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I can’t. I’m so scared. I don’t want to deny the HOLY SPIRIT. I keep having intrusives that make me question my real intentions.

Not like ocd compulsions but more you buy something you should not have or do some not bad but you should not have done. Examples like eating a lot of food at one time, start a random project when you need to do something else , do not do things you need to get done. Say yes thing you don’t have time to do. Can anyone else relate?

I have contamination OCD that causes me to excessively wash my hands/clean items with disinfectant wipes. I know I just need to start with small exposures but how do I do that without spiraling? I tried a while back by just touching the outside of my dishwasher and not washing my hands after and it led to me being unable to even exist in my house. I basically lived on my couch for three weeks as it was the only 'safe' space that I had not touched with my dirty hands. I had to take a week off work to clean my house to make it somewhat liveable. I still haven't got round to cleaning everything though so things like my kitchen are still no-go zones that I don't enter. I just don't know how to start ERP without it making everything worse. Any advice would be appreciated. I am not seeing a therapist at the moment due to financial constraints.

Yall these panic attacks are getting FOUL. please give some good advice. The ocd brain in me be telling me I’m dying and bout to head to the Gates of Heaven. Helpppp

my therapist suggested that some of my less bad rocd intrusive thoughts are actually mine, and not intrusive. She ended up taking it back when she saw the alarm on my face and saw how panicked I got. I feel really freaking anxious. We were only talking about it because I mentioned a lot of doubt surrounding those less bad ones, but it only filled me with more doubt. I don’t want those thoughts to be mine. I really don’t. I feel scared and so discouraged after this session. I feel scared about the worst thoughts, what if those aren’t intrusive. I feel so much doubt.

He won't use condoms due to ED, so I started taking birth control for him. He also refused to give oral until i let him inside me which was weird to me. Anyways, I went to his home at the weekend and it was very messy, tiny room, unclean. It annoyed me that he felt comfortable inviting me, knowing how tidy and spotless my house is, and it took me a few hours to get there on public transport. (I understand that rent is pricey and he travels a lot, but a toilet seat missing). He drives 5 hours to see me on some weekends but my place is always to a standard. Next thing, he always wants to be on top of me but it hurts me and he won't keep trying different positions, and says things like "I give up" then walks off to a different room and won't speak because I won't do it how he wants. I didn't wanna be in his house not speaking so I stayed with family last night. Am I out of order for leaving? first we had the protection issue, now the position issue plus his attitude. Makes me feel like im in the wrong for not letting him have what he wants after 5 months of talking and meeting. I thought once I started taking BC this would solve our problem but now it just feels like pressure, and he also says "you know what I'm doing" like I have some sort of game plan, when I would literally be happy kissing and touching because I love him. I can't figure out why he's so desperate for it, wouldn't he want to make me feel comfortable? This was the first time with him in his city, and he didn't wanna go out anywhere, not even to dinner. I don't ask for much

My head feels weird all the time, it feels like I have a tight headband around it squeezing , like heaviness and a really weird feeling, literally feels something is wrong inside, I also feel spaced out and this feeling of going literally crazy at certain moments of the day and the anxiety spikes. The thoughts are always there 24/7 even in the back of my mind, nothign I do makes these feelings and thoughts go away which is extremely scary. I can’t go on like this, wish I woke up tomorrow and OCD didn’t exist anymore. Do you guys also feel like this? 😫

When it comes to soocd exposures, that sometimes means engaging in triggering things like sex and intimacy with my partner, but I worry that I am sometimes also being compulsive like wanting to be intimate to see how it makes me feel, check my feelings, sensations, emotions etc. and then at that point how can I really do the exposure? Idk I’ve just been struggling so much with this theme lately. I feel like a fraud most of the time and the thoughts convince me I am deeply in denial, constant loop.

Does anyone else relate to the above being the go-to mantra when OCD wants to manipulate you? It's a hard one to shake for me personally, if you have any tips for overcoming this particular thought, it'd be much appreciated! The current example: There is a sticky fly trap that hangs from the ceiling above our drying rack. I removed a strainer to strain my pasta and worried it hit the fly trap (even though I have no reason to believe it actually did). At first the voice was saying "better safe than sorry" and I was able to "overcome" it to drain my pasta but now that I have a bowl of pasta sitting in front of me, I can't get myself to eat it. Update: I asked my mom for reassurance and she gave it to me so, now that I'm eating the pasta, I'm worried, what if she was wrong. This is a pretty common version of a spiral for me when it comes to contamination and consumption, it's just very hard to shake the "better safe than sorry" mantra. No reassurance please, just tiprs to get over the "better safe than sorry thought." Thanks in advance for your insight and support!

