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OCD brings so much unnecessary guilt and shame, and I understand we need to accept the uncertainty and be able to find forgiveness within ourselves if we are dealing with past issues, but is it really possible to eliminate these negative feelings and be able to focus on the present? I'm always looking back and wishing things had ended up differently. "Maybe if I didn't do this, maybe if these things didn't occur... Maybe." It wasn't always like this for me, and that's how I've been holding onto hope that things will improve if I continue to march forward, seeking help from professionals and people around me. But, I still have those thoughts... That life would be much easier if I didn't have to deal with any of this, and these thoughts act as a weight that tugs me down and keeps me from progression. How do people do it? I flip-flop between this multiple times a day. I'll be hopeful, and then the next second, I don't even want to be here. I'm going to be seeing my psychiatrist in a little over a week from now, but I've picked up so many new fears since my last appointment (a month ago). There's always something... It feels impossible. I know it technically isn't, but still. I've seen people that have more extreme cases than my own, and they've been able to recover. But if it isn't my exact situation, the doubt always finds a way to sneak in, and it makes me feel like I don't deserve a future where I'm not constantly being bombarded by intrusive thoughts and things. Before this, I had intrusive thoughts. It's normal, but I didn't remember each and every one, if any. It's hard to move forward with all of this, coupled with the loads of trauma I have to unravel. I don't feel like a "normal" life is even possible for me. I miss who I was a year ago. I've lost all confidence in myself in the span of seven months. I feel like I have whiplash from how quickly things changed. This post started out with a genuine question, but it turned into a mini vent. I'm sorry😭 I'm genuinely curious if life will ever go back to how it was, or if people just live with this constant voice in their heads shouting at them every day.

Tw: pocd, cancel people My thoughts were acting up when the day is almost over. (I saw a few minutes of a video of another artist getting cancelled for being weird with kids again as a fully fleshed adult.) of course it triggered me and reminded me of my real event. I tried thinking about the things my therapist told me to chill out but im having a bit of trouble right now. Does anyone have any nice videos to watch? Nice quotes to share? Anything they find comforting? I had such a nice Christmas eve and Christmas today with my family i dont wanna ruin it.

I hate when my OCD revolves around themes that are sexual. It includes family, kids, and my pets. It makes me feel gross, and contortions make me feel like I’ve acted on these things. I feel extreme guilt all the time, and I also feel like an imposter hiding behind OCD and fooling everyone, even myself. I don’t want to hurt anyone, it hurts me to argue with people sometimes even if they’ve hurt me. I love my cats, am not a big fan of kids, but I do love the kids that are in my family, such as my cousins, and I love my pets. All of these things are very important to me, and OCD has convinced me that they are not and I’m some sort of monster. Being hyper sexual as a kid alsoreinforces this thought that I’m a bad person. I hate this and sometimes I feel like I’m alone, alone, meaning that no one has gone through it in this way, super extreme, with compulsions that include self checking down there, or thinking of thoughts on purpose to test yourself. I feel lost

**TW for POCD** I know intrusive thoughts can literally be anything but I’ve been dealing with thoughts that feel tied to curiosity, especially about anatomy, and it feels like they’re charged because of the subject matter. I’m not sure if they’re intrusive. For example, I might get a question about prepubescent anatomy or reproductive functions, and it feels like it could be intrusive or at least anxiety-inducing. Usually, I try to handle it by looking up neutral, educational resources like illustrative charts or articles, and that tends to calm the anxiety, and I feel fine. But afterward, I feel lingering guilt, even though I do my best to approach it with a want to learn instead of anxiety. **********TW********** The questions will be something like (these thoughts will pop into my head less formally): How testicles develop from childhood to adulthood? What do they look like before puberty? What does a condition like micropenis look like? (I know this one isn’t POCD related but unfortunately it brought up an image of a baby instead of an adult and triggered me terribly) Are erections something that is possible from birth? Is the vaginal canal fully developed at birth, is it as textured as it is as in adulthood? *********************** I’m unsure if this is part of my OCD, if I’m overanalyzing it, or if it’s something I should manage differently (not look up?). I think there’s a clear place my OCD does attach to and it’s where it tells me that I will look up something harmful or just worse if I looked up these ‘curiosities.’ It also fuels the thoughts that I’m a pervert, though I’ve always been interested in anatomy. It just feels more urgent now and anxiety inducing when it’s about children. I hope that makes sense. I saw a post made by another person on this app who had similar thoughts and I’m leaning towards it being OCD related. Any advice? Thank you in advance :)

