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I’m not even sure I WANT to be a girl anymore. I don’t want to be trans and I’m literally almost convinced. I don’t care. I just think there’s no choice but to transition, cause there’s way too much proof. I feel like even as a child I show too many signs of it. There’s actual proof that is SO BAD. Maybe I got tocd because it was an easy target. Maybe I have so much proof to this that tocd was the thing to make me panic the most. I’ve always wanted to be a woman in the future but now? What now? There’s just too much proof for me NOT to be transgender.

Everytime my existential ocd thoughts act up I don’t know what to do because I think about like where we go when we die and I just freak out because I don’t want to die

Okay so I need help I’m 15 years old I remember when I was younger I would search up lesbian kiss and I kissed my bestfriend just a peck and then was aroused by provocative music videos however I have always had crushes on guys and wanted to be in a relationship with guys. I also had a porn addiction from my preteen years I watched heterosexual porn lesbian porn and gay male porn and only stopped a few weeks ago however I haven’t had sex and I’ve only kissed one guy so it makes me instantly worried about being a lesbian and in year 7 the thought of what I did as a child gave me extreme anxiety but what scares me the most is internalised homophobia because I share some Simalar symptoms because I think some of HOCD symptoms also share Simalr thoughts and sometimes I will think weird thoughts about lesbians like I had a thought that i don’t want my daughter to be a lesbian because what if then I turn into a lesbian and I don’t think I have sexual fantasies about women I get turned by women but not in a sexual way I just want to look like them and almost be them never with them but now I’m questioning that because of these doubts I haven’t even thought of being a lesbian for years or my childhood experimentation and every time I think I question if I liked it or not I get friendship crushes but just to be friends strictly platonic and I remember when I was younger I cried because o didn’t want my bestfriend to die and now I’m questioning if it was romantic or something tbh I have I guess been bi curios at points in time but I felt like I would never be with a girl it just wouldn’t be natural and I would view it as a friendship I also don’t want to be perceived as gay because then what I will start questioning myself all these Memories and emotions are coming back up and I’m scared that I want to think that when I know deep down I’m not a lesbian I was on 50g of Zoloft and that worked for a couple weeks o wasn’t even thinking about this and now I’m on 75g however it’s not helping and it’s my third day earlier today I had a panic attack about being a lesbian and asexual I just want this all to go away and be back to my normal self that I was two weeks ago I have also struggled with other themes of ocd to contamination is a big one and at one point I thought I wanted to be transgender This scares me but I need to know if this is OCD and it’s just anxiety

Ever wondered how your life could be like if you didn’t have ocd?

Please please read: I made a bad choice when I was a teenager. It is by my standards one of the worst things I’ve ever done. I hit my sibling when I was upset with her, she was a lot younger than me, and she is non-verbal. I shared a room with her and she kept getting out of bed and crying at the bedroom door because she wasn’t ready for bed. I had spent about 2 hours bringing her back to bed and tucking her in and at a certain point I just lost my cool. I had school in the morning and for whatever reason I felt I couldn’t ask my mom for help. (I can’t remember why) I hit her, yelled at her, called her a bad girl, and pushed her into bed. In hindsight it makes me feel fucking sick to my stomach that I would treat someone like her like that. I realize as an adult so much more I could’ve done and how I could’ve handled the situation better. I could’ve gotten up and got her a snack, maybe she was hungry. I could’ve gone downstairs and woke my mom up and told her I was getting stressed out. I could’ve left my room and had a shower to stop my frustration from bubbling. I just feel so rotten about this, and I need to say this somewhere. It’s been about 8 years since this has happened, I’ve told my mom and my boyfriend about how horrible I feel about this. They don’t really seem to get it. In every moment of her life besides this one incident I have been her best friend and I try to do as much as I possibly can to enrich her life so when I express this regret with my family they tell me “I’m sure she’s forgotten”, “look how much she loves you” etc. My boyfriend compares this instance to times he hit his sister as a kid. I just don’t find it the same and I don’t know how to move on from this, especially since I’ve been obsessing over this during my most recent meltdown. I told my friend about this today, I consider her my best friend, we work at the same school together and my sister involved in this situation is a student at the school we work at. Was telling her my feelings about this a huge mistake? I feel like I have a ton of bricks in my stomach right now ?

