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Hello- so my intrusive thoughts came back and i upped my lexapro from 5mg to 20mg. Now for 2 weeks. Still don’t feel great. Anyone know if it takes longer to get back in your system? Or what? Frustrated . Txs

I’m really struggling and have no idea how to handle this. Can someone help? My main theme is POCD and now its everywhere I look but I feel like I can’t trust myself. I worry a lot about how I feel about younger people (not just minors but also people who are newly adults who are too young for me.) I worry about what I think about them and how I treat them, always worried I’m crossing a line. But I also worry not that I’m doing something inappropriate with someone young but that I’m endangering them in some way. I’m worried I’m a danger just by being on the internet, and that I’ll accidentally come across someone young and the only way to 100% prevent it is stay completely away from social media and stuff and if I don’t then I’m a bad person. I went on a trip and tagged the place I was on my Instagram story. Somebody liked the story and it said in their bio they were 19 (I just turned 24) and I freaked out and blocked them and I felt like the worst person allowing that to happen. And what if what I like is more important in my head than protecting children? Like, what if Instagram is so important to me I keep using it even though I’m doing something wrong? I worry about this a lot with other apps. Another way I worry about this is on tumblr. I’m a huge fangirl and used to be a big part of the fanfiction section of tumblr. I stopped using it because of my POCD. For a while, I’d only read things from people stated their age in their bio and were of a certain age, but then I’d start wondering what if they’re lying? And also, I’d have to try to figure out when something was posted so I could do the math and see if they were too young when they wrote it. And I’d only read things where the person was of a certain age *and* had 18+ on their work because if it didn’t, then it seemed like they were appealing to minors and that’s wrong, of course. But then I started thinking “well 18 is still so young, how can they say you can be 18 and read this?” I know it’s standard if something has sexual content or mature content really it’s 18+ but I was so convinced I was contributing to something awful by reading it and I still do think that. Maybe that’s magical thinking? But I have no idea. Sometimes I think “oh, I could read it as an exposure” but it genuinely feels wrong, I don’t know how I could do that. POCD is at every turn, I constantly feel like I’m doing something wrong and I genuinely can’t tell if some of it is and I’m freaking out. I have a therapist but I’m not sure she understands. She is knowledgeable about OCD so that’s not the problem, I just worry about my specific symptoms. But I don’t know if it’s because she doesn’t get it or because I’m not explaining it well. It’s really hard for me to get my point across so that may be it. I keep saying I feel like I can’t tell the difference between right or wrong and she keeps saying “I think you can” and that terrifies me because I’m so certain I’ve done things wrong which means my OCD makes me a danger and I’m just really struggling and so scared. Can someone please help?

Hi! I have contamination ocd. Last night I was laying in bed and realized I had put on a pair of shorts that were laying on my floor that were dirty. I think what happened is I was getting dressed one day, and I put these shorts on, then I had a bad feeling I was super scared I accidentally had urinary incontinence like a drop but I also felt like that was just OCD because I was thinking about it, and I checked my shorts and there was like a tiny wet spot, but I had just gotten out of the shower and I think I just let it go as me not drying off my body well enough before getting dressed. I put the shorts in my bathroom to put back on after a shower, and that was a few days ago. Last night, I put the shorts back on not thinking, and fell asleep. Now I'm going through an OCD cycle, and trying to order new bedding so I can throw the ones I slept in away. I really just don't have the money though. I don't want to throw it away but now I'm scared it touched urine, even though I don't really believe it all the way but I definitely am feeling disgusting. Whether it was urine or just water, or I'm just overthinking it and it was a different pair of shorts, should I throw my bedding and order new ones? If it's hypothetically urine, would my bedding be clean after I throw it in the washer? What would a non-ocd person do? It might've not even been that pair of shorts, because I can remember not putting those shorts in my dirty laundry for some reason. But I also remember it being that pair of shorts.. 😂 Idk. I'm very stressed out. I want to order new bedding so bad.

So I and my mom got into this big fight yesterday and I said some things I didn't mean to say to her and she said some things and I know what I said was bad but what she said cut deep in me because Even though what I said to her wasn't good her words hurt because going through wat om going through rn is honestly the worst thing a human can go through my worries and fears now all of a sudden now become feeling of Suicide and self-harm and honestly she's right because at this point I'm at a dead end and there's no going back I didn't tell her what was actually going on with me because I know she will never look at me the same and growing up with parents that are Gen x back in the day mental illness is a fucking joke to them apparently and is not taken seriously not all of them are like this but I know a few now I've been thinking about offing myself I don't think I'm gonna make it I'm really struggling.

