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I had this thought of “what if” I touched my son inappropriately last night while I was sleeping and I don’t remember . I’ve been dealing with Pocd and I never thought something like this before. A little back ground my son is 5, nonverbal and sleeps next to me every night. For me, I am not much of a deep sleeper. I am somewhat of a light sleeper. So I’m up at every little movement he makes or unusual sound. Plus thinking about it if I was too say touch him I wouldn’t know how. I hate that now I have to think about him sleeping separately from me because I would love to cuddle with him and he’s the sweetest boy ever and me thinking I did that is soul crushing. Does this fall within intrusive thought or false memory? Has someone been though this if so I could use some help.

I look back at various past events in my life where I said or did things that I feel really guilty, disgusted, and ashamed about. I replay them in my head for hours. I feel anxious about crossing paths with people that I've hurt or upset in the past or who perceive me badly, to the point that I will avoid going out in public as much as possible. I go out for work, errands, appointments, and occasionally to eat (even though those all give me a lot of anxiety), but I avoid community events where people might recognize me and I tend to isolate myself. The only people I see regularly are my boyfriend, my parents, and my coworkers. I live in a small community and I'm worried about people confronting me publicly and proving what a bad person I must be.

So I identify as a lesbian and I am in a committed relationship with a wonderful girl. But i’m stressing that I have crushes on boys I go to school with. I get anxious around them, which I think I mistake for excitement. I obsess over it in my head which confuses me a lot. Idk I also never think about them sexually or romantically but I think about them often which is scaring me. Any advice?

Can someone please tell me if there are any other similar diagnosis to OCD I am convinced that I was misdiagnosed or that I miss spoke to the extent that I have made the provider who did my psych evaluation misdiagnose me with OCD. I have intrusive thoughts of suicide constantly. I have intrusive thoughts that cause me intense distress and disgust. I am constantly ruminating for hours on different situations and even crying as I type this because I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I feel like I’m not aligned in a prescriptive way with what OCD is. I am extremely frustrated. I just want to know what is wrong with me And there are so many things that I see within the OCD community that align with my experiences, but I feel like from conversations I’m having maybe I’m just anxious or a flawed person and I’m not saying that for reassurance I really feel that way I don’t know what else to do. This is a recent diagnosis so anyone who has felt this way or has similar diagnosis to OCD it would be great to hear from you. Thanks.

so I feel like I’m finally having an academic comeback after years of failing & I’m currently looking at pinterest for that motivation. there are videos that are helpful tools for college students like websites that read chapter books and summarize/create notes & it seems pretty cool. but I somehow deny using those tools bc it feels like I’m cheating. my mind is like, “no, you will study the TRADITIONAL way (which idek what it rlly is)” I don’t know why my brain is doing this to me. I feel like these apps could be beneficial to my learning. what’s ironic is that I literally googled all my assignment answers for one class at the last minute to get some grades in. this is a retake class but because I was so behind on everything, I just looked up the answers. so that really does count as cheating. like bruh 😭 I did it to save myself from a bad class grade. I’m definitely going to study the rest of this semester. I have officially began taking notes and actually doing schoolwork. someone help me!!! these videos look like great resources but my mind is telling me otherwise. another thing is that I’m still lost on what to major in. I keep changing career choices and my head’s gonna explode. there are so many things I wanna say but I don’t want the post to be long. I just want to get good grades and understand the material!!! someone help me >n<

