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Anyone else have this problem? I have to have a constant eye on my food (Like- I can't eat in the dark) because I'll convince myself bugs are crawling in my food as I'm not looking 😣

I usually don’t post on here but today has just been something else. my normal 20 minute drive to work took me 50 minutes, and my way home from work took me another 50 minutes, and then getting back in my car to drive back and forth around for like another hour. allll because of hit and run ocd. i’ve been conquering ocd now for quite some time and i was doing so great, all of a sudden the intrusive thoughts/images are like a level 10 anxiety. today when i drove around again to check the roads i went on, the compulsion barely even worked to ease my anxiety momentarily since my brain would come up with a new one the moment i got to the street. at some point i had to be like ok this is out of control im going home. now i sit at home dwelling on my whole drive! mentally reviewing (my go to compulsion with this theme) is not working either, cause my brain won’t let me like fully see the memory. it keeps giving me what ifs and blurry confusing memories. just looking to see if anyone relates as this is one of the most lonely themes ever for me :’) and it feels embarrassing for me when the people around me are witnessing it!

Last night I had a fucked up intrusive thought/urge about harming my partner and I'm spinning out today. I let them know I had an intrusive thought and was struggling with compulsions around it and future repercussions, but did not tell them exactly what the thought/urge was, which they accepted. Do y'all share details with your partners about harm ocd? How can we healthily ask for support from people we are having horrible thoughts about?

Hey all. I’ve been on NOCD for maybe two months, or three? and I’m still struggling. My episode of “OCD” started at the end of September last year, and ever since it’s been hell. The first month was what I can only describe as torture. I was crying every day, vomiting from anxiety, and the moment I woke up I was seized by panic in my chest and fear of the day to come.My favorite part of the day was nighttime because I knew I could go to sleep and have the briefest respite from the constant stream of intrusive thoughts. The very first thought I had was one of POCD, and it terrorized me for days on end before I finally told my mom and boyfriend out of feeling the need that if they knew and knew how scared I was, they would be able to help me and stop me from doing anything. It felt good to know that they were still there for me despite what I was thinking, but that relief didn’t last very long. Soon nothing they could say was enough to calm me down, and I was put on 50 mg of sertraline. I barely ate and found that one of the few things that brought me comfort was researching my symptoms online. I came across OCD and then NOCD, and to this day am fairly convinced I have “pure” OCD. The three psychologists I’ve visited say, though, that I’m not showing any compulsions like magical thinking or counting, and that then it’s not OCD and I’m suffering from a severe depressive/ anxious episode. I’m struggling a lot with this because it’s almost as if I need to have OCD, because then that means I have a condition that’s been studied and that I can be helped. Then I feel as if I’m trying to manipulate my psychologists into diagnosing me with it. My current psychologist recognizes that I’m dealing with obsessive thoughts, but since I haven’t told her about any conducts she believes that my intrusive thoughts are a result of depression or some trauma that I haven’t fully processed yet. I’ve lived through some stuff, but I struggle to understand exactly which one of them was so bad and harmful to me that it’s destroyed me like this. I’ve always kind of moved on from things and thought that I’ve healed from them, because nothing has ever hurt me like this. As such I’m feeling extremely hopeless because no matter which name is tied to my condition, I get the idea that I’m going to continue thinking about it every day for the rest of my life because I’ll never forget I thought of such horrible things. That makes me feel like I don’t want to live anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to kill myself, I desperately want to live and be happy again and accomplish all my goals. But the idea of dragging this with me for days upon days upon days is so tiring, that I wish my conscience could just cease to exist. I’ve thought of hurting myself just to show everyone how bad I’m hurting, and how desperate I am. That would bring no good and I can only imagine how that could hurt my parents. So I’m living each day and holding on. Sometimes it gets better, and sometimes it gets worse. Today is the latter and I just felt like I needed to vent. Thank you if you read up to here. I wish you all the best :)