Are boys less nurturing then women?

anyone w health anxiety/health concern ocd please help so i have what the doctors think is a fibroadenoma in my breast which is basically a non cancerous tumor. but my ocd is telling me that i have breast cancer, even though i am 17 and no one in my family has had it before. i have a biopsy for it on monday and it is causing me more anxiety and compulsions than i’ve had in so long. does anyone have any suggestions to help?? i’ll literally do anything i’m struggling so bad

I freaking hate my boyfriend’s personality. I’ve been with him for 3 years almost and we are very similar in personality . But he has very bad anger issues. He doesn’t hurt me physically. But he’s 17 years older ( I’m 24 ) and his comments and frustration gets to him a lot lately. He is impatient and yells. And he gets upset for the STUPIDEST things. I’ve TRIED to tell him to please work on himself. He said he doesn’t want to be this way but like ... I know it’s going to take ALOT OF time for him to get better. He’s the first guy to accept me for who I am. And my first serious serious relationship . BUT he’s driving me NUTS. What should I do guys? Any advice?

I’m scared that the thoughts aren’t as distressing anymore but I don’t like having this thoughts still. It’s like I don’t care about them anymore but I still hate having them! Idk if I make any sense. Point is they don’t disgust or disturb me. It feels like i like them... does this mean it’s true? I just can’t be lesbian or bi. Maybe just a little bi but not to the point where I actually wanna do these things. Can anyone relate or give me any advice??

I feel so sick to my stomach. Please read. This is reassurance seeking, but I just need someone to hear me out. I have been hit really badly by real event ocd. I have had so many different types of ocd themes these past years but this by far feels the absolute worst. So when I was 11 my mom started working nights after my dad left, I was in charge of the kids in the night they were 7, 5 and 1. Mostly the 7 & 5 year old did their own thing and then I put them to bed but I was almost always with my 1 year old sister. She has special needs but at that time we didn’t know hardly anything about her condition and to me at that age she just seemed like a normal baby. Over time I started to abuse the fact that I practically had no parent from 7 pm on and I would spend all night on the Internet. One day a class mate sent me a link to redtube (a pornography site) I checked it out and at first was horrified but then I realized no one was around to stop me from watching it. I started watching a bit out of curiosity and before long it turned into an addiction. I would watch it as soon as my mom was gone, with my baby sister in the room. Now a lot of my memories are pieced together but I know bottom line I never did anything to harm my sister intentionally or exploit her in any way. But then I wonder what if I ever allowed her to crawl on me while watching porn or if that was some weird sexual gratification for me. (I would never do that willingly but it’s a major fear I have) another incident I remember from around that time is kissing my sisters cheek. I remember I was watching man in the moon and Reese Witherspoon kissed some guy and I thought, I wonder how a kiss like that feels and I kissed my baby sisters cheek. Now more than a decade later I’m starting to feel like that could be considered sexual abuse. I’m so afraid, I tried to confess to my mom all that happened and she asked me if I was watching the redtube and I said no (because I wasn’t) but now my brain is trying to tell me WHAT IF I was, and I’m just in denial. In that time frame of 11-12 years old I expiremented with a sex toy I found in my house. I felt fucked up about it my entire life after that, I felt secretly incestuous and that follows me to this day. Can I bring this up in therapy or psychiatry? What will they say? Will they press charges on me? I have a son to think about and I’m extremely scared that I can be considered a sexual offender for my poorly thought out actions of when I was 11. I feel so gross and disgusting, and I’ve also dealt with POCD in the past which makes me feel more guilty because it almost feels like proof that I am a sexual deviant who is disgusting and deserves to be punished. Please if you have any opinions please share, I am afraid to seek help for this but I think I need help with this. I am returning to work soon which involves working with children and I feel like if I’m considered bad (even though I’d never hurt a fly and I’m so ashamed of my mistakes) that something really bad will happen to me

I just watched a video talking about sexual orientation OCD and she talks about how you are not your OCD and that you should separate yourself from your OCD but what if I separate myself and my true self ends up being gay? I’m not reassurance seeking I’m just putting my thoughts out there so they aren’t stuck in my head.

