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🔞 tw: p0rn there are days when i feel like there is an emptiness inside me. today i relapsed into pornography, after 2 months..like, i always try to avoid pornography, i know the harmful effects (both chemical and physical). I don't know if sometimes it comes back as a "compulsion" due to the horrible thoughts I have. comparing scenarios, seeing if it gives me pleasure.. While I'm thinking about this, many intrusive thoughts come to mind, and i have to 100% avoid any video that refers to an age gap situation (even though i'm always attracted to older people). like, why does my mind insist on telling me that if it were something illegal I would be enjoying it much more?! or creating pedo scenarios.. i know that pornography is not healthy at all for someone with OCD (i have no diagnosis), but i just feel a lot of fear and dread.

I’ve been struggling for about 8 months. Unfortunately, I had tried to dig and figure my way out of a religious obsession through rumination, only to continue to get into a deeper and deeper hole. I’m triggered by almost everything, having even a triggering thought and surge of adrenaline multiple times per minute. Bc of this constant state of anxiety, I also have clinical depression. I feel so trapped in my own mind. I just don’t see a way out? I can’t even pray anymore, bc praying is a trigger. Anything good is a trigger bc it reminds me of my former life. Did anyone come out of such hopelessness?

Here are 10 things that helped me in my journey to living a better life with ocd. I hope they help you too. 1. Get sober - alcohol and substances in general may allow users the sense that they give temporary relief (at least that’s what alcohol did for me) but the reality is, they always come at a mental health cost. Sobriety has been key to getting myself at a baseline where I can begin healing. 2. Stop seeking quick fixes - I tried medications, supplements, diet changes, therapy and tms. None fully “cured or fixed” my ocd. The only thing that has worked to quiet my mind is erp. We must often go where we’ve been avoiding in order to get to the heart of the issue. 3. You cannot think your way out of anxiety - people with ocd often trying to “solve” the problem they are fixated on. Hate to break it to you but your not solving any riddles. You must take a step back and realize that you have a fixation on a subject that is causing you distress. Ramping up the thinking does not solve the issue. 4. Don’t listen to the accusations - if you give your internal accuser power over you, they get louder. We must continually practice gratitude and self love. We are all on a journey to recovery and well-being. 5. Stop self-checking - this is a big one for me. If you continually check to see “am I still having the thought” you breathe life into it. We cannot control thoughts but we can control responses. 6. It’s okay to not be okay - we are not bulletproof. We are human. We will have good and bad days. What we need to do is have self acceptance and self love to help us through the difficult seasons. 7. Feelings come and feelings go - nothing lasts forever. Not even OCD. There was a time before you had it and there will be a time after. We tend to think that when we feel bad, it’s going to last forever. But it will not. 8. The problem is not the problem - we tend to think the issue we are obsessing on is the issue. It is not. The issue is your fixation and stress response system. Not the subject. Take harm for example. You maybe concerned you are going to harm someone or yourself. But the issue is not that you’re fearful of harming someone and losing control but rather your response system that continually traps you in these thought cycles. That’s the root of the issue. 9. Slow down - often times in moments of stress, we ramp ourselves up. Regardless of what is stressing you, you do not need to respond in a ramped up fashion. Slow down. Take your time. And realize it’s a journey of recovery and healing. 10. Practice mindfulness and being present - ALL OCDers are either fearful of the future or concerned with the past. But let me ask you. Where do you find yourself now? The past is gone and the future is not here. You are like everyone else. In the present. Stop living in a fantasy thought space. Be present. There is a lot to achieve and appreciate here and now. I hope these helped you like they’ve helped me. Wishing nothing but blessings and growth to you.

