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So I said I'd post my story and here she blows lol. Ohhh God, this again. It started a while ago, after I learned to overcome my hocd. It was an arduous experience but well worth it. However I still experienced spikes and much weirder they were all over the place. It felt like my ocd had nothing to latch on to so now it was going after everything. I hated these but got over it. I also started to experience dissociative symptoms. Feeling "less like myself", disconnected from my identity. I often referred to it as feeling like you'd pulled a plug out of a wall, and I was the plug. I often felt hungover, but never consumed drugs or alcohol. More than weird. I would experience this then my intrusive thoughts would increase. Compulsions idk about, but a large amount of intrusive thoughts. It sucked each time and I often felt like I would never get better or go insane. A lot of the thoughts focused on things I cared about. My gender identity, sexuality, and my future relationship with my boyfriend. It was a lot. It only got worse after a friend of mine who had ocd to and understood ocd, rationalized his ocd and believe it. He would say that he was brainwashing himself and that he was not trans. This hit me too since when he told me I was experiencing these dissociation/ocd symptoms. I kinda was able to move forward but ever since Then it's been a recurring issue that my ocd would make me constantly doubt myself even though I knew who I was. It give me anxiety over this I've never had anxiety for before and welcomed. Things that I loved. I'll get further into detail Later but I'm trying to get better

Someone please tell me they feel like they aren’t gonna ever get through HOCD and be able to marry and guy and have children... because I feel so alone and I just keep on asking myself why won’t God help me... I keep on thinking “what if it’s real” I just don’t know what to do and why this had to happen to me... I used to like guys and even loved a guy once and I just feel like it’s not even real anymore.... idk if I can do this anymore and every time I think I’m getting better I relapse after like a week.

I see girls getting married at 22 and that always was my dream, i always wanted to marry young but i feel so unpure and soo not ready while before hocd i felt so ready to be in love and give my all to someone. So its so hard for me to see my dreams and personality and just spitit fall apart. I hope my dream can still come back and maybe it can even come true

I was originally diagnosed with OCD in 2000, But I never really got treatment or read into it, I always just focused on that I had depression or anxiety, until this year. I have been with an amazing man for five years. He is understanding, patient, and caring and has always done his best to try and be there for me even when I am in the middle of meltdowns etc. Even when I was pushing him away or being verbally terrible :( but since our 5 year anniversary that passed this last August my ROCD and cheating ocd have completely taken over my brain. It is ruining my relationship and it took him and I almost breaking up to finally realize and see it. He had started lying alot to me during the last few months mainly because when he would try to talk to me or tell me the truth I would react poorly and make him feel bad for simple things like one of his guy friends coming to dinner or wanting to go to a car race etc with friends. So he started omitting the truth to things I'd accept and not make him feel horrible for. Which led to him lying for two weeks straight and going skydiving with a female friend (who is married her husband and mother were there when they went filming it) and it like verified my ocd thoughts to me completely. Which lead me to scouring every possible comment, like, reaction on social media accounts. Wanting to know exactly when he's active online, what hes doing, with who, how long, if he didnt respond to texts or calls fast enough it would tell me hes probably lying or with her. The way my ocd basically is where I feel hes going to cheat or leave me constantly, I am very insecure of female friends even when my brain logically knows he has been loyal and faithful and I shouldn't even have a thing to worry about. Bit because of my actions and words he has stopped wearing our promise ring, and it has made him question us because he feels he can't keep me happy anymore. I want it to stop. I want my brain to stop doing this to me. I want it to stop misfiring telling me the horrible things it does. I want to stop feeling like i have to check and re check everything go back through messages photos pictures comments any possible thing. I went as far as to finding tons of things to fill in puzzle pieces to verify that he must be having at least an emotional affair if not physical and it's ruining everything. I did not tell him i think that or looked for things to validate that. In the past I openly told him every negative thought or feeling I had or asked things specifically if I had the bad thoughts or asking if he wanted to be with me etc. We live a few hoirs apart and now he doesn't want to come for Thanksgiving and doesn't know if he wants to spend time with me the weekend following either. :( My mental illness is ruining the best relationship I've ever had, my happily ever after.

I wonder if there is someone that has ROCD. I am constantly having doubts about if I love my husband or not and today I was seriously considering about committing suicide because I am exhausted of fighting against this shit and it hurts me so much having millions of questions regarding if I love the most wonderful person that I have ever meet or not. At this point I can't recognize what is real or not... I just told him today that I probably was not loving him and he told me he feels I love him and he just tried to calm me down. But I don't know how long I will resist, I can't understand reality anymore :(

Im not asking this to be insensitive, I am just curious. Why do you have such a phobia of being gay?

