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the NOCD Community

I finally got my OCD confirmed a few minutes ago. I have severe OCD. I feel relief but at the same time I feel so scared because all of this feels much more real. My mom isn’t the most open minded so I could only tell her very little about my ocd, just scared of people dying is what I said. I can’t tell her about the harm ocd, the pocd, or anything else. I feel like I’m lying to my family by keeping all that from them. I haven’t been able to stop crying. I finally have a diagnosis :)

I really dont know what to do. I am engaged and time is runnin thin, my fiance- though very supportive and patient- wont wait forever. He said yesterday he'd like to have a yes or now by mid 2025. People tell me (even my therapist, who is specialised in OCD but doesn't seem to have treated ROCD especially) what i have is "NOT JUST rocd". Nonody denies my ROCD but they think its not just that. I tend to hope its just ROCD and that this is the reason why I can't fully commit and make the decision to marry and start planning it, but I am not sure cause of course you can have ROCD but ALSO like doubts based on real issues which are not obsessive thoughts? Cause I am so scared, so scared of the chance a marriage brings with it. I have trouble with big changes. I don't live with my fiance yet ( we are believing Christians so this is not an option for us ) which means marriage will be felt an even bigger Step and change. I also live in a big community (flatshare with people of different ages and backgrounds) in a small City and I LOVE it. My fiance doesn't, so we would live alone. He wants to buy a house, which means we would live more remote. Sometimes I am thinking ' when I am so scared of leaving this community, doesn't this mean I love the people I live with more than him?' Or is it just that I always loved fellowship and am always scared of big changes? I definitively have ROCD but as you see, but also a lot of Real issues. He also wants children soon He says he's ok with waiting for me to feel ready to get pregnant cause this is another thing: I want children but I do not feel ready for it and it scares me even more than marriage. He is a wonderful man, actually I am sure I'd never find one like him. My therapist thinks I'd have the OCD with another man as well but also he thinks I am scared of closeness. When I told him " well can't I work on this", he answered "no, that's just part of you" as I'd never had a Trauma where I'd been left by a Partner (this is my first relationship). This made me cry. I always leave after therapy very doen and puzzled. I don't know what to do I feel so lost. However I will decide, my decision will be based on my anxiety and OCD. Both future options scare me and make me feel hopeless...the thought of loosing him of us being seperated is terrible, but maybe this is just because I do not want to be alone and doesn't mean I love him :(

I can’t do elections or politics anymore I just can’t. I just voted cause I wanted to help… but people hate violently over picking a president. I’m crying while typing this. I’m scared there’s gonna be a war. I’m scared of everything right now. I’m scared of what my friend would think of me when she figures out I voted for trump. I just voted on what my parents voted for honestly cause I’m too scared and I don’t understand any of this. I’m terrified of elections. I don’t know if I ever want to vote again or stay in this country… at least my friend is nicer than some people…