I’ve been struggling with relationship OCD and differentiating between what is an intrusive thought and what is a real doubt. I was really happy with my partner then I got one aggressive thought that I didn’t love him and this spiralled into noticing all his flaws. I struggle being around him because I feel a huge sense of guilt that these thoughts even come into my head and I cannot figure out if this is my brain lying to me or this is how I feel. It’s really impacting a relationship that is so important to me.

I was talking with my family. I got groinal and usually try to avoid it. My therapist said for erp dont avoid it. Even lean into or aomething. I felt my hips thrust or me lean forward as i was sitting and ocd makes me feel guilty. I than did mental compulsions like self talk repearing “no” and ruminating on it after. But i know i wasnt trying ti do anything inappropriate

What are some things that I can do to help myself cope with trauma I've had in my childhood and teen years? I feel completely down and out, upset, hurt, angry, and just out of energy. I think about unhealthy coping mechanisms I've had that transpired into adulthood and how that's made my health worse both mentally and physically and it makes me feel worse.

I have to go to a halloween party this weekend and im so stressed and and anxious and afraid. I have constant fear but not just because of that, idk for some reason my mental health is really bad these days and that makes me so afraid. All i feel is fear all day about everything and i start to feel depressed about it. I had a bigger illness last week and i had to take antibiotics, idk if that did something to me cause i dont feel like myself, im so scared of everything. I dont find help for fear cause all i hear is to face your fear but noone says how just "buckle up" and thats not helpful, or when i have health fears the usual advice i get is to make sure youre okay but i dont like that cause then i have to make sure all the time that im healthy... I feel like i will get depressed soon cause i really want to enjoy this party but i cant because of the fear. And if you ask me what is the fear, i cant tell it, thats why im afraid more, maybe theres something wrong with me(with my health) maybe the illness did something or the antibiotics and now im like this... I just know that the fear its like when youre depressed and that makes you view everything in a depressive way, like the fear about the party isnt the main problem, i have fears about the party cause i have fear and i view everything by that glass... Idk what is the main problem and in afraid that theres a health problem... Or maybe the health anxiety is the main problem... idk but i dont know what to do with the fear it just doesnt want to go away, and i start to be afraid of everything and i miss my old self. I just saw the people who will be on tge party and i remembered that i used to go with these people to party when i was in university, and then i rememberd i was so different back then, i went alone to alot of places and i wasnt scared. Now im scared to go with people i know, im scared of my reactions, im scared of having a panic attack, im scared of not enjoying and being depressed after it cause i cant enjoy anything... but i know this isnt the main problem... I still struggle with fear of panic attack, idk how people reach the state where they dont fear it anymore... I miss my old self, i wish i wouldnt be afraid and i could enjoy the party...

So sometimes when I know that someone could be watching me an act a certain way. Like when you know someone’s watching you But I end up doing things that are like who care you do you Examples - I was driving and listening to an audio book, and just because there was a car next to me I didn’t want to sip back to the part I missed because I didn’t want the car next to me to think I was stupid. Then I didn’t even know what was going on. - giving my girlfriend a massage and I was so focused I stoped breathing then was out of breath - sitting next to someone and feel like I have to match there breathing - if I break too hard, if I drive I little to differ t the car behind me will think something. It’s exhausting this way I think most times. Because then in social moments I read too deep into things, makes me feel awkward, uncomfortable or also I just look to try hard.. idk what this is…

Just all social media, the white and black thinking is just horrible and makes me spiraling a lot. Specially when I read comment like, If you dont think the same then you are *insert something horrible * I struggle a lot with moral scrupulosity so the cancel culture the anonymous comment etc just makes my anxiety go high I am trying to sit with the discomfort and continue doing what I am doing but it feels bad I want to be more flexible with myself and the world but it is so difficult I am not going to delate my social media because I want to be able to manage this anxiety withow having to avoid thinks I like I dont want to change what makes me happy in a intention to calm this horrible feelings But it is so difficult Thinks are better but low moments hits hard