I had to cancel my therapy because it was no longer available with my insurance. And I just kind of feel hopeless with OCD. Even when I was doing therapy, I think my OCD started getting too complicated for my therapist and she didn’t even know what to do. My fears are so complex it’s crazy. So my big fear is my OCD being bad and being super depressed again like I was a few months ago in high school. I attended a public highschool for a semester and started the worst flare up I’ve ever had. I was harshly bullied for no reason whatsoever, and not accepted by anyone. I am an athletic kid who usually keeps to himself so I didn’t understand why people targeted me, especially when I wanted nothing to do with them. From August to now ( March) I CANNOT grasp hold of my OCD. I am very hard on myself about it. Going into dangers anytime I see one so I can expose myself. But constantly obsessing about if I’m doing enough for my OCD. And comparing myself to how I use to be, before the flare ups. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep I’m obsessing about my OCD and if it’s bad and comparing. Another HUGE fear of mine is being treated differently because I have OCD. So being bullied for so long I always assumed it was because I was shy and didn’t want to stand up for myself - due to my OCD- so I blamed myself for everything that continued to happen, . from people bullying me in the past . The people at that highschool were downright crazy. Even the teachers and coaches had major issues and I’m so glad to be out of there, but I still obsess the same everyday and hold so much resentment for that school and when I try to let it go, I just feel more passive pain and obsess even more about it weather my ocd is okay or not. I feel mentally sick. Please someone give me some advice for my fears, because I feel like I’m doing everything in my power to expose myself to everything but nothings working.

I’ve always had ocd. But never experienced pocd until after I got pregnant and was fixing to deliver. Anyone else? I’ve been struggling with this for almost 2 years 😩 and Prozac gives me heart palpitations I’m at my breaking point. Idk who I am anymore. And it’s so hard having to be a mother of two on top of not wanting to do anything bc my brain tells me everything I’m doing is inappropriate ☹️

Can someone help me? I am obsessing over partners job prospects. He’s going to go back to his job in car sales and I feel like I’m being a snob by thinking it’s not prestigious enough. I don’t wanna feel this way, I wanna just be happy with whatever he does. I know I will support him in whatever he chooses to do. I don’t have break up urges but only thoughts that oh his job isn’t prestigious enough and maybe he gets one, I would not be happy and I’d need to confess and then he’ll leave me. I’m on medication but I’m a mess currently and can’t afford therapy. Can someone please tell how to combat this? Do I actually need to confess? Is anyone in a similar boat as me? My bf is the best thing that’s happened to me. I don’t wanna be so caring over a job, I’m from South Asia so my social conditioning is that a job at pffice means a good job. My bf is from America so it’s different. I feel like I’m in a crisis right now and can’t stop crying. Please help.

Hi everyone. I’m having a really hard time today in my relationship. I am just feeling so frustrated by my back-and-forth feelings about my relationship. One day I’ll feel so good, and then the next I don’t at all. I think my biggest trigger in the house is the chores that the two of us have to do in the house. I’m much more of a clean person than my boyfriend is. I’m also thinking that he has ADHD and struggles to remember when to do specific chores and I have to remind him pretty often, but he will usually do it when I ask. Today, I’m on a huge spiral of telling myself that he is never gonna be able to learn to do things on his own, he’s not gonna be able to take care of our kids in the future If we do get married, he’s not gonna be able to help take care of our house when we do have one one day, And I am just exhausted. It’s so hard fighting these thoughts all day and then I feel like I have to sit down and talk to him about chores and obviously that doesn’t go well when I’m not feeling good. Definitely a compulsion… It feels so much better when I can just relax and just let him figure things out on his own, and I can just take care of myself. I also come from a household where I was constantly criticized and controlled in certain ways, so I have that to carry too…I’ve gotten much better at doing that most of the time but today is pretty bad. It always feels a little bit worse as well when I’m on my period and feeling very hormonal as well… Can anyone please shed some light on if they’ve experienced this before and any support they might be able to offer in relation to this? Anything would be helpful and please be kind!

So basically I didn’t know till my hocd started. But looking back at my life I had ocd since I was a kid. Like 6-7 years old. First time happening I remember that when I was doing stuff many times I had to say something like a little poem in my head to stop it. Then I had this thing were if I felt my left foot touch the floor 5 times I had to do the touch the floor with my right foot too. Then I had something I guess contamination??? Basically after washing my hands I had a sensation on my hand like I could still “feel” the germs and I had to wash them again. Then I started having thoughts of my family members getting hurt. I had intrusive thoughts about me hurting my dog. Then I had this obsession that a guy who used to be in my school is looking for me to beat me up. And how it’s this obsession about my sexuality even tho I never doubted or questioned it before. Is that possible??? Like can you be born with it? I’m pretty sure both my parents have it too. At least at some level. Take my father for example he had an obsession that he was going to die the moment he turned 30.

