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the NOCD Community

I was doing so well with my ocd. It went away for two months and I finally felt so on top of it. I felt like recovery was right there. Now it’s back worse than ever and I just feel numb and so upset. The thoughts about being gay are back and they are so intense. I’m staring at every woman I see and her body parts and that makes me feel worse but I can’t stop it. Porn comes up on my twitter and I’m disgusted by it but I feel this need to watch it. It’s like I have too but I really don’t want too. I found lesbian porn when I was 10 years old online and I developed an addiction to it. That right there started my hocd, and I felt like I was gay. I spent all my teenage years watching the porn, and doing you know what, I also spent all those years staring at other girls wanting to look like them so badly. I think maybe that’s why I started watching lesbian porn, in my own way I just wanted to feel like a real woman and be loved by someone. Now I know i was only 10 years old but i was bullied and I never truly felt like I was accepted by kids. They laughed at my appearance and made me so sick. I stopped the lesbian porn when I turned 20. I’m now 22 and I haven’t watched it! I get urges and they make me cry and have panic attacks because I don’t want this. I’m terrified of being gay. And don’t get me wrong I’m not homophobic in the slightest. My sister is bisexual, I have also supported everyone in the lgbt and campaigned as an ally in support for them. But I don’t want to be gay. I know in my heart I am straight. And I think what makes all of this worse is I have body dysmorphia so I feel ugly and disgusting which again ties into why I think I used to watch the porn. Because I wanted to be like those girls who where effortlessly pretty. So as I said I have body dysmorphia and I’m chronically ill. So all these factors make me think that I’m never going to find a boyfriend because I feel ugly and like I’m a burden. I really needed to get all of this out because I feel so disgusting at times with my mind. My mind makes me think that I want to have a pee fetish, and watch porn, and do things to women and I don’t want that? Is there anyone else with hocd goes through this? I also have words pop into my head, like “p*ssy and other words and they are so out of the blue. I just want to feel like me again. I want to feel beautiful and in control again. I just need some help. How do I beat this? I just wanna be me.

I have to always repeat to myself that I’m not trans

I have contamination OCD and i found a cockroach in my dryer the place where things are supposed to become dry and clean. Im freaking out and im having horrible anxiety about anyone using the dryer again. I saw the cockroach in their after all my clothes were done drying when i was grabbing them out it moved and ran away to idk where. It fucking freaked me out and i dont even wanna keep the clothes. Im not sure what to do. The clothes are worth money but is keeping them worth my constant remembrance. And ill never feel like they are clean now. I am also having anxiety about anyone using the dryer again since it may have an infestation somewhere in it. My dad said he will still use it.. meaning if he does anything he wears will get contaminated and the whole house will be contaminated i just cannot deal with it all. Fuck.

also, so my hocd tells me i’m bi. and recently it’s been telling me “you are you just have to try it and then you’ll know”. so like it’s telling me if i kiss a girl i’m gonna like it and realize i’m bi. so now whenever i’m around friends i get intrusive thoughts about kissing them. and i don’t like these thoughts and they make me really think i’m bi because i’m like what kind of straight girl gets thoughts about kissing her friends

If you ever feel like giving up just remember that People who are homosexual don’t fear being homosexual or have distressed thoughts of being homosexual and that you were comfortable at some point in your life with your sexuality this is a disorder that we’ve developed and it doesn’t change who you are it feels real but never forget who you are even in the midst of all this shit. Never lose hope of having a family with your wife/ husband and don’t isolate yourself I’m suffering but I never let it win I never sit at home and not do things that I want to do keep pushing someone told me that feeling sorry for myself won’t solve my problems but working on them will. I relapsed on Monday and Tuesday but I’m getting up again since yesterday if I can you can too I’m not saying I’m healed but try

The premise behind managing your OCD is to become comfortable being uncomfortable. You’re not going to get rid of your anxiety, we had a disorder. But we can get use to it to the point where it’s just an annoyance in our life. But it takes time, patience, and commitment to getting better. You need to adopt good habits, talk to a therapist, maybe go on meds, you need to be open to options. Take it from me, I was fucking miserable two years ago, went through multiple meds and therapists until I found a system that worked. Now I’m rolling in all cylinders, close to graduating , interviewing for my dream job next week. It’s possible to control OCD, i still have symptoms, but after surviving the past 2 years it’s nothing I CNET handle. YOU CAN DO IT!

Really really struggling with an ongoing genital herpes obsession. I have had no serious sign that I have it and I've been tested multiple times for every other STD but herpes requires either a blood test or the swabbing of symptomatic sores and a lot of doctors recommend against it since it is so common, harmless, and just causes mental distress to know. 5 years ago I messed around with another girl (just kissing and maybe hand contact) and she later told me she had genital herpes but she was on medication for it. It's hard to function thinking I have it and may have passed it on even though I have no reason to think I do. I feel like getting blood tested while having no symptoms would be a bad idea for my recovery but I'm not sure.