I feel like the thoughts are actually me now. Specifically the ones about my sexuality. I’m bisexual so yes I do like women but I’m worried I ONLY like women now and will lose my bf. Idk if I actually want to have sex with a woman. I’ve never had the desire to. Idk if I actually want to leave my boyfriend. Right now I feel indifferent when a few hours ago I actually felt normal feelings. I’m scared im never gonna enjoy sex with him again and I’m gonna be leading him on for years denying that I only like women when I do actually like men and enjoy sex with them it’s just when I have a lot on my plate (my thoughts, finals, other family stuff cuz yay holidays) I can’t actively enjoy it and want it to be over faster. I hate this. I just want to be normal. I’m getting Groinals over nothing and idk how to deal with them. Like I’m reading a story about lesbians coming out or I’m typing smtjn about my anxiety around the thoughts of my sexuality and I feel smthn down there. And I’m worried it’s true. I don’t feel actual anxiety in my stomach about it but I start ruminating but still feel confused. There’s no answer at the end. Is that normal? Idk what to do. My therapist and I took a break cuz Christmas so I’m out of therapy for 3 weeks. What can I do? What happens if I actually do enjoy the thoughts? I know it wouldn’t take away from me loving my boyfriend but I’m worried it’s gonna be stronger but again, doesn’t take away my love for him. Even if I’m slightly more attracted to women, I still like men. I can’t imagine myself being intimate with anyone anymore tho. Except my boyfriend when it’s actually happening but lately it feels like a mental block before we start but I go forward anyways. How do I know if it’s denial or if it’s just ocd? I’m scared that I’ll come out the other side of this a lesbian. My brain is already conjuring up thoughts of “aha I’ve solved it I’m a lesbian” when NO!! I LIKE MEN. I know I do. I just also like women. YOPPEE me for having options. CAN I PLEASE BE HAPPY WITH THE OPTION I CHOSE? THE TALL NERDY MAN J FELL IN LOVE WITH? FOR JUST A MINUTE? How do I know if I actually don’t have feelings for him and am just holding on cuz of denial? How do I know? I want a future with him and it seems so peaceful and beautiful but then my brain says “noooo you’re gonna break up with him cuz it’d be better being with a woman. Jordan wand is dating alistair and she’s happy” like good for her she has a gf but she’s also bi and likes men she’s just dating a woman. SHHH. Like my brain is convincing me that “ah yes this is the wrong person for you stupid.” No. I know I should stop fighting the thoughts but accepting uncertainty scares the shit out of me cuz what if I accept too much of it and actually end up hating my boyfriend. Even if I do remain bi what happens then? It’s 6 am I need to sleep I’ve been up all night. I’m supposed to study but I can’t.

why do exposed legs and thighs on triggers stand out to me so much and trigger me? why do they feel se&ual? i don't want them to feel that way. does me noticing this mean that im a ****? I don't like this, I wish I didn't notice this feature. Whatever I perceive whenever I see those things is real tho, I don't think it is some imaginary OCD thing, but also 3 years ago before the OCD onset I never noticed. Is it because of the uncanny similarity with shaven lucid adult legs? And I associate that look to se&ual things and therefore the association triggers me? I just think that it shouldn't look that way, and that I shouldn't perceive it in that disturbing manner. I don't know. I'm so disturbed and scared of the fact that I might be attracted or finding them attractive. I just know I'm bothered and that this is unwanted, but nonetheless is real. Maybe I am attracted and I'm in denial, I cannot tolerate that being true. What if something is wrong with me and I'm sick in the head? What if my brain actually finds the exposed legs attractive and is in conflict with my morals? This theory just now feels very plausible and I can't stand it. I'm bothered that they look that way, in my head they shouldn't look that way. What if I notice and I'm triggered because I find it certain type of legs to look attractive? Some time ago I saw a trigger's legs and I forced myself to come to a conclusion according myself to my reaction to it and I thought "yeah maybe they look attractive" and it bothered me a lot. I don't know.

I’m positive I have OCD I don’t think get too many compulsions but the obsessions are what mess with me. I’ve recently started medication for depression that is as a side effects supposed to treat ocd but I’m not noticing anything with the symptoms. Also who do I go to to try to get an actual diagnosis?