I’m not asking for reassurance, i’m not even 100% sure if I have relationship/sexual orientation ocd, I just have been wondering this about myself for a while so if anybody has any thoughts i’d love to hear them. I’m a female, and bisexual. For the longest time I was so into guys, having crushes all the time and nonstop obsessing over them. But recently I got my first boyfriend and it made me realize that I’m not sure i’ve even ever liked the guys that I thought i did. I know that I wanted them to want me, but countless times, I would try to start something and end up being the one who hurts them because I realize I don’t like them like that. I think I knew i liked girls when I was around 12 (i’m now 19) but it has always been a different feeling than when I like guys. (preface: I know for a fact that I am sexually attracted to men) Me and the girl I have loved for over a year now have recently started to be more flirty sexually and it has made me question a lot of things. I know that when I see an attractive woman in the street, I won’t be attracted to her. I think it’s called demi-sexuality where you have to know the person first, so I always excused it as such. But the girl i love sent me a photo and I wasn’t turned on by it. it confused me because we have been together before physically and i loved it. i’ve tried looking it up but all i found is asexuality and situations that didn’t sound like my own. i know that i am physically attracted to women. i know that i am physically attracted to men. but when i see a man, i will automatically know that i am attracted to them. and this photo confused me because i know that i am attracted to her but her body just doesn’t necessarily turn me on? i’d like to think that it is just because i am more attracted to her personality, but this also brings out feelings that make me think about all the times when i would be so sure i liked a guy and then not like them emotionally. i wouldn’t want to start something with this girl and then feel like i’m faking being turned on by her body, even though i do want to be with her physically and in person. I also don’t find naked women attractive. I am pretty sure that i find naked men attractive. i am aware that i definitely have a preference for men, but i was so sure that i liked this girl. i cant see how i can like her and want to be with her physically but her body doesn’t turn me on, even though being with her does. (and no it isn’t anything about her body, i think she is perfect, it is just with any girl) if anyone has any thoughts i’d love to hear them because i am really confused. like i said, i am not even sure that i have these ocd subtypes, i think that anyone in my situation would also be confused and want to understand their feelings especially considering that i have never been in a successful relationship and at this point it has me wondering if i am even built for it if i am never able to be fully invested in a relationship whether it be emotionally or sexually. anyways, thank you for reading, i hope i can get some insight from someone.

The thoughts keep popping up in my mind I can't get a breake even as I type this I'm really stressed out because I'm so desensitized to this and it's scary like do I want the thoughts like I know I don't but why does ocd make you feel like you desire something when you DONT!! I've had thoughts like this before and they completely went away but I've never had thoughts like this long not like 4 days in a row usually when I have intrusive thoughts they go away just like that and im like ok thats disturbing but I guess with what's been happening to me brain is like nope you have to be this you want this nope you are this and I'm like OMG SHUT UP NO I DONT!!! I'm tired I don't want to give up I want my normal brain back

I have words that I want to say in a lot of different ways to see how I sound what?? It’s usually names but I feel the urge to say a specific name in a lot of different ways and sounds so I know how I sound and feel. Is this even ocd? Like it weird I’m not saying this with the same sound but I’m saying the word until I felt all the sounds I can say so how know how I sound or something. Like it’s super weird and it’s a word that relate to my Pocd (like name) that I want to say on a lot of different ways to check how I sound and I have the urge to do it. But I really don’t want to so I’m saying my name in a lot of different ways so I know how I sound

Why do I feel likw going with the flow was so much beter for me and that talk therapy/counselling so bad for me? So I have come to the conclusiom over the past few months that I have probably always had OCD or the way that I prefer to describe it is that I have always had the potential for my thoughts and feelings to become what we know as OCD BUT and here is the big BUT. Throughout my childhood and certainly my adultlife i found ways to cope with my negative intrusive thoughts and feelings and that was to learn that 1) I couldnt run away from them and that they didnt mean anything 2) To continue on with with life and what everybody else does by going to work, studying, having hobbies, exercisinh and having dreams and goals to work towards. So as we know these are all things that are good for our mental health whether we have a condition or not and they are also things that we should be doing or aiming for. So the angle I am coming from is that i beleive all of them years i was doing self learnt erp on myself without even ever hearing of erp and I beleive this because I basically continued with life whilst avoiding any urges that I ever got to do compusions or try to find out what my thoughts meant. I then feel that when I decided to go to talk therapy over some bereavement that I opened up the floodgates to OCD because I was now asking the reason of why do i feel or think this when really it doesnt actually matter because i was doing just fine as i was in the first place If anyone on here that has managed to understand OCD and get on a solid path to managing it or recovering from it can offer me there insight to this it would be so so appreciated because I think I finally understand it but its got so bad that i now question everything including my intuition

I'm scared because I keep remembering a memory of something I did when I was 3 while next to my sibling who was 1 at that time and now I'm scared I a*used her and that I'm an abusive, bad, evil POS! (I don't feel comfy sharing all the details, but I was a chronic m*sturba**r as a small child and I find that to be "sexually deviant" behavior because that's what I was taught being Catholic. However, I have a child development background and know some kids just "do this" and it doesn't always signify that you were a victim of CSA/you're an abuser or bound to become one... any advice on how to deal with this damn thought....

