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Any Christian’s willing to connect ?

I am currently working with my second therapist. She does lots of somatic, emdr, humanistic therapy. We connected right off the bat and I was so happy to be able to be myself around her, VIRTUALLY anyways. It’s been about 4-5 months working with her, but the more we are meeting the more i still have doubts about her understanding where i am coming from or understand how my brain works, or being able to help me. And i feel myself closing off and just being superficial about everything, or just resisting my thoughts /feelings. Sometimes i feel like i can open up just fine, but it’s starting to feel unauthentic. Sometimes i wish she would be like my first therapist, and help prompt me to talk or find a way to dig deeper into my issues…sometimes i feel like she doesn’t say the right thing, or doesn’t point out things my first therapist would do and work that out….idk…and the whole humanistic energy work freaks me out. Im a practicing Catholic and when we do certain somatic/emdr/humanistic work i start to think: what if i get possessed or what if what i am doing here is wrong, or this feels like its too much for my brain to handle and i might end up freaking out badly, or what if i something bad happens….idk…any thoughts???

just crying cause i feel like im never going to recover and just have to be lesbian, even tho i love my boyfriend so much. thoughts don’t even give me anxiety anymore idk what to do, im just so done, feel like it’s all real and that i want it(when i dont). any tips or anything, idk how to keep going

I saw a quote about “the more you taste Jesus…”, I’m not sure what exactly it said afterward but my brain sexualized the tasting him part. And I imagine Jesus before me and how he cares for me, but how he also technically would have had a taste. I think I’m able to “like” the thought because of a dominant caring man in a sexual way, but I obviously hate the fact it involved Jesus. Is this blasphemy? Is he going to be mad or dislike me for this thought?

TW- POCD people only please. Am I a criminal hiding behind a diagnosis? I woke up in the middle of the night breathing and I was having groinals because she laying across me. My mind told me I had already hurt her so might as well do something else. I then was like well I have nothing to lose and I had to think of what to do. The only thing I could think to do was move my elbow towards her groin area to cause a feeling. Well I did that and my elbow touched her groin and caused an unwanted feeling. I then immediately asked my child to move. After that, I went back to sleep but I believe in a state of shock as to what happened. I woke up panicking completely thinking I have done ruined my life. I was going to prison and would lose my child. Since then, I haven't stopped ruminating. I have had days where I feel okay, but then there are days where I can't stop crying. Thinking I don't deserve my child, and I deserve to be in the ground. I was on a new medication that was causing me to spiral and giving me insomnia during this time. I wasn't getting much sleep at all. Since then, I've slept on the floor, and I eventually got my child to sleep in their own bed to avoid this happening again. I got off the medication and feel so much better with my thoughts and sleeping so much better. My daughter tells me how wonderful I am often, but I don't feel that I even deserve to celebrate Mother's Day this year. I'm not a good mom. I was four months ago before I spiraled. What's wrong with me? (edited)

How do you ocd sufferers deal with thoughts during sex Have you done erp for this? Do you stop or continue?

Ugh i was making salah and has groinals. And worried i heard my childs voice. I struggke with pocd. I moved my legs because it hit the bed and i heard my kids voice then i felt groinals as i was bowing in ruku. My compulsion is saying stop and no and adjusting. And my ocd also causes involuntary intrusivr movements. Like sudden twitches or hip thrusts or bodily movements. I just remember adjusting while in ruku and saying no and stop to the thoughts. I also remember feeling thr groinals and just being in third person and observing jt. I also froze up and felt stuck. This happened twice. Then ocd says i was arousing myself over my kids voice during salah which i know is absurd its ego dystonic its ocd. I hate having pocd and groinals. I know i was just adjusting because ei hit the bed. Then i felt groinals and heard my kids voice and felt triggered by pocd. Then i felt my body twitching in ruku and me adjusting and also freezing up and getting stuck. Ocd tries ti make me thing i did something sexually inappropriate during prayer. I know thats not who i am. I dont do sexual inappropriate acts and especially not during prayer. I’ve already been very anxious for days so i know its just a continuation of ocd attacking me. I just hate that ofd makes me think by me adjusting and by bodily movements anxiously intrusively incoluntary moving and me getting stuck that i did something bad thats what ocd tells me. I know its not true. Why does ocd make us think or feel we did something bad