I was watching a movie with my mom and it was about a family that brought this ai and they were talking to it like an Alexa and there were kids in it so as soon as I walked in there was this child like in middle school he was on the tablet and searched for the word b**bs and I was like wtf....something was telling me to stop watching the movie but I ignored it anyway because i just wanted to expose myself and so when the ai was talking to the family the kids face finally showed up on screen and I litterly kept looking and checking to see if I was attracted and it litterly felt like I was because but Idk it was kinda like a tingly anxiety feel good in my stomach like it felt genuine!?! Like what the FUCK is going on and the worst part about it is that I got a intrusive thought in my head but it felt like I actually was the one saying it and it said oh he's kinda... Like WHAT!? I don't know what's going on anymore with me like I'm really scared I litterly just ignored it and try to kept replacing thoughts in my head saying aww so adorable every time they kept coming up on screen especially with the other child I had to look away because no like is this my life now I don't understand I've been around kids all my life and I've NEVER ever felt anything this all can't be from a compulsion and now it genuily feels like I like or am attracted I'm so scared I don't want to be a p word I've feel like I've accepted this crap it's so scary I feel lightheaded I feel like I'm denying or oppressing something Idk what to do it's never gotten this bad.

Hi everyone, I hope everyone is hanging in there! I just wanted to let people know that God is really helping as he is using a Naturopathic Doctor to help me who uses “Cellular Medicine” to help heal disease. I was on the Max of Clomipramine 250 mg, the common OCD Medication. I am down to 150 mg now and I was on a heavy “Anti-Psychotic” called Perphenazine…honestly, I now don’t need it, somehow being psychotic was affecting my “OCD”, now I am not on any of the Anti-Psychotics and my OCD is like 5-10% of what it originally was….This is such an amazing blessing from God!! If anyone wants me to explain “Cellular Medicine” and what I take I will gladly share…..I have posted things like this in the past and I think some have found it annoying even though I am just trying to give hope. Thank you for healing Jesus!! God Bless everyone

How do you know intrusive thoughts versus intuition with ROCD? I’ve tried doing some research on this but can’t really find any answers. Does anyone have any advice on how to decipher intuimos and intrusive thoughts?

my boyfriend brought up an issue with something i did yesterday and it’s sent me into a spiral. he said that often times when he is expressing a problem of his or something he’s going through that i then take that and make it about me by talking about my own problems relating to the same/similar circumstances. looking back i think i have done this but i never had any malice or bad intention behind it. after he said that i kept worrying that im a bad person and that “why would he want to date me since im such a horrible person?” he’s also brought up before that is seems like the relationship is more catered to me and what i want to do rather than equally between him and i. i’m working on that but im just scared he’s going to meet someone and they are going to treat him better than me and he’s going to decide he deserves better and leave me. he’s never given any indication that this would be the case but i can’t help villainize myself and worry that he’s going to find someone better. how do i stop ruminating on this?

I’m not trying to seek reassurance or anything, but maybe relate to others that are in the same boat. Why does this feel so real? Like it feels like genuine attraction. It brings me so much pain and anxiety, but it’s still there. I don’t “want to want it”, I want to be normal, I hate the way it makes me feel. I also test myself often, I get frequent urges to test myself and it’s impossible to stop. Sometimes when I’m testing myself I almost feel like calling it “testing” is just an excuse to have these terrible thoughts. Again, it almost feels like genuine attraction. This scares me to death. I’d do anything to just be normal again.