Hey everyone I just wanted to come on here and spread some encouraging words about some years ago I started showing some symptoms of ocd I still do today things have been very hard they seem to get better then go back to the same ole it can get rough you may feel like giving up, feel unheard, feel like no one can help you but I promise there is help give your life to god and he can heal you in ways no other can just fully trust and believe in him things will get better it’s only a matter of time trust I’ve suffered some of the hardest times this one really tragic event happen my intrusive thoughts were through the roof I was so scared I couldn’t eat, drink, shower, be on my phone or anything this lasted for a while I had to force myself to shower and eat but I still couldn’t during I contacted my aunt that’s a therapist she gave me some techniques to work through and redirect those thoughts it seemed to work for a little minute like 15 minutes maybe but I let those thoughts weigh me down again all the anxiety, panic attacks, depression, fear, worrying still to this day I can catch myself this way including intrusive thoughts that don’t seem to give me a break, constant fear and worrying, anxiety and the list goes on but I’m trusting and putting my faith in the lord that there will be a change talk to him guys also try a therapist here on this earth he placed professional people to talk to on this earth for reasons like this there’s been times where I’ve hated myself I wanted to give up I wanted god to take me off this earth even begged him at times feeling like my mom or no one really understood me thinking am I crazy is there something wrong no there’s nothing wrong, it would be like why am I having these thoughts this isn’t me please take them away and it just didn’t seem to get better but there is hope guys I am a living witness & so are many others this path can be rough but don’t you give up you may feel as if god doesn’t hear you but he does he does everything in the right timing 🙏🏽!! I love you all & god’s got you don’t beat yourself up! Psalms 23 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. A great gospel song hhpg- Yahweh- George alao, simmidele Tobi walker. Also guys look up Bible scriptures that relate to what your going through they will help God loves you all he’s a forgiving god!!!

My heart is hardened towards God. I don’t feel bad for anything anymore. I feel dissociated from myself. My physical body is here but I am not TRULY here. I don’t care about my soul anymore because i just don’t want to worry and be anxious. Am i in the wrong for this?

One of my biggest fears of speaking out about my mental issues and depression is for my psychiatrist to send me to one of those teen or young adult facilities like the bad ones. Even though I’m 18!! Any tips I can over come this fear? Cause I want help but I’m scared of having to be sent away…

I am starting medication and it is stressing me out. My parents are very against putting me on medication bc they are worried about the potential side effects. My dad told my mum it is up to her whether or not to do it and my mum is very worried but said fine as i was pushing for it. I am scared that if those side effects do happen my mum will blame herself and my dad will hate her. I am so upset bc i love my mum so much and do not want to do this to her but i feel i want to try this.

I hate sitting in my room with only me and my thoughts. I have lost my faith in the lord and can’t seem to get on with my life. I’m so stuck on everything and can’t seem to get better. I keep self harming and get to the point to where I see the second layer of my skin. It gets worse and worse each time I have suicidal thoughts. One of these days it’ll get so bad that well you can probably guess what I may do. I have been abused physically mentally and sexually in my past and it haunts me every single day of my life. Any time I try to talk to someone about my mental health they tell me I’m a waste of their time or that I need to talk to someone other than them. But all that does is make me keep it all bottled up and I can’t take it anymore. They say mental abuse is worse than physical and I can see why they say that. I just want a normal life so I don’t have to be depressed 24/7. It ruins my social life and it makes me loose my friends and family because of how distant I am. I just need help and please give me advice. Also sorry I’m not very good at explaining things.