Do y’all ever forget basic needs sometimes? I have been going through a phase where I don’t drink water all day until night time and I drink so much that I hold my pee throughout the night until morning. I notice sometimes I even hold my breathe and get light headed or a headache and think something is medically wrong with me 😭or is this my ocd?

for the most part i am extremely quiet abt my anxiety and intrusive thoughts because i know most people don’t really understand it. i sometimes get into arguments with my parents bc ill try to explain myself and why i am anxious but they just chalk it up to either im an emotional teenage girl or im severely mentally ill and im going to kms. its so annoying because they never understand and then wonder why i don’t want to talk to them. they tell me i have to go talk to somebody and get medicated but i’ve done therapy before and i honestly think im doing a great job managing my intrusive thoughts on my own. plus medication for me would be my absolute last resort and im confident i can handle life without it. i know that i am capable and i am stronger than ocd. i know some days it gets really bad and i know what i need to do to accommodate myself in those times. my parents don’t understand this. the times it is visible they end up making me more anxious and threatening me with the hospital never helps. i think im doing fine and i wish they would just let me handle it on my own. a breakdown once in a great while does not mean i cant function as a person. sorry for the long rant im very upset abt this today

When an intrusive thought comes I can’t just say “that’s not true” and just move on. I always feel like I have to disprove the thought and be able to say it with confidence but the problem is that the ocd doesn’t allow me to feel and say it with confidence so I get stuck for hours or even days. How can I stop feeling like I need to do this?

I'm sorry if this post is long, but I'm wondering if anyone has dealt with a similar issue? I'm currently seeking an OCD diagnosis from a psychiatrist, but we're trying out medication right now, so it's sort of a waiting game at the moment. I've been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder in the past, but I suspect I might have OCD due to the onset in intrusive thoughts I've been having recently (the past 6-7 months). I've had intrusive thoughts when I was younger and convinced myself I'd harm my family members and grow up to be a serial killer. It was extremely distressing, and I'd cry myself to sleep every night after imagining scenarios where I actually committed those crimes. Although, recently, I've been dealing with thoughts of becoming a p*dophile. It began when I was 18 years old (I'm currently 19 years old). A family member opened up to me about them being assaulted at their daycare, and this led me to get a really horrible image of something like that happening to my little brothers who had just started daycare and elementary school. Then, this spiraled into games my younger sister and I would play with each other when we were younger (I must've been 8 years old), and I had worried I might have done something bad. I confessed this to her, my psychiatrist and both of my parents, and they reassured me I didn't do anything wrong, but the thoughts didn't stop. I began obsessing over every little memory from childhood, and a lot of bad memories resurfaced. As a child, I had unrestricted internet access, as I'm sure a lot of my generation did. This led me to have inappropriate conversations online with adults who knew my age, and later, I went down a rabbit hole of finding inappropriate content on YouTube. For years, these memories rarely crossed my mind or mattered to me until recently. In the process of researching for reassurance, I found out about hypersexuality. I'm afraid that those things I engaged in as a child might've caused all of this? I'm not even positive if I'm hypersexual, but one of the symptoms was paraphilia, and I freaked out. What if what I thought was POCD is actually hypersexuality, and I'm going to give into these intrusive thoughts/urges... I try to tell myself that if it's causing me this much distress, that won't happen, but then my mind tells me there's always a possibility, and maybe I'm just in denial about it all? What if these intrusive thoughts make me become a horrible person? It's such an isolating experience. I'm sorry for the long post, but advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm wondering if people have had similar experiences and, if so, how have you dealt with these thoughts? Thank you🥲