Why do some people develop OCD?

I am not interested in children nor do I have images of them in my mind,but I have the word child rape stuck in my mind. Idk how to get rid of these thoughts. Saying maybe I am or maybe I'm not isn't working it feels like Thanks for the support I feel crazy and nasty

TW!!! I was born with dr*gs in my system as an illegitimate child; alone, tired, sick, rashy, dirty, and unloved. This became the first nearly 4 years of my life. I had no fear of strangers and believed that the pain I felt was just "normal." I did not know how to be bathed, go to the bathroom, or get dressed. All I knew was the dark, the itchiness, and the pain. I was brought to my parents' house on Feburary 18th, 2011, along with my brother who suffered from horribly deadly bronchitis and pneumonia at 4 months old, also dirty. Growing up with my new- no, my true family- I learned what love was. I learned what a smile, a hug, a goodnight story was. I learned that you celebrate birthdays and there's a thing called Christmas where you get presents for behaving well. I learned that life was more than suffering. Then, I never grew up. Some days I was mature, while other days I would act younger and was scrutinized by my peers. I couldn't understand for the life of me, why I seemed so different. I was 6 when I realized that I wasn't like everyone else. I realized that talking out of turn or getting super excited because I saw a catepillar or being bubbly and humorous was almost unacceptable. "Grow up," "why do you act like this?" "What is wrong with you??" The nightmares started too. I'd be in an alleyway or in my bed and someone would put a g*n to my head, make me do whatever they wanted. I don't remember any SA before this, but my biomom did have many guys over when I was little. I learned to eventually LIKE those dreams. I wasn't scared anymore, I just learned that I had to s*duce them in order to k*ll them so that I don't d*e. To this day, I still have them. I became angry at myself for not hitting that "normal," no matter how hard I tried. I was scared of being abandoned again. Scared of being alone. Tired of not feeling enough. I would snap any time I felt like I disappointed someone or someone tried to put me down. I would threaten whoever tried to bully me that I would st*b them. And I did with a sharpened pencil or a mechanical pencil because I was just so TIRED of feeling like I wasn't enough. This started 3rd grade and ended in 6th. The insults grew from just "Why can't you be normal?" "What is wrong with you??" to "You're a psychopath." "Crazy b*tch!!" When I'm angry, I laugh hysterically. I started not to care in the slightest, and embraced their insults, although, this lasted only about a month. 7th grade happened, and puberty hit, causing my BPD to really develop and spiraled into panic attacks and severe depression. I started to have SI, which was only fueled by the s*icide of a classmate. 8th grade was covid, and I was better because no one was calling me names or challenging me, but people now feared me. It felt good to have that control: I wasn't being hurt anymore. After 8th grade, a lot of my friends didn't want anything to do with me. In 9th grade I was manipulated and SAed by people I thought were my friends. But I didn't want to be alone again, so I listened to them and no one else, not even my parents. I was so under their control, if they told me to jump off a bridge because I could fly, I wouldn't hesitate. In tenth grade, I went to my current school and wasn't bothered with, but the damage was done. I felt vulnerable, lonely, scared, and just exhausted. In the summer of that year, I bought a burner phone and flirted with men up to 35 years older than me for the attention. I just wanted someone to like me, maybe even love me. I became obsessed and when the WiFi was disconnected from it, I flipped out. I ran away for almost 24hours before the cops found me. I was then sent to a residential in Oklahoma (that was literal hell) and was threatened and ab*sed there. I came home nearly 2 years ago and I'm still struggling from the trauma. Now, I have a fiance and my family, but that's it. I have a ton of medical and mental issues that hurt me daily. Everyday is hard, but I finally want to live. I want to love. I want to be free.

