- Date posted
- 20w
Why nobody is replying to me? You think what I posted is not serious?
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working to conquer OCD
Why nobody is replying to me? You think what I posted is not serious?
i’ve had religious ocd pretty scary but i feel lost rn i need help getting closer to God
Lmk I’m curious
How do you know you just want someone rather than the person? Like now that my infatuation is gone… I makes an active choice to get to know them more but because it feels forced I don’t wanna do it just because
my bf doesn’t believe in God. his parents didn’t care either. this makes me sad cause what if we get marry and God forbid are separated bc he was never saved? i can’t force religion on someone.
Hey, I really need your opinion – I think I might be struggling with Relationship OCD, and these thoughts are driving me crazy. I’ve been officially diagnosed with OCD, and I believe I also have ROCD. My obsessive thoughts often focus on one specific girl from my boyfriend’s past. She had messaged him a few times, and I think she liked him – but he never liked her back. He barely knew her, never found her attractive, and never wanted anything with her. She’s just a good friend of his best friend – not an ex or anything like that. He told me that he happened to be in the same group as her a couple of times – once at a birthday party and once at a fair – just because his best friend brought her along. He made it clear several times that she’s not his type at all, neither in looks nor in personality. He described her as someone who likes to go out and party a lot, and said that’s just not what he’s into. He also said he didn’t ask about her – these things were mentioned to him before our relationship. Almost all of this happened before we met – except for one thing: the fair. That was just one day before our second date, back when we had just started getting to know each other. She was with his friend group that night. He said he only said hi and bye to her, nothing more. The next day, when we met again, we were talking about his friends’ heights. He casually mentioned that his friend was the same height as that girl – 1.70 m. Ever since, I keep wondering: If she meant nothing to him, why did he even talk about her? Or did he actually talk to her that night, even though he said he didn’t? I know he said they barely exchanged a word, but somehow he still knew that detail. I just find that strange. Another example: He once said she was “kind of slutty.” Then, one or two months later, when I brought it up again, he said he didn’t know if she was or not, and that he didn’t care at all. That really confused me. I keep wondering: Why did he say something like that in the first place if he supposedly doesn’t care about her? I also notice this really frustrating cycle: When I talk to him about something that doesn’t make sense to me, I feel brief relief. But then, almost immediately, another thought or detail pops up that feels “off” again – and I feel like I have to bring that up, too. I can’t tolerate the uncertainty. It’s like an endless loop. These little “inconsistencies” – or what I perceive as inconsistencies – make me spiral, even though I do believe he’s being honest with me. I want to trust him. But I have this constant urge to bring up every little thing that doesn’t feel logically right. Every detail stays in my head for days, and it’s really hard not to talk about it. Does this sound like Relationship OCD to you? Do any of you go through this constant analyzing and doubt? I’d really appreciate your thoughts. I’m slowly ruining my own relationship.. Today, for the first time, my partner cried because of it .. I didn’t know how to deal with my thoughts, and seeing him like that made me realize that I really need to change something. Anything that doesn’t make sense to me feels unbearable. And as soon as I talk about one thing, the next thought comes into my head, something else that doesn’t make sense and leaves me feeling uncertain again. I honestly feel extremely helpless right now.. Just as a side note: I was officially diagnosed with ROCD in a previous relationship, not with my current partner, but in a past one.