This is probably going to be a bit triggering for ROCD folks, so please be warned. Does anybody else have the feeling that they were not initially that physically attracted to their partner? My girlfriend said something about how I wouldn’t have messaged her if I didn’t find her attractive, and now I’m emotionally flooded and feel the extreme urge to confess that those feelings took some time to develop. But that also scares me, because I feel like I’ve gone through waves of diminished attraction since then :( It’s also hard for me sometimes to appreciate her beauty because even when she looks like an angel, I can’t stop checking for attraction (which in turn dulls it). I’m just feeling awful right now and like I’m lying to her by not telling her this. I love her more than anything. I don’t want to hurt her with a confession (or continue the confession cycle- it’s my biggest compulsion), but I also don’t want to hide anything or omit info that could be vital for her to know. I just need some words of wisdom :( I feel like such a deceiver. Is this something I should confess?

I have a lot of friends that have health anxiety but they have the type where they constantly go to the dr for every little thing to check to make sure they are ok.. i unfortunately am 100% convinced I’m dying or terminal or will receive the worst prognosis. I am slowly conquering my fear of the dr but not as well as I would like to be.. I was CONVINCED I had melanoma to the point I was crying everyday because I was so sure I was going to die.. I couldn’t bring myself to go to the dermatologist because I was so scared of receiving bad news.. I did finally go! I spent all summer crying over it but went in November got 2 moles removed and they both came back benign.. I’m mad at myself for missing out on life and wasting so much time for it to be nothing.. the theme has jumped to my teeth.. I vape which I know is awful and I’m working on stopping.. I eat a lot of sugar and I haven’t been to the dentist in awhile.. there is some noticeable tartar on one of my bottom teeth but I can’t bring myself to go to the dentist because I’m so convinced I have mouth cancer or will need surgery or my teeth removed.. any advice on how to face this.. it’s so exhausting because if one thing gets checked out I just switch to the next.. idk when it ends. And the more appointments I go to the more scared I get because I’m like well everything else was okay so THIS TIME it has to be cancer or a big problem..

hey! so basically i got an intrusive thought about a dude i used to talk to forever ago. and i had these thoughts about alot of people, like jusy random anythings, and id make me feel so guilty, id have to tell my boyfriend all of them. well the dude i used to talk to, the thought was something about his arm, and i drove myself insane over the thought (BTW! mine and his past were terrible, it was alot of me homewrecking, leading him on, ruining friendships, being a bad person all in general.) and well, i told my boyfriend about the thoughts, he told his friends yada. it got out, qnd now even in a new relationship i still get the intrusive thoughts about him being good looking, or me having romantic feelings. and mainly just his name popping up, and it makes me question, give me anxiety and a paranoing fear of people finding out. especially his gf, and my boyfriend, and i fear that he could find me attractive? and i dont want him to think of me like that? like it scares me. and i have to talk about his relationship with his gf. so reassure myself they are happy and hes not gonna leave her again for me, and we havent talked romantically in over 2 years, and the intrusive thoughts happened sometime i. may of 2024. and still going so what is this? please help me.

I am curious about how an ocd free mind looks like

I just feel petrified and I don’t understand why. There aren’t even any thoughts right now. I just feel so scared.