So i was watching this girl on youtube. I watched her and got kinda sad because she really matches who i used to be u know? Like if i wouldnt be having hocd i would be her right now, we have like the same style, humor and interests a bit. So i see her getting her room christmas ready and jm just here being sad because i wish i could feel the winter and christmas vibes like she does but i feel empty instead lol. Anyway i see a video where she casually says shes bi. I really did not expect that from her bevause she ls like super girly and like the basic lifestyle beautyguru kinda girl and i was like shook because it doesnt happen a lot. And i expected myself to be anxious but i actually felt relieved by it? Like u can be bi and still feel cozy and feel girly n cute. And now why that comforts me is i think because that makes me *accept* being bi easier. And now im not saying im bi but we all know that if you want to get rid of hocd u gotta accept what you fear. Now i fear im gay and bi, i fear liking girls. But if she is still herself than i can be too and like fake accept it so i can come at peace and my old self would maybe actually return you know and things would clear up. Im hoping that if things clear up i would just like boys only again and find myself again and i wouldnt have to be anxious anymore ebvause i accepted to be bi without actually being it. Idk is this like a good thing to do?

My boyfriend wants to broke up with me beacuse i have ocd and i shower to long, but we lived togheder for 1 year and something, but now he is saying is to much. What i can do? I spend 1-2 hours in the bathroom everyday

One of my obsessions is about the fear of being fat. Can anyone relate? I’m struggling with grad school and have no control over working out so my thoughts are terrible. Getting dressed in the morning and constantly checking the mirror and obsessing over how people see me is exhausting...

It’s very hard for me to believe there’s hope when people have been living with Hocd for 20 years or just many years while I only had it for 8 months I feel like there’s no hope for me to me honest.

I touched a GIANT SLIMY SNOT yesterday on the work printer (it stick to my documents and I didn’t see it till it stuck to my hand) I washed excessively yesterday, showered etc and this morning I disinfected my desk and washed my hands more I had to use the printer again today now I feel like o have undone it all and I need to wash everything again How do I deal with this?

Hey guys, basically I've got many issues as some of you know with this awful OCD. But my latest one which I'm not sure is OCD, is around my boyfriend. I fell in love with him and decided to call it a thing, been together almost three months. Thing is, he struggles to get an erection and it makes me feel bad. Like I'm the reason he can't get it up even though he's explained it's because he worries he won't be able to and then he can't. And now I'm going through a time where I'm thinking, I don't find him sexually attractive because I know I actually don't, but I still love him. And I'd find him sexually attractive if this wasn't an issue. If he got more sexy and sexual towards me. This is the first guy that has ever struggled getting it up with me, basically the bedroom stuff is absolutely shit and I don't want to break up with him but my brain is telling me I do but I don't. It's something we can work around but any advice on how to help him? Or how to feel like it's not my fault. Also am I horrible for doubting whether I'm sexually attracted to him? I think he's cute but the sexual thing isn't there at all and I love his personality so I do want to stay with him but I just want this to be solved

My harm ocd is off the chain.....about my brother. It tells me when I’m alone with him and he starts crying it tells me my family thinks I’m hurting him so I try to make him stop crying and then ocd says don’t make him stop crying don’t cover up what you did. I DIDNT DO ANYTHING TO BEGIN WITH. But I’m still the clown because I believe this stupidity still ???I always feel like a bad sister because my harm ocd thoughts are triggered by him. He’s only 1 tho so I feel guilty because he’s 1. I try not to be around him alone or at all because ocd is gonna tell me something and I’m gonna get triggered. Or if I get mad at him I raise my voice at him and he thinks it’s funny but ocd says I’m abusing him.Or it tells me my family thinks I’m raping my brother it’s so fucked up. I wouldn’t even consider that, so as of now I don’t play with him as much and it makes me sad because he runs to my room and bangs on my door but I don’t open it because I already know what ocd is gonna do. Or after school he’ll run up to me and I’ll hug him back but after that I leave him alone. He always brings toys to me to play but I’m scared to. I broke down in the middle of writing this because it breaks my heart that I’m such a terrible sister.I want to be a good sister to him but I can’t because of this,my other friends are such good big sisters and I barely play with my brother. Some things never change, I finally see that ocd is one of those things?

What can i do besides look for reassurance

Does anyone here even believe that I could become famous and successful and loved someday....Even if people know everything that's happened to me? Please don't answer with nice things for the sake of making me feel better...I want an honest answer.