I'm in the bathroom rn and I left class just too post this 😭😭 my teacher said some shit that scared ME so bad. She literally keeps saying shit that's triggering my ocd so bad, and it got my friend really anxious too. See I don't listen to wholesome music most of my music is about murder, or abuse stuff like that. She straight up told my class that if u listen to dark music like that u can end up that way. I am so pissed off. My moms got ahold of her too, she started arguing almost with me and my friends because we literally tried to tell her no it does not. She said "scientific studies prove" and I'm fucking scared as shit and my mind already has the fear of going insane because of my music. So now I'm sweating head down and I'm super pissed to say the least. It was almost as if she was tryna scare the kids. She says shit all the time that triggers it and it gets me SO pissed off. I'm so like stressed rn today was going good now it's going fucking down :(

This is just a petty rant, but has anybody else had this experience where you tell someone you have OCD and their response is “Really? 🤨 YOU?” I’m a pretty disorganized person. Cleaning isn’t easy for me, I’m not good at prioritizing small details, and my physical presentation is acceptable but not excessively neat by any means. So sometimes when I’ve told people who know me that I have OCD, they almost don’t seem to believe me, because their image of someone with OCD is “clean freak (but only in a convenient and acceptable way).” Things like cleanliness and symmetry have never been themes of mine. I’m sure those who have it can attest to the fact that those types of themes are very much not pretty up close, but the popular concept of OCD seems to encompass only that theme and only in “cute” ways. Like when people go “I’m so OCD haha I have to keep my car super clean!” And it’s just so frustrating, because it feels like people think you’re making it up if you don’t have whatever they’re looking for from your mental illness. It feels like they look at me and my messy spaces and go “If you had OCD, you would be more organized than this, so you probably don’t have it.” I developed religious OCD when I was seven. I mentally ‘erased’ sinful thoughts and raised my hand to get saved every Sunday because I was always afraid I didn’t mean it enough last time. I developed suicidal OCD at twelve. I hid pills from myself in the back of my dresser and refused to be home alone and laid on my floor for hours completely still because if I didn’t move I couldn’t hurt myself. I developed POCD at seventeen. I looked away from every commercial with a child in it, monitored every sensation in my body, hid in bathrooms during family gatherings because I thought I might be dangerous in a way I didn’t even know I was. I developed home invasion OCD at nineteen. I checked every lock day and night, kept a knife under my pillow, slept on the bathroom floor because I was sure if I opened the door someone would be on the other side waiting to hurt me. I developed existential OCD at twenty one. It’s been two years. I’m not a Christian anymore. I don’t want to be. I’ve found something different that makes me happier. I wonder every day if I’m demon possessed. I look for answers and find that everyone says they have them but nobody can prove it. I sit alone in my bedroom and beg for mercy from a god I don’t believe in, just in case. I almost want to die sometimes, but I can’t, because if I die I’ll get my answers, but if I’m wrong about what I believe I’ll fast track myself to eternal suffering. I look at my loved ones and their spectrum of beliefs with suspicion. Who of them is manipulating me? Who is being puppeteered by something evil? Who is just…wrong? If I could trust myself, I would, but I can’t. This is what OCD is for me. For a lot of us. This mental illness doesn’t exist to make our cars prettier for people without it to look at.

This is a repost ------ Imagine your mind is like a house on Halloween night. Intrusive thoughts are like persistent trick-or-treaters knocking at your door, with thier silly and scary customs. At first, you might feel compelled to answer, just as you would with kids in costumes asking for candy. You try to be polite, explaining you don’t have any treats, but they just stand there, waiting. If you keep responding, they’ll keep knocking. But if you turn off the lights and ignore the doorbell, eventually, they’ll get the message and move on. They might even tell others not to bother knocking because no one’s home. Treat intrusive thoughts the same way. If you react to them, they’ll keep coming back. Instead, let them knock without opening the door. With time and no reaction from you, they’ll give up and fade away on their own.