This might be asking for reassurance but I’m at a point I’m not sure if this is ocd and who better to ask than you guys. Also want to mention I have been to a psychologist who diagnosed me with ocd and I’ve tried to seek therapy through NOCD but had a bad experience so I’m just looking for an opinion I’ll take with a grain of salt. I’ve been through bouts of pocd that I got through but now it’s morphed into something that feels so different. It’s like harm ocd and pocd together and it revolves around my daughter. Before this happened I was a loving mother who valued my kid more than anything. Now this is happening and it feels so sinister. I’m getting urges to do something bad and I get these feelings like I want to do that and it’s like my brain gets foggy and my values slip away and I feel like I could do it. But then I get a moment of clarity and I’m like wait a minute I’ve never hurt anyone in my life nor have I ever thought about it and this is my child what is happening. But then I get that foggy brain again and it’s like I can’t see her as my child. I try to sit with it and it’s like I get this adrenaline rush and feel like I have to do it. But I know I don’t want to do that, but then it’s like trying to make me want to want to. I’m not sure if I’m just lacking insight and clarity because I’m overwhelmed with the groinals, urges, thoughts and feelings but I just keep obsessing over the fact that death is my only way out. I don’t understand what happened to me. It feels like this demonic oppression and I don’t know how to get through this one or if this is still something I can get through because it might not be ocd. I try to go with the thoughts and feelings and say yeah maybe, maybe not, or yeah I’m going to do that but it seems to fuel the feelings. I feel like I’m teetering between the person I was and this evil awful person who has no regard for others. I don’t want to be around my daughter and I’m just angry all the time. The fear and anxiety used to be something I relied on and I feel none of that now. I used to be able to say “well no matter what I feel or think I can control my actions” and now it feels like I cannot control my actions but I’ve never hurt anyone before. Someone please give it to me straight and tell me if you think this might not be ocd.

Where do I begin with this…….. so my OCD has been around since childhood and has had many themes over the years. I only realised I have it just over 2 years ago. I’ve tried many things to help it not be such a monster and thought I had a good grip on it for a length of time until now! Some of my strategies have been acceptance, change of perception of thoughts and sometimes on hard days just telling myself that no matter what, I have to be brave and go out and live life. In the last few months I’ve developed none OCD related anxiety as well and so have been looking at ways to help with that. Sunday morning I was just casually scrolling TikTok and a video only about 30 seconds long or so comes up, seemingly a therapist of some kind, straight away the video began something like “you cannot replace a thought with another thought” along the lines of “you can’t THINK your way out anxiety” I don’t know the full context of the video it wasn’t long enough, I don’t know who the therapist was I didn’t look but now purely because of that one sentence my OCD has gripped onto it so badly and is trying to tear down some of my strategies because I have used changing my thought patterns a lot to help me, self compassion etc but now because of that video I’m struggling! I’m not looking for answers but I am just really upset and it feels like I’m in an impossible grip of OCD again

Literally everything. I was talking to my friend, I have to confess that to my bf. I post on here, I have to confess that to my bf. I make a joke, I have to confess that to my bf. This is getting out of hand. I was doing better and I had stopped confessing but now it’s like on crack.