Im scared that if I start to think it too much, I will start to believe it, and it becomes my reality. I always have thoughts like, “Do I love him, what if I lose feelings, how longs is this going to last, when will these thoughts finally go away, is he the one for me, is this how love feels like or am I just convincing myself?” I start to search things up to make myself feel better but the longest that works for is a few hours and then that gut wrenching feeling comes back. I love him I’m sure of it, but then why do I feel like this? I know if I didn’t love someone I would let them go and would t even fight for it or try to get better, but for him I’m trying ever second of everyday and sometimes I just feel so hopeless. I can’t afford a therapist and I’m too busy to talk to one. I don’t know what to do or how to feel, sometimes I just feel numb and I hate it, sometimes I feel like crying but can’t, and most the time I don’t feel jealous anymore and that scares me because I’m a jealous person. Then I get thoughts and reminders of my ex. Not in a way that I like them but the hatred and the trauma and pain they left me with. The mental, verbal and physical abuse. Sometimes my current relationship reminds me of him and why I shouldn’t be in one because I always fall into this deep hole that feels impossible to get out of. I just get so scared.

Helloooo everyone on this app on my phone, I wanted to write down things i was thinking to get started with dealing with my harm ocd, and fear of talking about it. I have always had ocd as long as i can remember since i was a small lad, I would obsess over various unimportant things, scratches on toys and such, and if they were “like new” constantly. my compulsion would be getting my mother to check my toys to check id they were good or not I wouldn’t trust how I felt about it. In middle school was the period it was worst for me, I remember the onset moment of harm OCD like it was yesterday. i was in robotics with one of my friends when i heard about a major school shooting in 2017. i was broken, i always assumed schools were safe and never eveb considered they werent. this was the first year i had access to a phone so i spent time online reading stuff. This event set in motion severe anxiety and ocd over the event, anxiety that something like this would happen at my school, and harm ocd that what if i perpetrated such an event. the thoughts disgusted me so much i was in the lowest point of my life for sure. I would never do something like this but to even picture the idea of me in those shoes was so disgusting. i was battling two things here. constantly doing compulsions to get it out of my head. pushing the ideas with clean pure thoughts and honestly i cant remember the whole situation perfectly i just remember it was rough. I remember the shootings ocd moved on to worrying i was going to commit harm in general, especially with loved ones involved. i got so worked up i hid all of my pocket knives, knife block was put away and i would just sit in bed and cry, watching travel blogs to distract myself. I had no idea what was wrong with me, I didnt know what ocd was, i just thought i was actually just a bad person and was disgusted with myself. my mom however, (love her so much) spent hours researching and found something on youtube she felt seemed like me. Natasha Daniels on youtube talking about something called moral ocd. It fit perfectly. moral ocd i eventually just moved to calling harm ocd. same thing i assume. we started watching the videos together and it felt more and more like what i was going through. i started feeling better when i could recognize thoughts and ignore them by calling them out in my head. this helped and eventually moving into covid i found distractions what i was worrying about slowly subsided. My harm ocd was suppressed for a long time and after switching healthcare providers and moving into high school i never went back to therapy and kinda was alright. i still experienced ocd, especially relating to my health, and then in senior year my first ever relationship i experienced relationship ocd really bad. health ocd however being the worse of the two. my harm OCD would occasionally pop up but nothing like it had before. just the occasional disturbing image in my head usually when hanging out with loved ones and i learned to while being disgusted move on and forget about it. up until these last few months it wasn’t that bad. until i went to monterey two weeks ago, and while i was outside on my own exploring the down town, i experienced very disturbing intrustive thoughts, (most of my intrusive thoughts center around rhat i carry a box cutter for work, i work stocking in retail). however i wasnt super disgusted like i had been before because i’ve experienced these thoughts before, i just assumed id move on. however ocd had a different target this time. my morals. it attacked the idea “hey you arent acting disgusted to these thoughts, that must mean you want to do them and are a bad person” and i was so hurt, but still not disgusted because ive just been so tired and stressed out from work and college and life overall. once i got back into the group with my family in the hotel it wasnt as bad and i moved on for the most of the night and the next weeks forgetting about it due to distractions. however. yesterday at my families easter brunch it showed up again, however this time i kept obsessing and trying to push the thoughts out and looking up stuff online to try and make me feel better, even talking to a coworker i trust about it. im just so sick and tired of my brain giving me harm ocd thoughts. i thought health ocd and relationship ocd was bad. this is the worst. the mere idea or thought of doing these things is so out of character and disturbing to me, maybe im more desensitized to violence due to videogames and media, and what happens in the world, and simply being an american. i dont know whats wrong with me. i hope to work through this though and what i do have is the confidence of that due to my ability to work past this before. i want to thank my friends and family for being so supportive even when it was hard for them and im so grateful to still be here today to work through this. anyway i just wanted to share my story to see if anyone relates or just hear from yall. hope everyone is doing well 🫶🏻🫶🏻