Hi everyone. I'm feeling kinda scared because I have to wait a whole month to start ERP therapy, but I feel like I need to start doing exposures now because the longer I wait, the more anxiety I get. It just feels like the OCD monster is getting worse. One thing that helps me is asking one person about an obsession I have...asking a person that I trust, and then doing an exposure after I get the "ok" to do it. I feel like I do need 1 reassurance and then I can go ahead and do it. I know i'm not supposed to ask for reassurance at all, but i dont think you're supposed to do ERP on your own right? Does anyone have any suggestions for what to do while waiting for therapy? PS-the reason there is a wait is bc she's on vacation. After she's back we will meet regularly.

Merry Christmas Eve to those who celebrate it! I know this time of year might leave us feeling down. If anyone has anything they want to talk about, or if you'd like to vent/talk about something getting you down, or if you just want to chat, or anything, I'd love to listen! :) It can or doesn't have to do with the holidays. (And don't worry about being a downer on a holiday, I'd like to listen if you want to talk about anything that's bothering you) If you need something specific out of a conversation (i.e. you just want me to listen and don't want me to comment or give my opinions or thoughts), let me know and I'd be happy to oblige! And, of course, I'm no therapist. Just thought I'd give that disclaimer. Also, if I respond in a way that seems like the conversation would logically be over but you still want to talk, I'll still be ready to listen! Sometimes I don't have a bunch to comment, but I'll listen for as long as you want to talk! And here's a fire for a fireside chat if you want 🪑🔥🪑🛋 Love you guys!

Hello NOCD community! ♡ So I've been consciously living with OCD for the past few years, and I've gone to therapy a few times, though I've not necessarily gotten help for my OCD. These last few months my OCD has been especially intense, and it has affected my quality of life. I've been in a depressive mood most of the time, and performing day-to-day activities has been difficult. My productivity levels have been low, and I've wasted a lot of time on obsessions and compulsions. It feels like OCD has taken over my life and I'm watching days pass me by as I spend hours and hours on OCD-related behaviours. What I've been struggling with the most lately is rumination and trichotillomania. I find myself trying to form mental images of certain words, concepts, situations, etc. when I can't fully understand them or sometimes it really just seems to be for no apparent reason. I dwell on trying to form these mental images or repeat certain phrases/sentences over and over in my head, and I get frustrated when I do not gain enough clarity, sometimes giving up or telling myself things like "it doesn't matter", "let go" or "anyway". I also find that when I'm watching something without exact subtitles or without any at all and I'm not sure exactly what has been said, I rewind it over and over until I gain clarity. This can happen with insignificant background speech, or when people are talking over each other, sometimes I feel the need to know exactly what everyone is saying. I also feel the need to read or look at everything on online pages, sites or posts down to the most inconsequential details, and I dwell on details in images/videos that are unclear to figure out exactly what I am looking at. I also overthink a lot of decisions I make, even very small ones (for example putting my laptop to sleep instead of hibernating it), and I try to imagine what will happen if I do the opposite action, and I reassure myself of the decision I've made or else sometimes end up going back on it and doing the opposite action. I also overthink scenarios in the past and try to remember exactly how they happened. I could go on and on, but you probably get the point. Basically, I'm just in my head 24/7. I've reached a point where I refuse to continue living like this because I know I'm meant for so much greater! But I desperately need help. I don't want to rely on a therapist or medication to get better. I want to learn how to manage it on my own. I just need help figuring out how to create an ERP plan that works for me because I don't even know where to start with that, and any other tools or resources that would help me in my solo recovery journey would be much appreciated as well! P.S. Happy holidays!!

Idk how to deal with the guilt. I know that part of recovering from ocd is to not do compulsions (mine are all mental) but how can I not do them when I feel extremely guilty for these thoughts that feel VERY real. It’s gotten to the point where I think they are real. And I’m just supposed to tell myself “oh I’m okay with the uncertainty, maybe I do like this stuff maybe I don’t??” How am I supposed to live with myself

I feel so sad, alone, scared and hopeless. Until two months ago there was not even the remote possibility of being anything other than heterosexual and now the idea that I could find out that I was lesbian or bisexual terrifies me to death. Everything was born from the fact that I didn't feel sexual desire towards my ex-boyfriend and I started to be afraid that it was because I was a lesbian... how can I be a lesbian or bisexual if everything was born from this? I would like to run away from myself and my head. I would really like to go back and go back to my life before. I can't take it anymore. I just want to live my life like before

I did an erp and I was thinking over and over again “I want to be with girls I just don’t want others to find out” and then it felt like a moment of yeah that is what I want. It felt really real I can’t believe it’s not. I wasn’t anxious about it. It felt completely like me and even when I tried to deny it like it was a true realization and that I wanted it to be true. I can’t do this. What do I do!!! Erp suggestions?