(Post also goes into topics of moral scrupulosity and a mention of abuse.) - Hi, so I’m not here to seek reassurance—although I understand and acknowledge my obsessive-compulsive tendencies are feeding into this and my anxiety around it—but I’d really like other people’s input on this. I had a lost a friendship a month ago. It was over Discord. I am very active in fandom, and was in a character role play server with other adult fans for a little over a year. I had met this person in said server, who would go on to be my friend. We became very close, to the point where we both shared our mental health-related struggles (on my end I shared that I have both autism and OCD). I expressed that I wanted to do more stuff in my real-life and build a career in the arts for myself on several occasions and the high-energy atmosphere was generally overwhelming to me. I communicated this with them and other server members. The server I was a part of has high standards for in-character role play. Many of the writers in there are very talented, and are able to write practically novella-length responses to each other. This response length is normal and high literacy is expected. I’ve been doing this hobby in different fanbases for over 10 years, and I’ve noticed that as I’ve gotten older I’ve had less and less energy for longer responses. I had a hard time accepting this until very recently, because role play is a lot of fun for me and my people-pleasing tendencies makes me want to write longer and longer responses for them. I want to continue doing this hobby, but I just don’t have the time, energy, or dedication to it like I used to have. So, back to my friendship with this other person and I: we had a role play with our characters going, and I’ve been growing more and more distant from the server. I want to emphasize: I wasn’t distant for any kind of negative reason. I still liked all of my mutuals and friends on there, and talking and exchanging banter when I could, but my general interest was waning. This wasn’t due to any member of the server; I had no personal qualms or gripes with anyone to cause this distance. It was a combination of my interests changing at that time and wanting to put my focus toward other things. I hadn’t responded to my friend’s role play exchange at this point in time for around three months. I hardly ever have a gap in responses like that. Again, it was a combination of all the factors I listed before that contributed to it. I was so sure I’d be able to muster the energy to respond, and I’d assure them I would before, but it never happened. This gap in response time had hurt them. I apologized to them one-on-one about this, and we had a nice heart-to-heart about it. I was so scared that they’d take my distance and lack of socializing in the server as malicious, but they seemed to understand that all of it wasn’t intentional. I had thought we had come to a greater understanding, learned what I could do to be a more attentive and better friend to meet their needs, and could move on from this as stronger friends. Two weeks pass, I’m not very active in the server again, but I made an effort to reach back out to them one-on-one and give them an update on my side of things. I had more time to sit with my thoughts and assess how I want to put myself out there on the server again, or even if I wanted to, still a bit intimidated by it and throwing myself in, being as insecure as I am. I had a better understanding of my new relationship to role play as a hobby, and explained to them that it’s changed, alluding to how I couldn’t output as much as I used to. I was given a very short response, essentially telling me that they’re sorry to hear that and hope I find what I’m looking for. I felt my gut twist up at seeing this, because of our previous conversation from the beginning of the month made it sound like we were on good terms. I then go back into the server, out of our private correspondence, and see a vague post being made by them a minute or two after our exchange. They said that the person they were venting about and being upset with had been victimizing themselves and called their actions abusive. I took this to mean, based on the vagueness and timing of the post, that this had to be about me. I am extremely sensitive around the subject matter of abuse, and I spiraled immediately. I didn’t talk to them after this, thinking that if they really perceived me this way, that I don’t want to do more damage than I already have, despite me really wanting to explain myself. It took me a couple of days to ground myself and assess the situation, but I found it in myself to finally leave the server. What held me back was the fear that I’d be retaliated against privately by other mutuals from the server if they had seen my departure. This didn’t happen. I haven’t heard anything from these old friends and mutuals since me leaving the server. It’s been a little over a month since this happened, but I’m still guilt-ridden, confused, hurting, and conflicted. I’m a whirlwind of doubt, uncertainty, and shame. Does any of what I described here sound abusive? Was I abusive in this dynamic? Was I in the wrong on all of this? Should I reach back out to them and apologize? And if so, how? I don’t know if I want to talk to them again after this, either. Does that make me selfish? I’m at a loss of what to do and how to perceive it all. Thank you for reading.
