throw up

i spent 10 hours yesterday just googling and researching possible therapists and various ocd facts. a day off with my kid absolutely wasted. my head is spinning. I can't do stuff like this. it's always something. something to ruminate on. something to obsesse over. scrolling for hours. Just to put my phone down at night, lay there and think "what if I don't even have ocd?" or "what if I missed something?" 😵‍💫😔

This will be a rant cause im so angry about this. I see alot of videos where christians explain why is not bad to celebrate halloween in a way that you still glorify God, and people on the comment section still say be careful, dont listen to him, its dangerous... its like we want to jump through a lake with crocodiles and fire with a bicycle... Can we view it rationally without fear??? The Bible never says be afraid of the devil, be afraid of things, look out for danger... no it says be sober. Can we view it soberly?? So first what is bad? Partaking in a satanist party where you clearly worship satan, talk with ghosts or demons, even hurt people or yourself physically, you can clearly see that this is not good. This is not Godly behaviour. Now lets see dressing up as something you want, going to a party where you have fun with your friends, or in america kinds go from house to house to get candies... is this bad? Here is where people lose it and start to overthink it "but the candy is a symbol of the devil and some people dress up as a scary thing" still is that a bad thing if you dont scare people, you just have fun with your friends? If i dress up as a scary thing am i allowing demons to control me? So every person who played satan in movies became satan? Even in christian movies someone had to play satan. "Yeah but thats different" Why? Am i going out to kill people? So if i dress up as Jesus i became Him? Am i suddely will be blessed by the Holy Spirit? Cause there are non christians who dressed up as Jesus and they still arent saved(dont believe). Why are some of yall so afraid of this day? There no such thing as satans day, how he could have a day please... it was an old holiday and maybe some sataninst made it worse but 90%of the people doesnt act like that in halloween. These are silly characters whos arent real... if you go there, that "its a pagan holiday" well then we go to another problem where we say well christmas is a pagan holiday too and every holiday is pagan, even your birthday. The bible never said to celebrate yourself, its onGodly... but if you start to think soberly you realize that why it would be bad if i take one day in year where i focus more on Jesus, why is bad if one day in a year i will celebrate that im here in the world by the grace of God, why that would be bad? Its pagan yes but do you think God will say "you believed in me but you celebrated your birthday and christmas so youre going to hell"... People lets think rationally... Jesus is stronger than you losing your salvation cause you dressed up as something at halloween or you celebrated it... If satanists say next christmas they will take that holyday and make it for themself, then suddenly you stop celebrating christmas cause its satanist? You can still celebrate halloween by putting God first... this is my opinion. And I want to be clear, i dont have a problem with you if you dont like halloween... you have the right to do what you want. If its not for you, good, i understand, I agree that some people do too much, we shouldnt scare childrens , or we should be aware that some people doesnt like scary things, its okay. I dont have problem with that. I have problem with these people, even to a video where someone explains it well why its not a bad thing if you do it right, they comment "THE BIBLE SAID DONT FOLLOW THE WORLD, BE AWARE, ITS THE SATAN, ITS HIS HOLIDAY, THE CANDIES!!!! THE CANDIES ARE THE SYMBOL OF SATAN!!! ITS THE EVIL!!!". Bro you are afraid of a stupid holiday... Think soberly please... If i made someone triggered or angry im sorry, i had to vent this out cause every halloween its like this, and this year i actually can go to a party but i fight with guilt cause i still have this not rational part who says im worshipping satan... I dont have a problem with you if you dont like it.. if its not for you. But Jesus is much more stronger than a stupid holiday...

Idc if this is seeking reassurance, seeking reassurance helps me sm in trying ERP and that's what I'm asking, reassurance because I want to get better mentally, I want to start ERP but I can't if no one answers me, I'm one of the people that reassurance helps, my paranoias are manifestation and thinking I can predict or influence the future, I'm constantly trying to think of good things so that I don't "curse" things and things that I've already "cursed" I can't use anymore, it's ruining me, can I actually accidentally manifest smth bad ? Can I predict the future ? Can I influence the outer world ? That's all I need to know, cuz if I don't know my brain is convincing me that trying ERP is the universe's way to let my guard down and that's what's stopping me from starting ERP

Ive never had an app update as much as this one and on the worst times too

I have always had intrusive thoughts and when I was around 16 I had my first awful one HOCD. This made me feel so sick and I couldn’t leave my bed. Would look at women and get groinal responses and would avoid anything LGBTQ. I then suffered with POCD, which I nearly asked to be sectioned over. Now, I am with my current partner (10 months)I have known him since I was 14 and have always had a thing for him. Anyway, last year there was this person at work who I forced and convinced myself to ‘like’ don’t even know if I even did to be honest. But his background is awful and everyone around me said it was a bad decision and I knew this too. We used to talk all the time but yeah, anyway… I said I didn’t want a relationship and distanced myself from him and never really thought about him. I’m now in my relationship with my current partner and I adore him. He is fully aware of what is going on in my head. My head is comparing him to this guy at work. Makes me think they look alike, but this all stemmed from when my current partner was talking about his family past and I instantly thought oh no, I hope my family doesn’t think this is bad (they love him). So now, my head is saying ‘what if you love this other guy’ what if the reason you can’t get this out your head is because the universe is giving you a sign’ ‘what if everyone told you not to go there, then what’ the thoughts are endless and honestly, I can’t stop crying, it is making me physically sick, have panic attacks. I confess to my partner all the time and he is honestly so supportive! I feel like I’m mentally cheating or what if I’m denial. When we first got together I was fine. No thoughts and then bang I’m consumed. My head is filled with them. I feel congested with him. I feel disgusting. I look for reassurance. I constantly look on Quora and Reddit. I can’t cope. I love my current partner! And we tried getting together years ago but it wasn’t our time and since, I thought about him every now and again and now my brain is saying ‘oh see, what if it’s the same situation with this guy a work’ I just want coping mechanisms and relief. This honestly feels like torture.!!!

Hi I’m just here to ask what actually is suicidal ocd? What are the symptoms and what is the treatment? Thankyou.