“If you feel comfortable, drop one word in the chat that describes how OCD is showing up for you today.” 🧠 Why it helps: This is a low-pressure way to connect, especially in a virtual setting where speaking up might feel hard. You’re welcome to share a word like “loud,” “quiet,” “anxious,” “tired,” or even just “here.” There’s no wrong answer, and just naming your experience can help you feel more grounded.

I had the biggest emotional breakdown of my life. I don't even understand why, but because of something that bothered me the slightest bit, i started yelling SOO loudly and bad at my parents: "YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME!" I threw some things, i even ran, tried to leave the house, and i ran to my room, i hit my head and i got a bump and some really bad scratches. Afterwards i felt super guilty, i feel horrible for having made my parents feel this way, and how was it possible that I hurt myself like this? I don't understand why i reacted that way, it's so, soo bad. They hugged me and we cried for a while, but i don't understand, am i crazy?

can i turn gay? and suddenly start liking gay and men sexual parts even though i never liked them before i scared i will start doing it and lose my attraction to females

Hey guys I just wanted to talk about something I was feeling I feel so trapped and terrible I have a bad pornography addiction even back then idk what to do I'm 17 years old but basically I looked at some very obscure things on the Internet ranging from hentai or just even more messed up things when I was younger I think maybe early teens I remember randomly just started remembering things I saw now I do not remember if I acted on them or jerked off to them idk what to do I feel so ashamed trapped I feel like I can't enjoy life anymore for what I've done I been introduced to porn when I was young idk what to do I seem alot back then some memories pop certain ones I don't remember if I had pleasured myself to it it feels like I did I have so much shame if I did but idk what to do

I have this same situation replaying in my head. It has to do with porn so if your young just know this may be a little graphic. I tend to use Twitter for porn and the reason I do this is it’s a lot more direct I can type in what I want to see and it’s there I don’t have to go through unknown websites and hope not to get viruses, and to be a little more specific more amateur/ real sexual experiences come up on Twitter rather than porn pages with staged written scenes. So in my use of Twitter for this there’s been times when questionable material/ illegal material has come up and never did I save it knowing it was 100% illegal or even interact with it if I knew it was 100% illegal. I was 18 or 19 at the time of this and I started to fear that in these moments I would look at these illegal videos/ sketchy videos to long when they would pop up like for example I remember seeing a video that was 100% illegal content and I was so shocked and like confused that I looked at it for a moment and then left and then I went back to look at it again just to confirm that I was seeing what I thought I was seeing I also remember seeing videos that were in a 18+ section but sometimes the girls in the videos looked like they could be 15-17. As we all know 18 year olds can look anywhere from 15-17 or even younger these days so I would be cautious and use my context clues and what I knew when watching videos that I was suspicious about but had no proof of them being illegal aside from my thoughts and the person looking young. So with this and me worrying I got super scared and hyper aware of what I was watching and now I remember me going back on Twitter to look at content that I was intending to be 18+ but all I would think about is what if something illegal would come up what if I see it and I look for to long or what if I feel attracted and I like it. And I just remember going back to Twitter to look at legal porn but it felt like I was there so that something illegal could come up to see how I’d naturally react to it. Never did I go and type in key words or type in anything illegal in fact I remember times I would strictly put 18+ next to whatever I was searching so I could be sure everything was legal but sometimes it would feel like my hope and intention was that I would see something illegal so that I could feel that anxiety rush or just to see how I would react naturally to seeing it and I feel like this would count as me intentionally looking for it so now I feel disgusting and like I committed a crime. Sometimes I just feel like I was only looking at porn because I wanted to feel that anxiety of what if something bad comes up and how would I react. I know deep down I didn’t want to see illegal content and that I was probably just feeling that I wanted to check how id feel if it did come up but now I feel like I was intentionally looking and that my whole objective was for something questionable to come up so I can see how I react. Is this ocd or did I just make a horrible decision?