i’ve told five friends, my sister, and my parents and they all say they don’t think i’m lesbian or into girls the way i’m scared of. but chat gpt says family and friends don’t know. i’ve been on meds for a few months now and the amount of thoughts and time they take up is less and how arousing the thoughts are are less but it’s still there and now feels enjoyable and like i prefer women emotionally and in my life and feel numb for men. but i have a bf and don’t miss him a lot but i enjoy sex with him and stuff. idk what to do anymore
In my head, I keep saying screw to God. It feels like I am the one saying it. It’s like I know the thought is coming and that’s what I’m choosing to say. I’m just concerned I really mean it because I don’t feel so bad about it and I don’t know what to do Right now my brain is saying that to God and I’m scared this is not an intrusive thought
Hi everyone! I just want to share that I’m having a really hard day, selfishly, to feel better. But some of you might relate to it. I’ve been obsessing about my looks and body image. I feel soo ugly, like almost deformed, “abnormal, ill” looking. Like I have never seen anyone that looked as ugly as me. And I spend hours checking myself and doing skincare and using face sculpting tools compulsively. I also feel VERY very alone partially due to this being isolating but also just being back at my (abusive) parents home for the summer. I feel very empty today like nothing makes me excited or matters. I feel like a disgusting, awkward, incapable, undeserving little creature. Like everybody else on this world is in a group chat,and im the only one left out lol. I went shopping today to feel something and ended up compulsively buying stuff and shocker, now im feeling 10x worse, more empty. But I am also stressed about the money and feel extremely guilty. I feel worthless. I guess i should just let me feel the emptiness and feelings that come up without trying to distract myself with something all the time. So yeah thats where I’m at today.
I don't usually post on here because it could end up becoming a compulsion or could be seen as reassurance seeking but I think I just need a place to vent and to also get some encouragement and peer support. I am really struggling with my intrusive thoughts and feelings today. All of it feels extremely real and convincing. Right now, I feel thoroughly convinced that I have already identified as either a lesbian or bisexual. I have been diagnosed with OCD by both a psychiatrist and a psychologist years ago and I still feel convinced that it isn't OCD. I keep feeling as if I am just using OCD as a cover-up / as an excuse to deny my “actual” sexual orientation / to hide the “fact that I'm actually lesbian / bisexual”. I have been practicing ERP whenever my schedule allows but it's tough... ERP typically works for me but on days like today, it doesn't seem to be working and that makes me doubt if I have OCD or not. At the same time, I am also convinced that ERP isn't working and I am secretly in denial / struggle with comphet / have internalised homophobia (which makes it worse because my family is homophobic and most of my intrusive thoughts have been targeting that / using that as evidence). Feeling really scared and hopeless... 😞
Do you have hocd dreams?like i am afraid of the gay comunity since i was little just i cant stand them and i am so sorry if i upset someone. I had ocd since forever and i had a gay dream about myself 2 years ago then when my hocd started i started getting gay dreams about anyone and now i got one again and it was a horibble one but i have hocd dreams when i have obsessions before sleep and last night it was hell in my mind for hocd and i had a dream being bisexual it was a little confusing but i remember that i said that in my dream i am really scared i dont want to be bi
So I don’t know if this is real event ocd or false memory ocd or maybe it can be both but when I was in one of my worst ocd episodes I had to record every conversation i interacted with because I would think I’m saying my thoughts out loud. So after work me and my mom went to a family’s birthday party and on the way there I was already scared that when they would open the door that i would say something inappropriate so I put my phone in my purse to make sure I didn’t. I ended up doing that getting past them but I can’t remember if I turned off my phone I feel and know that I did but not remembering every specific detail makes me think that evedybody there knows I’m recording people and that ima weirdo. I hate that I even had the ocd theme, I hate that I needed to record conversations to make myself feel better because now I look like a weirdo that’s taking videos without consent.
I have harm ocd and I’m rewatching the sopranos obviously there’s a lot of violence on the show. Would this be exposures for me?? I don’t feel super triggered or anxiety watching it which i think is a plus for me. I’ve been in therapy since march and think I made a lot of progress because i haven’t watched anything like this since my relapse.