It all feels so real… HOCD and ROCD… I know I love my husband but I don’t feel anything rn not even talking about HOCD. I know it’s the worst thing I can do but it starts to feel like the right thing to do..

any advice for when you get false memories that feel really real? especially something that had JUST happened, it’s like ur brain distorts it. i feel like i do something wrong 24/7 then i get over it and ocd latched onto something new

Think logically. Literally. Take me as an example. I have hocd and my obsession is “what if I’m gay”. I’ve liked girls my whole life, I can still get aroused by them and I can’t get the same instinctive reaction from a guy. So I can’t be gay. Sometimes ocd will go to something else once you prove it wrong. Maybe like. “What if I’m bi” again I can only get aroused by girls. Sometimes when I’m not thinking about it I can even get aroused when sitting next to a girl or when I’m sitting next to one or even when I’m touching one in a non sexual way. Something that never happens or has happened with a guy in my life. Don’t start panicking. Just “realise” who you are and who you’ve been.

Other than the supposed OCD, I also feel like I may have BPD, which wouldn’t be all that surprising considering the people that conceived me are undoubtedly OCD and BPD asf but I feel problematic to self diagnose. The symptoms are eerily relatable and on Reddit I’ve seen people with diagnosed BPD talking about a “favorite person” that they obsess over and rely on for their “happiness”. Perhaps that’s why when I gain overly obsessive and attached crushes on guys it’s legit ALL I can think about 24/7. Not just the positive dreamy stuff, but also the scary negative stuff that I start making outlandish conclusions about them. Is that a thing for people with BPD, where they dread that their favorite person will give them a reason to no longer be their favorite person? Other than that, my mood and state of mind is terribly unregulated. It’s like my emotions cloud any logic and reasoning (which I guess can also be the OCD) that only increases my anxiety and depression and rumination. Caffeine obviously makes it worse but before I get anxious asf I feel excited and happy. Not to mention my impulsivity. I make a lot of self destructive choices and always find myself regretting them, but I still keep making them. When I eat I have to have something terribly unhealthy, and then I start binge eating. I also have a spending problem but that was last year so I’ve kind of moved away from that. I also feel DEEPLY insecure and always do my best to escape and avoid reality for my own sanity. And when I make plans with my friends I always feel anxious that it won’t go as planned. There’s also something I noticed when I get in a depressive mood, I start fantasizing about how everyone around me would react to my death. Not because I want to see them in pain but i like to think about how they’d feel or won’t feel about my passing. There’s probably a lot more to me that screams BPD, but at the same time there’s a chance that maybe I’m reaching.

content warning: MRI results I got prescribed MRIs done on my lumbar and cervical spine over the weekend, and several things came back abnormal in the report. I started to google when I saw a word ending in -oma, got a basic definition of this particular kind of t*mor (probably benign/non-cancerous), realized that googling in this case was for sure a compulsion, caught myself and put my phone away. I told myself, "I have an appointment with my specialist in 2 days. I trust this doctor, so I will delay/not do my own reading until after I talk to her, and only if she recommends further self-education." I stuck to it and I was proud of myself. Cut to the appointmet today. I got lost in the building where her office is and arrived 14 mins late. The receptionist said there's a 15 minute grace period, so I would have to reschedule. No availability for 2 MONTHS, even for telehealth. First of all, I am so ashamed of being late (that's another trigger for me), and so hurt and rejected that they wouldn't talk to me, even very briefly. Now the urge to google is so extreme. There are objectively concerning things in my report, based on what she said ahead of time that we were looking for, and what would affect treatment. I also have a LOT of c*ncer in my family history; 3/4 grandparents, an aunt on each side, and 1.5 bio parents (1 was skin c*ncer, 1 was prec*ncerous polyps removed but considered high future risk to be monitored), so "-oma" and "t*mor" are big red flags in my minds. So while normally I am actually pretty good about living and making peace with my chronic conditions, and health ocd is really only like 5 on my hierarchy, I know that I actually do have to be vigilant about c*ncer in some ways. My balanced solution is sticking to recommended observation scheduling, and then entrusting the research and checking to my trusted providers, so that I am not being negligent nor being compulsive. But now what? I hate waiting. Idk if/when I'll hear from her. Chronic pain in those regions due to curvature and degenerative discs are the reasons I have to get MRIs every couple of years, and now I am so somatically, obsessively aware of that pain and wondering what's going on. This post is a vent, and is my choice to express the anxiety without giving into the desire to google. I'm not seeking reassurance on whether I/my test results are going to be ok. Still, I think just some understanding and/or advice on holding myself accountable for not compulsing would be deeply appreciated. Thanks.