Hi there, I hope you’re all well. Sorry for the long post, however, I would appreciate any advice. I also appreciate it if you want to stop reading at some point as this will be a long, and brutal post. I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD however, as we all know, the diagnosis can take a long time and I feel like it’s 100% a given that I have OCD. When I was 10 I was experiencing extreme intrusive thoughts about me doing bad things I.e killing someone, or robbing a shop etc. I practically forgot about this part of my life until 3 years ago when I developed some form of stomach bug which was making me want to be sick, although I was never sick, I just thought I wanted to be sick. I went to the doctors and they prescribed me anti sickness meds, which didn’t help, and soon after this I realised I was just anxious about something (which I’m unsure about), and then realised I never needed to be sick after all. When I realised it was my anxiety, it reminded me of my intrusive thought I use to have as a kid, and then this just re triggered my OCD and I was having horrible thoughts about other people, my wife etc which gave me a lot of anxiety. A lot of it was ROCD about not loving her etc. It took me a long time to get back to some form of normality, but I did. I would never say I was my usual self, but I got back to appoint where I came off meds, and felt relatively normal again without as many intrusive thoughts - and I thought I was ‘over it’. About 6 months ago, for whatever reason, I had a thought that ‘what if I’ve had an affair’, and it’s spiralled since then. I have no idea why I had that thought, and why it caught me so hard as I have never had an affair, but it did. And what I’m going through now is nothing like last time, it’s 100x worse. I tried to manage it by sitting with the thoughts etc, as that’s what I thought i use to do, but it just got worse and worse and worse. I feel all I ever use to do, was thinking about what I use to do to manage it, but it literally transformed into me only thinking about controlling/managing my OCD and never really on anything else. It got to a point where all I could think about was compulsions, and thinking if I didn’t do certain movements, thoughts etc my life would return to normality. I would feel a sense of satisfaction after not doing certain things, as I thought that was me resisting compulsions, but really, it was me just making it worse. At one point I would resist the urge to move my legs, or check my phone as I thought I just need to literally ‘sit with it’, but I took everything so literally. I’m now at a point, where I’m heavily depressed and can absolutely not see a way out, in fact, I have in my mind, that I’m going to EML, and i can’t shift this thought or feeling. I feel immense guilt and sadness in everything I do now as I’m just lying to everyone, and it’s un bearable being around my wife. Last week, I had 2 days where I even thought to myself, that I had turned a corner, and I think I actually believed it. But I feel that could have been because I was doing everything at 1000 miles per hour, and would constantly tell myself ‘I’ve got a great life’ and just reassuring myself constantly. I tried ERP, but I think this is too severe and when I was speaking to my therapist I couldn’t even concentrate because of all of the negative thoughts whirlwinding in my brain. I can’t remember what I use to think when I was normal, and I currently get enjoyment out of nothing. The thoughts are so constant, and I feel like because all I was doing was thinking back to how I dealt with it last time, my mind is now giving me constant images and thoughts of the past which just make me depressed, no matter what the thought is. I tell myself ‘to be in the present’, but I feel likes it’s even a compulsion me telling myself to do that because that just gives me a sigh of relief when I tell myself to do it. I’m so sorry for the long post, I just feel like OCD has completely transformed me into someone else, and I want to get back to the old me but I can’t even remember who that was and if it’s possible. That hardest thing to get over now is the fact that I can’t shift the feeling/thought of EML. Due to this, everything I do is unbearable. So sorry for the long post however, if there is any advice out there, that would be hugely appreciated.

Idk if it’s ROCD rn. I don’t feel much anxiety but it could be habituation to the thoughts of breaking up and worrying about if I love him enough. It’s hard to see a future. I’m pretty sure I still want it. It’s just it’s hard to see cuz of the thoughts I’m having. But there’s no anxiety. Is it just me falling out of love? Idk anymore. I’m a bit stressed and sad. I do love him but I worry I don’t love him enough. We’re of different cultures and religions and reading comments online people say it just doesn’t work so maybe it’s getting in my head. I feel a bit numb and confused. I still respond to the thoughts so that doesn’t help. Before all this a future with him was so clear but now imagining it I feel slightly anxious. Maybe it’s cuz I’m worried the risk won’t work out. I do want it to work out but I’m finding it hard to pixture the future Maybe it’s cuz idk what’s in store cuz this isn’t the life I imagined for myself. I never imagined dating a sweet Muslim guy. I thought I’d date a mediocre white man lol or a woman(yay bisexual, but also really scared cuz of soocd which could also be impacting this) So it’s a huge culture shift for me. I can’t see the wedding. I can sorta see the apartment. That doesn’t really change much, just the decor. I can’t see a family even tho I really really want it. I want to be immersed in his family and culture. I’m worried I’m gonna get bored of him which is literally impossible. I’m worried I’m gonna cringe at his looks. I’m worried I’m gonna realize I’m gay in the future (I’m not I know that. I like men) idk. I’m scared and confused. Did anyone else struggle with being unable to picture the future but knew or sorta knew you still wanted it despite the thoughts you were having? I can’t tell if it’s just an ocd thought or a genuine concern because of our differences even tho we’ve discussed everything. I know there will be events we can’t expect but we talked about what we could and then my brain jumps to worst case scenarios about smthn that may not even happen I want to live my life with him I know that. Idk what to do or how to distinguish the thoughts. Usually if it’s a what if it’s a not me thoight is what my therapist says so I try that but a lot of the thoughts come as statements. What do I do?