**long post, sorry, need advice so if anyone could help, I’d really appreciate it, thank you** So I’ve been a little anxious and mad at my boyfriend lately since I found out he’s voting for trump in the upcoming election. I’m voting for kamala for a lot of reasons but I also simply don’t like trump one bit. (I’m not considered a democrat or liberal either, I’m neutral with stuff, but not with anything trump stands for). We’ve been together for almost 2 years so I already knew my bf aligned more with the Republican Party rather than democratic, but that wasn’t really a problem for me since I think that both parties have their issues, and he’s mainly neutral with a lot of topics, and so am I. And we’re not really political people either, but this is our first time voting in a presidential election so ofc we talked about it and he said he was voting trump bc he wants the economy fixed. And I agree with the economy but I don’t like a lot of the things that trump says and the fact that he 🍇’d a woman, and everything with abortion, so it threw me off. And then I started to research more and found out that trump wouldn’t fix the economy, he’d make it worse, and when he was president before, we were under obama’s tax plan so that’s why the economy was so good. But anyway, after learning more and more, I started to grow angry at my bf cuz I just don’t see why he’d vote someone who would actively take away my rights if given the chance. I’ve tried talking to him about this and he understands where I’m coming from, and agrees with me that a lot of stuff that trump says and does is ridiculous, he’s not even a trumpie at all, and my bf isn’t against abortion either, he’s told me himself that if people should be allowed to carry guns, we should be allowed to do what we want with our own bodies. And all that makes me feel better, but he’s so focused on the economy and the fact that he just doesn’t believe that my rights would be stripped away, he just thinks that the government wouldn’t allow that to happen. And I tell him that they definitely would, but idk he just doesn’t believe it. He told me that he’s mainly voting for the Republican Party rather than trump, and that statement made me feel better at one point but regardless, the vote is still going to trump so it just rubs me the wrong way. It also doesn’t help at all that I keep seeing TikTok’s and tweets of people saying “if your partner loves you so much, why are they voting for someone that would take your rights away?”, saying to break up, etc., and that really freaks me out because of my rocd. I know my bf loves me and he wouldn’t want anything to happen with my rights, but I think he’s so oblivious to that the fact that there’s a possibility that bad things can happen. He doesn’t think anything will happen and everyone’s being dramatic, but I guess he’s not so skeptical about the government. I’m just hoping that kamala wins so I can move on from this, but if trump wins and he takes away womens’ rights, just like I thought he would do, I don’t see how I could ever forgive my bf. I would just hope that he’d admit he was wrong and actually understand, but it’s also sucks that something would have to happen in order for him to believe that any bad thing can happen. And I know that if trump loses, he won’t be able to run again after this, and that gives me some peace of mind, but now it’s freaking me out that if someone comes along in the Republican Party, that’s similar to trump, I feel like my bf would vote for them and it’d be the same thing every election. Idk I’m thinking too far ahead. I guess I just needed to vent about this, it’s all confusing, idk if anyone can relate, or has any advice (that isn’t to break up with him).

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Sitting on a machine at the gym and worry another man just used the chair and inworry bout groinals. I adjusted my feet which caused more groinals. I know its ocd and dont want the groinals and me shifting doesnt mean anything

I want to let everyone here know that even if ur the “bad” person u think u “are” i still love you. Not that i would be okay with ur actions (depending on what they are) and part of me may not like you anymore but in someways I will still love you. Because you exist, you matter, man. Everyone here are human beings, y’all are more complex than ur good or bad thoughts and actions.Y’all’ve gone through so much and still do. Y’all are still human, and ik most people don’t agree with this take but I truly think no one deserves to be tortured on this earth, this lifetime. Not saying people don’t deserve consequences for their actions or that the consequences should be fine and dandy. I just don’t see a point in making someone else suffer even if they made others suffer, like as much as I want my abusers to suffer and I still do, for me atleast it’s like, they are still humans and they deserve to better themselves and hopefully they do. Even if they don’t well, that sucks, but for me, hating them and wishing them the worst has unfortunately done nothing good for me and plus I don’t like to hate anyone and it only ends up making me hate myself in the end weirdly enough. And dw I don’t want any of you to stop hating your abusers if hating them benefits you, in fact keep on hating on them if u need or want to! And im not here to make you think they don’t deserve to suffer either, again keep thinking that if it makes you happy. My point is that extending empathy to these people is somewhat helping me extend empathy to myself and I wanna lyk I’m always here for everyone because I will always recognize everyone’s humanity, you will always have my empathy even when you can’t always give that to yourself. I hope everyone can find some way to give that empathy to yourself in a way that is most authentic to you!