FND has caused some major problems in my life and has made my OCD flare up horribly. Here's what it is: Disease Overview Functional neurological disorder (FND) is a medical condition in which there is a problem with the functioning of the nervous system and how the brain and body sends and/or receives signals, rather than a structural disease process such as multiple sclerosis or stroke. FND can encompass a wide variety of neurological symptoms, such as limb weakness or seizures. FND is a condition at the interface between the specialties of neurology and psychiatry. Conventional tests such as MRI brain scans and EEGs are usually normal in patients with FND. This had led, historically, to the condition being relatively neglected by both clinicians and researchers. However, it is now established that FND is a common cause of disability and distress, which may overlap with other problems such as chronic pain and fatigue. Encouraging studies support the potential reversibility of FND with specifically tailored treatments. New scientific findings are influencing how patients are diagnosed and treated, which is creating an overall change in attitude towards people with FND. Older ideas that FND is “all psychological” and therefore always associated with stress or past trauma, and that the diagnosis is made only when someone has normal tests, have changed since the mid-2000s. The new understanding, including modern neuroscientific studies, has shown that FND is not a diagnosis of exclusion. It has specific clinical features of its own and is a disorder of the nervous system functioning in which many perspectives are necessary. These vary a lot from person to person. In some people, psychological factors are important; in others, they are not. Signs & Symptoms FND patients can experience a wide range and combination of symptoms that are physical, sensory and/or cognitive. The most common include: Motor dysfunction • Functional limb weakness/paralysis • Functional movement disorders including tremor, spasms (dystonia), jerky movements (myoclonus) and problems walking (gait disorder) • Functional speech symptoms including whispering speech (dysphonia), slurred or stuttering speech Sensory dysfunction • Functional sensory disturbance includes altered sensation; e.g., numbness, tingling or pain in the face, torso or limbs; this often occurs on one side of the body • Functional visual symptoms including loss of vision or double vision Episodes of altered awareness • Functional seizures (also called dissociative or non-epileptic) seizures, blackouts and faints: these symptoms can overlap and can look like epileptic seizures or faints (syncope) Dizziness Functional dizziness is often called persistent perceptual postural dizziness and has its own set of diagnostic criteria Cognitive Symptoms Functional cognitive symptoms include difficulties with memory, concentration or word finding difficulty where there are typical features consistent with an FND diagnosis Symptoms often fluctuate and may vary from day to day or be present all the time. Some patients with FND may experience substantial or even complete remission followed by sudden relapses of symptoms. Other physical and psychological symptoms are commonly experienced by patients with FND although they are not defined as part of the disorder. These include chronic pain, fatigue, sleep problems, bowel and bladder symptoms, anxiety, panic attacks and depression. The exact cause of FND is unknown, although ongoing research is starting to provide suggestions as to how and why it develops. Many different predisposing factors can make patients more susceptible to FND such as having another neurological condition, experiencing chronic pain, fatigue or stress. Childhood abuse, maltreatment or neglect and life stress, particularly around the time of symptom onset, is also more common in people with FND than in the general population. However, many people with FND have none of these risk factors which are also unfortunately common in all, including healthy, populations. As with most complex disorders affecting the brain, it’s likely that genetic factors play a role in the condition, but it is not a problem that someone should expect to pass on genetically. At the time FND begins, studies have shown that there may be triggering factors like a physical injury, infectious illness, vaccination, panic attack or migraine which can give someone the first experience of neurological symptoms. These symptoms normally settle down on their own. However, in FND the symptoms become ‘stuck’ in a ‘pattern’ in the nervous system. That ‘pattern’ is reflected in altered brain functioning. The result is a genuine and disabling problem, which the patient cannot control. The aim of treatment is to ‘retrain the brain’, for example by unlearning abnormal and dysfunctional movement patterns that have developed and relearning normal movement. For seizures, the aim is to unlearn the seizure program that has become stuck in the brain, and which activates typically with very little