I’m really down and don’t have anyone i feel i can turn to. I’m just so tired of living as myself. I hate who i love with including myself. I feel so worthless. Having ocd on top of it makes me feel like im just a waste of space. I dont know how to stop feeling this way. Or if i deserve to. That’s all :(

I had about 3 panic attacks, lost what’s been a very HUGE appetite lately. Cried myself to sleep. Spiraled, spiraled, and spiraled. I’m calming down but I’m still spinning mentally. Probably gonna keep crying all night 😛 I’m sorry if anyone else had a bad day today 💗 We can do this, stay strong 💕

Medication for OCD? Hello all, 19 male here, this seems like a cool community that isn’t nearly as triggering as reddit. I have pretty severe bouts of existential thinking or fear of going crazy ( psychosis ) after some pretty heavy mushroom trips a few years ago, I know logically I should be fine but I do know what it’s like to lose it and it’s scary. Currently I deal with relationship focused OCD, it’s all day from before I even open my eyes. I want things to work out with my girlfriend badly. Also I can come close to a panic attack sometimes which perpetuates everything. Anyway, I mention the fear of going crazy because the way my anxiety/derealization makes me feel is that I’m not mentally stable cause I feel out of it or unreal. I saw that a lot of anxiety and depression medication can cause psychosis and I feel like I could use some help in getting ahead of my OCD because the compulsions are had not to give into when I’m in such distress/not knowing. Plus overall I just feel like I have no idea how I feel about close to anything. Anyone relate about that ?

The 13th of January was when I first started experiencing Rocd. I’ve been with my amazing boyfriend for 9 months. Never had a doubt before. I was literally looking at wedding dresses and couldn’t be happier. I ALSO had been going cold turkey off of my lexepro for a month and a half (I’ve been on ssris since I was 6, I’m 19 now). One day it was like something had possessed me. Like I was fighting the urge to literally break up with my boyfriend. Thoughts flooded my mind. “I don’t love him” “you need to leave”. Of course, I was freaked out. This has been my longest, and ONLY healthy relationship I’ve been in. I never was able to get past the infatuation stage, since either my exes would break up with me, or I’d have to distance myself for my mental health. I love this man. And literally have grown so much since I’ve been with him. He’s been nothing but patient though out this. Which shows me even more tjay I love him. But at last, even though I’m not as anxious anymore. I still have thoughts. “What if I don’t love him” “Am I too young to know what love is, like everyone says” “what if my body is trying to tell me something”. They’re tolerable. But damn. I just want peace sometimes. Can I get any tips from people who have recovered from Rocd. Because I have committed to loving this man for the rest of my life, but I sometimes lose hope that this won’t go away

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? Can someone help me because I'm really hopeless?

I’ve been struggling with something that’s been really overwhelming, and I’m hoping to get some perspective from others here. I feel a lot of guilt about it, and I’m not sure if I’m alone in this experience. Lately, I’ve found myself daydreaming about romantic situations or getting caught up in ‘what if’ scenarios—where I wonder if I could develop feelings for someone else, or if someone develops feelings for me. The thing is, I’m in a relationship that I love, and I don’t want to act on these thoughts at all. What makes it even harder is that these thoughts often hyperfixate on one specific friend, and sometimes they feel entertaining or give me a dopamine rush. But then, of course, I feel even more guilty because it makes me feel like I’m betraying my boyfriend. These thoughts usually happen when I’m upset and looking for comfort, but then they morph into romantic scenarios, which makes me feel so disloyal. I’m constantly going back and forth between feeling curious or entertained by the thoughts and then feeling horrible for even allowing them to happen in the first place. I keep confessing these thoughts to my boyfriend, and he tries to be understanding. He’s just never been the type to daydream, so he doesn’t know if this is something other people experience or if it’s just me. I feel like such an awful girlfriend. Has anyone else dealt with something like this?