I am really scared of being a narcissist.. I’ve been in therapy and I feel like my therapist isn’t taking it seriously:( like if I am a narcissist I want to work on it I’m just really scared of harming people.. including my partner:( I don’t want be the reason he needs therapy and I don’t want to ruin his life. I’m scared I’m manipulating him somehow to want to be with me and I just don’t know what to do. I NEED to get this fixed before our relationship progresses but I just feel like I’m not being heard by therapists/psychiatrists We want to get married and have children but I don’t even know if I will be a good partner or mom. If I do have narcissism I just think it would be best if I left him alone :( I don’t know what to do I know that people will say that narcissists don’t care about hurting other people or things like that but I just don’t know how true that is. I also have really mean judgmental, cruel, and hateful thoughts about people and I feel like that means I’m a narcissist

So I have many of the debilitating symptoms of so-ocd and have done for a few years now. Prior to this theme, in my childhood I presented OCD behaviours like having to touch something so someone I loved didn’t die, feeling like I had to do something (an urge) even if I really didn’t want to, if I went away on holiday I would have this mental bucket list and say for example if I hadn’t been in the sea because it was too cold I would force myself to because I just had to before we went home or I would regret it, I was a bit obsessed with figuring out how to ‘live in the moment’ and often stressed that I wasn’t and would regret it when I died, I had urges to scrunch my nose up that I couldn’t shake. However, something i am really struggling to get past though is the past events that may prove this theme to be right. For example - I have a past memory of when i was around 8/9 of me looking up a music video which involved a sexually explicit video of a woman and i remember watching it and thinking ooh i know i shouldn’t be watching this because it is inappropriate and almost feeling sneaky and excited because of this, and i don’t know if this is just childhood curiosity and because i knew i wasn’t really allowed on youtube as a child or if its attraction and arousal and im worried that this proves my fears even though until this theme hit i didn’t think once about it and when i did i just brushed it off because i didn’t think it made me gay but now i feel like it does. Does anyone have any thoughts/advice/similar experiences on this?

So I wanted to clarify . I’m only 18 and I’m almost 19 , I have recently discovered that my ocd might be latching big time to my relationship and I have had weird thoughts and feelings and it just makes me anxious and scared or sometimes even guilty and disgusted. It started off as intrusive dreams and ever since I got into uni some days when I’m stressed if I had noticed something about any of my college mates my thoughts would like take me on a scenario what if that person was my significant other. And it’s very uncomfortable. It’s not like the thoughts are intimate or anything but it genuinely makes me uncomfortable and guilty and it makes me spiral. Today one of my friendly colleagues did a cute gesture by blowing a kiss to me when he knew I was sick and having a hard time and he’s a very friendly person overall Yk but I have no interest in him in such ways yet my mind took the action or gesture he did and was like “what if he’s my S/O” because he’s just so sweet and caring .. I don’t think of him more than a brother .. I wanted to clarify does anyone get similar thoughts that make them spiral ? And then when I was with my partner on the call I actually was completely eased up and relaxed and felt like the weight of the world lifted and I know deep down I love and admire this guy to unnatural levels but why is it that such things do happen? … I’d really love if someone comforted me or consoled me and directed me as to why this happens or if it’s actually ROCD and common , thank you.

Any tips on how to overcome suicidal ocd and fear of depression ? Does it get better ? Currently dealing with this theme for only 6 months and it sucks I don’t wanna think like this …..

im terrified. I cant see my doctor until May of next year for an appointment to talk about getting a referral for therapy through my insurance. That's such a long time and I know I've gone this long without therapy but im so tired of suffering and feeling scared all the time. It feels like there's no hope.

Im so beyond excited and greatful to say that im finally getting screened for OCD on the 25th of this month. Ive been battling my intrusive thoughts and obsessions for years in the dark of what was wrong with me and im finally gonna get the label. I know it seems silly that im so excited to get a diagnosis but it really will be so gratifying to know that im not crazy and it really is OCD. On a different note i cant shake the thought that ill get screened and itll come back that i dont have it. Me and my therapist are almost positive that i do have it seeing as i have almost if not all of the symptoms and they really do hinder my daily life to a great level. Im both terrified and excited to see what happens but im just gonna have to cross my fingers that ill get answers and possibly more help💗💗

I cannot stop constantly thinking about what I need to change and do, but I cannot focus on and exactly do it. I Aswell struggle with repeating overthinking in my relationship, but it’s not something my partner has time for.