Today has been, not ideal, but better maybe? I actually was able to spend the night at a friend’s house. We went to a haunted house place, I was dressed as Mario. I kept getting these thoughts, what if I was uncomfortable with the Mario costume? It was very distressing. Halloween has been hard for me since I started my whole OCD journey. Last year, halloween was hard because my Harm OCD was at its peak. Halloween and scary movies would really trigger my thoughts. This year my theme has been identity typically pertaining to gender. Picking my costume was very triggering because I would look at the female costumes and I would be like “Do you want to wear those?” or “You want to wear a girl costume.” it was VERY hard. I’ve also been struggling with this crippling derealization, i’ll look around me and things just.. don’t feel right. They don’t feel real. My head is constantly spinning and honestly i’m just tired. And my question is, why? Why do these things happen to us as people? We’re given a gift, a chance at life, a chance to find all the beauty in every corner of our lives and yet we are plagued with a curse that most people don’t have to endure. Everyone has their issues.. everyone has their battles and endeavors. But why is that? Why do we struggle so much? What makes it worth it? I fight to survive, I grasp on to little shimmers of hope with my life. But it all fades.. and it’s back into the abyss. It’s overwhelming how insignificant our problems can be in the grand scheme of life.. I’m only 16, people say these are the glory days, the days I will remember and cherish for the rest of my life. And yet, I’m living in constant torture. Constant pain, questioning, and suffering.. There was a point in time where I was so connected spiritually too. Where I felt like God heard me. I felt Him.. but lately I don’t feel that way. My psychiatrist and my mom think that this is me just self-sabotaging. And for all I know they may be right. All I know is I am tired of this. I am tired of every minute of my day being taken and controlled by OCD. I hate anxiety, I hate depression, I hate OCD, I hate it all. It makes me feel weak and futile. There was also a point in time where I saw the good in everything. I saw the light. When I was younger I was the friend that people could talk to when they needed a boost. Now I can hardly keep myself together. I miss the person I was. I miss that Landon. I miss that boy, who was kind, and optimistic, and tried his best in school and didn’t constantly question every aspect of living and only saw the good in everything and even people. I feel helpless, scared, and most of all alone. TOCD has been worse for me than harm. This theme has warped not only my identity but my sense of reality, my sense of hope, my sense of self. I just hope the Lord has a plan for me, that he’s working through me for something great..

When I was a child I remember being very social. More than I ever would be now. I tried to make friends and I think I did but there were also times where I was shut down, and bullied. I never liked confrontations with people and I still don't. If someone says something about my in the background I'll just act like I didn't hear it because I just don't want trouble. I distinctly remember a time where on my way to class I was shoved but pretended to not notice it. There was a time where a group of people made it clear they didn't like me. I remember the negative ways other students and even teachers treated me. I've had some teachers that I feel legit did not like me and made it clear passive aggressively. I don't know why this stuff continues to stick with me in adulthood. I don't know if it's OCD or not that makes this so. I did not like high school and I don't like things that remind me of it. I remember in my freshman year where I felt like I couldn't fit in with anyone because of my interests, which is probably why I'm so insecure about the things that I like. I just couldn't relate with most people until I found my group of people much later on. I had problems standing up for myself unless I was angry enough to do so. I didn't open up that much with others and I just kept to myself in classrooms. I just remember certain people picking on me once in a while and I just didn't know why. It makes me feel like a joke. A loser. Or that I'm not good enough. With very little time, I can recall several different times where I wasn't treated fairly by other people or teachers and I just don't know why. Without even doing anything to them. When I was a lot younger I guess I just thought I could talk to just about anyone and things would work out. I remember being a very optimistic kid. It just feels like that side of me has completely shut down. It's stuff like this that just makes my self esteem hit rock bottom. I can recall so many times where I was treated unfairly and that's made when worse by the addiction I picked up in high school where I did really regrettable, awful things. I just didn't have a good time in high school for the most part with some negative moments that just hurt my confidence in junior high and elementary. I don't know how to stop feeling this way about myself. I don't know how to stop feeling like a wimp about stuff like this. I just don't know how I can pick myself up with all the stuff that has happened in my life. I've been trying on and off to work on my self esteem but it eventually just comes crashing down again and again. I just hate that I keep seeing myself as such an embarrassment and a loser. That's what my mind keeps telling me but I don't necessarily disagree with it. Based on the things that happened in the past, it just feels true. I just want it to be the opposite but I don't know how to move on from all of these bad moments that have been buried in my head.

Everytime I go bike riding I like to speed or do tricks and stuff. And everytime I go bike riding I have a blast it always helps my mental health. Yet whenever I go I feel like I'm annoying other drivers. My head will say "you're going too fast and they will think they'll hit you. " and it scares me. I'm so scared that other drivers might hate me if I don't slow down. I'm trying to not slow down to not give in to the obsession and it's just getting worse and the urge is getting even bigger. I think I'm too reckless and that other people will think I'm disrespectful towards the public. I'm very scared of being posted on my towns Facebook for some reason? I'm scared that someone will post about me going to fast on my bike. I know this is a lot but I don't know what's up with me 😭. My ocd has been off the walls lately.