Does anyone know how can you determine ROCD compulsive thoughts vs actual relationship issues necessary to bring up? I’ve been in multiple abusive relationships in the past and I don’t want to go through that again. I’ve been with my partner for 3 years, we’re both mentally ill and we’ve hurt each other a lot over the years. I have some trauma due to their alcoholism, but I want to still be there for her. However my head is constantly telling me that whenever they’re gone I’m worried they’re drinking and cheating, trying to harm themself, planning on harming me or they’re gonna die if im not basically with them 24/7. Even when I want time to myself I force myself to be with them sometimes out of fear. I see them do/say something that might suggest these things (following a new girl, ignoring my texts while they’re out, raising their voice at me etc.) and I’m even more convinced and I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know what is a suspicion I SHOULD bring up to them, and what is just a compulsive thought. :( How do I determine that?

I had blood work done for a test I was having a couple weeks ago. The phlebotomist hit my vein weird, my arm bled a lot, but eventually stopped. My arm is still sore several days later. The following week I had my bronchoscopy. The nurse used the same arm that was already sore to put in the IV for the meds. My arm started hurting, swelling and burning. I told her it hurt really bad but she ignored me; then I was out. It’s been a week and my arm still hurts, and my veins are tight and hard. Couple that with the white stuff all over my face, that nobody from the care team bothered to wipe off- which I didn’t know about until my husband asked me what it was, I got harm from my OCD! At first I chalked it up to the white stuff on my face was bad bedside manners. Now, I keep thinking that my doctors and everyone associated with the clinics are trying to harm me. This morning I had an incident with the fryer oven while toasting my bagel. I asked my husband about it and he says he didn’t notice anything. I was down to the last few bites of my bagel, and suddenly started feeling loopy. I spit it out and threw the rest away. After sitting awhile thinking of the doctors and phlebotomist etc… it dawned on me that it was my OCD telling me people were trying to harm me. I don’t know how to get over the fact that my arm hurts really bad and my doctor completely ignores my health concerns. I’ve been nauseous for the past two weeks or so - there is definitely something wrong! I think when they find out that you have OCD and/or Anxiety, they treat you differently, as if you’re making up the symptoms. I most certainly haven’t felt heard! My husband always says, what’s wrong now? It’s such a horrible feeling to hear him say that. Is this what you call Harm? Or is it associated with Harm? I’m not sure if this is triggering or not. I hope not.

i ALWAYS fear that I will break religious rules (Islam) that I exaggerate it a lot... Like Hasad (envy) is forbidden in Islam...so i always avoid looking at ANYTHING bc Because I'm afraid I'll envy it by mistake!!! even people! plus help!!!!!

Can anyone give their experience on FALSE ATTRACTION? At this moment, mine has become worse. Soon as I see a male my anxiety shoots up, I can feel this in my chest and my OCD is telling me I’m attracted. But I continue to look back or stare and the disgust comes over me and my body shakes and I feel my face screw up. I can’t listen to music I use too or watch movies which was a favourite thing of mine to do. I just feel disgusted and not who I am when it happens. It’s like a different me. P.S. I had a very good week few days ago where I knew this wasn’t me and these feelings/ thoughts isn’t me.

My POCD has spiraled out of control based on me thinking I wanted to cause harm to my child when I moved my elbow based upon the thought to move it. I can't stop feeling guilty about it. I don't want to be taken from her. I need help. I have a therapist but myself next session isn't for a while

Today I had my follow up appointment with my psychologist, I left feeling worse, I loved the psychologist I spoke to last time he was very informed and understanding, this time I got an appointment with someone who he supervises and I feel like she didn't allow me to speak, she didn't allow me to explain my thoughts or feelings, she told me I have to take my medication or she won't be able to continue helping me, which I understand but im terrified of medication I can't get over it, she said if i start the prozac and it doesn't work then I'll have to get on antipsychotics which seems a bit extreme to me considering i have no psychotic symptoms matter of fact she didn't even allow me to explain my symptoms and i feel like there's so many other antidepressants that could work before getting on antipsychotics🙁 this didn't help me at all considering the episode of ocd i just got through was about me becoming psychotic, I just feel let down and misunderstood, I almost felt as if she was mad at me for the buspar not working she said "you didn't really try it you just took it for a week so if you stopped it it's like you gave up on yourself" but it kept me up 2 nights in a row and i couldnt function from the anxiety 😞