Please Please Someone help me!!!.... I had a friendship with a girl for 3 years back and we aren't talking for 1 years now because we it was a long-distance relationship and we weren't able to see each other. We fell in love. But now I've realised that it wasn't love but OCD that made me feel that I'm in love with her... We loved each other so deeply that it's hard to explain... It was a true and a pure relationship.... But now I couldn't continue to accept the fact that it was love because it wasn't. It was all just a FANTASY... Now my reality and this fantasy are striking each other. I can't tolerate this paint. I'm stuck between reality and fantasy. I'm in so much pressure and I can't get breath. I'm getting stabbed. Someone help me out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello, anyone here suffers from a skin-picking disorder? If yes, Let's talk about it!

Someone help me!!!.... I had a friendship with a girl for 3 years back and we aren't talking for 1 years now because we it was a long-distance relationship and we weren't able to see each other. We fell in love. But now I've realised that it wasn't love but OCD that made me feel that I'm in love with her... We loved each other so deeply that it's hard to explain... It was a true and a pure relationship.... But now I couldn't continue to accept the fact that it was love because it wasn't. It was all just a FANTASY... Now my reality and this fantasy are striking each other. I can't tolerate this paint. I'm stuck between reality and fantasy. I'm in so much pressure and I can't get breath. I'm getting stabbed. Someone help me out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brooooo my brain is like straight up telling me that maybe I would like to be with a girl or do sexual things with them. Telling me like maybe I do want it. Wtf I can’t. Why why why

(tw for mentions of violence/crimes/illness thoughts) does having intrusive thoughts about bad events happening to your loved ones (crimes, accidents, illnesses, etc), and doing compulsions to prevent these things from happening, classify as a form of harm OCD or responsibility OCD? i've been plagued by this since i was very little, since i used to be convinced that my parents would die if they weren't in immediate reach, and in the worst cases i had really bad crises where i was deeply, absolutely and completely convinced that they HAD actually died in a car accident if they weren't home and no one could convince me otherwise. if someone doesn't come back home before a certain time or doesn't answer texts, if their behavior is slightly unusual, i get extremely detailed intrusive thoughts about all the ways they could have died or been victims of crimes, i have to check the news to see if there's been any reported accidents, i call them even 20+ times in a row, check every single social media for their last traces, text the people they're out with and do a mental ritual of mine that i also use in general to prevent bad things from happening (repeating "thank you thank you thank you" in my head to replace bad thoughts with a good one, so the universe will know im grateful and i wont cause bad events with my bad thoughts). i got better but i still cant let go of the idea that thinking about something bad will make it happen and it will be my fault for causing harm to someone or myself. if i notice anything slightly out of the norm like breath rhythm etc, i start having intrusive thoughts about them having a terminal disease so i start researching the symptoms and eventually do the ritual again. my latest episodes were about my dad dying from heart attack, my brother being electrocuted, and my sister being kidnapped when i had a missed call from her. it also happens with crimes i hear about on the news etc. out the blue i'd get detailed thoughts about the victim experiencing the crime, especially those of sexual nature or extremely brutal ones, and not only they would frighten me because of the content, but also because i couldn't make sure that the victim was healing (i used to research online if they had left any interviews to know about their current state). on top of it, i was scared that if i kept thinking about these things, eventually those same crimes would happen to me. i'd make them real by thinking about them too much. so i'd have to do my "thank you" ritual again. im not sure how to classify all of this besides just calling it OCD, i've had lots of themes but this was always the most prominent and frightening one.

I’m having intrusive thoughts about l.... Stabbing my children ?, my intrusive thought is also making me believe that I want to by saying I don’t love them?. This is horrible and by far the worst I’m not looking for reassurance but has anyone had 1 intrusive thought and then it convinces you something els!