Not sure if anyone else has ever experienced this. For context I’m going through my first major OCD relapse after being well for a really long time- around 5 years or so. I first suffered from so-ocd when I was around 21. I got through it with therapy and antidepressants. Also I met my now husband at the time who I fell in love with and it kind of just went away. Anyway I had not had to deal with these thoughts for a significant amount of time. It’s now come back with a vengeance at the age of 28. I am going through exposure therapy. However it feels like because it’s come back that my OCD Is telling me that I was attracted to women all along. Like the recurrence of the theme is evidence that maybe I am gay. Has anyone else ever experienced this? It’s making me question whether I’ve been in denial all along. I was happily married up until 6 months ago. This is what is so annoying. I’ve only ever been intimate with my husband and I’ve only ever dated/ kissed men. I also hate how there are days where I will have non stop thoughts. I’ll wake up and I’ll be thinking about it and it will stop me from enjoying life. Even though I’m not actively doing compulsions, it’s just always there in the background. I guess my main question is 1. Has anyone dealt with this theme recurring and convincing them that this means it’s true? How do you deal with this. 2. How do you reduce the nonstop thoughts and rumination? Thanks.

Hello everyone! I used to be on here a lot more when my symptoms first started about four years ago and then really stayed on top of my OCD for about two years. After a while, I stupidly thought I had “beaten” my OCD and didn’t have to take care of it anymore. Fast forward to now, I’ve been slowly relapsing back into my OCD ways from when I wasn’t doing so well. Feel kind of ashamed about letting it get back to this point, but I’m trying not to focus on that right now. Found I still had this app and figured why not try posting again. I don’t really have a question or anything, I just wanted to write something down so I could have some solid proof to myself that I’m going to get back to work. Hope everyone is doing well, and Happy Holidays!

I think I have pots and I am freaking out because there is no cure. I am getting intrusive thoughts like what if I never feel better again. I was supposed to go outside today and when I lifted my jacket to wear it, I started feeling light headed as if I will faint. I had to lie down on my bed with my heart pounding, with deep pounding. The closest thing I can explain is it felt like low blood pressure feeling or if you take too much blood and you feel woozy. I am in severe discomfort.

I am having a really hard time being home for the holidays. My intrusive thoughts are constant and loud. It sucks too, because my thoughts get triggered when I'm around one of my family members. I just want to distance myself, so I can stop the thoughts and feel like I'm not going to hurt anyone. I'm so distressed and depressed. What do you do to help calm your mind and remind yourself that you are a good person, despite what the thoughts say? I've already meditated, taken my Lexapro, and tried to remind myself that these thoughts want to attack the things I care about the most. Thanks. ❤️