Has anyone on here been on Lexapro before ? I just recently started it and I just wanted to see if anyone went through similar symptoms and if they went away at all. It started out as me feeling extremely tired all day long and now recently I feel numb like I have no feeling or reaction to anything like I used to before starting this medication. Has anyone gone through this? Does it go away after a while? Do you end up feeling normal and able to cope with the OCD better? Any feedback would be really helpful. Thank you

So I’m scared I lost feelings for my girlfriend of almost 9 months and I feel like it’s my mind overthinking and anxiety. I talked to her about it and I started crying to her because I don’t wanna break up with her. I care about her being a good person and all and just making sure she’s okay but I don’t wanna lose feelings and I would do anything to get them back. I had the biggest crush on her and seeing her with other guys before we dated even broke my heart for weeks. I wanna live a life with her but it hurts because I think I lost feelings.

I just ended my 2 year relationship with an amazing guy because my intrusive thoughts wouldn’t stop. I started Prozac 9 days ago and the first few days, I felt great and all the original love I had for my partner came flushing back. The next few days I started becoming anxious and today I had to leave work because I could not stop ruminating. When I initially broke up with him I felt a split second of relief, but now I am having the same feelings that I was having before and I don’t know what to do.

My life ended in july when this started. Im waiting for it to come back. Ive been unemployed and cant keep a job because its so debilitating. I used to be happy, But i dont think ill ever be okay again. Its like i died and im just here observing life happen.

About a little over a year now I have had this constant feeling that “I’m going to die” or “need to die”. It started in the summer of 2023, then when fall came around it went away for a while. This past summer it began again and has continued since. I remember searching online “Why do I feel like I’m going to die?” That’s when I read about suicidal ideation. I wasn’t sure if it was that or if it was possibly another OCD flare up. These thoughts are just constantly lingering in the back of my head. Whether I’m at work or out doing something fun I get this really upsetting feeling that I’m going to die. I become panicky and cry a lot when I feel this come on. I’ve also been so terrified at the thought of death and what happens when you’re gone. It’s difficult to tell whether I’m depressed or if it’s suicide OCD. My brain always tells me “What if I actually want to die?” or “What if it’s not OCD and I’m actually just insane?” It is so debilitating living with this. I also have another thought saying “What if this is the only way to make things stop?” I get extremely worried about doing something bad to myself everyday. I can’t even tell what’s real or not anymore. Does anyone have any similar experiences or advice?

My ex therapist said I was probably a lesbian if I had these thoughts, she never diagnosed me with ocd even if I was so obsessed with being sick that I used to go every day to the hospital for years. I was so obsessed with not loving my ex boyfriend, my mom, my Friends that I used to cry every day and Watch their pictures all the time to see if I loved Them. I Changed therapist and She immediately diagnosed me with ocd. But i'm scared to go to therapy now, because of my ex therapist. What If the second One is wrong and First was right? What If they can see things about myself I can't see yet. I'm terrified. I don't want to talk about myself anymore to anyone.