Anyone who struggles with real event, rumination, and guilt. Please please please tell me your tips and tricks and maybe some words of encouragement.❤️
i made a first post about this, this is the second part. but i decided to stay with him and things took a toll today. lately, for weeks now, i can’t get the thought of him cheating on me out of my head. some things have happened to cause me to think like this but recently it’s gotten worse. we got into a huge huge argument today and we nearly broke up. we had set a rule on instagram about updating each other when we posted or changed our profile photo bc he had trust issues with that in the past so we set those rules for him. and I gladly did so. but then today i texted him, nearly 10 hours went by - no response - then i open up instagram and he posted something without letting me know. so I got upset told him if that’s how he wants to do things then he can. then he got upset because i always “assume” things without asking but there was nothing to ask because you’ve been on your phone but you can’t text ur gf back? he claimed he was asleep and he woke up to post, and he said he saw my text but he didn’t feel like talking to me and didn’t know what to respond to with. on top of that his posts r made for a female audience. and then he said “you’re tweaking when ive only been gone for 9 hours”, but yesterday he got disappointed when i didn’t respond within an hour. and I told him his double standards are insane. he got mad. told me I should just leave him since he’s not enough and I made him feel like a sh*tbag. I don’t know what to do. i want to be with him but everytime we fight we end up fighting against each other and not the problem. he told me i need to ask before i assume things, but when i ask he says “im tired, i don’t wanna do this right now, im not worried about that can we just chill”. I don’t feel emotionally safe to open up to him. and he takes everything as an attack. he told me I should be with someone I trust but he’s not understanding that I want to trust him and I want to be with him and the reason why I don’t trust him is because of things he’s done and not because of my past, he thinks im projecting my past onto our rls. we decided to see if we could go 2 weeks without arguing and if we can’t we need to breakup but how can I improve my trust with him and our rls in general?
This is my first time posting on here, and it’s sorta a general question. I genuinely don’t know what to do with myself when my emotions take over from a thought. I know the basics of ERP work is to sit with your feelings, label it and let your thoughts pass, but even when I try to indulge in good distractions and avoid the thought, the feeling still lingers and I can’t help but vent to my partner about it. I can see it’s affecting him and our relationship. I’ve tried journaling, going out for a run, breathing exercises, labeling my thoughts and feelings, but I’m still left restless and unable to sleep because my frustrations and anxieties get too strong. I listened to a recent podcast on reassurance seeking, and she says that a study shows that venting has ZERO benefits. The host says she journals or records herself venting to avoid “bottling it up” and she acknowledges that others may also be going through their own things. I want to be able to ride the wave on my own and practice these tools in the process, but does anyone else have any advice that helps them? TLDR: My feelings get too strong and leaves me restless. I’m seeking advice on what other strategies I can use to cope with my emotions on my own, besides journaling, going for a run, breathing exercises and labeling my thoughts/feelings.
My ROCD comes in waves but I recently began hormonal birth control to help level out a genetic disorder I am dealing with. The harm OCD and relationship OCD has gotten so much worse the last few weeks since starting. My brain is constantly going between. Am I going to hurt someone? Am I depressed? To every other what if known to man. But the ROCD is what has been pissing me off. My relationship is a complete 180 from what I’ve ever experienced. I have only ever been with abusers. My ex husband was a narcissistic person and ruined me (likely why I have this ROCD in the first place) but anyway- my relationship is great. We’re best friends. We share the same values morals and wishes. We enjoy the same things. He can do his own thing and I can do mine. But when my ROCD hits, I disassociate and panic and go through what ifs about the relationship. We have also both been going through some stuff the past few months which has decreased the way we have sex but a ton (went from 2x a day to a couple times a week to now maybe 1x a week- and I fear it’s repeating the same pattern as with my ex…different situation- he was abusive and my current partner isn’t) but with these ROCD bouts I start wondering- is he too short? Do I find him attractive? Do I want to be with him? Should I leave? And now have convinced myself that since we’re in a normal healthy relationship (which can feel boring) that there must be something wrong and that I need to figure out what to do. I’m convinced that less sex and connection (exploring one another as we did when we started dating) means the relationship is doomed. I have never been in a healthy relationship and I know it takes work and showing up everyday. True love isn’t for the weak because it makes you have to work to keep it alive- especially when it’s “boring”. Idk what to do though. These thoughts and spirals are driving me mad. And no matter the situation, the spiral continues. I’m always anxious and thinking “what if” Any tips? I know one person in here said DO NOT leave my partner because it’ll only provide temporary relief and never solve the deeper issues I’m going through. I hate this feeling. I just want to enjoy my life.
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