Does anyone have advice for intrusive thoughts while tipsy? I haven experience this before and then a random thought hit me! Had this happen. The buzz had warn off but it still freaked me out cause I don’t know it was OCD or an actual thought. I got anxiety really bad after.

my parents don’t want me to get help because apparently these thoughts are normal ha ha ha as if getting thoughts about planning to suffocate, stab, poison, or dismember my brother, shooting up a school, or murdering family members in general is normal hahahahaha

Hello, my name is Reef. I need help. I have a problem with toenail grooming since April 2017. I consulted a psychiatrist and was prescribed Ativan and Zoloft. The diagnosis was anxiety and OCD. Prior to April 2017, I was alright and normal. I would cut and file my toenails and move on to another task. I stopped the medication because of the side effects that made me sick. I am tormented by images of my toes and toenails non-stop which make me bend over to check them. It is exhausting and I cannot sleep well due to the non-stop nagging images. I consulted four podiatric surgeons to remove all my toenails so I did not have to cut and file them. I believe removal of my toenails would have resolved the problem. The podiatric surgeons declined my request. This condition is debilitating and affects my daily routine. I am existing, not living.

Not looking for reassurance, just venting about how stupid OCD gets. Having a wild time with existential OCD at the moment. It started with me obsessing about what is going on in other people's minds. Not that I want to know what they are thinking, just how they are thinking - what it's like inside a head without OCD, is it quieter? Is that why other people like daydreaming and getting lost in thought? Then all of that philosophising lead me down a bad path and now my OCD is trying really hard to convince me that nothing exists outside my line of sight, the horizon is just an elaborate drawing and behind it is a black void. Obviously I know that's just ridiculous but it's hard not to feel like I'm losing my mind when I know that there is a world beyond my current line of sight but my OCD brain is trying it's hardest to convince me that there's not. Usually when existential obsessions come up it's because I'm going through a major life event but that's not the case right now so it beats me why this particular brand of obsessions has made an appearance again. Oh well.

I just want to say , one day we’ll all get better and be able to know what’s our ocd vs what’s really is. That day may not be today, tomorrow or next week, but as time progresses I hope we all go back to our normal , happy selves before OCD came into our lives. If anyone needs to talk, I’m here.

Hey everyone, my name is Stephen Smith and I’m the Founder and CEO of NOCD. I also have OCD, which is why I founded the platform. Specifically, I have “intrusive thoughts OCD”- relationship-based, sexual, and religious thoughts that made me at one point question many fundamental elements of my character. Although google searching for answers to my thoughts was my most noticeable compulsion, my compulsions were mainly mental, where I would reassure myself, mentally review past events, pray, and even check my body for different sensations. Since I didn’t suffer with the “standard symptoms”, I ended up getting misdiagnosed 5 times which caused me to get really severe, drop out of school, and become housebound. While housebound, I started searching my thoughts online which led me to realize that I had OCD. Then, when searching for evidence-based OCD treatment, I stumbled upon exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy. Although ERP is extremely effective (about 80% of people with OCD see a significant reduction in symptoms after going through treatment), there was only one therapist in my area who specialized in it. She had a 7 month wait list and charged $250 per session- making the care pretty much inaccessible for me. I got lucky though since my mom, who was desperate at the time to see me get better, found money from a family friend to pay for my treatment. She also called the clinician and begged her to get me off the waitlist. If it wasn’t for her, I probably wouldn’t be here today. After doing ERP with the provider for 12 weeks, I ended up getting better- so much to the point where I was able to go back to school, finish up my football career (I was a college quarterback) and eventually complete my degree. Because I managed the OCD fears by accepting the uncertainty behind them (a core principle behind response prevention), the anxiety over time went away, and the thoughts decreased in frequency as well as in severity (since they didn’t really matter to me anymore). After that happened, I ended up returning back to normal pretty much- feeling as good as I did before my severe OCD onset. That’s when I started pondering the question, “if OCD is so treatable with a good ERP therapist, then why isn’t treatment more accessible to people going through the condition?” It’s a question I’m sure many of you are currently asking or have asked before. Now to the good news....There is no more need to ask that question. Now inside of NOCD, you can do live, face-to-face therapy sessions with a licensed therapist who specializes in treating OCD using exposure and response prevention (ERP). After signing up, all you need to do is open up your phone or laptop and start the session with the ERP therapist. It’s all video-conferencing. It’s the solution that I always wanted when I was going through treatment, so I hope you can find value in it if you are suffering- especially those who are stuck on the waitlist or who live hours from care. Anyways- if you have questions about doing ERP therapy with a NOCD telehealth provider or with another therapist feel free to ask them here. I will definitely give you the pros and cons. Much love!

i have these random moments where i am EXTRA CONVINCED that i am a lesbian. my heart is literally going 100 mph and i feel like i am going to throw up.