For context, I have severe health OCD and contamination OCD. I also am possibly on the autism spectrum. Sometimes I truly wonder if it actually is this debilitating or if something else is underlying. I can’t go out in public anymore, my physical symptoms are so severe that I can’t do anything but lay in bed, they are so severe that I wonder if it’s a chronic illness instead, I can’t do my online school work, I can’t hang out with friends, I don’t enjoy things I normally would anymore, I’m starting to lose hope, every day I’m unbalanced, floaty feeling, pressure on my chest, weird tightness where my heart is, PVC beats, headaches, my heart races when I get up, I feel weak, I’m so tired not physically but mentally, I don’t have motivation to keep up with my hygiene, I can’t even walk down the road without panicking, I can hardly even sit in a car to go to the doctors, my appetite is completely lost and I’ve started losing weight, I’ve started to even get depressed because I realize how sad my life is, I worry over every single symptom and every sensation I feel. Everything feels so real and so intense. It ruined my birthday, I didn’t even enjoy it or do anything. I’m so exhausted. I’m not even exaggerating, I eat, drink water, sleep, and lay in bed all day. I don’t do anything. I’m only 17 and it already feels like my life is about half over. Each day that goes by feels so hopeless and meaningless that they have started to merge. I really started to go downhill whenever the election happened. Then my therapist didn’t have any openings for 3 more weeks so I haven’t left the house, my life 360 says I’ve been in my home since “November 14th” my symptoms got really bad (which i definitely was sick with something looking back), and now I just feel the same symptoms I listened above every day. I stopped taking hydroxyzine cause I found out that it can cause heart issues and haven’t felt safe to take it since. I was prescribed Zoloft for the second time, it worked the first time but now my mind is too scared to take it again for fear it may make me worse. So I can’t take medication. I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore, my life is so depressing. I’ve just started to go completely downhill. I’m 2022 this is the month that I went to a mental hospital for the first time, I’m about to make it a second cause i genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. Is OCD really this debilitating? It feels like I genuinely have to have something else, there’s no way that something mental can really cause this much devastation in someone’s life. Right? I don’t even know anymore. I’m trying to stay positive but I just want to break down and cry. I feel so lost and hopeless, am I really this broken mentally that it’s ruining my entire life? I would appreciate any support and motivation to keep going because I genuinely feel emotionless.

Hi fellow NOCD-ers. Ive been on this app for a few months now and undergoing erp therapy for a couple of weeks. Ive dealt with various themes but my So-ocd has been prominent throughout my life. I remember it clear as day that the thought popped into my head after I saw a girl with long hair running down the street. My brain went “what if you like girls” and since then this theme has been present in my life. Until that point I had crazy crushes and fantasies about boys. I was about 11 when the SO-ocd started. Since then, it’s always been confusing but I’ve had some serious relationships with men and im married to a wonderful male partner. Despite all this - the doubts creep in. At this point I dont really care if im not straight (rn I even identify as bi). But the thought of having to leave my relationship is so distressing to me because of course my ocd is says “what if youre lying and you never liked men and youre a lesbian” Im just wondering if anyone else has been dealing with this theme since they were young? Just looking to connect with people with similar experiences and not searching for reassurance ♥️

In a nutshell I was struggling w another theme and then a thought of “what if this gets so bad you hurt yourself?” Came up and got stuck. The other theme completely went away I will admit I’ve compulsed and dug into this so hard that now it feels real. It feels like I want to do this but am just holding myself back. I have no history of self harm or suicidal behaviour. Nothing was even going on in my life to make me want to do this. It feels like I did a 180 in a moment. It’s blurred the lines of what’s real and what’s not where even when I’m typing this out that I’m struggling it feels like I’m lying and just going through the motions. I even have thoughts that I’m delaying the inevitable and that even if I go somewhere for help it’ll just happen after. It feels like I don’t want to get better. This never used to be me and I honestly used to be terrified of death. I’ve done some ERP. I can hold knives, belts, pills and stand on bridges and of course nothing happens. Just can’t shake this feeling that I want to and it feels real. It’s such a catch 22

I have contamination OCD and sometimes I don't feel like cleaning. I have a huge pile of blankets on my floor that feel contaminated and I have two dogs and seven cats. I don't really touch them anymore like I used to since my OCD got worse. One of my dogs like to pee on my floor a lot and sometimes I'm too lazy to clean it, because I'd have to get the carpet shampooer out and actually clean. Sometimes I do it because I don't want to wash my hands over and over, so I just avoid it. Now I'm scared that the dry urine is on my feet and are now in my bed. I know that I should just say well maybe it did or maybe it didn't and just go about my day, but it's hard. For the people who conquered contamination OCD how did you get through stuff like this? Thank you in advance to anyone who answers my post.

Does anyone else have a fear of anything being on their hands? Not necessarily that you don’t like the germs on it, but you can’t stand the fact that you have grease or oil on your hands. I can’t stand when I see people eat greasy food with their hands and then just casually wipe them on their pants or blanket. Like it makes my skin crawl. I can eat greasy food with my hands, but afterwards I have to immediately wash them because I don’t want to get that grease on any object. People always jokingly try to touch me with grease and it actually infuriates me, and also infuriates me when I see them touch another object like a remote with that greasy hand. Is this just me or is there anyone else who can relate?