trigger or perhaps just in response to being relaxed. One way of thinking about FND is looking at it as a bit like a ‘software’ problem on a computer. The ‘hardware’ is not damaged but there is a problem with the ‘software’ and so the computer doesn’t work properly. A different analogy is a piano that is not broken but is out of tune. Conventional structural MRI brain scans are usually normal in FND unless the person has another neurological condition. Special functional brain scans (fMRI) used in research, which show patterns of brain activity, are starting to provide early evidence for how the brain goes wrong in FND. fMRI scans show changes in patients with FND which look different from healthy patients without these symptoms as well as being different from healthy people pretending to have these symptoms. Functional imaging is still just a research tool and is not developed enough to be used in diagnosing individual cases of FND. Scans support what patients and researchers already know – these are genuine disorders in which there is a change in brain functioning, which is out of the control of the person with FND. Historically, FND has traditionally been viewed as an entirely psychological disorder in which repressed psychological stress or trauma gets converted into a physical symptom. This is where the term conversion disorder comes from. Psychological disorders and stressful life events, both recent and in childhood, are risk factors for developing the condition and can be relevant for some patients, but they rarely provide a full explanation for the cause of the condition and are absent in many patients. Patients do not have to be depressed, anxious or the survivor of adverse childhood experience to develop FND. Modern theories propose that FND has many causes, which vary from patient to patient. One comparison is to think about heart disease. There are lots of causes of heart disease – smoking, genetic factors, diet and even stress-related/psychological factors such as depression. Smoking may be a factor in heart disease in many people, but it is not in everyone. The same analogy can be made for FND. In some, psychological factors such as past trauma or stress at the time of symptom onset in FND are important in understanding how the brain has gone wrong. In others, the presence of a problem like migraine or a physical injury may be the most important thing. Affected populations The exact prevalence of FND is unknown. However, research suggests FND is the second most common reason for a neurological outpatient visit after headache/migraine, accounting for one sixth of diagnoses. This means FND could be as common as multiple sclerosis or Parkinson’s disease. FND can affect anyone, at any time, although it is uncommon in children under 10. FND is 2-3 times more likely to affect females than males for most symptoms, although when patients present over the age of 50, it occurs equally in both groups. Disorders with Similar Symptoms It is common for FND to co-exist with other illnesses. FND can have similar symptoms to most other types of conditions seen in neurological practice such as multiple sclerosis, stroke and epilepsy. Some patients have another neurological disease diagnosis such as stroke and FND. A neurologist is normally required to assess which symptoms relate to FND and to monitor where required for any new symptoms. Anxiety disorders and depression can sometimes cause physical symptoms which overlap with FND symptoms. For example, panic attacks can present with symptoms such as pins and needles in the fingers or mouth and depression often causes poor concentration or fatigue. Anxiety, panic attacks and depression are common in patients with FND, but many patients do not have such problems. Other psychiatric conditions are more common in people with FND including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and emotionally unstable personality traits (often related to past trauma). There is also some emerging evidence that obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and autistic spectrum disorder (ASD) are more common in FND populations and might predispose individuals to developing FND symptoms. Chronic pain is also common in patients with FND including fibromyalgia, which is also related to disturbed nervous system functioning. Pain disorders are also usually associated with fatigue, sleep disturbance, and poor concentration. Migraine and chronic headaches are also common. Other functional disorders including irritable bowel syndrome or overactive bladder syndrome are more common in patients with FND. There is some newer research suggesting that joint hypermobility spectrum disorder (which includes Ehlers Danlos type 3) may be more common in people with FND as well as other functional disorders. It should be remembered, though, that in these studies around 10-30% of healthy controls also had hypermobility. It is important that new symptoms not automatically be considered related to FND and other causes are considered and investigated as appropriate.