so i was on instagram and it came up with other signs of ocd then someone commented this doesn’t mean you have ocd now im stressed that its not ocd background - i had so-ocd for a few years then got treatment for it but am now on the waiting list for further treatment for other stuff but i dont have another theme which makes me feel like its not ocd my day to day life consists of touching the door handle every time you go past it or someone will die, and inability to send emails without re reading loads of times and getting other people to check because im scared i wrote something bad but the what if it’s not ocd thought is triggering me now and i don’t know what do

Hi everyone :) My name is Ezzy, joining from Germany. I've always had OCD since I was a little kid (I'm 23 now). Since I'm in my first real relationship for over two years, my OCD decided to cling onto it. I struggle A LOT with false memory ocd too. The thing I wanted to talk about today is about false memory OCD too I think but I'm really not sure. But I want to accept the fact that yes, maybe it did happen the exact same way. But I feel nauseous accepting it. Last year in August I think I met a new colleague and she is GORGEOUS!! She showed me her boyfriend and my head immediately started comparing her bf to mine. The part which I am very unsure about is that I got envious of her boyfriend. Now as much as I remember I never had that problem before but my head keeps telling me that this definitely happened. Let's say it did happen, how can I cope with this? I feel disgusting even thinking about this. Please tell me how to deal with this. I don't want to confess to my boyfriend but it feels so wrong not to. Thank You in advance ❤️

Hello, my name is Tim. I decided to become a therapist because I am fascinated in learning about the ways that people experience and interact with the world around them. In short, I aim to develop a greater understanding for other’s experiences. I was originally interested in treating OCD because of the use of Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). At its core, ERP reveals a valuable lesson, which is confronting the things that we are afraid of helps us grow. Members seem comfortable with me because my first goal in therapy is non-judgemental listening. If you're struggling right now, OCD and ERP are both incredibly challenging, but you are capable and resilient. Just remember to try and take one small step at a time even though it may not feel right or perfect. I'm here to answer any questions you have about your OCD or questions about starting therapy, simply drop them into the comments below!

I obsess about whether I am a cisgender lesbian in denial, and not truly a bisexual trans guy. I feel like this ocd theme developed when I wasn't given support from my parents when I came out as trans. My brain is nonstop overthinking about my identity and I go back and forth between being confident in my identity and insecure. I know that if I were to open up about this insecurity and obsession, my parents would say that it's because I'm not transgender and that they're right about me being female. Having OCD alone, especially themes that overlap, gives me debilitating anxiety. But not being able to talk to my own family about being they're the main cause is OCD cranked up to 1000%. I'm drowning.

Hello, I wonder if it is a common OCD type because i rarely see people talking about this specific theme. So I have always been afraid to change into some people i don't like mentally or physically. It flares time to time and it flared again. I avoid these people's names specific numbers which i relate with them etc. Every time I hear the name of that person my mind is like it is a sign. Now ever since I developed bets and coincidences OCD it became unberable. I know it is impossible magically to turn into someone but my mind goes wild and crazy. It convinces me even though i see myself normal and like myself in the mirror, people might percive me differently as people I don't like. Those people I develop a fear to turn into are mostly people which I consider unattractive or dumb (I know it is morally wrong but again my brain). I wonder if anyone else has the same fear of turning into someone they don't like?

Well, it's been a year since things with my OCD spiraled out of control, which led me to eventually seek a diagnosis and get the help I needed. A little over a couple of months ago, I didn't want to be alive. But now, there's hope for me. I've been managing on my own, but I'm going to start therapy soon (working out insurance right now), and I'm so excited to begin this journey of recovery and working on bettering myself so I'm able to live (and enjoy) a quality life!! ☺️🩷 I wouldn't have made it this far without all the lovely people in this community, so thank you!! To anyone who's struggling right now, it can and will get better, so don't let OCD win. You got this!!