My partner has ROCD and we’ve struggled a lot to keep our relationship healthy because of it. We broke up temporarily because it was so hard for me to deal with him being so distant when he was stuck in thought loops and when he would share all the doubts he thought about me it would make me extremely insecure. We are back together now and trying to create healthy boundaries. His ROCD makes me feel like I’m the only one rooting for us and holding us together. I am beginning to take the time to research more about OCD to better understand what he is going through and figure out the best way to support him. I just get so overwhelmed that he will never be happy with me. Any advice?

Experiences with Zoloft?

I really liked driving when I first started but now I'm genuinely terrified when I drive. It just kind of sucks knowing that something I was really interested in is tainted by obsession.

Is there a particular word for the theme of being scared of everything paranormal and fear of being posessed, other than maybe religious ocd, which it doesn’t apply in my case. I feel like there’s nobody on this app besides me who had this obsession. And I want to do research on how to recover when I have this specific theme but I have difficulty finding information because it looks like nobody with ocd has this obsession.

I’ve never been a man so how am I supposed to know if I’m happier as a man? I’ve never dated a girl so how do I know if I’m gay? I’ve never tried these things so how do I know if I like them or not??? Help???

Guys no no no I just searched something up on the trans subreddit and I saw a meme saying “it’s probably just ocd” and I’m panicking again. I’m not even sure it’s ocd. I’ve questioned my gender before and I’ve been a tomboy since I was like 11. I even once TOLD SOMEONE I wanted to be a boy. I’m freaking out because this HAS to be denial at this point. I knew I shouldn’t have looked on the subreddit. I’m so DUMB. I hate this I’m freaking out my stomach has turned over. I don’t know what this is anymore. I’m getting over it but it also feels like I’m “accepting” that I’m trans. I don’t know what to do because I wanna be a girl!! I don’t wanna come out and transition and everything. If I look back at my early days of my tocd I feel like it’s word for word symptoms of OCD but I also feel like when I found out it was ocd my symptoms became more like ocd. I dont wanna accept I’m trans! I was doing quite well until I went on the subreddit! I’m so scared because I think it’s not ocd at this point. I HAVE to stop going on that stupid website. The only time I had “dysphoria” is disliking my boobs, but I remember in the early stages of puberty I was so excited to wear a bra. I’m so confused help please. I sometimes feel like I’m forcing myself to do compulsions because I just want to think it’s ocd. I’m so stupid WHY DID I GO ON REDDITT

I really don’t know what my “normal” state is anymore ... at this point I feel like I’m just going through the Motions

I’m getting really scared that this is just real now, I don’t have anxiety anymore. Like mom just the fact that my mind is constantly thinking and having false attractions and false feelings. Idk what to think?!

How’s everyone’s day going ? Anyone in need of support or anything ? ❤️

I’m just curious, but how many of you guys have been officially diagnosed with ocd? Not to discredit y’all or make you feel bad. I’m just wondering since a lot of people on this app, I know, are here because they think they might have it, but aren’t sure. I’ve personally been to a psychotherapist and we started talking about my thoughts, but she hasn’t diagnosed it as anything yet. She’s still kinda waiting, but I think I have ocd. Is anyone in that boat too?

Lol im spamming but im anxious and just have to say whats on my mind and like.. if u pit me on an island that looks like paradise and is the most beautiful place on earth i deadass wouldnt enjoy it. I jusr cant with hocd and cant look at anything the same way as i did before hocd. I get too much pain from living my dream but its being ruined by hocd so im not expierencing it as the true me under all they anxiety layers.

That fucking lump in my eye needs to be cut out now I’m gonna actually scream WHAT ELSE could POSSIBLY GO WRONG

I want to get this off my chest... I'm not sure which OCD type I have. It started with fears of being gay but now I don't have as much gay thoughts (but still enormous amounts of anxiety, and no feelings for girls) but I'm doubting about recovery. I have been in treatment for two years but every time I fully decide to accept the OCD, then OCD finds a new way to doubt about this recovery tip. After OCD has latched a doubting thought about the recovery tip, it doesn't work any more and the more I try to use the tool (e.g. Notice the thoughts and return to present moment, meditation, mindfulness) the stronger the OCD gets. I try to remain positive but OCD pulls me into negativity. I feel like every thought I have is illogical and even the sentences I wrote here in the post feel like not real. I get so many questions in my head (that I know are OCD questions) but the more I try to resist answering them, the stronger they get. Basically like I want to recover but the more I want to come out of OCD the stronger it gets. I'm so confused and don't know what to do... I tried to confront the anxiety and I started liking the feeling but then OCD told me you hate the anxiety and it overtook me .. so so illogical and I'm really sick of it. 6 months of this back and forth between OCD and recovery and it's tiring me... Being so inadequate all the time and exhausted.. it seems like it's impossible to overcome the OCD when you just have no energy and you have the feeling as if you can't distinguish yourself from the thoughts. What to do when you are so overtaken by OCD and every decision you make, is actually OCD telling things in my head? Like my deciding part of my brain would be broken...