So for background: bf is Muslim, I am Christian and bisexual, and we have slightly different beliefs on the topics of queer life. He’s not opposed to anything queer people do and is respectful and asks me questions when he doesn’t get something, like how I figured out I was bi (had a crush on a girl that felt the same as having a crush on guy). But my brain latching onto this slight difference is making it the be all end all of the relationship. I worry about kids and what would happen if they were queer even tho I know his answer, he’d love them and wouldn’t disown them but would know it’s a challenge from god, while me I’d be there for whatever choice they child makes, and he would be too. And I’m 19 so kids are a 10+ year out issue and another 15 years on that for identity stuff I just want my kids to be generally respectful human beings and if they need to talk about smthn I want us to be an open space. I know for Muslims it’s taboo and I’ve seen debate about what the Quran says about queerness. From what I’ve read online, not directly from a Quran: homosexuality isn’t mentioned at all, lut’s people were punished for rape, tho I’d have to read back. I’ve spoken to queer Muslims for advice, read what I can from both sides. And me growing up Christian I’ve seen the same ideas perpetuated And my bf ig is indifferent? To queerness that is. He’s not one to go to pride, which is fine I’m not a huge fan of parades myself, but he’s ok talking about it for him it’s a “not practicing” thing. He’s ok with people loving who they love and wouldn’t verbally abuse someone for being in love with someone of the same sex. Idk what he thinks tho when he does see a same sex couple or I mention smthn about a queer show I like. I mentioned this to the ROCD subreddit, bad idea. Someone said I clearly don’t feel safe and think this is the best I’m gonna get out of life or smthn and he’s hoping I change but we’ve agreed, no converting unless it’s of my own will, and we have our beliefs, I’d likely take on teaching stuff about pride doing my best to not cross a boundary. Which sayinf does feel weird to me but I hope my kids will know I’m a safe person to talk about it with cuz I am queer. I do feel safe and loved with him, I just wanna broaden his horizons to the struggles of queer people, especially in his community which is easier said than done and we don’t talk about queer stuff very often. I’m very outspoken during pride, he isn’t, which as a man, Muslim or not, I get. Now I feel numb and I’m crying a lot cuz idk if I can teach him anything from my pov or if I just have to end it. I don’t wanna do that. I did find myself a couple months ago when this topic started saying I hope nothing happens with our kids cuz I’m scared of divorce but I don’t think what happens with them would affect us, maybe some tension. Idk. I’ve seen people, Muslim and Christian, support their kids, so I’m hoping an overwhelming love for his child would maybe change his mind. I’m worried about every possibility of divorce not just this one part, I’m worried I’m gonna realize I’m in the wrong relationship or that I’m gay and have to leave, the second I know is not true. I’m bi and always have been, always will be. Tho I’m really worried it’s just comphet and I’m only in this relationship cuz I have to have a husband not because I love the man. I do love him and feel genuine feelings towards him it’s just they’re really buried under all the anxiety. I feel like everyone is gonna say the same thing. No he doesn’t expect me to convert to Islam. No he doesn’t believe in forcing things on me. Yes thisbis a taboo topic and idk how to approach it. I’ve been reading from Muslims for progressive values, lgbt muslims on Reddit, and my friend who is also queer and an ex Muslim cuz she didn’t align with it, recommended a local queer Muslim association. I know in Islam the thoughts are acceptable but the actions are not but from what I’ve read, the actions of the prophet lut’s people was rape but I could be incorrect because I haven’t read the Quran itself. Islam is a beautiful religion and I have thought about converting but there’s that one caveat to it. I’ve seen reverts denounce their queerness and to each their own but my bisexuality will always be mine regardless of mine or my partner’s religion. There’s no guarantee of the future, things could change between now and then both better and worse. Idek if I can have kids, carry to term or even begin to carry them cuz of my figure (im underweight for my age and height and it doesn’t seem to improve lol) I just wanna grow with him, I’m learning what I can from him and I want him to do the same. We’ve made our compromises on holidays and stuff, neither of us will do much of the religious for the other but we will spend time together during Christmas and Ramadan cuz that’s what matters to me at least. And I know it’s hard to change hard instilled religious belief but I’d like to at least get him to be more open in talking about it. He’s watched good omens with me, very low queer exposure but still, it’s smtjn. I’d like to have him watch falsettos cuz it’s musical and it’s about smtjn that deeply impacted queer people in the 70s/80s and has religious tones (judaism) and it’s one of my favourites. He’s iffy on drag but I like explaining it’s fun for me to express smthn like this even if it’s a 0.0000001% chance of changing his mind. It’s at least educating him. He’ll sometimes respond with an ohh or a huh interesting which makes me happy that he wants to listen even if he doesn’t get it. Idk if anything will change in the future. But I wanna live through this with him and idk if it’s just a huge obsession or if it’s an actual concern. I need to stay off of this app and Reddit honestly.