Just kind of putting my thoughts here in hopes it lifts a weight off my chest because I've been feeling very hopeless lately with my OCD. Having just graduated college and being unable to live on my own or have a job because of OCD is really getting to me in addition to my living situation with my family being somewhat of a toxic situation. I feel like I'm stuck in a box and at the all time lowest point of my life which I at first thought was a blessing because when you're at your lowest you can only go up, right? Unfortunately, it seems like I keep outdoing myself when it comes to my lows or just remaining stagnant. When it comes to my OCD, I desperately want to get better and I have an amazing therapist now that I feel like is really helping me but I just can't move forward. It feels like there's some sort of mental block that I just cannot get past when it comes to any clear progress with exposures and treatment and I just feel so awful about it. I find myself so exhausted these days from the constant compulsions and mental stress from being frustrated with myself for giving in to the compulsions. I've always been fairly hard on myself and I feel sure that that's one of the reasons it's so difficult for me to make progress, but it's really hard for me to not beat myself up when my OCD keeps me from doing unbearably simple things like using the bathroom normally. I've forgotten what it was like before my OCD became so severe and I feel almost like a ghost some days. I tend to experience very intense emotions and have very severe lows but recently I find myself feeling more and more resigned to my situation and wanting to put as little effort into my everyday life as I can. Living with OCD is just so exhausting and I feel so weak from it. Every day feels either exactly the same or catastrophic. There's little I find myself looking forward to. I wish for the feeling of safety again that OCD took from me. I want to continue holding out hope that things will get better but I worry often that I'm far too weak to do anything about it. Sometimes it feels like all I can do is drown in my own disgust with what's become of me. I hope this is not forever.

i don't think i ever felt this bad before. ive had ocd since i was 14 or so, almost a decade, but now it's truly the worst it's ever been. i can't even enjoy being with the love of my life anymore, everything about our intimacy triggers me, im costantly afraid that i abused her in some way and that she doesn't remember because she's in denial, or im always terrified im having some horrible intentions towards her and that i always end up forgetting them. it's so deeply confusing, she seems so happy being with me she says she loves me so much and i can see it in how she looks at me, but i feel like a monster. most of the time i wish she could find someone better, if she asked me j would break up with her and do anything in my power to make her have the life she deserves. i don't know what to do anymore im exhausted. therapy is not helping at all, i Just get told constantly that i shouldnt think about these things, that its illogical, and it does nothing for me.

I saw someone mention mental arousal, what does that mean in terms of sex? Is that thinking “oh I really wanna kiss him, I wanna hold his ____. I want to feel him on top of me”? Is it the liking the sex mentally? And then the body physically reacts? I’m worried I’ve only felt the mental and then the physical was forced/I don’t want sex once we start going even tho I did like 10 seconds prior I only feel that before sex/during dirty talk and it makes me wanna kiss him. During sex my head is kinda blank and I’m focusing on the sensations of him touching me. Which I think is normal. I don’t really fantasize during sex. Ig mental arousal would also just be general fantasies from dirty talk and seeing a photo of him shirtless right? Just the thought of it used to get me going but I wouldn’t think of any specific thing tho. Just using the picture. If I wanted a specific scenario I’d start thinking then texting him about it and him building on it and him getting aroused got me going more idk if just me thinking about it ever got me off? Sometimes the fantasies made me really horny but I wasn’t in a place I could do anything. Which I think just means I was aroused physically and mentally so clearly no issue here idk why I panicked. I’m worried I’m no longer mentally or physically aroused by him cuz I don’t feel any of that lately cuz I’m so fioefioeif I’m worried I only feel it for women. I’m bi so technically not an issue but I don’t wanna be thinking about anyone else (mainly friends) like that which is why I’m so uncomfortable but just in general the thought of having a sex with a woman is not appealing to me right now or at all cuz I am dating a wonderful man but that makes me worry I’m pushing down smthn and just denying it. Anyways. Ramble done

I’ve been ruminating since Friday. My ocd is beginning to feel pretty real. I wanna get back on track with my life. I’m really tired. I can’t bare with these intrusive feelings and thoughts. I feel like I’m sinking again. I’m so desperate. I’m irritable , exhausted , I wanna just yell.